Andrea Umbridge was an elderly, spiteful woman in her early seventies who many believed was too old to be out of her house, let alone teaching a class of hyperactive kindergarteners; simply put, she was mentally disturbed. However, she had found a way to scare every kid she had ever taught, stretching all the way back to when she was eighteen. All of the kids who were behind her in the line were absolutely freaked out in who knew many dimensions, as well as the other classes and their teachers because they could hear her through the walls. She stomped menacingly toward the line, looking like yeti on a rampage. James was actually quite amused by the look on her elephant-like face, the wrinkled skin giving her the look and overall air of an old, terrifying banshee.

"So, I'm guessing you two are the students who have been missing all day, until the alarm system goes off and the building catches on fire. Tell me where you've been all day, and I want the truth," she said in her rough, creaky voice that sounded like it many have been high pitched at one point. Sirius got the image of what her kids would look like and nearly died from not being able to laugh. She was short and toad-like with a squeaky voice that had become practically scabbed over as she got older, and the bright pink bow in her white, thinning hair was glinting in the sunlight. He half expected her to either sharp pointed teeth like a shark or to have no teeth at all, but what she had was worse than he had thought: they were dark green yellow and very small after all of the years of grinding them.

"We... we've been trying to get here all day. When we got off of the bus this big, scary guy came and made us get in his car. We got out of the car and ran until we got here, then the alarms went off," James explained, sounding just like a normal little kid should and looking like he was about to cry. Umbridge looked at him and sneered, obviously not believing him; it wasn't that his story sounded false in any way, especially coming from a kindergartener since they didn't tend to be good liars, but because she just wanted to think that James and Sirius had done it. She was huge on gossip and although she never talked to anybody, she still wanted to think that they were the ones who had done it because she could turn them in.

"Do you really think I was born yesterday? I know what you two did and you aren't going to get off the hook for it!" she croaked in her semi-shrill voice, sounding and looking like a giant toad who had swallowed a whistle, her beady little bug eyes on the verge of popping out of her head.

"What did we do?" Sirius asked, making James smirk at the surprisingly innocent looking expression on his face: he looked just like a dog who had been caught tearing up the owner's house. He bent over the pretended to start sobbing like there was no tomorrow, getting more hysterical by the second. Umbridge looked horrified as everybody started staring at her because she had made one of her students cry. James got louder and lay on the ground, trying to have what appeared to be a temper tantrum, but Sirius could see it was because he was laughing and trying not to show it. Some of the other kids in her class started bawling, but they really meant it, putting the vicious in a position that made her snarl and look like she was about to explode.

"Get up, you little brat and stop your wimping!" she hissed as quietly as she could and James stopped for a second, but after one look at Umbridge's face, he had to start again. He imagined her sitting on the bank of a pond somewhere, wearing her ugly dress with her short little legs somehow allowing her to jump, then she caught a large fly with her long, sticky tongue. She gave a squeaky croak of approval and he started laughing so hard he started choking because he couldn't breathe.

"You're... so... mean!!!" James screamed over his desperate gasps for breath. Umbridge started shaking with rage and dug her long, red fingernails deep into her palms.

"I told you to SHUT UP!" she roared, reaching down to hit him but getting a fistful of dirt instead. He stumbled to his feet and they both ran off toward the furthest edge of the playground, hoping to leave her in the dust.

"That was a teacher? That's hard to believe," James said, wiping fake tears off of his face as he ran. He glanced back to find Umbridge standing there with a look of shock and suppressed rage on her hideous wrinkled face.

"How much do you bet she's as fast as the rock you were talking about earlier?" Sirius asked as the teacher started off behind them, waving her claws as she went.

"How much do you want to bet that she's as fast as a centaur?" James replied as a trail of dirt rose after her as she merely walked after them and quickly filled the distance. He smiled grimly and simply ran faster. "I told you."

"She doesn't seem the type to run faster than one of those Muggle things... cars I think they're called, but LOOK AT HER!" They glanced back and she couldn't be further than twenty feet behind them.

"So, where are we going and what are we going to do when we get there?" James asked, turning pale as their head start began dissolving before their eyes.

"We're going to have to climb a tree," Sirius answered as Umbridge gave a grunt and started going faster. "This is going to be a problem."

"Yeah, tell me about it. How about that one? How far do you want to go?" James looked surprised at the idea of having to climb a tree with the Great Toad after them.

"It'll do, I guess. I hope this'll work or we're really going to have a problem." They literally ran into the tree and began scrambling upward as fast as humanely possible, leaving Umbridge not far behind. "Just follow me and everything should work out." They only went about three branches up and the old lady had begun her climb, intent on getting the two kids in the tree.

"What do we do now?" James screamed, yanking his foot out of her hand and stepping on it without mercy. Sirius walked on the branches to the other side, right behind Umbridge and pointed down. He followed and watching curiously as Sirius took off one of his shoes and threw it up a few more branches where it hung. Umbridge gave a croak of approval and continued climbing as they went down the tree and stood looking up her as she grabbed the shoe and chucked it down at them, shaking her fists furiously.

"I'm going to get you, you little tree slugs!" she bellowed, unable to get back down the tree. They grinned and Sirius picked up his half of a shoe, waving it at her.

"Good for you! And thanks for the shoe!" She started sputtering like a toad choking on a particularly large fly and they laughed at her.

"So, did your plan work?"

"It worked without a doubt!"

"Can she get down?"

"Does she look like a tree frog?" -

After Word:

Umbridge stayed up in the tree for almost four hours, refusing to let the police help her down. However, she couldn't refuse gravity and stayed in the hospital for three months, having broken her neck and several other bones and was visited by the principal, who took her job and license to torment children. To this day, although she now she finally rests in peace at the age of 103 (and leaves others at peace with that), she swears she will get revenge "on the little brats who cost me my job, and my dignity". This is the reason Dolores Umbridge hates students and Harry as much as she does, for this was her bedtime story for nearly fifteen years (Andrea Umbridge was her mother.)

Hallen Ridge Elementary (the school they set on fire) was rebuilt two years later because of overcrowded classrooms. It was, however, burnt down that same year and on the night the Potters died, so some believe it's either haunted by aggressive spirits, or curse, possibly both. James and Sirius were never linked to the original crime in any way.

Sirius stayed at James' house for nearly two weeks before the Blacks finally realized where he was and made him go back to Grimmauld Place. They were the founders of the Marauders and joined up with Remus, who they met on the Hogwarts Express, Peter, who they found talking to Moaning Myrtle in the abandoned girl's bathroom a month later, and Lily, who didn't want anything to do with until it was too late. They created the Marauder's Map and who knows what else (the Weasley twins probably do) and tortured everybody at Hogwarts with seven years worth of mischief. -