Author's Note: ENJOY LOVES! ENJOY! And must I repeat myself? I think you know what I'm going to say….Listen….you will Listen….to …the…songs…yes? I'm only trying to make this better for my peeps!

Everyone's A Little Bit Racist

Edward: Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?

Alice: Sure!

Edward: Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?

Alice: Uh huh.

Edward: Well, he's Trekkie Monster,

And you're Kate Monster.

Alice: Right.

Edward: You're both monsters.

Alice: Yeah.

Edward: Are you two related?

Alice: What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you!

I find that racist!

Edward: Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!

Alice: Well, it's a touchy subject.

No, not all monsters are related.

What are you trying to say, huh?

That we all look the same to you?

Huh, huh, huh?

Edward: No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry.

I guess that was a little racist.

Alice: I should say so. You should be more

Careful when you're talking about the

Sensitive subject of race.

Edward: Well, look who's talking!

Alice: What do you mean?

Edward: What about that special Monster School

You told me about?

Alice: What about it?

Edward: Could someone like me go there?

Alice: No, we don't want people like you-

Edward: You see?!?!

You're a little bit racist.

Alice: Well, you're a little bit too.

Edward: I guess we're both a little bit racist.

Alice: Admitting it is not an easy thing to do….

Edward: But I guess it's true.

Alice: Between me and you,

I think….

Alice and Edward: Everyone's a little bit racist,

Sometimes.

Doesn't mean we go around,

Committing hate crimes.

Look around and you will find,

No one's really color blind.

Maybe it's a fact

We all should face,

Everyone makes judgments

Based on race.

Edward: Now, not big judgments, like who to hire

Or who to buy a newspaper from-

Alice: No!

Edward: No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican

Busboys should learn to speak God damn English!

Alice: Right!

Alice and Edward: Everyone's a little bit racist

Today.

Everyone's a little bit racist

Okay!

Ethnic jokes might be uncouth,

But you laugh because

They're based on truth!

Don't take them as

Personal attacks!

Everyone enjoys them-

So relax!

Edward: All right, stop me if you've heard this one.

Alice: Okay!

Edward: There's a plane going down

And there's only one parachute….

And there's a rabbi, a priest-

Alice: And a black guy!

Jacob: Whatcha talkin' 'bout Kate?

Alice: Uhh….

Jacob: You were tellin' a black joke!

Edward: Well, sure, Gary, lots of people tell black jokes.

Jacob: I don't.

Edward: Well, of course you don't- you're black!

But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?

Jacob: Well, sure I do! Those stupid Polacks!

Edward: Now, don't you think that's a little racist?

Jacob: Well, damn, I guess your right.

Alice: You're a little bit racist.

Well, you're a little bit too.

Edward: We're all a little racist.

Jacob: I think that I would

Have to agree with you.

Alice and Edward: We're glad you do.

Jacob: It's sad but true!

Everyone's a little bit racist-

All right!

Alice: All right!

Edward: All right!

Jacob: All right!

Bigotry has never been

Exclusively white!

Alice Edward and Jacob: If we could all just admit

That we are racist a little bit,

Even though we all know

That it's wrong,

Maybe it would help us

Get along.

Edward: Oh, Christ! Do I feel good!

Jacob: Now there was a fine upstanding black man!

Edward: Who?

Jacob: Jesus Christ.

Alice: But, Gary, Jesus was white.

Jacob: No, Jesus was black.

Alice: No, Jesus was white.

Jacob: No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-

Edward: Guys, guys…Jesus was Jewish!

Emmet: Hey guys, what are you laughing about?

Jacob: Racism!

Emmet: Cool!

Rosalie: BRIAN! Come back here!

You take out lecycuraburs!

Edward: What's that mean?

Emmet: Um, recyclables.

Hey! Don't laugh at her!

How many languages do you speak?

Alice: Oh, come of it, Brian!

Everyone's a little bit racist!

Emmet: I'm not!

Edward: Oh no?

Emmet: Nope!

How many oriental wives have you got?

Rosalie: What?! Brian!

Edward: Brian, buddy, where've ya been?

The term is Asian-American!

Rosalie: I know you are no

Intending to be,

But calling me oriental-

Offensive to me!

Emmet: I'm sorry, Honey, I love you.

Rosalie: And I love you.

Emmet: But, you're racist too.

Rosalie: Yes, I know.

The Jews have all the money!

And the whites have the power!

And I'm always in a taxi-cab

With driver who no shower!

Edward: Me too!

Alice: Me too!

Jacob: I can't even get a taxi!

Alice Edward Emmet Jacob and Rosalie: Everyone's a little bit racist,

It's true!

But everyone is just about as racist,

As you!

If we all could just admit

That we are racist a little bit,

And everyone stopped being

So PC

Maybe we could live in-

Harmony!

Rosalie: Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!

Author's Note: REVIEW MY LOVLIES!