Author's note! Hi! Many thanks to everyone who reviewed, as always. I'll warn you right now, in this chapter Ginny is a bit random. Hope you can handle it…

Disclaimer: Due to my current identity I happen to not be J.K. Rowling and therefore not own these characters, which is a surprise, I know.

Chapter 5: Dreaded O.W.L.s, Cults, and the Unnecessary Potions Essay

10 August

10:15

My birthday is in 5 days. I will be 15 on the 15th. Yay.

11:53

No EM's yesterday! Many, many kudos.

11:57

So I just took a peek at the Potions essay I have to do….Gargh. Sodding Potions. Bleeding Snape. Ew. I just had an image of Snape with blood squirting out of his eyes. Get it…bleeding Snape has blood squirting out of his eyes…bleeding…get it? OK…I just might have to stop. Heh. Heh…heh. Right. Ahem. I will attempt to stop having images of stabbing bleeding Snape with a knife so he can really be a bleeding Snape. Hahahaha. Merlin, I'm actually laughing out loud. Must. Stop. Laughing. I CAN'T STOP! Help me….NOOOOOOO. I'm still laughing. OK, I must be really tired…I'm still laughing.

12:57

I just stopped.

13:06

Ginny is currently contemplating the fact that she may possibly need serious help.

13:25

Ginny is coming up with a list of things she should be doing right now.

1. Potions essay

2. Helping Mum with dinner

3. Cleaning the bathroom (but you'd think somebody of age could just wave their wand)

4. Asking Harry out

Ginny does not particularly wish to do any of these things, except ask Harry out, but such an endeavor could most likely lead to Ginny's permanent mortification, which she is not quite willing to sacrifice just yet.

13: 51

Ginny wishes she were stuffing her face with PIE.

13:52

Ginny wonders why she is hearing noises coming from downstairs which include Ron singing, Harry pounding on the table and Hermione yelling. Ginny has decided not to investigate in the event that the results may prove to be disastrous.

13:59

Must. Stop. Thinking. In. Third. Person.

14:03

Horray! I've finally stopped.

14:17

O.W.L.s – I will not scream…I will not scream…I will not scream…Why am I thinking about this? WHY?!?

15:28

My Potions essay is 4 words long so far: "Snape is a git." Perhaps I should add some adjectives.

16:01

Mum saw all the drafts of my Potions essay about Snape. She read them all aloud to Dad, Ron, Fred and George (who closed their shop to come home for a day), Harry and Hermione. Here they are:

Draft 1: "Snape is a git."

Draft 2: "Professor Snape should receive top mars for being a greasy, slimy-haired git and for having a large nose."

Draft 3: "Professor Serverus Snape should receive top marks for being a greasy, slimy-haired, ignorant, unfair git and for having an exceedingly massive nose."

Draft 4: "Professor Serverus Snape should receive top marks for being a greasy, slimy-haired, ignorant, unfair, nosy, ugly git, for having an exceedingly massive nose, and for giving huge and unnecessary amounts of homework over the summer holiday."

My face got redder with every word so that by the end I looked like a tomato with orange fuss on top. Everyone looked like they were about to laugh, except for Mum, who looked like she was about to explode. "Ginevra Molly Weasley!" She screamed for 10 minutes about respect for my professors and wasting time. I'm not sure if I'm going to eat dinner with the rest of them. EM# 8…

16:43

You know, Professor Serverus Snape really should receive top marks for being a greasy, slimy-haired, ignorant, unfair, nosy, ugly git, for having an exceedingly massive nose, and for giving huge and unnecessary amounts of homework over the summer holiday. Now that I think on it, teachers can't really mark you down for writing things that are true….But I suppose the essay would have to be about the assigned topic, wouldn't it? Bugger. I thought I could have made a case there. Apparently not. But for being an average little girl in a huge pile of big brothers, I probably could have made a pretty good case. I'm so smart. Gah.

20:52

I actually did go downstairs to eat dinner (Mum made me) and was faced with EM #9…that's 2 in 1 day! I was sitting next to Harry at the table, which made me extremely nervous. I was trying to cut my chicken and the knife slipped and my chicken went flying and hit Harry in the face. Somehow I have an odd feeling that he won't ask me out.

21:34

Stupid brothers.

21:35

I need a new family. Now.

21:37

They're laughing at the essay episode. And dearest Alfred definitely just mentioned the whole chicken-hitting-Harry-in-the-face-thing. You'd think they could find something funnier to laugh at. I can hear them from my room up here.

21:40

So, on top of the find-a-fake-wand-and-stick-it-in-your-ear-while-moaning-to-Merlin-about-your-family cult that Mum got me thinking about I think I'm going to start a find-a-cooked-chicken-and-attempt-to-cut-it-but-instead-send-it-flying-and-hit-someone-in-the-face-with-it cult. I am so creative. And cultish.

21:45

I wonder if there's a wizarding law that lets me divorce 6 brothers at once?

21:59

I happen to wonder that a lot.

22:01

Ha – I've found another cult I can form. Welcome to the let's-make-a-law-that-lets-me-divorce-my-brothers cult. I'm a genius.

22: 05

But not really, because I definitely just tripped over my backpack, which threw me over my desk, which then proceeded to throw me into the wall. There goes my geniousness. NEW WORD CREATED BY ME! Yeah – so the majority of my brain cells are officially gone. And I have a really big bruise on my head. Bugger. I wonder if Harry would ever date anyone who's head was blue? Most likely not.

22:37

So Harry definitely just called Fred and George a pair of "energizer bunnies." Whatever the hell that is. Seriously. I've compared Fred and George to many things. Bunnies are not one of them. I think the things mostly include things like "retarded rats" and "mental dungbombs." Which, if you ask me, are much more truthfully descriptive of Fred and George than bunnies, no matter how energized they might be. So there, Harry. I make up better comparisons to my brothers than you. Take that. Maybe he'll go out with me now, since I'm so good at making up comparisons.

22:42

And cults. I'm good at making up cults, too. Ha. I bet the only cult dear Cho could come up with would be the lets-cry-at-everything-bad-that-ever-happens-to me-and-then-make-my-boyfriend-feel-confused-and-bad-about-himself cult. Take that, Cho Crying Chang. I can come up with better cults then you. Now you know Harry likes me better.

23: 45

Speaking of cults: I've just come up with Filch's…the I-hate-all-students-and-I-am-a-stupid-jealous-squib-who-needs-a-life-besides-my-million-year-old-cat-and-fantasies-about-hanging-students-by-their-toes-in-the-dungeons cult. That's a good one for him.

23:51

Ooh – I have to come up with one for Phlegm…ha. The I-am-so-stupid-I-have-snog-fests-in-other-people's-closets-and-steal-people's-brothers-away-and-chuck-quaffles-at-people-and-think-I'm-funny-and-insult-my-fiancee's-mother-behind-her-back-and-make-people-wonder-why-my-fiancee-is-even-engaged-to-me-anyway-and-make-his-littlest-sister-hate-me-and-make-her-cry-because-she-misses-her-brother cult.

23:59

Oh, sodding hell. I'm laughing again.