Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive

by BKelly95

Seven continents, fortytwo teams, two hundred and fifty million dollars in prize money, and one serious threat. This can only mean one thing: the Cannonball Run is back.

4. American Heartbeat

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive

Chapter Four: American Heartbeat

AN:Sorry this took so long. I had the other chapters written over the course of a few months and I started this one just after I posted chapter three. But here it is.
Sadly, while I was writing this, a coworker of mine died in a car accident. Jean was a good friend who had a wonderful sense of humor. She will be missed and this chapter is dedicated to her memory.

XXXXXXXXXX

As the Cannonballers started driving off the Sea Phantom, Tanner detailed his plans to his cohorts.

"Alright, here's the deal. While you guys are trying to stop or delay the racers, Everett and I are going to try to steal the prize money. We need you to keep the race officials busy while we case the ship. If we should somehow fail, it will be up to you guys to enact our contingency plan. You will have to kidnap one of the racers. Specificly, you will need to grab Stanley Spadowski, a member of Team U62. He's the tall one with the goofy teeth. Not only has my source confirmed he is the new Captain Chaos and keeper of the Chaos mask, he is also instrumental in the success of U62 and a man the station cannot afford to lose. Since he is the new Captain Chaos, grabbing him will not be easy. Therefore, do not attempt to gnab him unless absolutely necessary. That is all. Let's hit it."

The Super Taxi drove out of the dock area and onto the street. Darden and Korpi jumped into the Sabre and started to give chase. However, their pursuit was interrupted by a truck pulling into their path.

Korpi leaned out of the driver's side window and yelled "Hey, move that piece of shit!"

"Give me one reason!" said the truck driver.

Darden grabbed his magnum, leaned out the passenger side window, and shot the truck's side mirror off.

"Let's see, reverse is..." said the truck driver as he put the gearshift into reverse and backed out of the street.

Korpi took off after the Super Taxi. He had lost sight of it and was now looking for it.

"Why are we going after Spadowski?" asked Darden. "Didn't Tanner say not to?"

"How hard can it be?" asked Korpi. "There he is!"

Korpi spotted the Super Taxi as it drove towards the causeway.

"Get him before he enters the city or we'll lose him." said Korpi.

"No problem." said Darden. He pulled a large futuristic looking weapon out of the back and pointed it out the window at the taxi. "Steady. Steady." he said as he aimed.

He fired the weapon at the back of the Super Taxi. A large dart hit the trunk and electricity shot through the car rapidly and knocked out the engine. The taxi drifted off to the side and bumped into the curb, coming to a halt.

Korpi parked the Sabre and he and Darden climbed out. "Piece of cake." he said.

"Okay, Spadowski." said Darden. "Out of the car."

The door opened and the driver climbed out. However, it wasn't Stanley. Instead, it was a heavyset black woman.

"What the hell did you do that for?" she yelled.

"What the..." asked a very confused Korpi.

The woman inspected the electrical dart in the back of her taxi. "Ah, damn!" she said. "Do you have any idea how much it's gonna cost to fix this?"

"You're not Stanley Spadowski!" said Darden.

"No!" said the woman. "The name's Belle! I was trying to get this thing to a race, now I can't get it to run! Oh, that's it. I'm gonna take your engine instead!"

Darden and Korpi ran back to the Sabre and jumped in. They took off a second later.

"What happened to Spadowski?" asked Korpi. "I thought I saw him go this way."

They drove past a sidestreet which the Super Taxi was driving down. "Stanley, are you sure you know where you're going?" asked George.

"Positive, George." said Stanley. "I know a shortcut."

"I hope so." said George. "I'd hate to have to explain how we got lost on an island this small and mostly warehouses."

XXXXXXXXXX

"The race has just begun." said DeMarco. "Right now, Tanner and those goons he hired will be trying to stop or slow down the Cannonballers. It's time for you to go and help them."

"I'll do my best." said Foyt as she climbed into a red Jaguar XK-E.

"Good, and try not to scratch the Windsor." said DeMarco. "It's one of my prized possessions."

"I'll treat it like it was my own." said Foyt. She pulled out and gave chase.

XXXXXXXXXX

"We are just a couple of hours into the race." announced David Spade. "Already, we have a racer willing to give an in-race interview. And it's one of the new entries."

He directed the view to a big screen television next to him. The interior of the Bryanston V was seen with Ben driving, Bernard in the passenger seat, and Sam in the back.

"Hello, guys." said David. "Wasn't there a fourth member?"

"He's on the roof." said Sam. The in-car camera panned up to show Max roof surfing.

"How's the race so far?" asked David.

"I like it." said Ben.

"Seen any competition?" asked David.

"Are you kidding?" asked Ben. The camera panned around to show the Cohete, Cocotte, and Pirahna PDQ on one side and the Monsoni, Citi, and Modicum XSV on the other.

"Any ideas of what you'll see in the future?" asked David.

"We haven't had any problems with law enforcement yet." said Bernard. "Then again, we're only in Florida."

"Okay, no action to report yet." said David. "We'll let you get back to racing. By the way, the band is setting up for a performance. Any requests?"

"I've always been a big Gone Jackals fan." said Ben. "How about 'Legacy'?"

"You got it." said David.

"We can do that!" said Jezz Torrent of Love Fist as they got ready to play.

"Oh, look." said Bernard. "There's another car." The Crusero Magnifico was right ahead of them.

"I see them." said Ben. "Let's show them we mean business." He activated the nitrous system and aimed directly for the back of the old Mercury.

"Things seem to be going well so far." said Bugs Bunny. "No problems yet." He was completely oblivious to the cars approaching from behind.

"Are you sure we're still in contention?" asked Daffy Duck. "We haven't seen any other cars for a while."

Ben activated the nitrous shot and the Bryanston V shot forward. Max slipped off the roof and grabbed onto the spoiler. It was then that Love Fist started the song.

The Bryanston ramped off the back of the Crusero, flew over the roof, and slammed down onto the hood, smashing the hood ornament.

As the other cars passed them, Daffy leaned out the window and yelled "Hey, watch it!"

December sixty-one, my dad's wages light.
Still on that salary, we, all four, could sleep tight.

Right now, if you drank from that very same well,
you'd need a run of luck to score a bed in a trick hotel.

Is this the legacy of too much or too few that I see?
The kind of legacy that's tossin' some good men to their knees.

The "Great Society's" maligned concrete cage
sits dead and vacant now. At least it kept out rain.

With all those corners cut, the cracks grow wide and near.
I heard some money's saved, but where it's gone ain't clear.

Who goes down next I don't know.
I don't know nothin' anymore.
Tomorrow's legacy that's layin' in state awaits reprieve.

I always thought that when a man goes down,
you do your best to pick him up.
But how can the milk of kindness trickle down
when it's syphoned off and cheats the cup.

"Legacy" by theGone Jackals

XXXXXXXXXX

In Georgia, the Ascent was in trouble. The local sheriff walked from his car to Larry's.

"Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" asked the sheriff.

"Look, officer, I know I was going a little fast." said Larry.

"Officer?" replied the sheriff. "I'm no officer! I'm Roscoe P. Coltrane, sheriff of Hazzard County! And you were going about a hundred and fifty when I clocked you."

"I suppose you need my license and registration." said Larry as he produced both.

"Yes, I do." said Roscoe as he took both. "Wait here for a minute."

As Roscoe returned to his car, Richard looked at Larry and said "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." whispered Larry. "I'll try to talk him out of the ticket. Maybe we'll get off."

"I hope so." said Richard. "I'd hate to have to explain why we have a dead guy in the back seat."

"He's coming back." said Larry. "Calm down."

Roscoe returned to the driver's side window looking somewhat embarrassed. "You know, I'll make you a little deal." he said. "I'll let this one go if you give me a ride back to the station."

Larry and Richard looked at each other with a mix of relief and confusion. "Sure, Sheriff Coltrane." said Larry.

Richard unlocked the doors and climbed in back. "I'll let you have the front seat." he said.

"Thank you." said Roscoe as he climbed in. Larry pulled away from the side of the road.

"So, why the strange deal?" asked Richard. "Is something wrong?"

"No, it's nothing big." said Roscoe. "I just, uh, locked my keys in the car."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Veloci screamed down the highway with some Bon Jovi blasting over the stereo.

"You really like eighties music, don't you?" asked Max Payne.

"Yeah, it's the best music to drive to." said Tommy as he passed a semi on the right.

"So basicly, you like haulin' ass to Hall 'n' Oates." said Max.

"Exactly." said Tommy as he made it past the truck. Suddenly, the Emu passed the truck on the left and cut him off.

"Son of a bitch!" he yelled. He quickly got out his cel phone and started dialing.

"Who are you calling?" asked Max. "International assassin to smash up their car, beat them within an inch of their lives, and urinate on the remains?"

"No, I'm reporting them." said Tommy. "In case you didn't notice, the car had one of those bumper stickers to report bad driving."

"Actually, I think that was one of those joke stickers." said Max.

"Hello, is this the guy driving the green Pissat?" yelled Tommy into the phone.

"Hello?" asked the bewildered old woman on the other end.

"Yeah, I'm talking to you!" said Tommy.

"Who's calling?" asked the woman.

"Yeah, I just wanted to tell you your driving is atrocious!" yelled Tommy. "Two words: blind spot! If you want to take it up with me, come down to Vice City and I'll show you how to drive!"

The woman silently hung up.

"I guess I showed him." said Tommy as he folded up his cel phone.

"Well, what did he want?" asked the woman's husband.

"He said I was an atrocious driver and we have to go to Vice City." said the woman.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Jones J450 navigated through the backwoods of Alabama. Hank was driving, Bobby was reading the map, and the others were having a diving competition in the bed.

"Just watch!" said Dale. "Half gainer into the spare!"

"Yo, man. That there spoiler ain't no ding dang diving board, man!" said Boomhauer.

"Bobby, are you sure about this road?" asked Hank.

"Positive, dad." said Bobby. "I'm surprised it's not marked better."

"Well, I'm growing a little more skeptical about...WAAAAAAHHHH!" said Hank before noticing he was heading straight for a raging river.

Hank stomped on the brakes and slid to a quick stop. Dale screamed as he tumbled down the windshield, across the hood, and onto the ground.

"Bobby!" yelled Hank. "Why did you do that? Sending us down a hidden trail?"

"I was only following this road on the map!" said Bobby. He showed his father the map and the road he was following.

"That's not a road!" yelled Hank. "That's a contour line!"

"Oops." said Bobby.

Hank regained his composure. "Sorry, Bobby." he said. "I didn't mean to yell at you. Look, just try to figure out the map while I check on Mr. Gribble."

Hank climbed out and walked over to Dale. "Dale, are you alright?" he asked.

"No, I lost my cigarette!" yelled Dale.

"Hey, Hank." said Bill. "How did Bobby get us so lost?"

"Well, Bill, I've said it before and I'll say it again." said Hank. "That boy ain't right."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Modicum XSV pulled into the next gas station and the Muppets found the Simpsons there gassing up the Citi Turbo.

"Hi ho!" said Kermit as he walked over to the gas pumps.

"Hey, green guy!" said Homer. "How's the race going?"

"Pretty well." said Kermit. "I think we're really in good contention. And you?"

"Not bad." said Homer. "I think we're looking at two in a row."

Elsewhere at the station, Fozzie and Gonzo looked around for something to do.

"I'm thinking I can find a new source for material." said Fozzie.

"I'm looking for some new lovelies for my crew." said Gonzo.

"We have a visual on them now." said someone. Fozzie and Gonzo walked over to investigate. They discovered Paul Hackett and Feliz Vispone from the Highway Hunters. Paul was on the phone. "Right, they're getting gas at the moment. They'll probably be back on the road shortly."

"Who's he talking about?" asked Gonzo.

"Of course we'll take care of them." said Paul. "They're last year's winners. Who better to make an example of?"

"Ohhhhhh!" moaned Fozzie. "They're after the Simpsons! We have to do something!"

"Right!" said Gonzo. "We have to get Kermit!"

Back at the pump...

"Come on, say it." said Homer.

"No!" said Kermit.

"Just say it." said Homer.

"No!" said Kermit as he hung up the gas pump.

"Say it!" said Homer as he made a fist.

"Okay." sighed Kermit. "Phenomenon."

Two little creatures popped up and chanted "Doo doo doo doo doo."

"Phenomenon." said Kermit.

"Doo doo doo doo." chanted the creatures.

Homer laughed. "That was a good one." he said. "Thank you. We'll see you at the finish line."

Homer paid for his gas, then he and his family got back into the car and drove off. The Virgo followed.

Kermit paid for his gas. As he and Animal were getting back into their car, Fozzie and Gonzo ran over.

"Kermit! Kermit!" said Fozzie. "Gonzo and I were goofing around and we overheard two guys! They were plotting to off the Simpsons!"

Kermit gasped.

"Bad men!" growled Animal.

"We have to warn the Simpsons!" yelled Kermit. "Hurry!"

The Muppets all piled into the car and raced off after the Simpsons.

Just down the road, the Citi Turbo raced along with the Virgo in hot pursuit. The Modicum was right behind the Virgo and gaining fast.

"Pass him, Kermit!" yelled Gonzo. "Pass him!"

"Got it!" said Kermit. He turned into the passing lane and raced past the Virgo.

Kermit pulled alongside the Citi Turbo and Fozzie rolled down his window. "Homer!" yelled Fozzie. "Those men are trying to kill you! Those men are..."

Unfortunately, Homer couldn't hear him. "Homer, what is he saying?" asked Marge.

"I don't know, let me roll down the window." said Homer. He went for the window switch, but it didn't work.

"Try the central computer." said Lisa.

Homer activated the central computer. "To make a selection, please push a button." said the computer in Ms. Krabapple's voice.

Homer tried one of the switches. "Incorrect button push." said the computer. Homer started to fret and pushed more buttons.

In the Virgo, Paul tried to keep the car steady while Feliz pulled out a submachine gun. Feliz took aim at the back of the Citi Turbo.

Homer kept pushing buttons and panicking. "Spoiler shield activated." said the computer.

Just as Feliz pulled the trigger, the Citi Turbo's spoiler flipped up and deflected the bullets.

Homer continued to push buttons. "Trunk opened." said the computer.

The Citi Turbo's trunk opened and a large blanket tumbled out, covering the Virgo. The Modicum and Citi Turbo made the next turn, but the Virgo kept going into a driveway.

Down the road, the ice cream truck was driving along.

"Jinkies, I think we're lost." said Velma.

"No, we just have to look for some landmarks." said Daphne.

The Modicum and Citi Turbo raced up behind it and swerved around the truck.

"Zoinks, the Muppets are passing us!" said Shaggy from the driver's seat.

"And we've got Simpsons on this side!" said Freddie.

The two cars passed the ice cream truck and pulled alongside each other again.

Homer kept trying the buttons on the computer. "Forward flare gun activated." said the computer as a flare gun extended from the grill. "Fire."

A flare shot from the flare gun and blew up an outhouse at the side of the road.

The Virgo pulled up behind the ice cream truck and Feliz pulled out his submachine gun. "Let's get this guy out of the way, too." he said.

Homer kept pushing buttons. "Rear flare gun activated." said the computer as another flare gun extended from the taillight.

Feliz took aim at the ice cream truck. "Bye bye." he said.

"Fire." said the Citi Turbo's computer.

The flare shot out of the flare gun and flew towards the ice cream truck.

"Ruh roh." said Scooby Doo.

The flare flew under the truck's front bumper, bounced off the roadway, flew under the truck's rear bumper, and imbedded itself in the Virgo's grill.

After the car crept to a halt, Paul and Feliz jumped out and ran. "She's gonna blow!" yelled Paul. A couple of seconds later, he was proven right as the Virgo was blown to shreds.

Down the road, the Muppets breathed a collective sigh of relief. However, Homer still tried pushing buttons. "ECU overload." said the computer.

The Citi Turbo's engine quickly shut down. Homer cut the wheel to the left and the car came to rest on the shoulder. He watched in horror as the Modicum raced off. He then turned back to see the ice cream truck turn down a side road.

Homer pounded the dashboard and yelled "D'oh!"

"Windows down." said the computer as it finally lowered the windows.

XXXXXXXXXX

Elsewhere, Joe and Max were hatching a plan of their own. The plan involved hiding the Oceanic in the bushes and placing a CPR training dummy in the road.

"What's the plan again?" asked Max.

"We throw this guy in the middle of the road." said Joe. "When the Cannonballers stop, we get 'em. Simple, huh?"

"Yeah, it is." said Max as he placed the dummy in the road. "Where did you get this idea?"

"I heard about it once in an urban legend." said Joe. "Into the bushes, quick! Someone's coming!"

Joe and Max ran to the bushes and hid. Down the road, the PT Phoenix raced along.

"And the next line is..." said Steve.

"Dead, I am the sky...watching angels cry." said Rob. "Whoa!"

Rob had spotted the dummy. Steve started to swerve.

"Here we go." said Joe. He and Max watched the PT Phoenix approach. The car swerved side to side, then swerved off the road. They then watched in horror when they saw where it was going: directly towards them.

The PT Phoenix came to a rest in the bushes. "You alright?" asked Rob.

"Yeah." said Steve. "Let's check on that guy."

Joe tried crawling out from underneath the PT Phoenix. As he reached out from under the frame rail, Steve stepped on his hand.

"Think it needs CPR?" asked Rob.

Steve looked at the dummy. "Well, if we need the practice." he said.

"Who lost a CPR training dummy?" asked Rob.

"I dunno, but it's ours now." said Steve as he picked it up.

"What are you going to do with it?" asked Rob.

"Probably use it for wrestling practice." said Steve.

"If there's anything left, can I have it?" asked Rob. "You know, to use it for onstage theatrics and stuff."

"Sure." said Steve as he started to get back into the PT Phoenix.

Joe was almost out from under the car. Steve didn't notice him and stepped on his back.

"Hey, Nemesis." said Steve as he put the dummy in the back seat. "Got a friend for you."

Nemesis just looked at the dummy and started playing with it.

Steve pulled out and narrowly avoided running over Joe and Max.

"I think I just remembered how that legend ends." said Joe.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Kentucky, the Saikou XS drove along a dirt road.

"Where are we going?" asked Waluigi.

"You'll see." said Wario. "Here we are."

They pulled up in front of a cabin.

"What are we doing here?" asked Bowser.

"Enacting our secret plan." said Wario. "This is where we're staying until it's time for the final stretch."

"Isn't that cheating?" asked Waluigi.

"I'm glad you noticed." said Wario.

The three entered the cabin.

"Ah, this place looks nice." said Bowser.

"Enjoy it." said Wario. "It's our home for six weeks or so."

"Yippee!" cheered Waluigi. He ran into the cabin and tossed the team's time card onto the coffee table.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Are you ready, Super?" asked Fuji as he sat in the Alarde's driver's seat.

"All set, Fuji." said Super Dave as he hooked a cable from the Alarde's rear bumper to his belt. A parachute was strapped to his back.

"Okay." said Fuji. "Hold on tight!" He pulled out and Super Dave started running after the car. Within a minute, the cable became taught and Super Dave opened the parachute. He immediately became airborne.

"I'm ready to display the banner." said Super Dave into a walkie-talkie.

"Go for it." said Fuji.

Super Dave held out the corners of a banner that read "Peter's Diner, Oakland." The banner was fully unfurled and easily visible from the ground. "Just a little promotion for my favorite eatery!" he said. He then whispered "I just wonder if Peter knows he's paying me by the mile."

Suddenly, he looked at the highway the Alarde was on and was shocked to discover the car was about to head under an overpass. "Oh oh!" he yelled. He picked up the walkie-talkie and said "Fuji, release the cable! Repeat, release the cable!"

"Super, I'm getting too much interferance!" yelled Fuji into his walkie-talkie. "I can't hear you!"

"Fuji, release the cable!" repeated Super Dave, but it was too late. The Alarde drove under a sign next to the overpass. The cable hit the sign and started pulling Super Dave towards it.

Franticly, Super Dave started trying to release the cable on his end, but he wasn't making a lot of progress. The sign was approaching fast.

Down the road, Fuji looked in the rearview, noticed the overpass, and remembered the stunt. "Ooh!" he said. He flipped a switch and released the cable.

Super Dave was about to crash into the sign when the cable went limp and he glided over the sign. He flew over the first lanes of traffic and breathed a sigh of relief. "Boy, that was close." he said.

As he was gliding over the next lanes of traffic, he was hit by a speeding bus.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, Regis fiddled with the locking mechanism on the L.A. Cop Car's shotgun holder. Finally, it released and the shotgun fell against the seat.

"I got the shotgun free." he said.

"Good." said Marcus. "Now, you can use it on anyone trying to attack us."

"Oh, screw that." said Regis. "I'm shooting road signs."

Regis rolled down the window and pointed the shotgun out. They approached a speed limit sign and Regis took aim. He pulled the trigger and took the corner off the sign.

"Nice shot." said Marcus.

"I can do better." said Regis.

They approached a turn sign next to a power substation. Regis took aim, but just as he was about to fire, Marcus hit a pothole. Regis missed the sign and hit a transformer in the substation.

"Sorry." said Marcus as Regis glared at him.

The transformer started sparking and giving off smoke. Finally, it burned out.

In the next town, traffic lights went dead and cars started to crash into each other.

Just to the east, the Fripon X, Baja Buggy, and Knight swerved around other cars on their way to town.

In the Knight, Murdock was singing "Drive! Push it to the floor 'til the engine screams. Drive! Drivin' like the demon that drives your dreams."

"He knows them all." said B.A.

"Hey, KITT, did Bonnie install that karaoke machine like she said?" asked Michael.

"Michael, what are you talking..." asked KITT.

"Just kidding." said Michael.

In the Fripon X...

"I'm not kidding, Resse!" yelled Malcolm. "Give me the road atlas!"

"Shut up, Malcom!" yelled Reese. "I'm looking for Twin Peaks!"

"That was just a T.V. show!" yelled Malcolm. "It doesn't exist! Give me the road atlas!"

"Will you two just shut up!" yelled Francis. "God, no wonder Piama doesn't want kids!"

In the Baja Buggy...

"We're almost to the next town." said Max.

"Cool, we can get supplies if we need 'em." said Highway.

"I see towns like this all the time in my...what the...?" replied Max.

Right in front of them, cars were crashing into each other.

Michael swerved around an approaching car. "KITT, what's going on?" he asked.

"There appears to be a blackout in this town." said KITT. "A power transformer outside the town seems to have been...Michael, look out!"

A car swerved to avoid the wrecks on main street and headed right towards them. Michael swerved to avoid it and ended up heading for two wrecked cars.

"Turbo boost, KITT!" called Michael as he hit the Turbo Boost button. The Knight made a quick jump in speed and jumped the wrecked cars.

After they landed, Murdock looked out the rear window and said "Wow, we soared over that!" He then looked forward to see B.A. holding Michael's collar.

"I swear, that's as close as we're going to get to flying for the rest of the race." he pleaded.

"Try to stay off the main road." said Highway.

"No problem." said Max. He steered for a small hill and used it to jump to the roof of a nearby store. After that, he jumped the Buggy to the roof of the store next door.

"Try the bus." said Highway. Max jumped the Buggy to the roof of a crashed bus and then hit the street again.

"Oh man, this is nuts!" said Francis.

"Francis, I can easily predict where the cars are going to crash." said Malcolm. "The laws of physics can't be denied."

"Great, tell me." said Francis.

"Reese, give me the atlas." said Malcolm.

Resse groaned and threw the atlas at Malcolm. Malcolm set the atlas on the seat next to him and said "Okay, steer left now."

Francis steered left and narrowly missed a swerving car.

"Now, go right." said Malcolm.

Francis steered to the right and was shielded from a crashing car by a telephone pole.

"Stop!" yelled Malcolm.

Francis hit the brakes and a car raced by right in front of him.

"Go! Go! Go!" said Malcolm.

Francis floored it and another car drove right through where the Fripon X was a second earlier and crashed into the bus.

"Holy crap." said Reese.

"Keep going!" yelled Malcolm.

Francis kept going out of town. The Knight was ahead of them and the Baja Buggy was behind them.

The other cars in town all started to come to a rest when they saw what was going on. The drivers got out of their cars and started to help the accident victims.

Marcus and Regis drove through a minute later. "Boy, I'd hate to be the idiot who caused that." said Regis.

XXXXXXXXXX

In New York City, a young man sat in a jet black '48 Cadillac with red flames. He was talking with a couple of street toughs.

"So, what do you guys think of the Broadway?" he asked. "Nice, huh? I like to think of it as proof that my honeys are the best because my clients are willing to pay top dollar." Just then, his cel phone rang. "Let me get this. Probably one of my hoes." he said as he pulled it out and answered it. "Hey, wassup, ho?"

"Who are you calling 'ho', Washburn?" yelled Belle on the other end.

"Oh, Belle!" said Washburn. "Sorry, I'm undercover as a pimp."

As soon as he said that, he realized he had blown his cover.

"'ey, don't worry." said one of the toughs. "We weren't buying it for a second."

"Belle, why are you calling me?" asked Washburn.

"Some jackass shot my cab with some kind of missile." said Belle. "He completely shorted out the electrical system. I need your help to track these guys down."

"Alright, I'm on my way." said Washburn.

XXXXXXXXXX

Outside the town of Springfield, Corvax had been pulled over by Chief Wiggum.

"Do you know how fast you were going?" asked Wiggum as he showed Corvax his radar gun.

"Sixty-five, no more." said Corvax.

"Hmmm, thought so." said Wiggum. "This thing said you were going a hundred and eighty, but I doubt that. No one's crazy enough to drive that fast. Stupid machines, can't trust 'em."

The Terminators glared at Wiggum as he returned to his car.

"Not yet." said Corvax. "You can terminate him after the race."

Corvax returned to the road as the Tokyo Cop Car passed them.

"We're almost to Springfield." said Hooks. "We can stop for supplies there."

"That's a good idea." said Fackler.

The Tokyo Cop Car, Schneller V8, and several other cars pulled into town. Hooks quickly found the Kwik-E-Mart and pulled into the parking lot. A few seconds later, they walked into the store.

"Welcome to Kwik-E-Mart!" greeted Apu. "How may I help..."

Zed grabbed the microphone for the PA system and said "I need some beer up here...NOW!"

"I'm gonna pour myself a slushie." said Fackler. "Is that okay?"

"Go right ahead." said Apu.

Fackler put the cup in the slushie machine and pulled the handle. The cup was quickly filled. When Fackler tried to turn it off, he discovered the handle was stuck. He kept trying as the floor around the machine started to flood with slushie.

While this was going on, Beavis and Butthead walked in.

"I wish we could've found a cool song on the radio." said Butthead.

"We probably could have if you hadn't ripped it out and thrown it into the river." said Beavis.

They immediately went to the magazine rack. They picked up an adult mag and looked through it drooling.

"This is not a library." admonished Apu.

"Oh, that's okay." said Butthead. "We can't read that good anyway. Huh huh."

Just then, the doors opened again and everybody looked to see who had entered. It was the driver of the Riviera.

"I'm looking for Cannonballers." he said.

"That would be us." said Beavis.

"I'm looking for Rockatansky." said the man.

"Who the hell is Rockatansky?" asked Butthead.

"I dunno." said Beavis. "Some fartknocker."

The man grabbed Beavis and Butthead by their collars and said "You will take me to him."

"Whoa, he's giving us shirt wedgies." said Butthead.

"Yeah, yeah." said Beavis. "Wedgies are cool. Heh heh."

Hooks and Fackler saw what was happening and went into action. Fackler quickly downed his slushie and drew his sidearm.

"Okay, release the hosta..." he said before cringing and grabbing his head. Wolfing down the slushie turned out to be not a very bright move.

Seeing her partner was incapacitated by a brain freeze, Hooks drew her own weapon and squeaked "Sir, please release the hostages."

The man dragged Beavis and Butthead towards the doors.

"I repeat." squeaked Hooks. "Release the hostages now or I will be forced to shoot."

The man was almost to the door when Hooks picked up her whistle and blew it.

"RELEASE THOSE TWO MORONS NOW, SLIMEBALL!" she bellowed.

The man released Beavis and Butthead who ran from the store.

"Are you going to pay for those magazines?" asked Apu. Beavis and Butthead ran back into the store, left some money on the counter, then ran back out.

"That sucked!" said Butthead.

"The shirt wedgies were cool." said Beavis. He and Butthead looked at each other, then grabbed each other's shirt collars. The two started laughing incessantly.

The man walked out of the store. Hooks and Zed followed. "Come on, Fackler!" said Hooks.

"Coming!" said Fackler, still trying to shake off the brain freeze. He stumbled around and slammed into a shelf. Somehow, he managed to knock it over and send it toppling into the next shelf. That shelf fell over into another and a big domino effect took place.

Fackler looked around in shock and followed his partners.

"Good thing I got this on tape or the insurance company would never believe me." said Apu and he went to the VCR hooked up to the security cameras. Unfortunately, he discovered he had forgotten to insert a tape. "Uh oh." he said.

Out in the parking lot, Beavis and Butthead got back into the Interna and raced off. The man who had faced off with them looked around for a new victim. Unfortunately, Cary Ford was just that.

"I'm looking for Rockatansky." said the man.

"Mad Max?" asked Cary. "I'm not him."

"Stay away from him!" ordered Fackler.

The Cocotte raced into town and slid to a stop. Raphael bailed out of the passenger seat, Michaelangelo jumped from the trunk, and Leonardo lept from the sunroof. They quickly drew their weapons.

"Stop!" said Leonardo. "What is your business with the Cannonballers?"

"I'm looking for someone." said the man. "I heard he was in the race. His name is Max Rockatansky."

"Rockasteady?" asked Michaelangelo. "Isn't that one of Shredder's goons?"

"You're after Mad Max?" asked Leonardo as Donatello joined them. "Why?"

"I've been hired by several warlords in our world to bring in Rockatansky." said the man. "He has greatly interfered with their activities and they seek restitution."

"Who are you?" asked Donatello.

"I am a mercenary for hire." said the man. "I am...'The Warrior'!"

"I think you left out the 'shooting out the walls of heartache, bang bang' part." said Raphael.

"If you will not assist me, then I shall be forced to destroy you." said the Warrior. He produced about a dozen throwing knives in his hands, then started throwing them at the turtles.

"I got this!" said Michaelangelo as he rolled into battle. He started spinning his nunchucks and knocking the knives out of the air. Not one knife reached his teammates.

"Impressive." said the Warrior.

"Are you attacking Cannonballers?" asked another voice. The Warrior turned around to see it was Jaws.

"I'm looking for Max Rockat..." said the Warrior before Jaws grabbed him.

"I'm going to make sure you don't try that again." said Jaws as he leaned down and sank his stainless steel teeth into the Warrior's arm. Suddenly, his eyes widened with a jolt and he stumbled away. The Warrior's arm was ripped open, revealing metal bars, wires, and hydraulic lines inside instead of bone, muscle, and blood.

"The dude is hard-wired!" said Michaelangelo.

"Isn't modern technology wonderful?" joked Raphael.

"He's some kind of robot!" said Donatello.

"Precisely." said the Warrior. "I was made to be the perfect fighter."

"We can't allow you to proceed." said Leonardo.

"I must complete my contract." said the Warrior.

"If that's the way it must be..." said Leonardo "...Turtles fight with honor!"

Foyt pulled into another parking space and watched the battle take place. She called DeMarco on her cel phone. "Jimmy, it's Foyt. Do you have a knife thrower working for you?...Really?...Well, then. Things just got interesting."

Everytime the Warrior threw a knife at one of the Turtles, they blocked it with their weapons or shells. However, everytime they tried their own attacks, the Warrior managed to block them.

During the battle, Mahoney and his team showed up. He leaned out the window and said to Hooks "I've got a backup for a cute little ray of New York sunshine."

"Thank you." said Hooks. "The problem is over there."

"Alright, guys." said Mahoney. "Go for it."

Jones and Walker jumped out of the Patrol Car and ran into the battle. Both took martial arts stances.

"That's not a very good idea." said Walker.

Jones did his impression of a dubbed martial arts movie character. "Now...it is time...for you...to be punished."

Foyt watched and got ready to make her move. As she was getting ready to start the car, a voice said "You're not doing something wrong, now, are you?" She looked in the voice's direction and saw Lone Wolf.

"Oh, hello." she said. "How may I help you?"

"Aren't you Alice J. Foyt?" asked Lone Wolf.

"Why yes." she said.

Walker, Jones, and the Turtles continued to fight the Warrior, but he was still holding his own.

"Guys, we have a race to run!" yelled Cary.

"I know, but we can't risk leaving this guy in action." said Mahoney.

"Biker Boyz for life!" yelled Kid as he raced into the parking lot, jumped off the Cohete, and sent it racing into the Warrior. The android warrior was knocked flat.

"I got him!" yelled Mahoney. He ran over, folded the Warrior's hands behind his back, and cuffed them. "You have the right to remain silent." he informed. "However, if you've had too much root beer, you may find the need to waive this right. You have the right to an atourney, hopefully not the one who I hired to defend me in a police brutality suit because he is a very bad lawyer. And I'll leave you for the local constabulary. Folks, let's go!"

Kid picked up the Cohete and dusted it off. Cary jumped back on the Monsoni. The Turtles piled into the Cocotte. The protectors returned to their respective cars. Within seconds, all of them restarted their cars.

Foyt noticed this. "The Cannonballers are on the move." she said. "I'll see you later."

As she drove off, Lone Wolf got on his radio and said "Mahoney, it's Lone Wolf. Foyt is on her way."

"Thanks, Lone Wolf. I'll take it from here." said Mahoney. He put the Patrol Car in gear and used it to block the Windsor. He quickly got on the loudspeaker. "Miss...Mrs...Mister? Uh, Foyt. You used to be a cop, so I'd sure appreciate if you saved me the trouble of having to fill out all that paperwork and just turn away."

"Out of the way, Mahomo!" yelled Foyt.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." replied Mahoney as he handed the microphone to Jones.

Jones put the microphone to his mouth and did his impression of a machine gun. Foyt immediately bolted from the car and ran away from the scene.

"Go!" yelled Jones. Mahoney raced out of town.

Wiggum walked over to the cuffed Warrior and said "Okay, big guy. Let's go."

The Warrior got up and quickly broke his cuffs.

"You know, I think I'll release you on your own recognizance." said Wiggum as he fled.

Foyt hid in a nearby backyard. The Warrior found her shortly afterward. "You are trying to stop the Cannonballers." he said.

"Yes." she said.

"I need your assistance in apprehending one of the Cannonballers." said the Warrior.

"What do I get in return?" asked Foyt.

"I will help you stomp out the Cannonball." said the Warrior.

"It's a deal." said Foyt.

"Come." said the Warrior. He led her to his Riviera.

"Nice car." said Foyt. "What's it called?"

"It's called the Buccaneer." said the Warrior. They climbed in and took off.

"You did a nice job with this car." said Foyt as they drove out of town.

"Thank you." said the Warrior. "What happened to your car?"

Foyt thought about the question, then realized nothing happened to it. She had abandoned a perfectly good car. "Oh." she said.

Back in Springfield, Jimbo Jones, Dolph, and Kearney looked over the Windsor.

"I can't believe someone abandoned a perfectly good Jaguar." said Jimbo.

"I'm thinking we should outfit the trunk with a bitchin' sound system." said Dolph.

"Some Lexani rims would be cool." said Kearney.

"Let's see if we can rig up a body kit of some kind." said Jimbo.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Missouri...

"It's official." said Jarod. "I cannot read maps."

"So, how do we get to St. Louis?" asked Johnny Five.

"Maybe we should ask these guys." said Jarod as he saw a convertable full of teenagers.

Johnny Five pulled alongside the convertable and Jarod rolled down his window.

"Excuse me." said Jarod. "Can you tell us how to get to St. Louis?"

Johnny Five leaned over and said "Please be as specific as possible. We tend to get lost easily."

The teenagers screamed and raced off. Jarod and Johnny Five watched them go.

"Were those dweebs?" asked Jarod.

"Yes." said Johnny Five. "Those were definitely dweebs."

XXXXXXXXXX

The racers who were in Springfield raced out west as the sun was starting to set.

Cary pulled alongside Kid and tried to pass, but Kid wouldn't let him.

Lone Wolf pulled up behind them and said "Hey, wanna race?"

"Last one to the next state is a rotten egg!" yelled Kid.

"You're on!" yelled Cary.

The three accelerated and tried to pass each other.

Hearts of fire.
Streets of stone.
Modern warriors.
Saddle iron horses of chrome.

Taste the wild.
Lick the wind.
Like something they never saw before,
their jaws dropping to the floor,
steel made of soul and sin.

The bikers hit a straightaway and Kid focused the road into a tunnel. He took the lead.

Rebels born without a care.
And the day he listens.
Only to fly where eagles dare.
And the night she whispers.

Ride the wind.
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun.
Ride the wind.
Never coming back again.
Ride the wind.
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun.

Painted flesh.
Loyalty.
Humble pride
just as far as the eye can see.

The three hit a turn and Cary found a shortcut. He jumped the Monsoni off a large rock and hit a rock wall wheels first, then raced along the rock wall and hit the road ahead of the others.

Stories told.
Two old friends.
Of battle scars and lonely bars
and nights the rain wouldn't end.

Here's to withered eyes wearing gypsy smiles.
And the day he listens.
Here's to lovely ladies and a million miles.
And the night she whispers.

Ride the wind.
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun.
Ride the wind.
Never coming back again.
Ride the wind.
I'm still the bravest soul in sin,
burning 'til the night is done.

At the next straightaway, Kid and Cary tried to fight for the lead, only to both lose it to Lone Wolf when he slipped by separated by a passing truck.

Of all the truths and lies,
and stories of riders in the sky.
They say only the bravest try
where eagles and angels dare to fly.

Ride the wind.
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun.
Ride the wind.
Never coming back again.
Ride the wind.
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun.
Ride the wind.
Never coming back again.
Ride the wind.
I'm still the bravest soul in sin,
burning 'til the night is done.

"Ride the Wind" by Poison

Lone Wolf raced across the state line first. Kid was second and Cary brought up the rear.

"Nice race, guys." said Lone Wolf. "Now, let's see how you do in the big race." And with that, he was off.

XXXXXXXXXX

"It has been ten hours since the race began and our racers have made it halfway across the continental United States." announced Phil. "They still have the other half, a small section of Canada, and the state of Alaska before Asia and the rest of the continents. With me now is one member of the Cannonball band who we have asked for an opinion on the winner."

Adam Duritz walked over.

"Adam, you've been paying attention to the race." said Phil. "Do you have an opinion on who will win?"

"I'm actually hoping for the Paris Cop Car." said Adam. "The team is from the Crows' hometown of San Francisco, so there's that. Also, the team members are very well trained and very well skilled."

"We actually have an interview with one of the teams right now." said Phil. "Can we get that now?"

The monitor came on and showed a very shaky view of Willow.

"Watch the little robot drone trying to get you." chided Xander from offscreen.

"Knock it off, Xander!" said Willow. "Why is the red light on?"

"What? OOH!" said Xander. He tried to replace the camera on the rearview. It ended up lopsided.

Buffy straightened it and pointed it at herself. "Sorry about that." she said. "Xander is a little...Xander."

"How is the race going?" asked Phil.

"Very well." said Buffy. "No major problems yet. Everything is clear sailing so far."

"Where are you right now?" asked Phil.

"Somewhere in Nebraska." said Buffy.

"Nebraska you say?" asked Adam. "Is that anywhere near..." He then sang "Omaha...somewhere in middle America..."

Buffy laughed. "Can you do 'Mr. Jones'?" asked Xander. "Or 'Rain King' perhaps?"

"Night is falling." said Phil. "Has that become a problem?"

"We hunt vampires." said Buffy. "The night is our world."

"Well, I'm sure you'd like to get back to racing." said Phil. "Thank you and good luck."

XXXXXXXXXX

J.D. laid in the back of the Crown Mail. "Oh, that's right." he muttered in his sleep. "Yeah, that's right. Large pizza, pepperoni, and sausage."

"J.D?" said Butler as he shook him awake. "Dr. Dorian?"

J.D. got up. "Can we get a pizza?" he asked.

"Sorry to wake you." said Butler as he rolled up his sleeve. "Does this look infected?"

"No, it looks fine." said J.D.

"Oh, that's good." said Butler.

J.D. laid back down to go back to bed when he noticed the van was in motion. "Butler, who's driving?" he asked.

"Master Fowl, of course." said Butler.

"Oh." said J.D. He laid down and tried to go back to sleep, then the information registered and he bolted straight up. He looked and saw that Artemis was in fact driving. "Artemis, I thought you couldn't drive!" he said.

"I said I was too young to have a license." explained Artemis. "I didn't say I couldn't drive."

"Oh." said J.D. He laid back down to go back to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

After night had fallen, Winston drove the Modo Prego down a dark highway. Peter had shotgun while Louis slept in back.

"Lonely highway at night." said Peter. "Spooky, huh?"

"Hey, I'm a Ghostbuster." said Winston. "I ain't 'fraid of no ghost."

"Check this car out." said Peter as they came up behind a '57 Chevy which appeared to be glowing white. The mag wheels glistened in the moonlight.

"Yeah." said Winston. "Let's see what he's up to."

Winston pulled alongside the Chevy, rolled down his window, and said "Hey, nice WHOA!"

The Chevy's front end was completely mangled. The roof was slightly buckled and the windshield was shattered. The driver literally looked like he was from beyond the grave.

"Why, thank you." he said.

"You from around here?" asked a very freaked out Peter.

"I've been around here for many years." said the Chevy driver.

"Where are you going?" asked Winston.

"Just down that ways a bit." said the Chevy driver. "And you?"

"Straight ahead and on to Alaska." said Peter.

"When you reach the mountains, don't go too fast." said the Chevy driver. "I made that mistake...once."

"Well, we'll catch you later." said Winston.

"Be seeing you." said the driver. He pulled away a second later.

"Wait 'til Egon hears about this." said Peter.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, the Bestia cruised along through the night. "Lowrider" by War was playing on the radio.

"Hey, this is a good song." said Jesse from the backseat.

"Gearhead classic." said Dom from the driver's seat.

Behind them, the Sabre crept up unnoticed.

"Is that who I think it is?" asked Korpi.

"Sure is." said Darden. "Let's get 'em."

In the Bestia, Dom tapped his hand on the dash and lip synched the song. Jesse bobbed his head side to side. Memphis held up his hands and shook like a leaf.

Darden leaned out the window of the Sabre and aimed his magnum at the Bestia. He fired at the Bestia and blew off the passenger side rearview.

"Didn't we used to have a mirror there?" asked Memphis.

Dom looked over his shoulder. "Ah great!" he yelled.

"What is it?" asked Jesse.

"It's gonna be a long-ass night, that's what." replied Dom.

He floored the accelerator, but the Sabre managed to stay with him.

"He's still back there." said Jesse.

"Try to lose him in this wrecking yard coming up." said Memphis.

Dom steered into the wrecking yard with the Sabre in hot pursuit. He started to weave through the piles of wrecked cars.

"Find him." said Darden.

"Relax, we'll get him." said Korpi.

Dom maneuvered around a car shredder and came upon a crane with a claw on it.

"Dom, wait!" said Memphis. "Let me off here. I got an idea."

Dom parked and let Memphis out, then took off again.

"There he is!" said Korpi as he went after Dom.

Dom floored it and tried to lose Korpi in the darkness. He steered around the piles of junked cars, then went back towards the car shredder.

"I think we lost them." said Dom.

"Great, let's find Memphis and get out of here." said Jesse.

Dom raced by the car shredder and came bumper to bumper with the Sabre.

"End of the line, chromedome!" yelled Korpi.

"Any ideas?" asked Dom.

"Not this time." said Jesse.

"This is going to be fun." said Darden.

The claw crane drove towards the Sabre, then dropped its claw onto the car's roof.

Memphis was in the crane's driver's seat as he pulled a lever and closed the claw, the teeth ripping into the Sabre's roof. He then lifted it up and said "You guys go on ahead! I'll catch up at the entrance!"

"Got it!" yelled Dom.

Dom drove out of the wrecking yard and Memphis drove towards the car shredder. When the Sabre was over the conveyor belt, he released it.

"Watch the finish!" yelled Korpi.

Memphis jumped out of the crane and pulled a lever on the shredder. The conveyor belt started and carried the Sabre towards the mouth of the car chopper. He then ran towards the entrance.

He found Dom and Jesse waiting for him. "I got 'em." he said. "Let's go."

"Wait, strike a pose." said Jesse.

Jesse put his hands in his pockets and smirked, Dom crossed his arms in front of his chest and scowled, and Memphis clasped his hands behind his back and grinned.

"I can't believe we're still alive." said Darden.

"Not for long!" said Korpi when he saw the rapidly approaching mouth of the shredder. The metal teeth scraped against each other creating a sound that sent chills up Darden's and Korpi's spines.

"Bail out!" yelled Darden.

He and Korpi threw open their doors and jumped out of the Sabre. The Sabre entered the mouth of the shredder and toppled in.

By the entrance, Jesse, Dom, and Memphis held their poses. They heard the grinding of shredding metal signalling the demise of the Sabre. A second later, an ear-shattering explosion rang out and a massive fireball erupted from the shredderas the Sabre's gas tank blew.

"Alright, let's go." said Jesse.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, Ethan and Snake were on the run from a police cruiser.

"Ethan, you have to lose this guy!" said Snake.

"I'll see if I can find a hiding place in the next town." said Ethan. He drove into the next town and found a warehouse.

"This looks nice." said Snake.

Ethan drove into the warehouse. The police cruiser drove past it. "Now, we have to find a place to hide." he said.

"I've got an idea." said Snake.

The police cruiser drove past the entrance to the warehouse again, then stopped and turned around. The cruiser entered the warehouse and started to look around for the Monstruo.

"Hurry, they're coming." said Snake. He and Ethan were stacking cardboard boxes around the Monstruo to hide it.

"Okay, we're done." said Ethan.

The cruiser rolled by without noticing them. Ethan was listening in to their conversations with his digital binoculars and Snake was watching the cruiser with his thermal goggles.

Finally, Ethan heard one of the officers report giving up the search. "They're leaving." he said.

"Hold on." said Snake as he watched the cruiser leave. "Okay, we're clear."

"I can't believe we were saved by cardboard boxes." said Ethan as he climbed back into the Monstruo.

"Don't be so quick to judge." said Snake. "Many an agent's life has been saved by a cardboard box. They are a very important tool for infiltration."

"Really?" asked Ethan.

"Yes." said Snake. "If on a mission, you should get your hands on a cardboard box, treat it carefully. It's an important tool, but in the end, it's only paper. So, remember to treat it well."

"Okay." said Ethan after a short pause.

XXXXXXXXXX

Next morning, in Portague County, Texas, Team Rocket was the next team to be pulled over.

"Good morning, I'm Sheriff Buford T. Justice Jr. I'm sure you know why I pulled you over."

"Er, why?" asked James.

"Well, it's because you were going about a hundred and thirty when I clocked you." said Junior.

"Surely, you must be mistaken." said Annie.

"I'm not." said Junior. "Please step out of the car."

James, Annie, and Oakley climbed out of the car.

"You too, red." said Junior to Jessie.

Jessie climbed out of the car and dropped a pokeball.

"Whatcha got there?" asked Junior as he went to pick up the pokeball.

He grabbed the pokeball and it popped open, releasing Jolteon.

"Oh, wow!" said Junior. "Isn't it cute?"

He went to pet Jolteon.

"Jolteon!" said the pokemon as it released its Thunderbolt attack. Junior was knocked out.

It took a few seconds for Team Rocket to realize what had happened. "Let's get the hell out of here." said Oakley.

"Right." said James. "Annie, you're driving."

"No, I'm driving." said Annie.

Team Rocket piled back into the Pirahna PDQ and raced off. However, they completely failed to notice Junior's dashboard camera.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Highway Hunters held a meeting.

"Okay, we're down two cars." said Korpi. "What are we doing wrong?"

"We're sucking." said Max.

"Besides that." said Darden.

"Well technically, we're not failing." said Johnny B. "That is because we do not have a solid plan. We need a plan."

"Good idea." said Feliz.

"Who has an idea?" asked Paul.

"I've got one." said Korpi. "We'll steal some tractor-trailers and use them as roadblocks."

"That's your plan?" asked Lance.

"You got a better one?" asked Darden.

"Well then, let's get us some semis." said Joe.

The Hunters returned to their cars.

"Hey, what happened to those alien broads?" asked Korpi.

"Got me." said Darden.

XXXXXXXXXX

"So, what do you say?" asked Mitzi. "Do we have a deal?"

"Sure." said the salesman. "Here are your motorcycles."

He presented them with three sport bikes.

"Thank you." said Mitzi. "Okay, Nichole and Kim, you get the BF-400. Mia and Linda, you get the NRG-500. I've got the FCR-900."

"Let's move." said Linda.

"What about the others?" asked Mia.

"The Hunters are working on a new plan." said Mitzi. "Tanner and Everett are doing so as well."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Miami...

"Are you sure about this?" asked Everett as he set up a sniper rifle.

"It's simple." said Tanner as he scanned the streets with his binoculars. "You take out the caterers for Cannonball headquarters. After that, we fill the void by posing as them and then infiltrate the ship. Then, we find where they're keeping the prize money and make our plans to steal it."

"That's perfect." said Everett. "You see, I've got a catering business on the side when contracts are slow. Heh heh. Typical."

"Hold on, I see him coming." said Tanner. Through his binoculars, he saw a van with a giant hot dog on the roof.

"Keep your eye on the dog." said Everett as he aimed. "Keep your eye on the dog."

Everett fired his shot and took out the hot dog truck's front tire. The truck spun out and tipped over. The crash of the truck's contents falling off their shelves was heard. "My sandwiches!" yelled the driver.

"Good!" said Tanner.

"Good?" asked Everett as he looked through his scope. "It's not just good, it's gone."

XXXXXXXXXX

Team Banzai was on the move.

"I'm working on a new composition." said Buckaroo. "I decided to base it upon the sound of the Hyperthruster powering up."

"That's not a bad idea." said Sydney. "Can we hear the Hyperthruster for reference?"

"Sorry." said Buckaroo. "I promised myself I'd only use it in an emergency. The thing uses a lot of juice."

Just then, the black van came up behind them.

"What would you consider an emergency?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"Anything requiring a major speed boost to escape." said Buckaroo.

The black van rear-ended the Jersey XS, shaking up the car's occupants.

"Will that do?" asked Sydney.

The van rear-ended them again.

"Damn, this guy drives like he's from Jersey." said Perfect Tommy. "Oh, sorry, Sydney." he added when he saw 'New Jersey' Zweibel glaring at him.

"Soit sage, mes amis." said Buckaroo as he pushed a few switches. "I'm powering up the Hyperthruster now."

"When will it be ready?" asked Sydney.

"Right about now." said Buckaroo. He pushed the button and the car's headlights glowed yellow. A second later, the car shot to high speed.

In Miami, Chloe watched her monitor as Buckaroo used the Hyperthruster. Danny entered the room then.

"Bad news." he said. "The caterer crashed his van. He's alright, but he lost his load. We have to hire new caterers. What's up?"

"The Jersey XS is running on the edge of entering the eighth dimension." said Chloe. "If he breaks through, we'll have to disqualify him."

Outside the car, the world seemed to be running in slow motion.

"Buckaroo, what's going on out there?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"The Hyperthruster alters perception of time outside." said Buckaroo. "Time appears to be running more slowly to allow for quicker responses. Check your watch."

Perfect Tommy looked at his watch. "Oh, I see." he said. "It's taking a lot longer for a second to pass."

"Hold on." said Buckaroo. He pushed another switch and the car returned to normal speed. "Almost overloaded it." he explained.

"He's no longer pushing the dimensional barrier." said Chloe. "False alarm."

Perfect Tommy looked out the rear window. "I can't even see that van."

"I guess we're in the clear." said Buckaroo.

XXXXXXXXXX

A tractor-trailer pulled into a gas station and the driver jumped out. "Hey, you got a men's room back there?" he asked the attendant. The attendant directed him towards the back.

While the truck driver was looking for the bathroom, Paul and Feliz snuck up to his truck and climbed in.

The truck driver returned and found his rig was missing. "Oh no." he groaned as he took out his cel phone and dialled. "General, it's Thompson. The truck's been stolen and the EDB was still in it." He paused, then cringed. "Uh, no, sir. I was in the bathroom at the time."

In the truck, Paul drove while Feliz got on his cel phone. "Joe, this is Feliz. We've got the first truck."

"And we can see the next one." said Joe as he and Max looked at a red and white Kenworth with a box trailer.

"Let's go." said Max. He and Joe snuck towards the truck.

Inside the truck stop, the truck's driver was getting lunch.

"Okay, here's your order." said the waitress. "A chesseburger combo with fries and two bananas?"

"That's right." said the driver. "I've got a load to haul and I have to go quickly."

"Which truck is yours?" asked the waitress.

"The red Kenworth." said the driver.

"Someone's stealing it!" said the waitress.

The driver turned around and saw that Joe and Max were stealing his truck. "I'll be right back!" he said.

He ran out of the truck stop as Max started the truck. Joe ran back to the Oceanic and saw the driver running after them. "He's coming! Go!" he yelled.

Max drove out of the truck stop just as the driver jumped on the side of the truck and tried to climb into the cab. Joe followed behind.

"Max, he's on the side of the truck." said Joe over his walkie-talkie. "Get rid of him."

"Got it." replied Max.

The driver tried to open the door to the passenger side. However, Max kept steering into obstacles on the side of the road and trying to knock the driver off. Finally, he steered him into a sign giving distance to the next cities and the driver lost his grip, fell to the side of the road, knocked down a mile marker, and rolled into a ditch.

XXXXXXXXXX

Joel and Fearless

In Los Angeles, a sedan pulled up to a house in the hills. Two men, one a black man with a muscular build and a baseball cap, the other a white guy with thinning red hair, climbed out and entered the house.

The house was actually an elite police unit's headquarters. Personel walked around and checked on various systems.

"Detectives Smith and Stevens, I presume." said a high-ranking officer.

"That's us." said the white man, Detective Joel Stevens.

"You come highly recommended." said the officer. "Sheriff Cooper DeVille. Nice to meet you."

"COOPER DeVille?" asked the black man, Detective Bobby "Fearless" Smith.

"You try living with it." said DeVille. "Now, you're probably wondering why I called you here."

"Thought had crossed my mind." said Joel.

"Come along." said DeVille. He led them to a monitor. "This was recorded this morning."

He pushed play on a VCR. On the monitor was shown Junior pulling over Team Rocket and getting shocked by Jolteon.

"We have identified the officer being knocked out as Buford T. Justice Jr." said DeVille. "His dashboard cam is what recorded this."

"How is officer Justice?" asked Fearless.

"He'll be fine." said DeVille. "Or at least as close as he was before. Continuing, we have identified the people in the car as members of a group called Team Rocket."

"What do we know about them?" asked Joel.

"Not much." said DeVille. "What we do know is this: Every year, Team Rocket takes part in a worldwide road race called the Cannonball Run. Dozens more join them. Chaos ensues. It's up to you guys to try to bring them in."

"Aren't they usually given amnesty by the president?" asked Fearless.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean we can't try." said DeVille.

"When do we leave?" asked Joel.

"As soon as possible." said DeVille. "Come on."

DeVille led Joel and Fearless into the parking garage. "I wouldn't dream of sending you out in that heap you came in with."

"Hey." said Fearless.

"So, I'm giving you this." said DeVille.

"Whoa." said Joel when he saw a burgundy Buick Regal with a white Landau top, oval hood vents, twin exhaust, a small spoiler, and wire wheels.

"I call it the Majestic." said DeVille. "The keys are yours."

"Thank you." said Fearless. He and Joel got into the Majestic, started it, and drove off.

"Drive safely." said DeVille as they drove off.

"I bet you're going to be able to cross a few more things off your list." said Joel as Fearless drove out of the area.

"I'm looking forward to it." said Fearless.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Paris Cop Car...

"I was...born in East L.A." sang Joe. "I was...born in East L.A."

"Oh yeah, you were born in East L.A." joked Nash. "Let's see your green card."

"Green card?" said Joe. "I'm from East L.A."

"Alright then, who's president?" asked Nash.

"Oh, that's easy!" said Joe. "He's that son of that other president, uh, Ronald Reagan Junior."

"Alright, let's go!" said Nash.

"Nash, stop!" yelled Monk.

Nash pulled to the side of the road and stopped. "Adrian, what's wrong?" he asked.

"There's a missing mile marker back there." said Monk.

Joe groaned. "Alright, let's take care of it." said Nash as he threw the car into reverse and backed up.

"Here, right here!" said Monk when they reached the spot.

"Let's go, Joe." said Nash. He and Joe climbed out of the car and looked at the spot where the mile marker was.

"Nash, it's just a mile marker." said Joe. "Why are we doing this?"

"'Cause if we don't, it's all we're gonna hear about for the next two time zones." said Nash as he descended the slope. That was when they heard the groans.

"What was that?" asked Joe.

"Someone." said Nash as he ran down to where the groan came from. He and Joe found the truck driver.

"What the hell?" asked Joe.

"Hey, bubba, you okay?" asked Nash.

"I think so." said the trucker. "A couple of guys stole my truck and tried to kill me."

"Who was it?" asked Nash as he helped the trucker to his feet.

"Two guys." said the trucker. "Mean looking suckers. They had a '58 Oldsmobile."

"Hold on a sec." said Nash as he pulled out his cel phone. "I got a hunch. Yo, Mr. X. Talk to me."

"Nash, what's going on?" asked Mr. X on the other end.

"This threat you've been talking about." said Nash. "Did your informant say anything about one of them driving a '58 Oldsmobile?"

"Wait, I think one of them might be." said Mr. X. "Yes, my informant says that one of DeMarco's hired goons is driving one."

"Did he say anything about any recent plans?" asked Nash.

"He said something about using tractor-trailers as roadblocks." said Mr. X.

"Son of a bitch." said Nash. "I'll get back to you later." Nash closed his cel phone and said "I think the guys who stole your truck are on my to-bust list. Come on."

Joe helped the trucker up the hill. "I'm Joe Dominguez and this is Nash Bridges." he said.

"Billy Joe McKay." said the trucker. "You can just call me B.J."

"Joe, you up for a high speed pursuit?" asked Nash.

"Yeah, I guess." said Joe.

"Good, 'cause you're driving." said Nash. "B.J, you ride in back. Don't mind Adrian. He's like that with everybody."

Nash climbed into the front passenger seat, Joe got into the driver's seat, and B.J. got in back with Monk.

"Hi, I'm B.J." he said as he extended a hand to Monk.

"Adrian Monk." replied the nervous man as he shook hands with the trucker. After they let go of each other, B.J. looked out the window and Monk took out a handi-wipe to clean his hands.

Down the road...

"Let's see, where would be a good place to set up a roadblock?" asked Max.

"Before you come up with an answer, look right." said a voice over the C.B. Max looked right and saw another truck driven by Johnny B.

"Nice." said Max. He looked in the rearview and saw the Oceanic and Elegy following behind.

Joe Dominguez swerved through traffic trying to catch up with the stolen truck.

"There it is!" said B.J.

"Alright." said Nash. "Joe, can you get in front of it?"

"I can try." said Joe.

"B.J, I want you to pay attention." said Nash. "Because we're about to recover your truck."

"And I'll be able to make my delivery?" asked B.J.

"With any luck." said Nash.

"And Bear will be okay?" asked B.J.

"Who's Bear?" asked Monk.

"I think we can set up a few miles down the road." said Max.

Just then, a chimp climbed out of the truck's sleeper cab and started climbing on Max. Max started to lose control of the truck as a result.

"Max, what's going on?" asked Joe Osbourne in the Oceanic.

"It's a chimp!" yelled Max over the C.B.

"Well, get rid of it!" replied Joe Osbourne. He then looked left and saw Nash looking right back at him. Nash just flashed a smile, then turned to Joe Dominguez.

"Bad news, I think they found Bear." said Nash.

"Damn." said B.J.

"Joe, can you get past that truck?" asked Nash.

"I'll have to use nitrous." said Joe Dominguez.

"Then do it." said Nash.

Joe angled the Paris Cop Car between the two trucks and hit the nitrous switch. The car narrowly missed being hit by the swerving truck by inches.

Nash looked back at the trucks and said "Joe, you've still got it!"

Joe Osbourne angled the Oceanic between the two trucks and tried to drive between them. Unfortunately, Bear made Max swerve again and slam the wheels of the trailer into the side of the Oceanic. The old Oldsmobile was batted back and forth between the two trucks, getting more damaged with each hit, and was finally knocked under the trailer of B.J's Kenworth.

Joe looked at the wheels grinding against the side of the car and said "Oh no. Not again."

A second later, the tires caught grip and hoisted themselves on top of the car, flattening it.

Lance pulled in next to the wrecked Oldsmobile and climbed out of the Elegy. "Joe, you okay?" he asked.

Joe kicked open the door to the Oceanic and said "Ever get a nasty case of deja vu?"

Down the road, Nash was taking off his seatbelt and rolling down his window. "Okay, Joe." he said. "I want you to get me as close to the passenger side of the truck as you can."

"What are you going to do?" asked Joe.

"Show you the reason why I had you drive." said Nash. "And that is because there's no way in hell I would ask you to do this."

"Nice running with you, Nashman." said Joe as he tried to get closer to the truck.

Nash climbed onto the car's roof and got closer himself. As soon as the Paris Cop Car and truck were nearly touching, Nash jumped onto the side of the truck. "Go!" he yelled.

Joe tried to get away from the truck as quickly as possible. Nash climbed up the side and tried to get the door open. Johnny B saw him and angled closer to the Kenworth.

Nash saw him approaching and prepared to take evasive action. Max was preparing to help him when Bear attacked again. Max released the accelerator and Nash was able to position himself to go between the truck's tractor and trailer.

Bear attacked Max again and Max swerved into Johnny's truck, knocking him to the side of the road. Johnny hit the guardrail and his truck jackknifed, spilling his load of aluminum foil.

Nash then got the door open and climbed into the cab. Max took a swing at him, but missed. Nash responded by grabbing Max's head and slamming it into the steering wheel several times. Bear laughed. Nash then threw Max into the passenger side footwell and steered the truck to the side of the road. Joe followed in the Paris Cop Car. Both stopped.

"Yo, Nashman?" said Joe as he and the others climbed out of the car.

Nash jumped out of the truck carrying Bear. "Mr. McKay, I believe this is yours." he said.

"Hey, Bear!" said B.J. as he took Bear . "You alright? I hope he didn't scare you."

"Hey, Nash." said Joe. "Think I should get a monkey?"

"Why? You got J.J." said Nash.

"Good point." said Joe.

Meanwhile, Max climbed out of the truck. The Elegy stopped in front of him and he jumped in through the window.

"Inspector Bridges, thank you." said B.J. "I don't know what I'd do without him."

"All in a day's work." said Nash. "Come on, guys."

Nash and his teammates returned to their car.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Idaho, Jesse and Chester stopped for lunch.

"Once we eat, we can go." said Jesse as he returned to their table.

"I wish they hadn't given me so many tater tots." said Chester. His plate was practically overloaded with tater tots.

At the next table, a tall, skinny guy with red curly hair and glasses asked "Hey, if you're not gonna eat your tots, can I have them?"

"Sure." said Chester.

"Thanks." said the guy as he picked up the tots...with one hand...and stuffed them into his pocket. "So, what are you guys doing in town?" he asked.

"We're just passing through." said Jesse.

"We're Cannonballers." said Chester.

"Sweet!" said the guy.

"Watch the leaderboard for us." said Chester.

"Yeah." said Jesse. "I'm Jesse Richmond and this is Chester Greenburg."

"Napoleon Dynamite." said the guy as he shook hands with them.

Just then, Mitzi, Kim, and Nichole burst in, attracting the attention of all inside.

"Where do we know them from?" asked Jesse.

"Well, look who's here." said Mitzi.

"Do we know you?" asked Chester.

"So, you're in the Cannonball now." said Nichole.

"What about it?" asked Jesse.

"Wouldn't you rather be doing something else?" asked Mitzi.

"Well, I'd rather be watching the Discovery Channel." said Chester. "But if we can win this, I can watch without worrying about the cable bill."

"No, I mean something else?" asked Mitzi.

"Oh yeah, we could eat pudding while wearing those army helmets." said Jesse.

"No, something else?" asked Mitzi.

"Oh, I know what she means!" said Chester. "Minigolf!"

"Man, you guys are retarded!" said Napoleon. "She wants to have sex with you!"

"Hey, wait!" said Jesse. "I know you! You're those babes who tried to seduce us in order to take over the universe!"

"Oh good, you remembered." said Mitzi. "I was starting to take it personally."

"What do you want?" asked Chester.

"We think it would be in your best interest to not continue the race." said Kim.

"With two hundred fifty million on the line?" said Jesse. "Forget it!"

"Then you must be stopped." said Kim.

"Hold it, hold it, hold it." said the restaurant manager. "You can't have a fight here. I just had the floor buffed for the dance contest."

"What dance contest?" asked Jesse.

"Every week, we have a dance contest." said the manager. "There's a nice cash prize."

"How about if you hold one now?" asked Chester. "If we win, we get to continue the race. If they win, we stop. Okay?"

"Sounds good to me." said the manager. "Clear the dance floor!"

Chester walked over to Jesse. "Chester, what are you thinking?" whispered Jesse.

"What's wrong? I can dance." said Chester.

"Not after the court order!" said Jesse.

"Oh." said Chester.

"I'll dance for you." said Napoleon.

"Really?" asked Jesse.

"Sure." said Napoleon. "I can dance. I've won this contest like an infinity number of times."

"Okay, two verses and the best reaction wins." announced the manager. "First up is Nicole representing the girls. Her chosen song is 'Somebody Kill Me' by...sorry, I mean 'Somebody Told Me' by the Killers."

Nichole took to the dance floor as the music started. She started out by bobbing her shoulders left and right along with a few steps to the side.

Breaking my back just to know your name.
Seventeen tracks and I've had it with this game.

She added a swimming motion and started bobbing more rapidly.

I'm breaking my back just to know your name.
But heaven ain't close in a place like this.
Anything goes but don't blink you might miss.

While bobbing, Nichole started making peace signs over her eyes.

'Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this.
I said heaven ain't close in a place like this.
Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight.
Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight.

She then performed a slide to the right, then to the left, then did a spin.

Well, somebody told me.
You had a boyfriend.
Who looks like a girlfriend.
that I had in February of last year.
It's not confidential.
I've got potential.

She started hopping left and right and swinging her extended index fingers.

Ready? Let's roll onto something new.
Taking its toll and I'm leaving without you.

Nichole did her sideways slides again while holding up her fists.

'Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this.
I said heaven ain't close in a place like this.

Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight.
Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight.

Nichole did a few more hops to the side while shooting her fists side to side.

Well, somebody told me.
You had a boyfriend.
Who looks like a girlfriend.
that I had in February of last year.
It's not confidential.
I've got potential.

"Somebody Told Me" by The Killers

The music stopped and Nichole stopped dancing. The crowd let out a little applause.

"Alright, let's hear it for Nichole." said the manager. "Now, dancing for the guys, Napoleon Dynamite. His song of choice is 'True Faith' by New Order."

Napoleon strutted up to the dance floor. The music started. He started with alternating dropping his right shoulder and looking left. When the music changed, he went into shuffling left and right while doing martial arts defense moves with his hands. When the lyrics started, he began walking sideways and circling his hands.

I feel so extraordinary.
Something's got a hold of me.
I get this feeling I'm in motion.
A sudden sense of liberty.

He returned to shuffling sideways, this time with his fingers interlocked and rolling his arms like a wave.

I don't care 'cause I'm not there.
And I don't care if I'm here tomorrow.
Again and again I've taken too much.

He then stood still and rotated his right arm while snapping his fingers.

Of the things that cost you too much.

Napoleon dropped onto his side, then sprung back to his feet and slid across the floor.

I used to think that the day would never come.

He slid back and dropped to his knees. He started shuffling to the right on his knees.

I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun.
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near.
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear.

Napoleon jumped back to his feet and crossed his arms.

I used to think that the day would never come.
That my life would depend on the morning sun.

He hopped three times until he returned to fully upright. He then started crossing and uncrossing his arms while sidestepping.

When I was a very small boy,
very small boys talked to me.
Now that we've grown up together,
they're afraid of what they see.

He began shuffling to the left while circling his hands again.

That's the price that we all pay.
And the value of destiny comes to nothing.

He started shuffling back to the right.

I can't tell you where we're going.
I guess there was just no way of knowing.

He dropped back onto his knees and shuffled to the left while waving his hands.

I used to think that the day would never come.
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun.
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near.

Napoleon started shuffling to the right again.

To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear.
I used to think that the day would never come.
That my life would depend on the morning sun.

"True Faith" by New Order

The crowd went wild as the music stopped. Napoleon returned to his feet.

"I think we have a winner!" said the manager.

Nichole groaned and stomped off.

"Let's hear it once again for Napoleon Dynamite!" said the manager.

Napoleon ran over to Jesse and Chester and said "You guys can continue your race."

"Hey, that's right!" said Jesse. "We've got a race to run!"

"Thanks!" said Chester. "You saved our lives there!"

"Good luck, you guys!" yelled Napoleon. "Vote for Pedro!"

XXXXXXXXXX

On the U.S.-Canadian border, between Washington and British Columbia...

"Okay, we've got the road blocked off." said Paul as he moved the tractor-trailer into position.

"Just in time too." said Feliz as he hid in the bushes with a pair of binoculars. "There's a pair of Cannonballers approaching."

Just down the road, the Boost raced along the road. Bruce was driving, Gloria rode in the passenger seat, and Matt slept in the back.

"Should we wake Matt yet?" asked Gloria.

"No, he drove all night." said Bruce. "Let him rest."

Right behind him, the Zender Alpha raced along. Joanna was driving.

"No action yet?" asked Cate.

"Sometimes it gets boring." said Chun Li.

"Hold on." said Joanna. "Something's about to happen."

She swerved and passed the Boost.

"See ya!" she said.

"Here she comes." said Feliz.

"Scratch one Cannonballer." said Paul.

Joanna rounded the turn at high speed and was shocked to see the roadblock.

"Holy crow!" yelled Lara.

"Brace yourself!" yelled Joanna.

She steered towards the trailer, confusing Paul and Feliz. A second later, she slipped right under the trailer.

"Nice move." said Cate.

"I know, but those others need to be warned." said Joanna.

"I got it." said Chun Li. She picked up the radio and said "Team MASK, there is a tractor-trailer blocking the road. Watch yourself."

"Did you hear that?" asked Gloria.

"Yes." said Bruce as he pushed a button the the dashboard. An orange and grey mask was lowered over his head.

A few seconds later, the Boost drove around the turn and Bruce saw the truck.

"We got this one!" said Paul.

"Lifter, on!" called Bruce. A series of yellow energy rings were broadcast from the visor on his mask. The rings passed through Paul's truck and then lifted it off the ground. The Boost raced under it and without Bruce holding it up, the truck came crashing to the ground.

"That was some sharp thinking." said Gloria.

Matt woke up at that moment. "Did I miss anything while I was asleep?" he asked.

"No, nothing important." said Gloria.

Feliz ran over to the smashed up truck. "Paul, are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, good thing I had my seat belt on." replied Paul as he crawled from the wreckage.

"Hey, what's this?" asked Feliz as he looked into the split open trailer.

"Looks like some kind of ray gun." said Paul.

"Maybe we can use it or something." said Feliz.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Seattle...

"Good afternoon, listeners. You are listening to the Frasier Crane show on KACL. And I am your host, Frasier Crane. What's plaguing you today? Let's go to the phones. Roz?"

"Yes, Frasier." said Roz. "We have Woody on line one. I'll put that through."

"Hello, Woody." said Frasier. "You have reached the Frasier Crane show. I'm listening."

"Hey, Doctor Crane!" said Woody over the phone. "I'm lost and I'm looking for some kind of direction."

"Well, that's what I'm here for, Woody." said Frasier. "Tell me, how are you lost?"

"We got into the city okay." said Woody. "After that, we started getting confused and we couldn't figure out where we were supposed to be going."

Frasier smiled when he realized what Woody meant. "I'll see what I can do." said Frasier.

"Woody, get off the phone!" yelled Sam. "Look, buddy. I'm sorry about my friend. He misunderstood your service and I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Sam." said Frasier.

"Oh. Hi, Frasier." said Sam sheepishly. "No, it's nothing. We're just in a race. Oh, okay. Bye."

"So, where are we going?" asked Woody.

"Navigating the city shouldn't be too hard." said Norm. "I bet you can see the Space Needle anywhere in town."

"Actually, the Space Needle has long been surpassed as the tallest structure in Seattle." said Cliff. "What we should do is find Puget Sound and turn right."

"Sounds good." said Sam as he returned to the car. "Woody, you know anything about the area by the water?"

"I can take you from the Kingdome to the first turn in 'Gran Turismo'." said Woody. "After that, you're on your own."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in British Columbia around the border with the state of Alaska...

"I'm thinking there should be a level in Canada." said Hsu.

"Yes, this is very beautiful scenery." said Chan.

"May I point out something?" asked Sushi X as he drove. "I've looked at every picture you've taken. Basicly, they all look the same. And these are the shots you're going to base your levels on?"

Hsu looked at their pictures. "He's right!" he said. "All of our North American levels are going to look the same!"

"That's unbelievable!" said Chan. "Do you know what this means?"

"Yes, I do!" said Hsu. "We're going to save a lot of time and money designing backgrounds!"

"I thought we got rid of that with the 32-bit systems." mumbled Sushi X.

"What?" asked Hsu.

"Nothing." said Sushi X.

Just then, Mia and Linda raced up on their motorcycle.

"Do you hear something?" asked Chan.

"Get me close." said Linda. "I want a clear shot."

"There's someone behind us." said Sushi X.

"Go!" said Mia.

Linda jumped from the back of the bike to the rear of the Amata. Then, she started to try to break through the rear window.

"Aiiii! We're under attack!" yelled Hsu.

"I'll try to shake her." said Sushi X.

He swerved left and right trying to rock the alien girl from the back of the car. Then, he hit the brakes and sent the girl over the roof and onto the hood.

"Not my best moment." said Sushi X. "Then again, I did have to play through 'Superman' on the N64."

"Ha ha! Again we insult the worthless piece of junk!" said Chan.

Linda got back up and started trying to break through the windshield.

"We could probably do with a little help." said Sushi X.

Just then, a snake fell out of the sky and landed on Linda. While she was trying to get rid of the snake, Sushi X hit the brakes and sent her flying.

"Go!" yelled Hsu. Sushi X hit the gas and peeled out.

"Where did that snake come from?" asked Chan.

They looked up to see the Gyro Captain flying above them.

"Thank you very much!" said Hsu.

"I needed help." said Sushi X. "Oh, this is going to go over well with the ninja council."

"Somebody wants us to not finish." said Hsu.

"And they sent those gorgeous but evil women towards that goal." said Chan.

"Chan, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked Hsu.

"We have our game's enemy!" cheered Chan.

"Sheer brilliance!" said Hsu.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Alaska...

"Did I ever mention the time Scully and I went to an Arctic Ice Core Project to investigate some weird goings on?" asked Mulder.

"No, tell us about it." said J.

"It turned out there were some kind of worm creatures in their heads that were triggering the production of acetylcholine and making them commit violent acts." said Mulder.

"Those guys?" asked K. "I thought we told them to cut it out!"

"Whoa, what's this?" asked J as he saw a tractor-trailer parked across the highway.

The Lusso XT came to a halt next to the truck. J and K climbed out. "Excuse me." said K. "Can you please move this thing?"

"Sorry, mack!" said Korpi from the driver's seat. "She won't start."

"Help is on the way." said J as he looked back the way they had come. The London Patrol Car was approaching.

The Patrol Car stopped and Tackleberry, Hightower, and Flash climbed out. "What's going on?" asked Hightower.

"Won't move his truck." said J.

"No problem." said Flash as he climbed up on the side of the truck. "Are you going to move this thing?" he asked.

"I told the other guy." said Korpi. "It won't start."

Flash pulled open the door and ordered Korpi "Move over."

"What?" asked Korpi.

"Move over!" repeated Flash.

Korpi moved over. Flash took his seat and turned the key. The truck started right up.

"How were you trying to start it?" asked Flash as he put the truck into gear and moved it out of the way.

After moving the truck, Flash pulled out the keys and jumped from the cab.

"Okay, let's go!" he yelled. He tossed the keys under the truck and ran for the Patrol Car.

After the guys returned to their cars, they took off.

"They're getting away." yelled Darden as he ran from his hiding spot.

"Can't outrun the radio." said Korpi as he went for the C.B.

Down the road...

"Hey, look who's here!" said Mulder. The Saikou and RSMC 15 were rapidly catching up.

"Hey, paisano!" said Mario as the two cars pulled alongside.

"What's shaking?" asked Sonic.

"Heads up!" said J as he looked in the rearview. The Elegy was coming up fast.

"We have to help them!" said Luigi.

"No problem." said Link.

"To be fair, we gave them a chance." said Lance.

"They should have taken it." said Johnny B.

The Elegy pulled alongside the Saikou.

"Hit it!" yelled Mario.

Link took out his Ice Wand and fired an ice shot at the Elegy. The Skyline was frozen in its tracks.

"What in the..?" asked Johnny.

"Hold on." said Lance. He revved the engine until the heat caused the ice to melt. He took off after the Cannonballers.

"He's still coming!" said Tails.

"Not for long!" said Knuckles. He climbed onto the RSMC 15's roof, then jumped onto the hood of the Elegy. He quickly started using his Hammer Gloves to pound into the engine bay.

"What does he think he's doing?" asked Lance.

Knuckles finally punched through to the engine, killing it.

"That." said Johnny.

Knuckles jumped back to the RSMC 15 and said "So long, suckers!"

Lance and Johnny got out and looked at the damage.

"How bad is it?" asked Johnny.

"I can fix it." said Lance.

Suddenly, the back end of the Elegy exploded.

"But I can't fix that!" said Lance.

They looked towards the back and saw the Omega sitting there.

"That should teach them." said Spike.

"Come on." said Mason. "We have to keep up with the others."

The Omega took off down the road. A second later, the truck Darden and Korpi used to block the road followed.

"There they are!" said Darden.

"Time for some roadkill." said Korpi.

Korpi started to use the truck to ram the Omega.

"If it's not one thing, it's another!" said Spike.

"Brace yourself!" said Mason. He turned quickly to the left and hit the brakes. The Omega spun to the side and Mason corrected it when it was facing forward again.

"Whoa, I see you learned to drive from Danny Sullivan!" said Spike.

"Now, hit the minigun." said Mason.

Spike activated the minigun and ripped into the wheels of the trailer. The truck lurched to a halt.

Mason parked the Omega and he and Spike climbed out. Darden and Korpi did the same.

"End of the road, punk!" yelled Mason.

"Sorry, sport." said Korpi. "I'm not going down that easily."

"Let's dance." said Darden as he pulled out his gun.

"Drop the weapon now!" said a voice. Everybody looked over to see where it had come from. It was Washburn. Belle was with him.

"Put the gun down and surrender." ordered Washburn.

"Or else what?" asked Korpi.

"Oh, forget that!" said Belle. "I'm going to handle this personally!"

She marched over to the two thugs. Even though he had a gun, Darden took a defensive stance. Korpi did likewise. Then Belle started to hit them with a tire iron.

"You think it's funny destroying two years of work?" she yelled.

"I give! I give!" yelled Korpi.

"Shouldn't we help out?" asked Spike.

"I think he's being punished enough." said Mason.

XXXXXXXXXX

"You gotta be kidding me!" yelled Schwag.

"Unbelievable!" said Frankie. "Bad guys are stealing tractor trucks and trying to stop the Cannonballers by using them as roadblocks."

"A roadblock is a task that only one person may perform." announced Phil. "And no person may perform more than six..." He stopped when he noticed everyone staring at him. "Sorry, force of habit."

"Mr. X, it looks like your informant was correct." said Brock. "We've been getting reports of attacks on the Cannonballers all across the country."

"I heard those reports." said Mr. X. "I wish I still had contact with my informant."

"So do I." said Brock. "Let me get back to you. The caterers just arrived."

Tanner and Everett walked in pushing carts of food. "Anybody hungry?" asked Tanner.

"It's about bloody time!" said Nessa.

"Everybody wait." said Everett. "We got some more in the truck." He and Tanner walked back towards the truck.

"We're in." said Tanner. "When we get back, we'll scout around and try to find where they're keeping the money. You keep them occupied. Remember, there are celebrities on board. Non-lethal weapons only."

"Got it." said Everett.

On the performance stage, Beck and Blues Traveler set up to play.

"Okay, you guys." said David. "You know what to do."

"Sure we do." said Beck.

"Alright, let's hit it." said John Popper.

Brendan Hill started with a few drum beats. Beck and Chan Kinchla followed on guitar with Chan's brother Tad on bass and Ben Wilson on keyboards. John followed seconds later with his harmonica. Then, Beck started to sing.

Life's like a road that you travel on.
Where there's one day here, the next day gone.
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand,
sometimes you turn your back to the wind.

There's a world outside every darkened door.
Where blues won't haunt you anymore.
Where the brave are free and lovers soar.
Come ride with me to the distant shore.

We won't hesitate.
Break down the garden gate.
There's not much time left today.

John joined in.

Life is a highway.
I want to ride it all night long.
If you're going my way.
I want to drive it all night long.

John took over vocals.

Through all the cities and all these towns.
It's in my blood and it's all around.
I love you now like I loved you then.
This is the road and these are the hands.

From Mozambique to those Memphis nights,
the Kyber Pass to Vancouver's lights.
Knock me down, get back up again.
You're in my blood, I'm not a lonely man.

There's no load I can't hold.
A road so rough, this I know.
I'll be there when the light comes in.
Tell 'em we're survivors.

Beck rejoined him.

Life is a highway.
I want to ride it all night long.
If you're going my way.
I want to drive it all night long.

Life is a highway.
I want to ride it all night long.
If you're going my way.
I want to drive it all night long.

Beck went back to the mic.

There was a distance between you and I.
A misunderstanding once but now
we look it in the eye.

Dring the bridge, John got back on his harmonica. A few seconds later, Beck went back to singing.

There ain't no load that I can't hold.
A road so rough, this I know.
I'll be there when the light comes in.
Tell 'em we're survivors.

Life is a highway.
I want to ride it all night long.
If you're going my way.
I want to drive it all night long.

Life is a highway.
I want to ride it all night long.
If you're going my way.
I want to drive it all night long.

Life is a highway.
I want to ride it all night long.
If you're going my way.
I want to drive it all night long.

"Life Is a Highway" by Tom Cochrane

John got back on his harmonica to close out the song. The hosts looked at the monitor and smiled when they saw the Torque JX crossing the bridge to Asia.

XXXXXXXXXX

"(Not much further until we're in Asia.)" said Chen, driving.

"(I'm sure the people in Japan will be happy to see us.)" said Chairman Kaga.

"(I agree.)" said Kobe. "(They might be lining the streets cheering us on.)"

"(I'm sure they will turn out to cheer on the hometown heroes.)" said Kaga. "(We might even draw out some of your former competitors.)"

"(Even the Ohta Faction?)" asked Kobe.

"(Morimoto's not with us, right?)" asked Chen, half-joking. Kaga laughed.

AN:And so it begins.
So, what did you think?