Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive

by BKelly95

Seven continents, fortytwo teams, two hundred and fifty million dollars in prize money, and one serious threat. This can only mean one thing: the Cannonball Run is back.

6. The Thunder Down Under

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive

Chapter Six: The Thunder Down Under

AN:Well, here's the next chapter. I hope I was able to present a decent read.
This chapter also carries a warning for drug use and drug humor. I would just like to state for the record that I do not use drugs, nor would I ever. I just thought this would be a little interesting.
Also, I'd like to point out that this chapter was originally completed and posted over a year prior to the death of Steve Irwin. This note is being made to avoid any confusion.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Good thing I wrote this with waterproof ink." said Tanner. He and Everett were still soaking wet as they sat at a sidewalk cafe in Miami.

"What kind of safe do they have?" asked Everett.

"It's an Andre 3000." said Tanner.

"Oh, those are pretty tough to crack." said Everett. "I was once hired to blow one open. Damned if the resulting explosion didn't take out the rest of the room and the safe survived. Heh heh. Typical."

"From the looks of things, we're going to need some outside help." said Tanner.

"I know just the guy." said Everett. "I even recommended him for the safe job, but he was in jail at the time. If we're lucky, he's outside again."

"Great, let's get him." said Tanner.

"We have to go to Vice City to get him." said Everett. "Let's go."

XXXXXXXXXX

"As you may have heard, the Cannonballers have now entered Australia." announced David Spade. "Two continents are now down and five more are left to go. If you caught the race last year, you're no doubt aware that a major gun battle occurred in the city of Sydney. As a result, there was a ban on vehicle-mounted weapons this year. Will a similar action sequence take place this year? Hopefully not. Right now, we have an in-car interview with one of the teams. Can we get that?"

The monitor next to him came to life, displaying Malcolm and his brothers in the Fripon X. Reese was driving.

"Hello, guys." said David. "How's the race going?"

"Very well." said Malcolm. "I'm telling you right now this is by far the most exciting experience of my life."

"So what do you think are your prospects of winning?" asked David.

"Are you kidding?" asked Reese. "Have you seen our competition? Yeah, right!"

"Reese, look out!" screamed Malcolm. There was a screech of tires and the camera was tossed about. A second later, Malcolm fixed the camera.

"What just happened?" asked David.

"I dunno!" said Reese. "Some moron almost ran right into us! I'm just driving along and then..."

"Someone's coming right for us!" yelled Francis.

"Exactly!" said Reese.

"No, really!" yelled Francis. There was another screech of tires and more camera shaking.

"Again?" yelled Reese.

"Anyways, I'm really looking forward to seeing other countries." said Malcolm. "Back in my social studies class, we learned about many other cultures and I'd love to see them up close and personal."

"Malcolm told me about some of them." said Reese. "I'd love to see them too. Especially the ones dealing with human sacrifice."

"Okay." said David. "I'll see you at the finish line. Good luck, you guys."

"Thanks, Mr. Spade." said Reese. "By the way, 'Black Sheep' wasn't THAT bad."

"Reese!" yelled Malcolm. Once again, there was tires screeching and camera shaking. This time, there was also the honking of horns.

"Does everybody in this country drive on the wrong side of the road!" yelled Reese just before the video feed closed.

"And that was the team of Malcolm whatever his name is and his brothers." said David. "In other news, we have this guy."

David walked over to Lenny Kravitz and said "So, Lenny. After being silent for two continents, they say you're going to rock out with not one, but two songs."

"That's correct, David." said Lenny. "I decided to make up for my lack of participation by doing double duty. In just a minute or so, I'll be taking to the stage with Sheryl and Slash for a performance. When the racers are leaving the continent, I'll do one of my own songs for them. I thought they'd appreciate the gesture."

"Thank you very much." said David. "By the way, Sheryl and Slash are waiting for you."

"Oh, thanks." said Lenny as he took to the stage. Sheryl Crow and Slash were already there.

"Okay, Lenny, Slash, and I discussed what song to perform." said Sheryl. "Since the race has entered Australia, we thought it would only be appropriate to perform a song by an Australian band."

"Therefore, we've chosen a song by the Vines." said Slash. "And so, here we go."

The musicians started to rip into the song. After playing through the opening, Lenny started to sing.

I get what I own.
Don't let the feelings that I choose.
'Cause everybody else do.

Gotta get outtathaway!
No time for me to stay.
Everyone in the world don't affect you.

We think you're a lot different.
Your number ain't your thing.
Your life is on the wrong end.

Gotta get outtathaway!
No time for me to stay.
Everyone in the world don't affect you.

C'mon.
C'mon.
C'mon.

Gotta get outtathaway!
No time for me to stay.
When I speak out of line.
I don't believe in time.

-"Outtathaway!" by the Vines

"Alright!" said David. "Let's keep it going out there!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"So, this is Darwin." said Jaleel the Kid. "Nice town."

Suddenly, he came upon a roadblock. The entire street was blocked off.

"What the?" he asked. He stopped and took off his helmet. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Sorry, mate!" said one of the townspeople. "Can't let ya through. You're one of those Cannonballers."

"Is this about the gun battle last year?" asked Kid. "You know, 'cause I wasn't there. This is my first Cannonball."

"Sorry, that's the way it's gotta be." said the guy. "There's a roadhouse just outside the city where the other Cannonballers are congregating. You should go there."

"Thanks." said Kid sarcasticly. He put his helmet back on and rode off in search of the roadhouse.

He passed a local Transfender on his way there. At Transfender, Foyt and the Warrior were having some work done to the Buccaneer.

"Look, sheila, this is some highly unorthodox work." said the shop superintendant. "This is an old Buick and you're putting off-road wheels on it? This isn't exactly designed for the rough stuff if you know what I mean."

"Listen." said Foyt. "We have a very important mission to perform. We need to perform this mission in rough terrain. We need these wheels!"

"Okay, but don't come crying to me when your shocks need replacing." said the superintendant. "Unless, of course, you're going to pay through the nose for that."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Brock, the Australian Prime Minister wants to talk to you." said Mr. X.

"I know what this is about." said Brock as he went to his computer. He activated the video phone and found the Australian Prime Minister on the other end.

"Mr. Yates, I believe you know why I'd like to speak with you."

"It has something to do with the gun battle in Sydney last year, right?" asked Brock.

"Absolutely correct." said the PM. "I tried to assure the Australian people that we wouldn't have a repeat of last year. Unfortunately, they're still afraid something similar is going to happen. They've demanded that the Cannonballers not be allowed on the roads of the nation. I'm afraid I had no choice but to comply."

"So, what happens now?" asked Brock.

"We're working on a solution now." said the PM. "In the meantime, the racers are being sequestered at a roadhouse outside of Darwin."

"So, until we can work something out, no one's racing." said Brock.

"I'm sorry." said the PM. "There was no other way."

"I understand." said Brock. "I'm sure you'll find a reasonable solution."

Brock closed the channel and turned to Mr. X. "Contact Crocodile Dundee and Steve Irwin." he said. "We might need their help on this one."

"On it." said Mr. X. He walked out of the office and passed the betting table. The members of Coldplay were talking to Chloe.

"So, Chloe." said Chris Martin. "Can you give me a status on the Zender Alpha?"

Chloe checked her scoreboard. "It's currently tied for first." she announced.

Chris smiled, then Will Champion asked "What about the Jones J450?"

Chloe went back to the screen and got confused. "It's also tied for first?" she said.

Chris and Will were confused as well. Guy Berryman asked "How is the Stadt doing?"

Chloe checked the scoreboard again. "Huh?" she asked. "That's also tied for first."

"Can you tell me how the Emu is doing?" asked John Buckland.

Chloe went back to the scoreboard. "Take a guess." she said.

"Tied for first?" asked John.

"Yep." said Chloe.

"Let's try this another way." said Chris. "How many cars are tied for first?"

Chloe went back to the scoreboard and came away cringing. "All of them." she said.

"Just as I thought." said Chris.

XXXXXXXXXX

Kid arrived at the roadhouse. He knew it was the right one because the parking lot was jammed with other Cannonballers. There were even some cars parked along the side of the road and on the surrounding lawn. Some other cars were parked with the Cannonballers' cars, presumably the roadhouse's regulars and employees.

Kid parked the Cohete and walked towards the entrance. He passed Cary Ford sitting on the railing outside.

"They wouldn't let you through either?" he asked.

"What do you think?" asked Kid.

He walked up the stairs and passed Hank Hill and his team standing in front of the stairs. Hank, Bill, and Dale were drinking beer while Boomhauer and Bobby were drinking orange soda.

"Yup." said Hank.

"Yup." said Bill.

"Yup." said Boomhauer.

"Oy." said Dale.

Bobby burped. "'Scuse me." he said.

Kid entered the roadhouse. The place was crowded with Cannonballers and regulars.

Super Dave sat in a chair on a table blindfolded and said "Okay, for my next stunt, I will be sitting in this chair blindfolded while an expert Australian dart thrower throws darts at me. My only chance to avoid getting hit will be Fuji's warnings. All set, Fuje?"

"All ready, Super." said Fuji.

"Okay, go!" said Super Dave.

The dart thrower tossed a dart. "Right!" yelled Fuji.

A second later, Super Dave let out a bloodcurtling scream and the dart thrower stared in shock.

"I meant MY right." said Fuji sheepishly.

Cliff walked out of the back room with his arm around the shoulders of one of the regulars. "As you are no doubt aware, Uluru-Kata is actually the Aborigine name for the chunk o' stone you guys call Ayers Rock." he said.

"You know," said the regular "I thank you for the sharing of trivia, but I was just thinking and I think I may have left the oven on in my home."

Cliff released him and let him leave.

As the regular walked towards the door, he muttered "If I hurry, maybe I can stick my head in it!"

"Sammy, you should get this beer for the bar." said Norm. "It just goes down smoothly, no unpleasant aftertaste."

Just then, a heavyset guy wearing a crocodile tooth necklace and a bush hat walked into the roadhouse. "G'Day, mates!" he said.

"Rango!" yelled the regulars. Norm gave him a confused look.

"Max, in Springfield, we encountered an android who called himself 'the Warrior'." said Leonardo. "He asked about you and said he was hired to track you down."

"I know who you're talking about." said Mad Max. "The Warrior is an android, as you said. He was built by a scientist seeking to create the ultimate fighting machine. But he made it too well. The Warrior has no known weakness. It will just keep on attacking until it fulfills its mission. Unfortunately, its first mission was to kill the scientist who made him."

"Well, I guess going to him is out of the question." said Raphael.

"Now, all the warlords I've faced have hired the Warrior to put me out of their misery." said Max. "For that reason alone, I can't stay here any longer than I have to. He'll destroy anything that gets in his way."

"Maybe I can think of a way." said Donatello.

"Good luck." said Highway. "Max just said there's no known way to beat him."

"And then Stanley here turned into Captain Chaos and Yuri couldn't touch him." said George.

"Wait, you're the new Captain Chaos?" asked Jessie.

"Oh yeah." said Stanley. "Flexible hours and great dental plan."

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me." said James.

"What?" asked George.

"Oh, there have been some 'winners' to take the Chaos mantle in the past." said Annie. "But this one, oh boy!"

"Hey, if he's so bad, how come you haven't been able to defeat him the past two years?" asked George.

"And, I remind you that the Sora Chaos placed third last year and claimed the $50 million prize." said Kuni.

"Pure luck." said Oakley. "Chaos is a joke. You know it. It will only be a matter of time before we defeat him."

"Maybe." said George. "But not this year."

"May I have your attention please?" Everyone turned to see Chairman Kaga standing in the doorway. "Ladies and gentlemen. The cooking competition is about to begin. Please come outside to attend."

"Does this guy have to have a cookoff everywhere he goes?" asked Raphael.

"Maybe he's trying to find more Iron Chefs." said Michaelangelo.

Outside, a pair of stoves were set up. The Cannonballers gathered to watch. Nearby, the cars were parked. Jarod was sleeping in the Vortex 5. Unlike Johnny Five, Jarod needed sleep occasionally.

Some distance away, Darden and Korpi spied on the action with binoculars. A sand rail was parked behind them.

"What are they doing?" asked Darden.

"I dunno." said Korpi. "They're either gonna bake a cake or wack each other with rolling pins. It could go either way with this crowd."

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Australian Layover Cookoff." announced Kaga. "While we wait for official word on what we're going to do about racing in this country, there will be a brief half hour competition with no theme ingredient. And so, I introduce the two master chefs who will be taking on my Iron Chefs. Please welcome...Jesse Richmond and Chester Greenburg!"

With that, Jesse and Chester walked out of the roadhouse waving to the crowd.

"Welcome." said Kaga.

"Looks like they're killing time before they leave by having a cookoff or something." said Korpi.

"You think they'll actually follow the route we planned?" asked Darden.

"Undoubtably." said Korpi.

"Good, otherwise that's a couple hours planning down the tubes." said Darden.

"Now, since we agreed on a two-on-two competition, there will be no selection of opponent." said Kaga. "And so, Allez Cuisine!"

"Hey, Jesse." said Chester. "Did you bring the special ingredient?"

"Sure did." said Jesse as he took out a small bag of green stuff.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kentucky, Wario and his team were having a pool party.

"Yeah, folks." said Wario. "Just jump right in. The water's fine."

Waluigi walked out of the cabin wearing an innertube, floaties on his arms, noseplugs, and flippers.

"Take those off." said Wario.

"What?" said Waluigi.

"Hey, guys!" yelled Bowser from the diving board. "Watch this!"

"NONONONONONONONONONONONO!" yelled Wario and Waluigi together.

Bowser jumped anyway. He curled into a ball and hit the water hard. The impact caused the above-ground pool to rupture, spilling the water and the swimmers across the lawn.

Wario surveyed the carnage and said "There goes the security deposit."

XXXXXXXXXX

"It is now time for tasting and judgement." said Kaga. "Allow me to introduce our judges. They are former insurance salesman Richard Parker, video game designer Chan Tanaka, renowned car thief Randall 'Memphis' Raines, and police investigator Joe Dominguez. It is time to taste the dishes."

Richard, Chan, and Memphis started to eat Jesse's and Chester's meal immediately. Joe started toeat, but caught a wiff of the dish's smell. "What the..?" he said. "Chairman, don't eat."

"Why not?" asked Kaga before he could eat his first bite.

"It's not kosher." said Joe as he got up. He ran towards Nash and Monk.

"What's he doing?" asked Monk.

"I dunno." said Nash. "Something's up."

Joe ran up to Nash and whispered "Nash, there's a little problem with the food prepared by Mr. Richmond and Mr. Greenburg."

"I'll say." said Monk. "They gave Mr. Raines two breadsticks and everyone else one."

"No, I caught a wiff of their main course and was introduced to an old friend." said Joe. "Her name was Mary Jane."

"You're saying those two dopes made a meal laced with dope?" asked Nash.

"This could be bad." said Monk.

"It gets worse." said Joe.

"I'll say." said Nash. "They're eating it without knowing what's in it."

"What do we do?" asked Joe.

"Right now, the only thing we can." said Nash. He snuck over to Dominic and Jesse James. "Guys, when we hit the road again, don't let Memphis drive." he said.

"How come?" asked Dominic.

"You'll find out." said Nash.

"Chairman, you're not eating?" asked Jesse Richmond.

"I had this for lunch." said Kaga. He looked over at Chan, who started to look rather dazed.

"Hey, that cloud looks like Ryu's fireball." said Chan as he looked into the sky. Kaga looked up to see what he was looking at. It was the sun.

Memphis stared at the back of the Citi Turbo. "Do you realize that if you spell 'Civic' backwards, it spells 'Civic'?" he asked.

"Guys, do those judges seem a little loopy to you?" asked Hank.

"Yo, I tell you man." said Boomhauer. "Dere was dis dang guy..."

Richard listened in to what Boomhauer was saying. Richard heard him say "Richard, I'm speaking this way because I know only you can understand me. I want you to know this. The Yankees will win the World Series."

Chen and Kobe walked over with their dishes and placed them on the table. "Here is our contribution." said Kobe.

"Now, with this meal..." said Chen. The judges dug right in and started wolfing it down without listening to them.

Kaga said "Arigato." and started eating calmly while Kobe and Chen stared in surprise.

"And so, I think you should not allow Richard to drive when we get back on the road." said Monk.

"But I drove the last thousand miles!" said Larry. "Why can't I get a break?"

"Why don't you let Mr. Lomax drive?" asked Monk. "I have yet to see him once behind the wheel."

"Oh. Uh, okay." said Larry as he scratched his head.

"What the hell is going on there?" asked Darden.

"Hold on, look." said Korpi. He pointed at a pair of approaching vehicles, an ATV and a dirtbike.

"Who are they?" asked Darden.

"I dunno." said Korpi. "Let's watch."

The ATV and dirtbike rode up to the crowd and the riders dismounted.

"Not these guys again." said James.

"You know them?" asked Annie.

"Yeah, they're like Swiss clocks." said Jessie.

"Swiss clocks?" asked Oakley.

"Yeah." said Jessie. She then started twirling her finger around her ear and said "Cuckoo! Cuckoo!"

"G'day." said the ATV rider. "Mick Dundee at your service. Oh, and you know my partner Steve Irwin."

"They call him 'Crocodile' Dundee." said Irwin. "They call me the Crocodile Hunter."

"And we call you a pair of raving loonies." said Meowth.

"What's up?" asked J.

"By request of the Cannonball race officials," said Crocodile "I have been asked to scout the dirt roads running through the Outback."

"We found a way around not being able to use the highways." said Irwin. "There's a series of dirt roads running through the Outback that can be navigated to take you to Sydney."

"Take me to Sydney?" asked Jarod as he was waking up. "Oh, that Sydney."

"However, we need to lead you through the area." said Crocodile. "The roads are not well marked."

"Too right." said Irwin. "So, just follow us and we'll get you there."

"Okay, everyone to your cars!" yelled Nash. The Cannonballers ran to their cars as ordered. As Jesse and Chester passed him, Nash grabbed them and threw them up against the Paris Cop Car. "Once we reach Sydney, we're gonna have a little Come To Jesus." he said. "Got it, bubba?"

"Got it, bubba." said Jesse nervously.

"Got it, bubba." said Chester just as nervously.

Nash released them and got into the car.

"Let's get to the Bandito and report back to the others." said Korpi. He and Darden got up and headed back to the sand rail.

"Alright, the turnoff for the dirt roads is a little down that way." said Crocodile. "Just follow me on the Quadbike or Steve on the Sanchez and we'll lead you through the maze."

"Can you get us past him first?" asked Hank as he pointed at a highway patrol car.

"Aw, krikey!" said Irwin.

"This is unit twelve." said the officer in the patrol car. "I'm keeping an eye on the roadhouse. If any Cannonballers try anything, I'll bite."

"How are we going to get past him?" asked Tommy.

"Leave that to us." said Lara as she and her team got into the Zender Alpha. They drove onto the highway within seconds.

"What's her plan?" asked Super Dave.

"I think she was just looking for an excuse for a head start." said Marcus.

"I've got one." said the officer. He pulled out of his hiding place and gave chase. The Zender Alpha pulled over not far away.

Lara and her team got out of the car. "Hello, officer." said Lara. "What seems to be the problem?"

"The problem is that you're one of those Cannonballers." said the officer.

"We weren't speeding, were we?" asked Chun Li.

"No, but you are one of those Cannonballers, right?" said the officer.

"So?" said Joanna. "So are they." She pointed at the other Cannonballers racing for the dirt road.

"Okay, let me see your license." said the officer.

"Okay." said Lara. She zipped open her jumpsuit and took out her license. In the process, she showed off some cleavage.

"Okay, zip it back up." ordered the officer.

"For what reason?" asked Lara.

"You're trying to seduce me." said the officer. "Aren't you?"

"You know, I think you might like to check my license as well." said Chun Li as she repeated the action, showing off some cleavage as well.

"Actually, I wouldn't." said the officer. "And both of you zip it back up."

"Are you sure you only need to check her license?" asked Joanna as she unzipped her jumpsuit and took out her license. She also showed some cleavage.

"Too right." said the officer. "Now, all of you, zip it back up."

Cate unzipped her jumpsuit and took out her license. "I believe there's some protocol that requires you to check all our licenses."

"I'm pretty sure I don't." said the officer. "Now, zip it up or I'll take you in."

"Before you take us in," said Cate "can I get your opinion on something?"

"Like what?" asked the officer.

"Like if this perfume works for me." said Cate as she took out a perfume spritzer.

"I dunno. Let's see." said the officer.

Cate took the perfume spritzer and sprayed the officer.

"I'm not (yawn) so sure that worrrrr..." said the officer as he fell into a deep sleep.

"Nice job." said Joanna. "Good thing you thought of your sleeping gas perfume."

"Quick, put him back in his car." said Lara. Chun Li and Cate picked up the officer and put him into his car.

"How long before he wakes up?" asked Chun Li.

"I don't know." said Cate. "I never stick around long enough to find out."

"Here they come." said Lara.

"Zip up." said Joanna.

"Why?" asked Chun Li. "Oh, I see."

The girls managed to zip up just before the LA Cop Car passed them.

"Ah, damn." said Regis. "Missed it."

"I'll take the north trail and you take the south trail!" yelled Crocodile.

"Oy!" replied Irwin.

"Who do we follow?" asked James. "Idiot one or idiot two?"

"Neither." said Annie. "Go your own way."

"Are you sure?" asked James.

"Yeah." said Annie. "If what you told us was true, we shouldn't trust them to open a sardine can that was already open."

"Alright." said James. He steered away from the trail and took a different road than was charted.

"I didn't know we could do that." said Gonzo. He steered the Modicum onto its own path as well.

XXXXXXXXXX

Joel and Fearless

Joel and Fearless sat on the hood of the Majestic and watched the race continue on a portable television.

"The green flag's out." said Joel.

"Sure is." said Fearless.

"So, when are those guys supposed to get here?" asked Joel.

"Here they come now." said Fearless. He watched a white Holden Commodore approach.

The Commodore parked and the three men inside climbed out. A slender, average height man with dark hair had been driving and a tall, muscular man with blonde hair was in the front passenger seat. Another man with dark hair and wearing a black suit climbed out of the back.

"Detectives Stevens and Smith, I assume." he said.

"And you must be 'Big Donnie' Cannaglio." said Fearless.

"Oy, that's me." said Big Donnie. "These are my associates, Alex and Rocco. Now, what brings this meeting about?"

"I'm sure you're aware that the worldwide Cannonball Run is currently running through Australia." said Joel.

"What about it?" asked Big Donnie.

"We were wondering if you or your associates as you called them would be willing to help us apprehend these guys." said Fearless.

"And what's in it for us?" asked Alex.

"Taking your line of work into consideration," said Joel "I think it's likely your cooperation on this matter will assist in legal matters in future cases."

"And?" asked Big Donnie.

"And you can have any of the cars we confiscate." said Fearless.

"Alright, it's a deal." said Big Donnie. "Let's get ready for it."

"Okay." said Joel. "Here's the route we think they're taking..."

XXXXXXXXXX

Darden and Korpi returned to the camp they had set up with the other Hunters. Also parked at the camp were a yellow Jeep Wrangler, a red and black off-road truck, and a red and white Ford Ranger.

"What's the word?" asked Feliz.

"The Cannonballers are back racing." said Korpi. "They've taken to the dirt roads criss-crossing the Outback."

"Just like we figured." said Joe.

"You know how that insta-eunich thing works, right?" asked Darden.

"Yeah, it's hooked up to the Dune and everything." said Paul.

"Great, let's go out there and get those guys." said Korpi.

"Remember, Max and Joe have the Mesa," said Darden "Paul and Feliz have the Dune, and Lance and Johnny have the Bobcat."

"Let's go." said Max.

XXXXXXXXXX

"The Cannonballers have now returned to racing." announced Phil Keoghan on television. "Currently, they are taking to the dirt roads of the Australian Outback and are making their way to Sydney."

The men watching the television, Jason Voorhies, Michael Myers, the Creeper, and Leatherface, started to growl to each other. Leatherface pointed to the door and gestured.

XXXXXXXXXX

A highway patrol car chased the Victory through the Outback.

"He's still back there." said Jaws.

"Probably saw the British car and wants to discus our participation in his country's history." said James.

"You mean like how the British originally settled Australia as a penal colony?" asked Jaws.

"Quite." said James. "Some of the empire's nastiest were sent down under. Mean bastards, I might add."

"And now he wants to take us in for racing." said Jaws.

"How dare he?" asked James. "After all we've done for them."

"Whoa, bridge out." said Jaws. The bridge in front of them was not only partially collapsed, but the sides were twisted in opposite ways.

"Hold on." said James as he accelerated.

"What are you doing?" asked Jaws. "The bridge is twisted!"

"That's why I have to do this right." said James.

He raced up his side of the bridge and hit the twisted ramp. The Victory went through the ramp, flipped over in mid-air, and landed on the other ramp perfectly. The police car stopped in its tracks.

"My last date said I was a little twisted." said James.

XXXXXXXXXX

"So, this is the country that gave us Men At Work." said Willow.

"And Silverchair." said Buffy as she drove. "And the Savage Garden. And INXS."

"And don't forget the name of Oz's band." said Xander.

"Past history." said Willow.

Next to them, the Cocotte kept pace.

"Whoa, check it out." said Michaelangelo. "It's that vampire killer babe."

"Yeah." said Raphael. "Wouldn't mind helping her face down an army of undead."

"I can see that now." said Leonardo as he drove. "Buffy, you take those two and I'll take the other sixteen."

"Ha, very funny." said Raphael.

Paul watched them approach through binoculars. "Target in sight." he said.

"Great, let's get this thing ready." said Feliz. Max and Joe were watching.

Paul aimed the EDB at the Torrida and tracked the vehicle. "Steady." he said. "Steady." He fired and a white energy bolt shot from the weapon.

The energy bolt wrapped around the Torrida and the car quickly shut down.

"What the heck?" asked Raphael.

"Floor it, dude!" yelled Michaelangelo.

The Cocotte took off, leaving the Torrida behind.

"What happened?" asked Willow.

"I dunno, it just died on me." said Buffy as she tried to restart the car.

"The other one is getting away." said Max.

"We'll get him." said Feliz as he climbed into the Dune. "You take care of that Teggy."

The Dune raced off in pursuit of the Cocotte while Joe and Max drove towards the Torrida.

"What happened back there?" asked Leonardo.

"Probably some high-tech government superweapon designed to completely nullify the electrical activity in a car's battery." said Donatello.

"How did you know that?" asked Leonardo.

"Lucky guess." said Donatello.

The Mesa parked in front of the Torrida where Buffy, Willow, and Xander had the hood open.

"Leave the gun." said Joe. "They're just two girls and a spaz."

Joe got out of the Mesa. Max followed and left his handgun between the seats. Little did he realize, someone else was watching through another pair of binoculars.

"Looks okay to me." said Buffy.

"I can't see what's wrong with it." said Xander. "Maybe I have my eyepatch over the wrong eye."

"Maybe these guys can help." said Willow as Joe and Max approached.

"Hey, can you help us out?" asked Xander. Joe took out a can of pepper spray and blasted him with it. "Ah! Watch the other eye!" yelled Xander.

"Who are you?" asked Willow.

"You're the ones who did this!" said Buffy.

"You figured that out all by yourself." said Max. "You're smarter than you look."

"I think you'd better come with us." said Joe.

"Yeah, it's very dangerous for a young lady like you out here." said Max.

Max tried to grab Buffy, but she managed to flip him over her shoulder. Joe tried to get her next, but Buffy quickly shot her foot into his stomach. She then spun and kicked Max in the back as he was getting up.

"Yeah!" yelled Willow as she threw fake punches. "Get 'em, Buffy!"

The person watching them then dropped the binoculars and stepped on them, crushing one side.

Meanwhile, the Cocotte continued to escape from the Dune.

"They're staying with us!" yelled Michaelangelo. "Totally bogus, man!"

"Leonardo, get us out of here!" yelled Raphael.

"Small problem with that." said Leonardo. "Apparently, we're almost out of gas."

"There's a gas station up ahead." said Donatello. "Hey, maybe we can take care of them there."

"Good idea." said Leonardo.

"Would you expect anything less from me?" asked Donatello.

Joe managed to get back to his feet. He charged at Buffy, but she took his hand and kicked him in the back of the knee, then the small of his back, then his elbow.

Max tried to grab Willow, but she responded with a kick to the flank, followed by a kick to the chest, finishing with an uppercut to the chin.

"Where'd you learn those moves?" asked Buffy, clearly impressed.

"Hey, after running with you for eight years, I was bound to pick up something." laughed Willow.

The mysterious viewer used the lenses from the binoculars to focus a concentrated beam of sunlight on the action of the gun between the seats.

Buffy grabbed Joe by the hair and asked him "Okay, who are you working for?"

"I'm not telling you anything." said Joe.

"Talk or your hairline gets it." said Buffy.

"Release me or the redhead gets it." said Joe. Buffy looked to see Max had gotten back up and grabbed Willow.

"Do as he says." said Max.

Suddenly, the concentrated sunbeam on the gun heated it enough to set it off. The gun fired into the Jeep's fuel tank, causing it to explode.

The explosion distracted Max enough to release Willow. Buffy threw Joe at him and took cover with her friend.

Willow raised her hands towards them and chanted "S'eoj ta tae!" A blue energy ball shot from her hands and engulfed Joe and Max. A second later, they disappeared.

"What did you do to them!" asked a shocked Buffy.

Somewhere else in the world, Joe and Max sat on a rock in the middle of a water tank at an aquarium.

"How hard can it be to lose four giant turtles in a beat-up old Escort?" asked Paul.

"Well, we just answered that question, so shut up." said Feliz.

"Wait, there they are." said Paul as they came upon the gas station. The Cocotte was parked at the pumps. The Turtles were not in it.

Paul and Feliz parked the Dune and started looking for the teens in green. "Where'd those shellbacks go?" asked Feliz.

"We're right here." said Leonardo as the Turtles tumbled out of their hiding places and took ninja stances.

"I'll have you know we can counter just about any martial arts maneuver." said Paul.

"Maybe." said Leonardo. "But can you counter this?"

The Turtles ran over to the Dune and each grabbed the end of one of the bumpers. Then, they lifted the truck off the ground.

Paul and Feliz stared in shock. Then, they ran.

"See?" said Leonardo. "It's possible to solve problems without violence."

"Good, 'cause I can't hold this thing up another second." said Raphael.

"Xander, are you alright?" asked Buffy.

"Yeah, I'm okay now." said Xander.

"Buffy, you were so awesome with those fighting moves." said Willow.

"That teleportation spell of yours wasn't too bad either." said Buffy.

"Which one of you blew up the Jeep?" asked Xander.

Buffy and Willow looked at each other confused. "Wasn't me." they both said.

"Actually, it was me." said the man who had been watching them. He was wearing blue jeans, a brown shirt, and hiking boots and had his hair fixed in a mullet.

"Oh." said Willow. "Thanks."

"No prob." said the man. "The name's MacGyver. I was working on an ecological survey for the Phoenix Foundation when I got contacted by the Banzai Institute."

"Wait, you're an agent of the Phoenix Foundation AND a Blue Blaze Irregular?" asked Buffy.

"Kind of." said MacGyver. "The Phoenix Foundation has a contract with the Banzai Institute. My doing this was my part in fulfilling our side of the bargain. So, what's going on?"

"Well, we're taking part in the Cannonball Run when the car died." said Buffy. "Then those guys attacked and you know the rest."

"Could I take a look at the car?" asked MacGyver. "I think I might know what's wrong with it."

XXXXXXXXXX

Cary raced along a road. He checked his watch and noted that he was making good time.

He checked his rearview and saw Kid coming up behind him. He tried to block him, but Kid passed him anyway.

Cary poured it on and kept pace with Kid. "Last one to Sydney cleans the bikes!" he said.

"Child's play!" said Kid. "Challenge me when you have a decent threat."

"Last one takes a 24 hour penalty!" said Cary.

"I can make that up in my sleep!" said Kid.

"Last one buys gas!" said Cary.

"Now, you're talking!" said Kid. He gave the grip a twist and took off.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Bestia raced along the dirt backroads with Jesse James behind the wheel. Dominic sat in the front passenger seat while Memphis, still high on Jesse and Chester's dinner, sat in back.

"Ooh, I got another idea for a 'Monster Garage' episode." said Memphis. "A fire truck limo."

"We already did that." said Jesse.

"Second episode." said Dominic.

"I know." said Memphis. "But have you tried making a limo out of a fire truck?"

Jesse stuck his tongue out and wagged it side to side and twirled his finger around his ear.

"Oh, another idea." said Memphis. "How about taking a street racer and returning it to its original form?"

"Okay, here's an idea." said Dominic. "We're trying to drive and navigate up here, so here's a pen." Dominic handed Memphis a pen. "Here's a pad of paper." Dominic handed Memphis a paper pad. "From now on, write down your ideas."

"That is pure GENIUS, man!" said Memphis. He then grabbed Dominic by the head and kissed him on the scalp.

"How long until that weed wears off?" asked Dominic.

"Oh sure, ask the guy who used to be a bodyguard for a heavy metal band." said Jesse.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Well, that's it for the Twinkies." said George.

"I'm out of wasabi." said Kuni. "I think we need to stop for food."

"There's a general store." said Stanley. "Should I stop there?"

"Yeah, you can stop there." said George.

Stanley pulled up to the general store and the three got out of the Super Taxi.

"Here's what we need." said George as he handed Stanley a shopping list and some money. "We'll stay out here and watch the car."

"Okay." said Stanley. He entered the store.

An old pickup truck pulled up behind the Super Taxi. Jason got out and Michael Myers drove off.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" asked Kuni.

"He's just buying groceries." said George. "He'll be fine. We just need to worry about someone sabotaging the Super Taxi."

Suddenly, Jason snuck up behind Kuni and grabbed him. Kuni was held in such a position, he couldn't fight back.

"Whoa!" yelled George. He tried to run, but Jason ran up behind him and grabbed him too.

Jason then dragged the two towards the front passenger's side door, held them against the car with one hand, opened the door, and pushed the trunk release. He then dragged them back to the trunk, stuffed them in, and closed it.

Jason then walked back to the driver's door and got in. Stanley had left the keys in the ignition, so Jason just started it and drove off.

Stanley walked out of the store a minute later with a bag full of groceries. "Okay, guys!" he yelled. "I got us a lot of goodies and...guys? Guys?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Richard sat in the back of the Ascent 470ds with Bernie while Larry drove.

"So, what do you think of our competition?" asked Richard. A couple of seconds later, he burst out laughing. "That's a good one, Bernie!" he said.

"Why thank you, Richard." said Bernie.

"So, why aren't you driving, Bernie?" asked Richard.

"Because I'm dead." said Bernie.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." said Richard as he hugged Bernie and cried. Larry looked back in shock.

"I'm sorry I tried to have you killed." said Bernie.

"I'm sorry you got killed." said Richard.

"Can I tell you a secret?" asked Bernie.

"Yes?" asked Richard.

"All of that stuff I put into your fake suicide note?" said Bernie. "That was actually what I and a friend did when we were interns."

"Can I tell you a secret too?" asked Richard.

"Yes?" asked Bernie.

"You know all that stuff you put in our fake suicide note?" said Richard. "It's all true."

"Richard!" yelled Larry.

XXXXXXXXXX

Dylan, Natalie, and Alex leaned against the Karuma somewhere in the Outback.

"How much longer?" asked Natalie.

"Couldn't they have gone at the roadhouse?" asked Alex.

"I bet they thought we'd be stopping frequently for us." said Dylan.

Some distance away, Wayne and Garth were relieving themselves.

"Hey, Wayne." said Garth. "Watch me write my name in the sand."

"That's nothing." said Wayne. "Watch me water this bush."

Wayne aimed for the bush and started to hear the "water" patter on the bush. Then, he heard it hit something more solid. A second later, he and Garth were shocked when Michael Myers stood up out of the bush and brushed himself off.

"Whoa! He looks mad!" said Garth.

"He looks like Shatner." said Wayne.

They tried to run, but Wayne tripped over a rock and fell.

"Wayne!" yelled Garth.

"Get help!" yelled Wayne.

"Come on, any day now." said Dylan.

"Angels!" yelled Garth as he ran to the girls while trying to button his pants. He failed, his pants fell down, and he tripped and fell.

"Garth, what's going on?" asked Natalie.

"Some masked weirdo just came after Wayne and myself." gasped Garth. "Please! You have to help him!"

"We're on our way." said Alex.

The Angels ran over to where Wayne was grabbed and found Michael carrying him away.

"Where do you think you're going?" asked Dylan.

Michael turned around to face them.

"Oh my God, it's Michael Myers." said Alex.

"Yeah, I get that a lot." said Wayne. "People say I look..."

"Not you!" said Dylan. "I was talking about the masked man who's kidnapping you."

"Oh." said Wayne. "Well, could you stop him, please?"

"You got it." said Dylan.

She and the other Angels went into action. Dylan flew into action with a jump kick. Michael shrugged off the kick and pushed her aside.

"My turn." said Alex. She dashed into action and did a somersault. She came down on Michael and wrapped her arms around his neck. He started to turn from side to side and tried to toss her off.

Natalie ran in to help and hit Michael with her elbow. He stumbled back a step, then managed to toss Alex. He then grabbed Natalie and walked towards the pickup truck.

"Let me go." said Natalie.

Michael tossed them into the truck, then drove off with them.

Alex and Dylan got back up and Garth ran over. "We have to go after him!" he yelled.

"That's easier said than done." said Dylan. "Natalie had the keys."

XXXXXXXXXX

At the general store, Stanley tried flagging down any car that drove by. Finally, the Interna pulled up to him.

"Uh, what seems to be the problem?" asked Butthead.

"You gotta help me!" said Stanley. "I went in to grab some food and when I came back, George and Kuni were gone and so was the Super Taxi!"

"Face it, man. Heh heh." said Beavis. "He blew you off. Heh heh."

"Come on!" said Stanley. "You have to help me look for them!"

"Uh...okay." said Butthead. "Beavis, scoot over."

"Heh heh, you said 'scoot'." said Beavis as he climbed up on the center console.

Stanley climbed in next to him and dropped his groceries on the floor. "Let's go." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Amata...

"How does this sound?" asked Chan, still feeling the effects of Jesse and Chester's meal. "After you've raced a certain number of tracks, the game lets you race those tracks again?"

"Uh, that sounds good." said Hsu.

"What?" asked Sushi X.

"Humor him." whispered Hsu.

"Oh, you know how many racing games allow you to unlock parts you can use to upgrade your car?" asked Chan. "How about we offer all the parts right at the start so you don't have to unlock them?"

"Uh, good idea." said Hsu.

"Oh, and for cars." said Chan. "You know how everybody else has the usual high-end exotics like Mercedes, Lamborghini, Nissan Skyline? Let's feature cars like Yugos, Pontiac Azteks, AMC Gremlins..."

"We're making magic here." said Hsu.

"Now, I know this is how the design sessions for 'Army Men' went." groused Sushi X.

XXXXXXXXXX

Paul and Feliz drove down the road.

"I thought those turtles would never leave." said Paul.

"At least they didn't hurt the Dune." said Feliz.

"Wait, what's that?" asked Paul as he pointed to the L.A. Cop Car in front of them.

"What's an LAPD cruiser doing in Australia?" asked Feliz.

"He must be in the race." said Paul.

"Let's take him down." said Feliz.

Paul climbed out and activated the EDB. He lined up the L.A. Cop Car in his sights.

"Bye bye." he said. He fired a shot at the car. It quickly shut down and drifted off to the side of the road.

Feliz drove off laughing.

"What did you do to it?" asked Regis.

"Me? You're the one who had the radio on!" replied Marcus.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I just got a call from Stanley." said Chloe. "He says he can't find George, Kuni, or the Super Taxi."

"Chloe, come here a second." said Danny. "You have to see this."

Danny led her to another computer where Brock was sitting. "We just received this via e-mail." he said. He opened the attached video file.

"This better not be that monkey who scratches himself, sniffs it, and passes out." said Chloe.

The video played. George, Kuni, Wayne, and Natalie were in chairs tied up. Jason stood guard next to them.

"Hi, Brock!" said George. "How's the race going?"

Michael Myers walked in with a stack of cue cards. He held up the first which read "As you can see, your racers are alive." He went to the next card which read "If you'd like them to stay that way," He went to the next card which read "you will deliver a sum no less than half the prize." He then went to the next card which read "You have 24 hours to e-mail me with your response."

Jason walked over with a card of his own and tapped Michael on the shoulder. Michael let out a groan and waved his hands around.

"I think you'd better let him do what he wants." said Wayne. "After all, he is a hockey fan."

Michael sighed and stepped aside. Jason stepped in front of the camera and held up the card. It read "HI MOM!" in big red letters.

Michael stepped over to Jason growling and waving his hands. He knocked the card out of his hands, then pushed him. Jason fell back into a tarp and ripped it down, exposing a window. He got back up and gave Michael the finger.

"After this, it gets weird." said Brock as he paused the video.

"Gets?" asked Chloe.

"We called you in because as a counter-terrorism agent," said Danny "you're no doubt experienced with cases involving ransom demands. Any ideas?"

"Not yet." said Chloe. She looked at the screen again. "Wait, look at this." She pointed to the window Jason exposed. "See these mountains? I'll bet there aren't a lot of mountain ranges that look like that in Australia."

"Are you saying you can pinpoint their location?" asked Brock.

"Without a doubt." said Chloe.

"Okay, let's do it." said Brock.

Chloe went to her computer. "I'll limit the search to Australia." she said. "It'll go faster that way."

"You also might want to eliminate West Australia and South Australia from your search." said Danny. "Those wouldn't be on the race route."

"You could also limit yourself to the range the Super Taxi could cover after leaving the roadhouse." said Brock. "We have a set time for that."

"And checking for buildings in the remaining area." said Chloe as she brought up a few satellite photos of buildings. "And we have...a few. Hold on. What is this?" She pointed to a yellow speck near the building in one of the photos.

"Zoom in." said Danny. Chloe zoomed in on the speck. "That's the Super Taxi." said Danny. "Good work, Chloe."

"Send the location to the protectors." said Brock.

"Actually, Brock." said Danny. "I think this is a job for Captain Chaos."

XXXXXXXXXX

Marcus and Regis looked at the battery.

"What's wrong with it?" asked Regis.

"I dunno." said Marcus. "It looks fine to me."

"Well, we're going to have to hitch a ride." said Regis. "They probably don't have cel phone service out here."

"Cel phone service?" said Marcus. "They probably don't have zip codes out here."

"Here comes someone." said Regis. A truck was approaching.

"We're in luck. It's a road train." said Marcus. He grabbed the shotgun out of the car and hid it behind his back while Regis flagged down the road train.

The truck stopped right in front of them. The driver leaned out of the window and said "G'day. What seems to be the problem?"

"Something's wrong with the battery." said Regis. "It just stopped. Can you give us a lift to the next auto parts store?"

"Sorry." said the driver. "But I don't give rides to tourists."

"That's okay." said Marcus as he whipped out the shotgun and pointed it at the driver. "We're not tourists."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Interna pulled up to the area near where Jason and Michael were holding the Cannonballers.

Stanley climbed out and looked at the shack. "Okay, this must be the place." he said. "Give me a minute."

"Okay, we're here, Chloe." said Butthead. "I think we can take it from here."

"Hey, Chloe. Heh heh." said Beavis. "What are you wearing? Heh heh."

"Uh, Butthead." said Chloe. "You're parked on an incline. You might want to set the parking brake."

"Oh, huh huh, right." said Butthead. He pulled the handbrake and hit Beavis in the crotch with it, eliciting a bloodcurtling scream.

They then got out of the car. "Where'd that fartknocker go?" asked Beavis.

Stanley jumped out from behind a rock wearing the Chaos mask and cape and called "DA DA DAAAAAAA!"

"Whoa!" said Butthead. "It's that...uh...uh...uh...could you like repeat that a few times?"

"No time." said Chaos. "I must go rescue my friends. Wait here, for this will be dangerous."

With that, he took off for the shack with his cape flowing behind him. Beavis and Butthead watched him run off. Ten seconds later, they got bored.

"This sucks." said Butthead.

"Yeah." said Beavis. "What do we do?"

"I know!" said Butthead. "Let's eat his groceries."

"Yeah, yeah." said Beavis.

Butthead reached into the bag of groceries and pulled out a package of ramen noodle mix, opened it, and started eating the dry noodles. Beavis took out a tall can, opened it, and downed the contents. He started laughing and took out another can. He opened it and downed its contents as well.

Beavis was now laughing and hyperventilating as he took a third can. He opened it and downed the contents as well. Suddenly, he started hyperventilating and looking around rapidly. He then pulled up his t-shirt until the collar framed his face, held his arms straight out to the sides, bent his elbows so his hands pointed straight up, and flattened his hands so the palms faced forward.

He then walked off after Chaos. Butthead could do nothing but watch him leave. Curious, he picked up the can Beavis had drank from and looked at it. It was a can of Red Bull.

"Whoa!" he said. "Red Bull gives you wings! Huh huh!"

In the shack, Jason and Michael paced around waiting for a response from Brock.

Meanwhile, George related a story to the others "I had never been on a real airplane before and I gotta say it was really great...except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor, and the little kid in back of me kept throwing up the whole time, and the flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts, and the in-flight movie was 'Biodome' with Pauly Shore, and, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out and we went into a tailspin and we crashed into a hillside and the plane exploded in a huge fireball and EVERYBODY DIED! Except for me."

Just then, Chaos burst through the window and called "DA DA DAAAAAAAA!"

"Chaos!" yelled Kuni.

"We're saved!" said Wayne.

Jason and Michael turned towards him and jumped in to stop him. Jason went head-to-head with him first.

"Nice mask." said Chaos. He lifted it and said "I see why you wear it."

Jason angrily flipped his mask back down. Chaos used the opportunity to grab him by the shirt and throw him over a table.

Michael grabbed him by his cape and tried to pull him in. Chaos jumped up and kicked him in the chest. Michael was knocked into the computer.

Chaos ran over to the hostages and started untying George. "Don't worry, George. You're safe now."

"Chaos, behind you!" said George.

Michael grabbed Chaos and threw him into the wall. Chaos pushed off the wall and kicked Michael in the chest again. Jason used the distraction to grab him and put him in a half nelson. Michael took out his knife and approached him.

"Is that all you've got?" asked Chaos.

Michael walked towards him. Just as he passed a door, Beavis kicked it open and hit Michael in the chest with it, knocking him back.

Chaos then stomped on Jason's foot and elbowed him in the ribs, then pushed him back. He then turned to Beavis and said "Good citizen Beavis, I thought I told you to wait outside."

"Who is Beavis?" asked Beavis. "I am Cornholio! I seek t.p. for my bunghole!"

"Well, as long as you're here, you might as well help." said Chaos.

"Right." said Beavis. "I'll take the ugly one. Heh heh. You take the other ugly one. Heh heh."

Jason got back up to fight with Chaos. He threw a couple of punches, both of which Chaos blocked. Chaos returned with a punch of his own, but Jason shrugged it off.

Michael came at Beavis with his knife and growled. Beavis kicked him in the groin, turning the growl into a moan.

Chaos threw Jason over the table again and went for the hostages. This time, he untied Kuni. "I think I could use your help on this one." he said.

"Right." said Kuni. He jumped to his feet and took his karate stance.

Jason saw he was outnumbered, but still attacked. Kuni ran up and delivered a series of punches to Jason's chest. He followed with a roundhouse kick that sent Jason stumbling towards Chaos.

Chaos didn't even lay a hand on him. He just grabbed a nearby bookcase and pushed it over so it fell on him.

Kuni ran over and high-fived Chaos. "Nice work." he said.

"Oh yeah!" said Chaos. Beavis walked over and laughed like he usually does.

Suddenly, Jason burst out of the back of the fallen bookcase. Chaos, Kuni, and Beavis all took a fighting stance. Jason just raised a fist, then fell on his face. He'd had enough.

"Gentlemen, let's untie the hostages." said Chaos. He and the others walked over to George, Natalie, and Wayne.

Just then, Dylan, Alex, and Garth burst through the door. "Okay!" said Dylan. "It's time to..."

"Never mind." said George. Garth walked away sheepishly.

Within minutes, the hostages were freed and leaving the shack.

"When that guy showed up, you were pale!" said Garth.

"You were bucket!" said Wayne.

"How was I?" asked Beavis.

"You did good, Beavis." said Butthead. "But if you ever do anything that stupid again, I'm gonna kick your ass."

"Hey, George." said Natalie. "Are you gonna finish your story?"

"At the finish line." said George.

Stanley had taken off the Chaos mask before he walked over. "Hey, we gotta go." he said. "Otherwise, someone else will get there first."

"Yeah, he's right." said Alex. "Let's go!"

The Cannonballers ran back to their cars with George, Beavis, and Natalie driving. They started up and drove out.

Michael stumbled to the doorway just as the Super Taxi was driving by. Kuni rolled down his window and yelled "STUPID! You're so stupid!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Marcus drove the road train down the dirt road. The LA Cop Car was on the rearmost of the three trailers. "The way I figure it, we'll be in Sydney within a couple of hours." he said. "Then we can get that new battery."

"And I can make my pickup." said the driver from the center seat.

"So, do you usually ply these routes alone?" asked Regis in the left passenger seat.

"No, I usually have Chester with me." said the driver.

"Who's Chester?" asked Regis as he looked out the window. A second later, he turned to see the driver had taken a ventriloquist's dummy out of the sleeper cab.

"What did you do to your car, man?" asked the dummy. "Were you running it hard? Were you racing it? You were racing it, weren't you?"

Regis looked up at the driver. The driver flashed a smirk and shrugged. Regis looked back at the dummy.

The dummy looked Regis in the eye and suddenly said "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Regis immediately grabbed the door handle and threw himself out of the cab.

Marcus saw what happened, stopped, and climbed out. He walked over to Regis and said "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I think so." said Regis as he got back up.

"Good, now come on." said Marcus. He led his brother back to the truck. "Nice move." he chided.

"Hey, at that point, my decision was made." said Regis.

Darden and Korpi watched through binoculars. The other Hunters, except for Joe and Max, had joined them.

"These guys don't give up easily." said Korpi.

"What do you expect?" asked Darden. "They're Cannonballers."

"I think we should take them out." said Lance.

"Why not?" said Korpi. "Let's get 'em."

"Wait." said Paul. "There's a lot more coming up."

"Okay." said Darden. "More targets."

Just then, the Buccaneer pulled up. "What are you doing standing there?" asked Foyt. "Let's get moving!"

The road train was back on the road quickly. Shortly afterward, the Baja Buggy, Schneller V8, Modo Prego, and newly repaired Torrida surrounded it.

"Hey, what's going on?" asked Mad Max from the Baja Buggy's driver's seat.

"Car trouble!" said Marcus.

"What happened?" asked Buffy from the front passenger seat of the Torrida.

"Battery quit!" yelled Regis.

"Been there, done that!" replied Buffy.

Buffy turned to her teammates and said "Hear that? It's an epidemic."

"Maybe you should give them that baobab tree solution, Mac." said Willow as she drove.

"I didn't even know you could do that." said Xander.

"Use it sparingly." said MacGyver. "I wasn't able to make that much."

"Guys, we've got a problem!" said Willow as she looked in the rearview.

"Those are the guys who used that ray gun on us!" said Xander.

"Are you sure?" asked Buffy.

"Hey, the guy with one eye noticed." said MacGyver.

Buffy took the CB and said "Guys, we have attackers! Floor it!"

The Cannonballers tried to outrun the Hunters, but the Hunters' vehicles were designed for the rough terrain and were easily catching up.

Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in.

"Let's board 'em!" said Korpi as he climbed out of the Bandito's passenger seat.

Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in.

The Bandito and Bobcat pulled alongside the road train and Korpi and Johnny climbed onto it.

Tied to a wheel.
My fingers gotta feel.
Bleeding though it's okay to smile.

The truck driver looked in his rearview and saw the Hunters on the side of the trailer. "Rustlers on our six!" he announced.

I spin on a whim.
I slide to the right.
I felt you like electric light.

"Ever get that creepy deja vu feeling?" said Mad Max. "Take the wheel!" He climbed out of the driver's seat and climbed aboard the road train. Highway took his place.

For our love.
For our fear.
For our rise against the years and years and years.

Paul started preparing the EDB for firing and aimed it at the road train.

Got a machinehead.
It's better than the rest.
Green to red.
Machinehead.

"He's going to use that battery draining ray." said Corvax.

Got a machinehead.
It's better than the rest.
Green to red.

"I must stop him then." said the T-1000.

And I walk from my machine.
I walk from my machine.

The T-1000 climbed out of the Schneller V8 and jumped onto the front of the Dune. He then pulled back his head and smashed a hole in the windshield. After that, he flowed through it. Feliz jumped into the passenger seat.

Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in.

Before regaining his colors, the T-1000 looked at Feliz and said "Get out." Feliz complied and the speeding vehicles narrowly missed him.

Deaf, dumb, and thirty.
And starting to deserve this.
Leaning on my conscience wall.

Korpi and Johnny tried to push the L.A. Cop Car off the trailer, but were distracted when Max elbowed Korpi in the back. Johnny jumped back, then they teamed up against Max.

Blood is like wine.
Unconcious all the time.
If I had it all again, I'd change it all.

Max jumped to the top of the trailer with Korpi and Johnny right behind him. Korpi threw a punch at him, but Max blocked it. Johnny tried to grab him, only to be smacked headfirst into Korpi.

Got a machinehead.
It's better than the rest.
Green to red.
Machinehead.

Paul took aim at the road train, but the T-1000 swerved every so often to mess up his shot.

Got a machinehead.
It's better than the rest.
Green to red.

Max had made his way to the front trailer and saw that Korpi and Johnny were coming at him. He also saw a crane with its hook lowered right in front of them.

And I walk from my machine.
I walk from my machine.

Max grabbed the hook and swung off to the side. He landed on the second trailer...and came face-to-face with the Warrior.

"No way out." said the Warrior.

"But one." said Max.

That's my, my generation.
Oh ho.

The Warrior tried to punch Max and Max managed to fend off the punch. Max whipped out his shotgun and fired it at the Warrior. The Warrior just stumbled back a bit, then kept coming.

Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe in.
Breathe in.

Max fired his shotgun a couple of times at the Warrior, only to miss both times due to rather skillful dodging. The Warrior produced a throwing knife, then tossed it at Max. Max caught it in the stock of his shotgun, then pulled it out.

Got a machinehead.
It's better than the rest.
Green to red.
Machinehead.

Foyt pulled alongside in the Buccaneer and aimed her handgun at the road train.

Paul finally got a clear shot at the road train and pulled the trigger. The T-1000 swerved again and the shot missed. Unfortunately, it hit the Modo Prego.

Got a machinehead.
It's better than the rest.
Green to red.

Just as Foyt was about to shoot, Highway sideswiped her with the Baja Buggy. Since she only had one hand on the wheel, she lost control and spun out.

The Modo Prego was crackling with the energy from the EDB's shot. Suddenly, the shot was fired back at the Dune.

Better than the rest.

The T-1000 tried to keep the Dune going, but the battery quickly went dead. Paul realized what was about to happen, grabbed the EDB, and jumped from the Dune into the Bobcat's bed.

Better than the rest.

The Dune spun out directly in front of the road train. Marcus laughed as he sped towards it.

Better than the rest.

The road train slammed into the side of the Dune, ripping it to shreds. The wreckage ended up exploding.

Machinehead-head-head-head-head.

Max used the explosion to distract the Warrior and fire off a shotgun blast in its face. While the android was recovering from the muzzle flash, Max jumped onto the roof of the Baja Buggy.

And I walk from my machine.
I walk from my machine.

-"Machinehead" by Bush

Korpi saw what was coming and jumped onto the side of the Bandito. The Warrior regained his vision and saw a low bridge...just before he slammed into it and was knocked off the trailer.

Corvax and the T-X looked at the flaming wreckage of the Dune. "What are you hoping to find?" asked Corvax.

"That." said the T-X as the T-1000's silvery form walked out of the flames, then changed back into his cop form.

"I think I was in the wrong lane." he joked.

Foyt pulled up next to the Warrior and got out of the Buccaneer. She walked over to him and helped him up. "I can't take you anywhere, can I?" she said.

XXXXXXXXXX

"What's going on out there?" asked Brock. "We've gotten reports of the Highway Hunters using a weapon that drains car batteries and members of two teams have been captured by masked psychos."

"It gets worse." said Danny.

"What? What?" asked Brock.

"Crocodile and Steve have lost most of the pack." said Danny.

"What? How?" asked Brock.

"I had less than half of the field on my tail and thought everybody else was with Crocodile." said Irwin over satellite. "I didn't find out otherwise until we ran into each other."

"I thought half the teams were behind me the whole time." said Crocodile who was also over satellite. "The bloody Quadbike's engine was so loud, I couldn't hear that most of them had turned off."

"Well, look for them." said Brock. "You are now officially part of the security team."

"Right, I understand." said Crocodile.

"Good luck, guys." said Brock.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Do you really think there's more villains out there?" asked Tails as Sonic drove through the Outback.

"More than likely." said Sonic. "That's why we asked you to take a trip into the sky to look."

"Okay." said Tails. "Leave it to me!"

With that, Tails started spinning his tails and took off flying.

"I don't see what Sonic was so worried about." said Tails as he looked out over the Outback. "I don't see any threats."

He looked down at his shadow. Suddenly, he saw another shadow next to it. He looked over at what was creating the shadow and saw Luigi flying next to him with a raccoon tail and raccoon ears.

"What are you doing here?" asked Tails.

"Reconnaisance." said Luigi. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Back off!" said Tails. "I'm flying here."

"Not doing it." said Luigi. "I'm getting this."

"Get out of here, pasta boy!" said Tails as he flew closer and shoved Luigi.

"Ah, shaddupayourface!" yelled Luigi as he did a spinning tail whip. Unfortunately, he ended up losing his flying ability and started to plummet to the ground with Tails.

Tails slammed into a rock with Luigi following suit a second later. The plumber lost his raccoon ears and tail in the process.

Tails moaned. Luigi groaned "Mama mia."

"That was a dumb move." said Tails.

"Si, si." said Luigi. "Let's not do it again."

Suddenly, a large shadow swept over them. They looked up to see what it was. It was the Creeper. They screamed.

XXXXXXXXXX

The ice cream truck drove along. Shaggy was behind the wheel.

"We're lost, aren't we?" asked Daphne.

"No." said Shaggy. "The bridge we want is just a mile ahead."

"Reah!" said Scooby Doo. "Re're rot rost."

Behind them, the Bryanston V came roaring up with Sam behind the wheel, Ben reading the map, Max sitting on Ben's head, and Bernard sleeping in the backseat.

"I can't believe we're actually behind these guys." said Sam.

"It would help if I could actually figure this thing out." said Ben. "However, I'm sure the bridge we have to cross is within a mile."

"No it's not." said Max.

"Of course it is." said Ben. "Using the nearby landmarks and the position of the sun, I can figure out that the bridge is just ahead."

"No it's not." said Max.

"Humor him." said Sam.

Down the road, Alex and Rocco rigged up the bridge with explosives.

"Are you sure this is gonna work?" asked Rocco.

"Absolutely." said Alex. "I'm the brains of this duo, remember?"

"Oh, right." said Rocco. "Hey!"

"Here they come." said Alex. "Goodbye, bridge." He pushed the button on the detonator. The bridge was blown to pieces just as the two vehicles approached.

"Zoinks!" yelled Shaggy as he went for the brakes.

"Holy cripes on toast!" yelled Sam as he did the same. The action sent Max flying into the windshield.

The two vehicles came to a halt just before the bridge. Alex and Rocco watched as the Cannonballers vacated their vehicles.

"Damn." said Alex. "I was kind of hoping they'd actually drive off the bridge."

"But it's still an inconvenience, right?" asked Rocco.

"Oy." said Alex. "Let's go set up the next one."

"Max, wake up Bernard." said Sam as he got out of the car.

"Got it." said Max. He hopped into the backseat and opened his mouth.

Sam and Ben found the Mystery Inc. Team out of the truck and looking at the destroyed bridge.

Bernard let out a scream of intense pain from the car. A second later, Max jumped out with Bernard right behind him, holding his ear.

"Jinkies, what happened?" asked Velma.

"Someone blew up the bridge." said Ben. "Damn. We coulda used that."

"What do we do now?" asked Freddie. "There probably isn't another bridge for miles."

"If I may." said Bernard. "I think we should make a ramp and jump the gap."

"A ramp?" asked Daphne.

"If I can make the right calculations," said Bernard "I can figure out the correct angle and length to minimize the amount of wood we'll need and the required speed to make the jump."

"Sounds like a plan." said Shaggy.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Bart, do you remember when you made that collect call to Australia?" asked Lisa.

"Oh yeah." said Bart. "That was cool."

"And they tried to punish you with the Boot?" asked Lisa.

"Yeah, good times." said Bart.

"Bart, you nearly caused an international incident!" said Marge.

"I know." said Bart. "Personal best."

"I'll show you personal best!" said Homer. Suddenly, the Citi Turbo was rammed from behind by the black van. "Hey! Watch your space cushion!" yelled Homer.

Lisa gasped. "That must be the black van that attacked Doctor Banzai!" she said.

"He also attacked Charlie's Angels and nearly finshed them." said Marge.

"This looks like a job for...Bartman!" said Bart as he grabbed his skateboard and climbed through the sunroof.

Bart looked towards the van and stuck out his tongue while pulling at the sides of his mouth. He then climbed on the roof and waved his butt at the van. "Eat my shorts!" he called.

The van tried again to ram the car, but Bart jumped on his skateboard and grabbed the van's front fender.

"Bart!" yelled Lisa.

"Hey, bet you can't get me!" said Bart.

The van started to swerve left and right trying to shake Bart off. Bart let go of the fender and grabbed onto the rear wheelwell.

"He's going to kill Bart!" said Marge.

"No, he's not!" said Homer. "Homer to the rescue!"

Homer executed a spin and brought himself next to the the van. Marge leaned out the window and called "Bart! Bart!"

The van started to swerve around to try to shake off Bart. Without warning, it swerved into the path of another car.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed the Simpsons.

Just before they would have collided, the van swerved off the road. Bart let go of the wheelwell, but he too went flying. "Uh oh." he said.

"Bart!" yelled Homer.

Suddenly, a tentacle shot out and wrapped around Bart. The tentacle pulled him towards another car and he landed safely in the back. The other Simpsons breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"Whoa." he said.

"Hey, you alright, little guy?" asked the man in the seat next to him.

"Stone Cold Steve Austin?" asked Bart. He then realized it was one of Nemesis' tentacles that pulled him away from certain doom.

"Hey, he knows you." said Rob Zombie from the driver's seat.

"Rob Zombie too?" asked Bart. "Cool!"

"Thank you for saving our boy!" said Marge.

Nemesis flashed a thumbs up.

"No problem!" yelled Rob. "This guy is after all Cannonballers."

"We're supposed to be taking a rest in Sydney." said Homer. "Can we have him back then?"

"Why not?" asked Stone Cold.

XXXXXXXXXX

Artemis Fowl stopped somewhere near the Queensland-New South Wales state line.

"Okay, if we keep going on our present heading, we should reach Sydney by midnight." he said as he checked his map.

"Sounds grand, Master Fowl." said Butler as J.D. checked his ears.

"Okay, your ears appear to be fine." said J.D. "Good thing since there was nothing wrong with them before."

Butler scowled at him.

"Okay!" said J.D.

"Dr. Dorian, may I have a word with you?" asked Artemis.

J.D. walked over to him. "Yeah?" he asked.

"Over the past couple of continents, we've run into a little trouble." said Artemis. "It's pretty obvious someone has it in for the Cannonballers."

"Do you think they'll come after us again?" asked J.D.

"Absolutely." said Artemis. "Butler knew there would be danger and prepared accordingly. You, however, need to be briefed."

"Okay, go on." said J.D.

"First of all..." said Artemis.

"Let me go!" yelled Butler.

Artemis and J.D. looked in his direction and saw Butler being dragged away by Leatherface.

"Hey, unhand him!" yelled J.D.

"Butler, are you alright?" asked Artemis.

"Quite alright, Master Fowl." said Butler. "Well, except for the fact that I'm being abducted."

"Leatherface! Hear me!" said Artemis. "Whatever your demands are, I'll pay them. Butler is quite an important person to me and I cannot bear to part with him. However, whatever your demands are, I do not have the resources to placate them at the moment. If you will give me the time to acquire the necessary ransom, I shall obtain it. However, the deal will be null if Butler is harmed in anyway. Nod if you understand."

Leatherface nodded.

"Please hurry, Master Fowl." said Butler.

"Fear not, Butler." said Artemis. "Your freedom is assured. And remember, the stars align at night."

Leatherface staggered off with Butler.

"Why did you let him take him?" asked J.D.

"Because he had already established the upper hand." said Artemis. "I meant what I said about Butler being important and I couldn't risk his injury. I am aware that the man we saw, the one called Leatherface, is a notorious mass murderer whose weapon of choice is a chainsaw. While I believe you are a decent doctor, I doubt you could repair someone who's been hacked up by a chainsaw."

J.D. imagined what a chainsaw victim would look like after he performed his magic. The victim had his head on backwards, eyes looking in two different directions, a foot at the end of his left arm, and a leg angled the wrong way. J.D. himself walked into the scene with a mad scientist look on his face and said "It's alive!" He came out of his daydream horrified.

"Incidentally, 'the stars align at night' is my personal code to Butler to activate his tracking device." said Artemis. "In ten minutes, we can track him down and then we'll have the upper hand when we rescue him."

"That's brilliant." said J.D.

"I know. Thank you." said Artemis.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Emu was parked next to a wooden shack. It was Joel Robinson's shack and he was helping to check on the Emu.

"So, then I got lonely and I discovered this junkyard next door." said Joel. "I went a little crazy and Tom, Crow, and Gypsy have a few dozen brothers and sisters now."

"Oh no." said Crow. "More Toms."

"Well, it could be worse." said Tom. "More Crows for example."

"I think more of both of you would be pretty terrible." said Gypsy.

"You guys!" said Joel and Mike in unison. "Jinx!"

The ice cream truck pulled up and Shaggy and Freddie climbed out. They walked over to the shack and started going over it with a tape measure.

"Uh, what are you guys doing?" asked Joel.

"Oh, like, we need to get some wood to build a ramp." said Shaggy.

"This guy gave us the correct measurements for a ramp to jump the river where the bridge used to be." said Freddie. "Someone blew it up."

"Wait, the bridge five miles down the road?" asked Mike.

"That's the one." said Shaggy.

"That's the bridge we were supposed to take!" said Tom.

"And we're going to jump it instead?" asked Crow. "Coo-oo-ool!"

"I suppose I can rebuild this into a shack when you're done." said Joel.

"Great." said Freddie. "I've checked the figures and your shack has enough wood to construct the ramp. All we have to do is take it apart for transport."

"Actually, that won't be necessary." said Joel. "You see, I realized that this shack might not be in the ideal place at any time." He opened a small box on the porch. "So therefore, while most structures are built on a solid concrete foundation, this is built on the frame of a discarded Land Cruiser." He flipped a switch and the shack rose to reveal wheels.

"Wow, you have been busy." said Mike.

"Come on, guys." said Joel as he climbed onto the porch and sat behind a steering wheel. "Daylight's burning."

XXXXXXXXXX

Fox Mulder took the wheel of the Lusso XT as it cruised through New South Wales.

"So, tell me about this girl you picked up." said Mulder.

"Okay, the roof was open and the music was playing loudly." explained J. "This girl was slowly moving her hand up my thigh. She had opened up three buttons on her shirt. And I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car."

Big Donnie watched them approach. "Now, to show how it's done." he said. He pushed a switch on his hand unit and spikes popped up in front of the Lusso XT. The car rolled over the spikes and blew a tire.

Mulder brought the car to a halt. "K, I thought the Zarabithians fitted this thing with puncture proof tires?" said J.

"Well, you know what kidders the Zarabithians are." said K. "They once conned a San Francisco woman into thinking she was one of their agents in a war against a race called the Insectirons. I think the poor girl went crazy or something."

"Can we fix this tire before we hear about anymore mind games against innocent people?" asked Mulder.

"Hmmm, thought I'd take out more of their tires." said Big Donnie. "Ah, they stopped anyway."

J and K opened the trunk while Mulder checked to see what took out the tire. "Looks like spikes imbedded in the road." he said. "Someone had it in for us."

"Yeah, I see why we only lost one." said J. "Apparently, the Zarabithians replaced all but that one tire with puncture proofs."

"Let's get this thing fixed." said K. "We're losing time here."

Big Donnie watched them go to work. "Now, how shall I destroy them?" he mused. "Wait, they left their trunk open. That's quite an arsenal."

Both Big Donnie and the Men In Black failed to notice the Boost pulling up.

"Matt, what's going on?" asked Bruce.

"I'm not sure." said Matt. "Have your masks ready anyway."

"I can't believe this is the first time you've ever changed a tire." said Mulder.

"Yeah, well, that's mostly because our usual vehicles always have those puncture proofs," said K "so we don't expect it when they don't."

"Mr. Cannonballer." said Big Donnie as he walked around from the back of the car. "You look like you're in trouble."

"This guy ripped off our fashion sense." said J.

"Are you with the race officials or the Australian equivalent of Triple A?" asked Mulder.

"No." said Big Donnie. "At this point, they don't even know this has happened."

"Then, you must be the one who caused this!" said K.

"Not bad." said Big Donnie. "Pity you won't be able to perform deduction like that anymore. As you say in America, say 'Hello' to my little friend." He pulled out a large weapon he had stolen from the Lusso's trunk. "Or should I say YOUR little friend?"

"Oh, hell no!" said J. "That's an XT-4000."

"What'll happen if he shoots us with that?" asked Mulder.

"Our bodies' hard and soft matter get divorced." said K.

"Matt!" yelled Gloria.

"Spectrum, on!" called Matt. A sonic wave eminated from his mask.

"I just want to give you a little warning about that." said K. "That weapon uses a substance called Corbomite for ammo and if it's not primed correctly, it could self-destruct and take a few square miles with it. We're okay with death if it means that foolish evil resulted in the death of our killer as well."

"Nice try, but we do get 'Star Trek' in Australia." said Big Donnie. "Night night." He pulled the trigger and a laser beam shot from the weapon. However, Mulder and the Men In Black were completely unharmed.

"I think he should have primed that Corbomite." said Mulder.

"Get him!" yelled J. He and K ran towards Big Donnie and started attacking him.

They managed to wrestle the gangster to the ground and start beating him senseless. Big Donnie managed to get back up and make a run for it.

"Yeah, you better run!" yelled J.

"Check the trunk." said Mulder. "He might have taken something else."

J and K checked the trunk. "Yeah, he definitely took something else." said K.

"We're missing a Noisy Cricket." said J.

The Boost pulled up to the Lusso XT and the MASK agents exited.

"Ladies and gentlemen, our saviors." said K.

"Thanks for your assistance." said Mulder.

"Oh, it was no problem." said Bruce.

"Tell us something." said J. "What did you do exactly?"

"I just used my Spectrum mask to alter the laser beam's frequency." said Matt. "After that, the beam came out as pure sunlight."

"So, instead of killing us, he just gave us a slight tan." said K.

"Thanks again." said J. "That guy was meaner than the guys we encountered two years ago."

"Wait, you were in the race two years ago?" asked Gloria.

"Yeah, why?" replied Mulder.

"I think we should have a little talk." said Matt.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Are you still tracking Butler?" asked J.D.

"Yes indeed." said Artemis. "He's not that far away actually."

"Good, then a rescue is..." said J.D. "Look! Cannonballers ahead of us!"

Artemis brought the Crown Mail to a screeching halt next to the RSMC 15 and Saikou. Mr. Fowl and Dr. Dorian jumped out.

"What happened?" asked Artemis.

"Mama mia!" said Mario. "We were just running a little search for bad guys and the bad guys found us!"

"Yeah, what plumber boy is trying to say is that the Creeper grabbed both his brother and our friend Tails." said Sonic.

"Well, we believe this Creeper to be working in conjunction with the one known as Leatherface." said Artemis.

"Yeah, we just saw him grab onto Butler and drag him off." said J.D.

"It's a long shot, but I think we should go with them." said Link. "For all we know, Artemis' theory might be right."

"We're going to need some assistance." said Knuckles. "I can tell you that."

Just then, the Crusero Magnifico pulled up. Bugs, Daffy, and Wile E. jumped out.

"What's up, doc?" asked Bugs.

"Can you believe I actually became a doctor just so he would ask me that?" thought J.D.

"Three Cannonballers have been kidnapped." said J.D. "If you'd like to help with the rescue, just step up."

The Looney Tunes gathered and discussed the situation. Finally, they broke.

"Well, doc, if it's okay, we'd like to bring a friend to assist in the rescue." said Bugs.

"That's right and he's from around here." said Daffy. "Well, this is his native habitat anyway."

"Do we even know where these guys are?" asked Mario.

"I do." said Artemis. "Butler has a tracking device that's leading us to him."

"Then, it's a party." said Sonic.

XXXXXXXXXX

"What happened here?" asked James as Team Rocket came upon what appeared to be a terrible car wreck. Three cars and a bus were scattered around.

"Maybe we should get out and help?" asked Jessie.

"Wait, you're suggesting WE should help these people?" asked Annie. "Are you forgetting who we are?"

"Annie, how's it going to look if we ignore the plight of innocent people?" asked Oakley. "If word gets out about this, we might never be allowed to enter the Cannonball again."

"Besides," said James "as Ferengi Rule of Acquisition 95 says, 'Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.'"

Suddenly, everybody stared at him. "I'd really rather not know how you know that." said Meowth. "And that's Rule of Acquisition 76." Now, everybody stared at him.

"Let's just stop and get this over with." said Annie.

James parked the car. The Rockets jumped out and started to look for injured people. They quickly discovered there were no people in the vehicles.

"Something's up." said Oakley. "There's no one in these cars."

"Also, how did this many vehicles end up in the same place at the same time?" asked Jessie.

"And did you notice how much rust and moss is on the cars?" asked James. "I think these cars were taken from a junkyard and set up here to resemble an accident.

"Very astute." said Mitzi as she appeared from behind a bush. Her teammates appeared as well.

"That's uncharacteristic of you." said Nichole.

"Well, it was also uncharacteristic of us to..." said Meowth before realizing what she said. "Hey!"

"Let's take these misfired Rockets down." said Kim. "I'll take the one with the goofy hair." she added while pointing to Annie.

"Whose hair are you calling goofy?" asked Annie.

"Seriously." said Linda. "Do you have to take the bees out on occasion?"

"Hey, where I'm from, this is quite the look!" said Annie.

"Oh sure." said Mia. "I guess the look where you're from involves taking Princess Leia's hairdo and injecting it with steroids."

"At least it's not as bad as the redhead's." said Linda.

"What was that?" asked Jessie.

"Three words: too much gel." said Kim. "I bet she dyes it too."

"That tears it!" yelled Jessie.

"Get your Pokemon out!" yelled James.

He and Oakley got out their Pokeballs. But before they could use them, Annie and Jessie flew into action themselves.

Annie jumped onto Kim first, fists flailing. The other girls tried to intervene, but Jessie pushed them away while she was beating on Kim.

The other members of Team Rocket watched this take place, then sat down and put their Pokeballs away.

Kim tried crawling away after receiving too much abuse. Annie turned her attack on the other girls. Mia unleashed a couple of punches on her, but Jessie quickly countered and retaliated with a few blows of her own. After she was sent stumbling into Linda, Mitzi realized that they were not going to win this one.

"Retreat!" she called.

The girls all ran to their motorcycles, started them, and took off. "You just had to make fun of her hair, didn't you?" said Mitzi.

"Well, that was odd." said Oakley.

"I think they were trying to stop us from racing." said Jessie.

"Let's not oblige them." said James. "Back to racing." The team members returned to the car. "Let's go, killer." he said as he passed Annie.

XXXXXXXXXX

At the bridge, the Mystery Inc, SCUMM, and SOL teams had finished with their ramp quickly.

"Ten minutes." said Joel. "I think we set a record or something."

"Definitely 'or something'." said Tom.

"If my calculations are correct," said Bernard "it will take a speed of about a hundred miles an hour to make this jump given the distance and the angle of the ramp."

"Okay." said Ben to the Mystery Inc. team. "Since you guys found the shack, maybe you should be the first ones to take the jump."

"Really?" asked Shaggy. "Like, thanks."

"Re're roing first." said Scooby.

"Bernard, you did the calculations." said Velma. "You and your team should be the ones to go first."

"Look, just go first. Alright?" said Ben.

"Well, if you insist." said Freddie.

The Mystery Inc. team all piled into the ice cream truck and got it started. They drove back down the road, turned around, and raced towards the ramp. At top speed, they hit the ramp and flew over the river, then landed on the road on the opposite side and continued on their way.

"Oh, good." said Ben. "They didn't die. Now, I know we can make it."

"We're next." said Mike. He and the bots returned to their car. Bernard and his teammates were next.

The Emu and Bryanston V drove back down the road, turned around, and raced towards the ramp. Mike and Ben were driving.

"I think we should hit the nitrous just to be safe." said Tom from the front passenger seat.

"Good idea." said Mike. He quickly hit the switch for a nitrous shot.

"All...WHOA!" said Tom as the sudden acceleration send him flying into the back.

"Nitrous! Nitrous!" yelled Max.

"Hear ya." said Ben. He hit the nitrous himself and the Bryanston V shot forward.

The two cars hit the ramp and sailed over the river.

"Yeah!" cheered Mike. Ben howled as the Bryanston V flew over the Emu in mid-flight. Mike stared in shock as this happened.

The two cars hit the road and kept on going.

"Bye!" called Sam.

"Tom, did you see that?" asked Mike as he turned to face Tom, but didn't see him. "Guys, where's Tom?"

Gypsy opened her mouth, revealing Tom inside. "Mike, get me out of here!" he yelled.

Joel looked at the departing cars, then turned to the ramp and said "Oh, I know! A hot tub!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"I think we could use some more gas." said Jarod.

"No problem." said Johnny Five. "There's a gas station just up ahead."

Johnny Five pulled into the gas station and parked next to the pump. He and Jarod climbed out.

"I'll pump, you pay." said Johnny Five.

"You got it." said Jarod as he entered the building.

Jarod walked up to the counter and said "Filling up on pump two."

"Hey, aren't you one of those Cannonballers?" asked a voice behind him.

"Yes, why do you ask?" asked Jarod as he turned around and came face-to-face with Korpi.

"Oh, just wondering." said Korpi as he pulled out his gun.

Johnny Five continued to pump their gas, but heard the conversation through his super sensitive hearing. He looked around and noticed the Bandito, the only other car at the station. He quickly formed a plan.

"I recognize your need to make a living." said Jarod. "But does it have to be at someone else's expense? Mine, for example?"

"Well, you see." said Darden. "We have this boss. They call him Dr. Feelgood. He really wants the prize money for himself."

"Well, why didn't he enter the race then?" asked Jarod.

"Because there was no one hundred percent possibility that he'd win." said Korpi. "Unlike that, this is a sure thing."

"Kinda takes the fun out of it." said Jarod.

"Come along." said Darden as he grabbed Jarod and dragged him out of the building.

"Let's get him into the Bandito and..." said Korpi before looking at their vehicle. While they were talking to Jarod, Johnny Five had beendismantling the Bandito.

"Bandito disassembled." said Johnny Five as he held the steering column in his hands.

"What did you do?" asked Korpi.

Jarod ripped his jacket out of Darden's grip and ran for the car.

"Hey!" yelled Korpi. He whipped his gun into position and fired off a few shots. However, Johnny Five managed to block them all with the steering column. The last shot Korpi fired was reflected right back into his belt buckle, dropping his pants.

"Let's get out of here while he's figuring out how to button his pants." said Jarod.

Jarod and Johnny Five got back into the Vortex 5 and drove off. Jarod looked over his shoulder and laughed. "And you know what's really bad?" he asked. "I never paid for the gas."

Back at the station, Darden looked over the Bandito and tried to figure out how to put it back together. Meanwhile, Korpi was forced to pay for the gas.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Crusero Magnifico, Crown Mail, RSMC 15, and Saikou pulled up to a small farmhouse.

"Is this where Butler's tracking device leads?" asked Link.

"This is the place." said Artemis. "It's time to put our plan into action."

"Right." said Knuckles. "We'll show them it's not wise to kidnap our friends."

"Wile E, I think it's time to contact you-know-who." said Bugs.

Wile E. nodded and took out an ACME signal flare. He walked off to a hill overlooking the farmhouse and started to set up the flare.

"Okay, we should arm ourselves." said Daffy.

"I gotcha." said Sonic as he opened the trunk of the RSMC 15 and took out his Ancient Light and Knuckles' Shovel Claw.

"Me too." said Mario as he kicked the chest in the back of the Saikou. A doll of a Hammer Brother popped out. Mario grabbed it and was turned into Hammer Brother Mario. Link just took out his sword and shield.

"On my mark." said Artemis. "Go!"

Inside the house, Leatherface was carving a message into the wall with his chainsaw. It read "Your racers are safe for now. But that will not be for long if you do not accede to our demands. You will deliver a sum of half the prize money to a location we specify. E-mail us for details."

"This guy missed his calling." said Luigi. "He should be doing carvings like this for a living."

"This guy didn't." said Tails. "I'm glad we didn't call him to hook up our Dreamcast."

The Creeper was struggling to hook up the computer they were going to use to broadcast their message. He pulled the instructions out from under a pile of cables and looked at it in confusion. He then looked at it more closely, then threw it away in a huff.

Link and Mario snuck over to the front of the house (north side), Sonic and Knuckles snuck up to the left (east), Bugs and Daffy to the right (west), and Artemis and J.D. to the rear (south). When everyone was in place, Artemis called "Now!"

Link aimed his sword at the window and fired a magic bolt at it. The window blew open and he and Mario hopped in.

"Mario!" called Luigi.

"We're here to save you, my brother!" said Mario.

Knuckles dug his way into the farmhouse's basement with Sonic right behind him. Bugs and Daffy walked right ina side door. Artemis and J.D. snuck in the back.

On the hill, Wile E. took a match and lit the fuse on the flare. He then stood back and got ready for the flare to launch. A second later, the rock pile he had set the flare in shifted and the flare ended up pointing right at him. He grabbed the flare and straightened it. A second later, the rock pile shifted again and the flare pointed at him again. He grabbed it and straightened it again. This time, the fuse ran out and the flare launched while he was holding it. The flare rocketed into the sky with him holding onto it and exploded in midair.

Mario threw hammers at the Creeper while Leatherface tried to cut Link with his chainsaw. Link protected himself with his shield and took out his boomerang. He jumped back and threw the boomerang at Leatherface, stunning him.

The Creeper tried to take a few swipes at Mario. He missed three times and actually connected once, only to hit Mario's Hammer Brothers shell instead.

"Butler." whispered Artemis.

"Master Fowl, you made it." said Butler.

"That we did." said Artemis. "Now, let's get you out of here."

Artemis and J.D. started to untie Butler and the others. The Creeper noticed them and started to attack. Just then, a blue blur ripped through the door to the basement and knocked him down. The blur stopped and Tails got a good look at him.

"Sonic!" he yelled.

"You okay, little buddy?" asked Sonic as Knuckles came up the stairs.

"I'm okay." said Tails.

"Come on, you guys!" said Bugs from the front door. "Let's get out of here before they try to stop us!"

Mario held the Creeper at bay while Sonic took on Leatherface. Everyone else used the opportunity to escape. After the others had left, Mario and Sonic joined them.

"Okay, no problem." said J.D. "Now that everyone's safe..."

Suddenly, Leatherface and the Creeper burst out of the house.

"Looks like we're not out of the woods yet." said Butler.

"Hold it." said Daffy. "Do you hear that?"

Everyone tried to be quiet for a second, then heard what Daffy heard. It was the sound of things breaking and something spinning fast. Just then, a small tornado ripped into the scene, bursting through a rock formation, smashing through a fence, ripping up a rose garden next to the house. Finally, it stopped and was revealed to be the Tasmanian Devil, babbling in his twisted "language".

Leatherface and the Creeper looked at "Taz" in sheer horror and made a hasty retreat. Taz spun after them quickly.

"Who invited him?" asked Knuckles.

"We did." said Bugs. "Or rather Wile E. did."

Wile E. staggered over to the group with his cap and fur fire-blackened. He stopped, flashed a weak thumbs-up, then collapsed.

"Nice work, everyone." said Link. "Now, let's finish this race."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere between Canberra and Sydney, the Jersey XS screamed down the road with the Knight and Monstruo on their tail.

"Won't be too much further before we reach the final pit stop in this country." said Buckaroo.

"Where's that?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"Sydney." said Buckaroo.

"Huh?" asked Sydney.

"No, we were just talking about the city we're heading for." said Perfect Tommy.

"What city?" asked Sydney.

"Sydney." said Buckaroo.

"What?" asked Sydney.

"I was just answering your question." said Buckaroo.

"What was the answer?" asked Sydney.

"You asked what the city we were heading for was." said Perfect Tommy.

"Sydney, Australia." said Buckaroo.

"I'm going to ignore you from now on." said Sydney.

In the Monstruo...

"Of course, after that was 'Operation Surma'." said Ethan.

"I remember that." said Snake. "I just can't believe that's you, though. It doesn't look that much like you."

"Yeah, whatcha gonna do?" asked Ethan. "Of course, you have an incredible legacy yourself."

"Thanks, but I don't like to brag." said Snake.

"Well, you've got a lot to brag about." said Ethan. "'Metal Gear Solid', 'Metal Gear Acid', 'Ghost Babel', 'Sons of Liberty'."

"I heard the title and half-expected it to be a GTA game!" laughed Snake.

"Hey, wasn't there another game after the first one?" asked Ethan.

"Uh...no. No, there wasn't." said Snake.

"I'm pretty sure there was." said Ethan. "I remember playing it as a training exercise."

"You're imagining things." said Snake. "How far is it to Sydney?"

"I'm almost certain there was such a game." said Ethan. "There was a castle and a train and cable cars like at Disneyland..."

"Okay, it was 'Snake's Revenge'!" said Snake. "Are you happy? Are you happy now?"

In the Knight...

"Okay, you're locked in a garage." said Murdock. "All you have is a Dodge Monaco, what used to be an above ground pool, and some leftover pipes and the guys that locked you in the garage will be back in an hour."

"Take the walls from the pool." said B.A. "Bolt as many as possible to the Monaco's windows. Fashion the pipes into a cow catcher."

"Boy, you guys would clean up on 'Junkyard Wars'." said Michael.

"Okay, next test." said Murdock. "You're trapped on top of a mesa. All you have is some lightweight tubing and a lot of nylon fabric. The wind has been rather brisk all day. What do you do?"

"Die." said B.A.

"Man, you're taking the fun out of this." said Murdock.

"Michael, behind us." said KITT.

Michael looked in his rearview and saw Cary and Kid racing up behind them.

"Ready to give up?" asked Kid.

"I was born...not ready." said Cary.

"You can give up now and make it easy on yourself." said Kid.

"This is already easy on me." said Cary.

Big Donnie, Alex, Rocco, and a dozen thugswatched the Cannonballers approach.

"Okay, those are the Cannonballers." said Big Donnie. "Those are our targets. We have to hurry though. Once they reach Sydney, they're out of our hands."

"Be careful." said Alex. "We've already tried to take a few of them out."

"Didn't go so well." said Rocco.

"So, then." said Big Donnie. "Let's get 'em."

The thugs ran to their cars, mostly peformance sedans, and took off after the Cannonballers.

"Sir, what if they manage to fight back?" asked Alex.

"Don't worry." said Big Donnie as he took out the Noisy Cricket. "This should help us."

The Cannonballers continued on the road as the Boost and Lusso XT came up behind them.

"Do you think that guy took the Noisy Cricket?" asked Mulder.

"Most definitely." said K. "That thing can be dangerous in the wrong hands."

"Hey, that thing can be dangerous in the right hands." said J.

Suddenly, Big Donnie's thugs came out of the woodwork in their cars and surrounded the Cannonballers.

"Why do I get the feeling these guys aren't the welcoming commitee?" asked Matt.

"Probably because most of them are listed on various wanted posters in Australia." said Bruce.

"Uh oh, looks like battle time again." said Gloria.

One of the cars lined up behind the Knight and started ramming it.

"KITT, I think we should do something about him." said Michael.

"I agree, Michael." said KITT. "I'm already a compact. I don't want to become a sub-compact."

"There's another guy right behind him." said B.A. "Try to get them to crash into each other."

"You heard him, KITT." said Michael. "Microjam his brakes."

KITT targeted the car that was ramming them and activated his microjam. The car's brakes locked and the car behind it slammed right into its rear.

"And THAT is why you don't tailgate!" said Murdock.

Mahoney and the other protectors raced after the Cannonballers.

"Yeah, this is the road." said Mahoney as they passed the two smashed up cars.

"What are we gonna do?" asked Jones.

"I don't know yet." said Mahoney.

"Let's wait until we can size up the action." said Walker.

The police cars caught up with the Cannonballers quickly.

"This guy is getting annoying." said Snake. Another of the thugs was ramming the Monstruo.

"I've got an idea." said Ethan. "Let him pull alongside."

Snake pulled to the side and the car pulled alongside. The thug rolled his window down. Ethan did the same and pulled out his tranq gun. He fired a shot into the driver's arm and the driver quickly fell unconcious. The car veered into the path of another thug's car and both crashed.

"Nice shot." said Snake.

"Thanks." said Ethan. "By the way, 'Snake's Revenge' isn't THAT bad. Even Kojima likes it and he didn't even work on it."

"I'm going in." said another of the thugs. He crawled out of the window and got ready to jump to the Jersey XS.

Just then, the Tokyo Cop Car pulled alongside and Zed leaned out. He let loose a scream into the thug's face and scared him off the car's door. The thug went tumbling to the ground. Another car swerved to avoid hitting him and crashed into a third car, sending both to the scrapheap.

"How many cars are left?" asked Sydney.

"I count four." said Perfect Tommy.

Just then, the Bobcat came into action along with Big Donnie's Commodore.

"Our guys are getting obliterated." said Rocco.

"No problem." said Big Donnie. "I'll take care of this."

Big Donnie climbed out of the Commodore and got into the back of the Bobcat.

"Watch this." said Tackleberry as he aimed at another of the cars. "Right into the tire." He fired and shot out the car's tire. The other cars swerved to avoid it and two connected. They came away slightly damaged.

"They're getting better at avoiding each other." said Flash.

"As long as they don't get better at actually doing anything else." said Hightower.

"We've got two more on our tail." said Perfect Tommy.

"I see." said Buckaroo. "Let me show you another advantage of the Hyperthruster." He started to initiate the Hyperthruster's startup sequence. As he did so, the two cars pulled alongside him. He activated the Hyperthruster and shot forth from between them. After that, the two cars suddenly smashed into each other sideways.

"I don't even want to know how that happened." said Sydney.

"Who's the guy in the back?" asked Paul.

"I dunno." said Lance. "Maybe he's working with someone else who wants to stop the Cannonballers."

Big Donnie pulled out the Noisy Cricket and aimed it at the Knight.

"There's our missing Cricket." said K.

"I'm going in." said J. He climbed out of the window and jumped into the back of the Bobcat.

"Well, look who's here." said Big Donnie.

"Yeah, you remember me." said J. "Give that thing back. You have no idea what it does."

"Well, I'm about to find out." said Big Donnie. He turned and pointed the gun at J.

J tried to wrestle the Noisy Cricket out of Big Donnie's hands. In the process, the weapon was aimed at every vehicle in the chase. Brakes squealed when the carswereea imed at.Finally, Big Donnie managed to wrest his hands out of J's grip. He aimed at J once again, but was cut off my a spin kick...in a cowboy boot.

Big Donnie looked up at the source of the kick. Sure enough, it was Walker. "Surely, you realize that's not a toy." he said.

"Surely, you realize it still gives me an advantage over you." said Big Donnie. He tried aiming it at Walker, but J tried to wrestle him to the bed of the pickup. Big Donnie managed to get free, only to meet a barrage of jabs from Walker. This continued until Alex pulled up to the Bobcat's rear bumper and motioned for Big Donnie to jump onto the hood.

Big Donnie jumped onto the hood of the Commodore and aimed the Noisy Cricket at them.

"I wouldn't fire that if I were you!" said J.

"Yeah, because you're too goody-goody!" said Big Donnie. He fired the Noisy Cricket and was sent flying right off the Commodore.

"No, because I know that thing has some badass recoil." said J.

"Where'd that shot go?" asked Walker.

Suddenly, a gear fell out from underneath the truck. "Oh, hell no!" said J.

"Guys, get on!" yelled Mulder as the Lusso XT pulled up next to the Bobcat.

J and Walker jumped onto the Lusso XT. It veered away just after. The Bobcat's engine then blew out.

"Well, I tried." said Lance.

"Brace for impact!" screamed Paul as he curled into a ball. The Commodore slammed into the back of the car and flipped over.

"Haha! Nice going, Walker!" said Mahoney as he pulled alongside the Lusso XT. Walker climbed back inside.

The Majestic pulled up to the scene of the battle. They found Big Donnie just getting up off the ground. Joel and Fearless climbed out of the car.

"Whoa, are you alright?" asked Joel.

"Looks like a hell of a battle." said Fearless.

"Get away from me, you two!" snapped Big Donnie. "Look at this! Look at all this! You told me that if I helped you out, I would be getting any cars you confiscated from those Cannonballers! What happened? We caught nobody! NOBODY! And in the process, we lost NINE of our own cars! The deal is finished! And on top of that, YOU owe ME!"

"What do you have in mind for that?" asked Joel nervously.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Sydney that night, a few teams were stopped at a gas station to refuel for the next stage.

"Alright, the new battery is in." said Marcus. "We should be good to go."

"No problem." said Winston. "Just avoid battery-draining weapons from now on."

"I gotta ask." said Regis. "When you guys got hit, why didn't your battery go dead? Why did the shot get shot back?"

"Well, let me show you." said Peter as he went to the back of the Modo Prego. He opened the engine compartment and showed off the engine. The electrical system was very odd indeed. "As you can see, we have a very different electrical system. Because of the extra power needed for the Ecto-Booster, we have a proton pack instead of a traditional battery."

"Wow, where can we get one of those?" asked Regis.

"It's not for sale." said Louis.

"How much do you want for it?" asked Peter.

Nearby, the members of Nash's team, Team Rocket, and Dominic's team were having a movie car trivia game.

"What was the car called on 'Hardcastle and McCormack'?" asked Dominic.

"The Coyote X." said Joe.

"Correct. Next?" asked Dominic.

"What kind of car were the bad guys in 'Bullitt' driving?" asked Joe.

"A Dodge Charger." said Jesse James.

"Absolutely right." said Nash. "Now, gimme your best."

"What was the first car Sonny Crockett drove on 'Miami Vice'?" asked Memphis.

Nash quickly drew a blank. "Um? Uh? Hold on, I can get this." he said.

"A Ferrari Daytona Spyder." said James.

"That's it." said Memphis.

"Oh!" said Nash. "I knew that."

"Yeah, right." said Jessie.

"How did you know that?" asked Annie.

"I'm actually a huge 'Miami Vice' fan." said James.

"I think you all need to get a life." said Annie.

It was then that the Stadt pulled into the gas station.

"Okay, I gotta have a little Come To Jesus with these guys." said Nash. "I'll be back in a minute."

"Catch you later, Nashman!" said Dominic. He and his team returned to the Bestia.

"What do you think that was about?" asked Jesse.

"Probably their mixing pot into their dishes at the cooking competition." said Dominic.

"Yeah, how high did I get?" asked Memphis.

"We stopped keeping track after you started barking like a dog." said Jesse.

Memphis groaned, then noticed the paper pad in his hand. "What's the deal with this?"

"For a while, you kept offering us suggestions for new 'Monster Garage' episodes." said Jesse.

"Eventually, we had to ask you to write them down instead." said Dominic.

"You guys want to see what's in here?" asked Memphis.

"Might as well." said Jesse as he took the pad. "Might actually be some magic."

"Just don't tell your producer where you got them." said Dominic.

"Don't worry." said Jesse as he looked over the pad. "I'll be trying to cleanse my mind of this for...ah, shit."

"What's wrong?" asked Memphis.

"You were so high, you forgot to take the cap off the pen." said Jesse as he tossed the pad at him.

Elsewhere, Jesse Richmond and Chester were talking with Nash. "So, what did you want to talk about?" asked Chester.

"What the hell were you thinking back in Darwin?" yelled Nash. "Not only were you carrying an illegal substance, you also tricked a few innocent people into taking it! It's a good thing Joe noticed it, or we could've had four or five impared drivers on the road driving at high speeds! I'm very disappointed in your reckless and incredibly stupid maneuver! This is a warning to you both. If I find out that you tried this since now, I'm going to report you to the race officials and there's a pretty good chance you'll be disqualified. In fact, I'll report this to the race officials now unless you do one thing: hand me your keys."

Jesse nervously handed over the keys. "What are you going to do?" he asked.

"I'm going to search your car for more of this crap." said Nash as he went into the Stadt. He found a block of marajuana and took it out. "Is there any more of this?"

"No, that's it." said Chester.

Nash looked him in the eyes for a couple of seconds. "Alright, I believe you." he said. He then took the weed into the bathroom and flushed it. "Remember what I said!" he told them as he walked out.

"Um, Inspector Bridges?" said Jesse. "If it's okay, I'd like to fill you in on one of the threats that's being thrown at us."

"What's that?" asked Nash.

"There's these women, hot babes actually, who are trying to stop us from racing." said Chester.

"Yeah, they're aliens, they're very determined, and they are HOT!" said Jesse.

"Now this I gotta report." said Nash

Nash walked past the Simpsons and Tackleberry's team of protectors on his way back to the car.

"And then, the van started ramming us." said Lisa. "If it wasn't for Bart, it could have been disastrous."

"Sounds like the same black van that attacked the Angels." said Flash.

"That's what Lisa said." said Bart. "And she thinks it was the same one that attacked Professor Banzai."

"That's DOCTOR Banzai." said Lisa.

"So?" asked Bart.

"Tack, you had your gun on that van." said Hightower. "Did you get a good look at the driver?"

"No, the windows were tinted and it was dark inside." said Tackleberry. "I could tell it was a man, though. No woman drives that aggressively."

"Oh...um." said Marge.

"Nash, I think you'd better hear this." said Joe. He was standing with Jarod and Johnny Five.

"What's up?" asked Nash.

"Eariler, we were accosted by two of the thugs sent to stop us." said Jarod. "One of them said they were working for a guy named 'Dr. Feelgood'."

"Dr. Feelgood?" asked Nash. "Jimmy 'Dr. Feelgood' DeMarco?"

"Could be." said Jarod. "I'm not a criminalist today."

"Joe, Adrian, I think we might have a break here." said Nash. "I gotta make a call."

Nash took out his cel phone and called Mr. X. "Yo, X. You there?"

"Nice to hear from you, Nash." said Mr. X. "How's the race going?"

"Pretty good, pretty good." said Nash. "We've had some run-ins, but we're surviving. How are things on your end?"

"Very good." said Mr. X. "We just got a call from the Australian Prime Minister. He says that the problem with guns isn't the fault of the Cannonballers, but the villains.He thinks the racers should be able to protect themselves better. The weapons ban will be lifted next year."

"That's great." said Nash.

"And we'll be allowed to use the Australian highways again." said Mr. X.

"Great, so the next Jimmy DeMarco won't have such an easy time." said Nash.

"So, you found him out." said Mr. X.

"Did that, bubba." said Nash. "Hold on, there's more."

As Nash continued, he walked past the road train. Johnny B dropped from the center trailer and looked at him. "He's with the security forces?" he asked. "This could be a big thing."

Johnny ran for the nearest building, a nightclub, and ran inside to use the phone. As he was dialling, someone was performing for the nightclub's owner. The owner was Big Donnie and the performers were Joel and Fearless.

"Step by step!" they sang. "Ooh, baby! Gonna get to you, gir-ir-ir-irl!"

"Now, that's entertainment." said Big Donnie.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Well, we had a little extra drama this time around." said Schwag.

"However, we have also received the news that the weapons ban will be lifted next year." said Frankie. "We have also been told that the highways of Australia will be open for racing next year as well."

"I like the sound of that!" said Schwag. "It's going to be a long drive across the Pacific Ocean."

"I know, Schwag." said Frankie. "That's why there's going to be some island hopping."

"But in the meantime, we have music." said Schwag. "Once again, Lenny Kravitz!"

Lenny was on stage again, this time with Brad Turner and LL Cool J.

"Okay, guys." said Lenny. "Let's do this."

"This one's for my teammates in the race." said Brad.

"Hey, this one's for all the racers." said Cool J.

The musicians started to perform.

Fast lane.
High speed.
On the grind.
Twenty-four/seven.

No time.
Always running here and there.
Chasing the money.

So much jibber jabber's
Clogging up our soul.

Where are we runnin?
We need some time to clear our heads.
Where are we runnin?
Keep on working 'til we're dead.
Where are we runnin?
Oo wee oo wee oo.
Where are we runnin' now?

In style.
Profile.
Got to buy.
The new Cavalli.

Keep the skin tight
and the booty in the air.
Don't stop the party.

The road is paved but narrow.
I hope we all get home.

Where are we runnin?
We need some time to clear our heads.
Where are we runnin?
Keep on working 'til we're dead.
Where are we runnin?
Oo wee oo wee oo.
Where are we runnin' now?

Where you runnin' girl?
I see you up there.
Oh, you up on that stage.
You up there.
I saw you.

Where are we runnin?
We need some time to clear our heads.
Where are we runnin?
Keep on working 'til we're dead.
Where are we runnin?
Oo wee oo wee oo.
Where are we runnin' now?
Yeah! Yeah!

Where are we runnin?
We need some time to clear our heads.
Where are we runnin?
Keep on working 'til we're dead.
Where are we runnin?
Oo wee oo wee oo.
Where are we runnin' now?
Yeah, yeah, waouh!
Where are we runnin'

-"Where Are We Runnin'" by Lenny Kravitz

"Stick around, Cannonball fans!" called Schwag.

"We've got a trip through paradise." said Frankie.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Vice City, Tanner and Everett pulled up to a sidewalk cafe.

"He usually eats breakfast here." said Everett. "There he is."

"Alright." said Tanner. He got out of the Sentinel and walked over to the table where the man was sitting. "You Cam Jones?" he asked.

"Yeah, that's me." said the man.

"The name's Tanner. Capt. Tom Everett sends his regards."

"What's up?" asked Cam.

"I'm putting together a job and I need a safe man." said Tanner. "Are you up for it?"

"What kind of safe?" asked Cam.

"It's an Andre 3000." said Tanner.

"I can crack one of those in my sleep." said Cam.

"We need to go down to Miami." said Tanner. "Your take will be a third of what's inside."

"Say no more, I'm in." said Cam.