Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive

by BKelly95

Seven continents, fortytwo teams, two hundred and fifty million dollars in prize money, and one serious threat. This can only mean one thing: the Cannonball Run is back.

10. Safari, So Good

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive

Chapter Ten: Safari, So Good

The Fripon X crossed over into South Africa.

"Well, guys." said Malcolm. "Here we are in Africa, the birthplace of man."

"Which man?" asked Francis.

"What about woman?" asked Reese.

"Never mind." said Malcolm.

"Hey, Malcolm." said Reese. "Isn't Nigeria in Africa?"

"Yeah. Why?" said Malcolm.

"Well, I've been getting e-mails from the wife of this Nigerian general." said Reese. "She keeps asking for my bank account number so she can hide her husband's fortune in it to protect it from raiders. After that, she's going to give me a big reward for my help. However, mom won't let me give out my number over the internet, so I have to deliver it in person."

Malcolm thought about Reese's plan for a second, then looked away. "I'd say no, but somebody that stupid doesn't deserve life savings."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Hope the rest of you are dressing lightly." said Max Campisi. "It could get really hot out there."

"Hey, after the world's largest freezer, I'm okay with that." said Korpi as they walked through Cape Town.

The Voodoo pulled up alongside them and DeMarco got out. "Hey, guys." he said. "Welcome to Africa."

"Hey, DeMarco's here!" said Darden.

"Hey, Jimmy." said a few of the Hunters. The others just said "'Ey."

"So, Paul, still have that EDB thing?" asked DeMarco.

"Right here." said Paul.

"Good." said DeMarco. "Let me show you to your new vehicles."

He led them to a small garage a block away. "Here it is." he said. "Check it out."

He opened the door. Inside were a yellow Chevrolet Cavalier, a red Mitsubishi Mirage, a white Volkswagen Golf, and a Saturn SC1 with a paint job in purple with blue lightning.

Feliz laughed while everyone else stared in shock. "That's funny, DeMarco." he said. "Okay, you can give us our real vehicles now."

"These are your real vehicles." said DeMarco. "Since you kept destroying my good stuff, I decided to give you my leftovers."

"Of all the..." said Joe.

"Watch it, pal, or you're walking." said DeMarco. "Okay, the Cavalier is called the Cadrona, the Mirage is called Bravura, and the Golf is called the Club."

"Ha ha ha, that is very funny." deadpanned Johnny.

"You know I love puns." said DeMarco. "Lance, what was it you called the Saturn?"

"We called it the Uranus." said Lance. "But we didn't intend to bring it with us."

"I bet you also didn't intend to wreck everything else you had." said DeMarco.

"Don't worry." said Korpi. "We'll try to get the Cannonballers out of your hair this time."

"Hey, we'd do it out of pride." said Darden.

"You'd better." said DeMarco. "Now go."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kentucky, Wario and his team watched the race coverage on television.

"Welcome back, Cannonball fans!" said Schwag. "We're now returning to our coverage of the Cannonball Run. Big Schwag here with Frankie Whiteside."

"And coming up, we've got a musical performance from Better Than Ezra with Brad Turner." said Frankie.

Schwag and Frankie discussed some of the coverage that would be coming up.

"You know, this was a very good idea." said Waluigi. "It's very interesting to watch what's going on from the comfort of home."

"And the best part is we don't have to do any work." said Bowser.

"But right now, we have an in-car interview with Wario of Team Warioware." said Schwag.

"Uh oh." said Waluigi.

"I'm on it." said Wario. He jumped up and ran out to the car.

"Uh, we seem to be having trouble establishing a connection." said Frankie. A few seconds later, the screen behind him came to life and showed Wario driving like a madman in the Saikou XS.

"Hello." he said.

"Hello, Wario." said Schwag. "How's the race going for you?"

"Very well. Very well." said Wario as he made a turn. "I'm running through Africa right now."

"Really?" asked Frankie. "It's rather bright in your area and it's supposed to be dusk in South Africa at the moment."

"The problem must be on your end." said Wario as he made another turn. "You had problems connecting, right?"

"Uh, yes we did." said Schwag. "So, have you had any encounters with the police?"

"No more than usual." said Wario as he made another turn. A loud screech was heard.

"Hey, watch it, pal!" yelled a man with a southern accent.

"What was that?" asked Frankie.

"Oh, one of the locals almost hit me." said Wario.

"Sounded like a Tennessee boy to me." said Schwag.

"Kentucky, actually." said Wario as he made another turn. "Uh, he must be on vacation or something."

"Uh, you just made four left turns." said Frankie.

"I did?" asked Wario.

"You do realize four left turns is a complete circle, right?" asked Schwag.

"What? Oh!" said Wario. "That's the last time I try to navigate myself."

"Okay, you seem to have a lot on your plate." said Frankie. "We'll let you get back to racing."

The screen switched off.

"Pretty soon, we'll have some more action to be shown." said Schwag.

"So, tell us, Phil." said Frankie. "What do we have to look forward to?"

The camera cut to Phil Keoghan. "Well, Frankie, we've got Dr. Bunsen Honeydew coming up to explain the possible routes through the continent." he said. "We've also got a man who will be explaining the various wildlife forms the racers might encounter."

The camera cut back to Schwag and Frankie. "Thank you, Phil." said Schwag. "Right now, we've got that musical performance."

"So, ladies and gentlemen, Better Than Ezra with Brad Turner." said Frankie.

Kevin started in on his guitar with Tom following on his bass shortly afterward. Travis and Brad came in on drums and keyboard soon after that and they were off.

So you think you'll take another piece of me.
To satisfy your intellectual need.
Do you want, do you want,
action, action, action, action?
Gonna bring you down 'cause you've been pushing me.
You've got to recognize my superiority.

Liar, liar, liar, liar.
You know you believed it.
Higher, higher, higher, higher.
'Cause I'm the main man.

And that's why,
Everybody wants a piece of the action.
Everybody needs a main attraction.
I've got what everybody needs.
Satisfaction guarantees,
that everybody wants a piece of the action.

Oh, I was suicidal 'cause you was my idol.
Baby, baby, baby, bring it to your knees.
Oh, there was a time I would have walked the line.
But you bled me dry with your insatiable greed.

Liar, liar, liar, liar.
You know you believed it.
Higher, higher, higher, higher.
'Cause I'm the main man.

And that's why,
Everybody wants a piece of the action.
Everybody needs a main attraction.
I've got what everybody needs.
Satisfaction guarantees,
that everybody wants a piece of the action.

Do you want, do you want action?

Everybody wants, everybody needs.
Everybody wants, everybody needs.

Everybody wants a piece of the action.
Everybody needs a main attraction.
I've got what everybody needs.
Satisfaction guarantees,
that everybody wants a piece of the action.

-"Action" by Sweet.

Phil walked in front of the band as they wrapped up their performance. "Thank you, guys." he said. "Pretty soon, we'll have those experts up to talk. Be sure to join us."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Miami, DeMarco's mansion was completely swamped with police officers. Tanner and Everett watched from a distance.

"How are we going to get the Love Fist out of there?" asked Tanner. "We're going to need it if we're going to pull off this plan."

"Maybe we need to get something else." said Everett. "Do we need the Love Fist for anything more than transportation?"

"No, we don't." said Tanner. "We just need to get there."

"So, let's find a different vehicle." said Everett.

"I know just the one." said Tanner.

Minutes later, they were cruising down a Florida highway in the Mr. Whoopie. Everett drove while Tanner hung out the door.

"So, where are we going for this plan?" asked Everett.

"Station U62." said Tanner. "There's something there that will give us a huge advantage in capturing a Cannonballer."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Zender Alpha parked at a convenience store in Swaziland. The Vortex 5 was already there parked next to a white Range Rover.

"Looks like Jarod got ahead of us." said Lara as she climbed out.

"Let's see how he's doing." said Joanna.

They entered the store and found Jarod and Johnny 5 engaged in conversation with someone.

"As much as I'd like to help you," said Jarod "I'm afraid I can't pick up skills that fast. I think there's another entrant in the Cannonball who might be able to help you, though."

"Just who might that be, Jarod?" asked Cate.

Jarod looked to them and said "Oh, she's here now. Lara, I've got someone who needs a hand."

A large red demon with horns filed down to stumps walked over. "Well, if it isn't the one and only Lara Croft." he said.

"Hellboy." muttered Chun Li.

"Who said that?" asked another woman who walked over.

"Ladies, I'd like you to meet Liz Sherman." said Hellboy. "She'll be helping us out in our mission."

"What mission is that?" asked Joanna.

"Somewhere in the middle of the continent is an artifact." said Liz. "This artifact is called the Falchion. It's a golden sword which, according to legend, allowed whoever wielded it to never be defeated in battle."

"Some really bad guys are after it and it would be really advantageous if we got to it first." said Hellboy.

"And you need an expert tomb raider." said Lara. "Sounds like a worthy diversion."

"Does that mean you accept the offer?" asked Liz.

"Indeed." said Lara. "What do you say, ladies?"

"I'm in." said Joanna.

"So am I." said Chun Li.

"It's unanimous." said Cate.

"Wonderful." said Lara. "And Jarod?"

"My answer is still no." said Jarod. "I'd like to have been able to help you, but I've got a race to run."

"Then, I won't hold you up." said Hellboy. "Good luck."

"Good luck to you too." said Jarod. He turned to leave, then walked back in. "I forgot what I came for." he said.

After Lara and her teammates got what they had come for, they returned to the car with Hellboy and Liz.

"So, where's your vehicle?" asked Chun Li.

"It's over here." said Liz as she pointed to the Range Rover. "We call it the Huntley."

"Oh, and there's one more member of the team to introduce. Abe?" said Hellboy.

A creature that looked like a cross between a human and a fish was sitting in the back seat. He lowered the map he was looking at and faced Lara. "Oh, you must be the illustrious Lara Croft. Abe Sapien. Nice to meet you." he said.

"Pleasure is mine." said Lara as she shook his hand. She looked at it slightly disgusted afterward.

"We are going to make a great team." said Abe.

XXXXXXXXXX

At a gas station outside of Johannesburg, an African tribesman walked in.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for transportation to Cairo." he said.

"I wish I had someone to take you, but the backroads are near impassable." said the attendant.

"Not for me, I know all of the backroads like my own family." said the tribesman.

"Nonetheless, I'm afraid I still have no one to take you." said the attendant.

"Thank you anyway." said the tribesman.

Just then, Memphis, Dominic, and Jesse came in. Memphis and Jesse were singing that "Sun City" song Stevie Van Zandt wrote to protest the Apartheid-supported hotel. The tribesman joined in.

Dominic went right to the attendant. "I need a map of the continent." he said. "Preferably, one that goes all the way to the north."

"I'm afraid I sold my last one." said the attendant.

"But we need one to get to the north." said Dominic.

"Where north?" asked the attendant.

"Morocco, Tunisia, Egypt, I don't care." said Dominic.

"Well, the guy who's singing with your friends," said the attendant "he says he knows this land very well and he needs to get to Cairo. If you can somehow convince him, he is sure to help you out."

"Really?" asked Dominic.

He walked over to the three singers.

"Hey, Dom." said Memphis. "Want to join in?"

"Maybe in the car." said Dominic.

"What do you mean?" asked Jesse.

"Buddy." said Dominic to the tribesman. "The three of us are taking part in a race across the continent. We have no means to navigate our way, but we understand you know it like the back of your hand. We also understand you have a need to get to Cairo, but no means to get there. What I propose is that you come with us and navigate while we drive to Cairo." He then made a fist and said "Me from America," then made another fist and said "and you from Africa," then knocked the fists together and said "power."

A minute later, the team was back on the road. The tribesman was strapped into the front passenger seat while Dominic drove.

"Gotta say I!" sang Jesse.

"I!" sang Memphis, Dominic, and the tribesman.

"I!" sang Jesse.

"I!" sang the others.

"I!" sang Jesse.

"I!" sang the others.

"Ain't gonna play Sun City!" sang Jesse.

XXXXXXXXXX

Larry was behind the wheel of the Ascent as he drove through Namibia.

"Well, except for that guy pulling us over, things are looking up." said Richard.

"Even Bernie is happy." said Larry.

Suddenly, the police scanner went off. "Attention all units, we have reports of several high-performance cars racing on the highway."

Larry grabbed the radio and said "Shit, we got cops! Hide!"

"Next exit." said Richard. "I can see they're all getting off there."

"Got it." said Larry.

Larry pulled off at the next exit. At the top of the off-ramp, he found the PT Phoenix, Schneller V8, Modo Prego, and Lusso XT parked at the side of the road.

"What the hell?" asked Larry.

"That's not a very good hiding place." said Richard.

Larry pulled alongside the group and yelled "What are you doing?"

"We're hiding from the cops." said Corvax.

"Guys, if he comes up the ramp, he'll see you!" said Richard.

"I told you." said Rob.

"Yeah, we gotta find a better place to hide." said J.

"Alright, let's split up." said Winston.

"I guess we'll meet up in...Cameroon?" said Larry.

"Sounds fine to me." said Stone Cold.

XXXXXXXXXX

Homer was behind the wheel of the Citi Turbo as his family drove through Angola.

"Homer, aren't you tired?" asked Marge.

"No..." said Homer who then added "...is what I'd like to say if I didn't have this nagging urge to close my eyes and nod off."

"We've been on the road for a long time." said Lisa. "Maybe it is time to pull over and rest."

"I second that." said Bart. "Plus, I think Maggie needs changing."

"D'oh!" said Homer.

"Hey, there's another team." said Marge.

"It's those meddling kids...and that mangy dog." said Bart.

The Citi Turbo pulled up next to the ice cream truck.

"What's taking so long?" asked Velma. "This was supposed to be just a comfort stop."

"Shaggy, I still can't believe you're scared to get back into the truck." said Daphne.

"Sorry, Daphne." said Shaggy. "Scoobs and I are having flashbacks to last year."

"Ruh huh. Ruh huh." said Scooby Doo.

"Hey, look who's here." said Freddie.

"Y'ello." said Homer.

"Is this a place for a rest?" asked Marge.

"Might as well be." said Velma. "Comfort stop got extended."

"Hey, we haven't talked since the roadhouse in Australia." said Freddie. "Maybe we should compare notes while we rest."

"Sounds like a plan." said Bart.

XXXXXXXXXX

Mario drove along the highway in Zambia.

"So, where's the turn off?" asked Luigi.

"It should be coming up soon." said Mario. "Ah, there it is."

Mario turned onto the northbound highway and raced into the night. Unfortunately, he was unaware that he had turned into the oncoming side of the divided highway.

Further down the highway, Sonic was behind the wheel of the RSMC 15.

"Nice night, huh?" he said.

"Yeah, just try not to rear-end anyone." said Knuckles.

Tails looked over to the other lane and saw the Saikou coming up fast. "Sonic, it's those Nintendo guys." he said.

"Yeah, and they're on the wrong side." said Sonic. He rolled down the window and honked the horn. "Mario!" he yelled.

"Hey, it's-a that hedgehog." said Mario.

"He appears to be trying to get our attention." said Link.

"Hey, paisan!" said Luigi.

"Guys, you're on the wrong side of the road!" yelled Sonic.

"Listen to this guy." said Mario. "He's going insane."

Link waved to Sonic and laughed.

"I'm serious, guys!" yelled Sonic. "You're on the wrong side!"

Mario circled his ear with his finger. Luigi looked at Sonic, then glanced down. He froze when he saw the guardrail between them and Sonic.

"Mario, I think he's right." said Luigi.

"What?" asked Mario.

Suddenly, headlights shone on Mario's face. He looked up to see a pair of tractor-trailers coming towards them side-by-side. Link and the two brothers screamed.

"I can't look!" said Tails. He turned away as Sonic and Knuckles practically turned white.

Mario maneuvered the Saikou between the two trucks. He barely made it.

Luigi screamed, then imagined himself turning into a skeleton.

Link screamed as well, then imagined himself turning into a skeleton.

Luigi looked over at Mario, then imagined him turning into the devil and laughing.

Then, they came out from between the trucks safe and sound. Mario, Luigi, Link, Sonic, and Knuckles let out a collective sigh of relief.

"You can look now, Tails." said Sonic. "They made it."

"I think we should go back to the other side now." said Mario.

XXXXXXXXXX

"This is a good night for a race." said Ethan.

"I'll say." said Snake. "Full moon's out, local wildlife is about, Hunters are on our tail."

"Persistant, aren't they?" asked Ethan as he threw the Monstruo into the next gear.

The Cadrona and Uranus were right behind him.

"Boy, these Cannonballers think they're so special." said Korpi.

"Surely, they know we're going to take them down sooner or later." said Darden.

"What do you think?" asked Johnny.

"I think it's party time." said Lance.

"How should we do this?" asked Ethan.

"If past history is any indication, anything should work." said Snake. "I was thinking we could use this flare gun this time."

"Sounds good to me." said Ethan.

Korpi activated the nitrous system in the Cadrona. They caught up with the Monstruo quickly.

"Here he comes." said Ethan as Snake loaded a flare into the gun.

"Supper time." said Snake as he pointed the flare gun out the driver's side window.

Just as he was about to pull the trigger, Ethan hit a bump and Snake fired the flare out of his window. It hit the road ahead of them and Ethan drove through the smoke.

"Sorry, that was my fault." said Ethan.

"Don't worry, I've got another." said Snake as he loaded another flare into the gun.

The Cadrona pulled alongside them again. Snake aimed the flare gun at them and fired. The flare shot right into the car's passenger compartment.

"Oh, now that's playing dirty!" said Korpi as the car filled with smoke.

"I think my pants are on fire!" said Darden.

"Why does that sound familiar?" asked Korpi.

"Alright, it's a pickup line I use!" said Darden as he started slapping his pants to put out the fire.

Korpi failed to notice a bend in the road and drove right off. The Cadrona hit the ground nose-first and flipped forward onto its roof. The Uranus was right behind him and ended up driving right onto its undercarriage.

As Johnny and Lance climbed out of the Uranus, Darden and Korpi slid out of the overturned Cadrona underneath it.

"Nice one." said Johnny. "You just wrecked our cars in the most suggestive manner possible."

"Shut it." groaned Korpi.

The Emu drove by while this was happening. Crow was driving while Gypsy, Tom, and Mike stared at the suggestively placed cars in surprise.

"Mike, what are those cars doing?" asked Tom.

"They're telling secrets, dear." said Mike as he patted Tom's head.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Come on, Dale!" yelled Hank as he drove through Botswana. "We're almost out of gas!"

"The next town is just over there, Hank." said Dale as he pointed straight ahead.

"Dad, there's a river in our way!" said Bobby.

"There's no way around it!" said Dale. "You're going to have to drive alongside the river until we come upon another town. Otherwise, you're going to have to drive through the river."

"We might not make it to the next town." said Hank. "Brace yourselves and prepare to get out and swim if necessary."

He drove the Jones J450 into the river and tore through the water. Some of the water splashed into the bed, waking up Bill and Boomhauer.

"Dad?" asked Bobby.

"We're going to make this!" said Hank.

The Jones J450 lurched up onto the opposite site of the river and pulled into a nearby gas station. The Cocotte and Stadt were waiting for them.

"Hey, guys." said Hank. "Anyone else ahead of us?"

"A few cars." said Jesse. "We were in a kind of group, but got left behind because we got the gas station too busy."

"Hear that, Boomhauer?" asked Hank. "You don't have too much catching up to do."

"Thanks for the info." said Bobby.

"By the way, that was quite an entrance." said Leonardo. "The rest of us drove across the bridge."

Hank turned around and saw a bridge a little bit up the river from where they crossed. He then glared at Dale.

XXXXXXXXXX

"And that pretty much covers what happened in Antarctica." said Bart.

"Our journey hasn't been too much less exciting." said Daphne.

"Hey, before we get back on the road, does anyone have a campfire thing? Like a story?" asked Lisa.

"Maybe something from our case history." said Freddie.

"I have one." said Velma. "Gather around and I'll tell you the story of the ghost with the metal claw."

"Ooh, that's a good one." said Shaggy.

"Reah! Rood one!" said Scooby Doo.

Down the road, the Amata Crescendo drove along.

"We've got a lot of great ideas, Hsu." said Chan. "I think we can start putting it all together."

"I'm not so sure." said Sushi X. "I mean this all sounds good to you two, but what about the players? What will they think?"

"I wish it were easier to ask." said Hsu as he drove. "We're in the middle of the Angolan grassland. The closest city is miles away. The only towns and villages around are tribal villages without electricity."

"Hey, there's a campsite set up." said Chan as he spotted the Citi Turbo and ice cream truck.

"It's those teenagers with the dog and that suburban family." said Sushi X. "Those appear to be your target audience."

"Let's ask them." said Hsu.

As Hsu pulled up to the campsite, Velma was finishing up her scary story.

"And then we checked the mineshaft, but the body was nowhere to be found." she said. "So, if you go out at night, beware of the madman with the metal claw hand."

Hsu walked into the campsite and waved his metal claw hand. "Hi, video gamers." he said.

The Simpsons and Mystery Inc. teams screamed and ran in terror.

Hsu looked around in confusion and said "What did I do?"

XXXXXXXXXX

The Vortex 5 crossed into Zambia. Jarod had his nose in a book.

"What are you reading?" asked Johnny 5.

"It's a book on archaeology." said Jarod. "I'm thinking we just might be called upon to search for this Falchion after all. I just want to be prepared."

Suddenly, the car was pulled off the road by something. Johnny 5 managed to stop it from going into a ravine.

"What was that?" asked Jarod.

"I think it was a powerful magnet." said Johnny 5. "I say that because I can't quite remember my name at the moment."

The passenger side door opened and Jarod was pulled out of the car. His assailant was wearing a Nazi uniform and a black mask. He held Jarod against the side of the car, pulled back his arm, and extended a blade from it.

"Easy, Kroenen."

Jarod looked at the voice. "Yuri." he spat.

"I see you've not joined in the search for the Falchion." said Yuri. "Perhaps you can join us and put your skills to good use."

"If I didn't decide to help Hellboy, why the hell would I help you?" asked Jarod.

Kroenen turned to him upon hearing the name Hellboy.

"So my friend Kroenen's old adversary Hellboy is in the hunt as well." said Yuri. "It appears we have a race of our own right now."

"Why are you two working together?" asked Jarod. "His Nazi doctrines directly conflict with your Communist doctrines."

"A small difference I'm willing to overlook." said Yuri. "I've decided to seek out the Falchion as part of my quest to conquer the Cannonballers. Are you willing to assist me to that end?"

"Does the phrase 'Go suck a lemon' mean anything to you?" asked Jarod.

"Then you must die. Release him." said Yuri.

Kroenen released him and stepped back. Yuri then levitated Jarod and Johnny 5 until they were over the ravine. He then dropped them in.

"Perhaps this will be a good day after all." said Yuri.

He and Kroenen walked over to one of his Magnetron tanks and drove off.

In the ravine, Johnny 5 held onto the rock wall while Jarod held onto his treads.

"Sorry, Johnny." said Jarod. "I think this might be the end."

"Well, if you've gotta go, don't squeeze the Charmin." said Johnny 5.

"Hey, guys."

Jarod and Johnny 5 looked up to see Dylan looking down at them.

"What are you guys doing in such a terrible position?" she asked.

"It's a complicated story." said Jarod. "Get me out of here or you don't get to hear it."

"Any ideas?" asked Natalie.

"I think it's human ladder time." said Dylan.

"Uh, there's a cable or something in the car." said Wayne. "Can't we use that?"

"Get it out." said Alex.

"Lower me down." said Dylan as she lowered hereself over the side. Natalie and Alex grabbed her arms and lowered her until she reached Jarod.

Jarod grabbed onto her legs. Natalie and Alex pulled them up.

"Now, we have to get Johnny." said Jarod.

"We got him." said Garth. He and Wayne lowered a tow cable to him. He grabbed onto it and tried to pull himself up.

"Everybody grab the cable." said Alex. The Angels joined Wayne and Garth, then Jarod grabbed on as well.

After a minute of pulling, Johnny 5 managed to pull himself out of the ravine.

"Johnny 5 is alive!" he cheered.

"Now, what happened?" asked Natalie.

"Yuri did this." said Johnny 5.

"Whoa!" said Garth. "You mean that psychic psycho?"

"That's the one." said Jarod. "He did this because he's seeking an ancient sword called the Falchion and he wanted me to help. I calmly told him I wouldn't be seeking it out...but I am now."

"You're going to try to keep it out of his hands." said Dylan.

"Exactly." said Jarod. "He may have tried to eliminate us, but now he's going to have to face Jarod Ford, professional archaeologist."

"Hey, how about if he were to face the three hottest detectives in Los Angeles as well?" asked Alex.

"Ex-squeeze me?" said Wayne. "I baking powder?"

"We're joining the treasure hunt." said Dylan.

Wayne and Garth turned to each other and said "Excellent!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere near Lake Tanganyika, the Ghostbusters found Stone Cold and Rob applying black electrical tape to the PT Phoenix.

Peter pulled up to them and asked "What are you guys doing?"

"Well, the police are looking for a green Firebird with white stripes." said Stone Cold. "But they're not looking for a black Firebird with white stripes. Luckily, I remembered the electrical tape and we're disguising the car."

"You know, that's actually not a bad idea." said Louis.

"There's just one problem." said Rob. "We've only got enough tape to do one side, the roof, and hood."

"Wait, you're going to try to sneak past the cops with the car only half-obscured?" asked Winston.

"We don't have much of a choice." said Stone Cold.

"That's the last of it." said Rob.

"Okay, let's go." said Stone Cold.

The two cars took off running and split up stortly afterward. The PT Phoenix passed a police car a few minutes later. Unfortunately, the disguise didn't work and the car gave chase.

"Dammit!" yelled Stone Cold.

Nemesis growled.

They pulled over and climbed out. The police officer did the same.

The officer looked over the car. Just as Stone Cold was about to give him an explanation, the officer burst out laughing and returned to his car.

"Was that the effect you were going for?" asked Rob.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Knight pulled into a diner somewhere. Michael, B.A, and Murdock climbed out and entered the diner.

"You're here pretty late." said the chef.

"Road trip." said Michael. "Three turkey sandwiches to go, please."

At the end of the counter, a man sat looking freaked out.

"Hey, man. What's wrong?" said B.A.

"You won't believe what happened to me." said the man.

"Maybe we will. Tell us." said Murdock.

"Okay." said the man. "I was lost in the wilderness and I had to hitch a ride. As I'm walking along, this car comes along and stops. I get in, and then I look over at the driver, but there's no one there."

"KITT?" asked Michael into his watch.

"It wasn't me, Michael." said KITT.

"So, then we're rumbling along." said the man. "And get this, the engine is making absolutely no sound. And we're still rolling along and we reach the diner. That's when I bolt from the car and run inside. I tried telling the people about my encounter, but no one believes me. Do you believe me?"

"Well, that's a pretty tall tale." said Michael.

"I belive you." said Murdock. "In fact, that same thing happened to me."

"This guy's really on the jazz." said B.A.

Just then, two men walked in.

"Two dinners, please." said one. "We're going to be here a while. Our car broke down and they're fixing it over at the shop."

The other looked into the diner, saw the storyteller, and said "Hey, that's the guy who jumped into the car while we were pushing it."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Uranus and Club were parked behind a rock next to the road.

"You guys sure you're alright?" asked Paul.

"Yeah, the Cadrona got the worst of it." said Lance. "I think that's out of the game, though."

"Are Joe and Max ready?" asked Johnny.

"Let me check." said Feliz. He picked up the radio and said "Joe, Max, are you there?"

"Yeah, we're here." said Joe. "You're not going to belive the ingenius trap we've set up."

"Go ahead." said Paul.

"We've painted a fake tunnel entrance onto the cliff wall in the clearing we're looking at." said Max. "Chase the Cannonballers towards it and they won't notice it until it's too late."

"Sounds brilliant." said Johnny.

"Someone's coming." said Paul.

The Super Taxi and Crusero Magnifico raced down the road.

"I don't see why I have to be the lookout." said Daffy as he stood through the sunroof.

"Because you lost the toss of the coin." said Bugs. "I'm surprised Wile E. called it first."

"Remember to stay extra vigilant." said Kuni. "The enemies of the Cannonball are waiting for us to lower our guard."

"They can't stop us." said Stanley. "We've got...HIM."

"Whoa, let's not overuse HIM." said George. "We might need HIM for a future mission and HIM will be all used up."

The two cars tore past the Uranus and Club. Those two cars then took pursuit.

"Uh oh, trouble behind us." said Daffy.

"Floor it, Wile E!" said Bugs.

Wile E. and George floored their accelerators.

"Guys, you've got a couple of pigeons heading your way." said Lance.

"We're waiting." said Joe.

The Super Taxi and Crusero came to a fork in the road and split up.

"Uh oh, one of them's not going your way." said Paul.

"Bird in the hand." said Max.

The Uranus chased the Super Taxi while the Club kept on the Crusero.

"I don't think you're going to need that." said Feliz as he looked at the EDB. "This is a dead end and we're on the only way out."

In the Super Taxi, Stanley had opened the fuse box and was now trying to work the fuse for the taillights out.

"What are you doing?" asked Kuni.

"Those guys are following us by our taillights." said Stanley. "If we lose those, they might lose us."

Meanwhile, the Crusero thundered down the road towards the clearing. The Club turned and cut off the escape route.

"Here they come." said Max.

"Nice one, Bugs." said Daffy. "We're heading right towards a rock face."

"Don't worry." said Bugs. "There's a tunnel right there."

"It worked, they're heading right for the tunnel." said Joe.

The Crusero raced right towards the painted on tunnel...and entered it.

Joe and Max were shocked to say the least. "What was that?" asked Max.

"I don't know, but we're going after them." said Joe.

He started the Bravura and drove after them. He raced towards the tunnel...and plowed right into the rock face.

"Care to explain this, Einstein?" asked Max as he pulled his face from the deflating airbag.

"Shut it." said Joe.

Meanwhile...

"The road's starting to get a little windier." said Lance.

"I'm still on him." said Johnny.

George swerved through the turns while singing. "George...George...George of the Jungle. Strong as he can be."

As George was belting out the Tarzan-like yell, Johnny missed a turn and crashed into a tree.

"Watch out for that tree." sang George. The Uranus backed up and continued after him.

XXXXXXXXXX

As morning broke, DeMarco drove to a small store where the Torrida was parked. "Well, what have we here?" he asked.

He pulled in alongside it and climbed out of the Voodoo. "Time to show those losers how it's done." he said.

He took a time bomb out of the Voodoo and walked over to the Torrida. He bent down and activated the bomb, then looked up to see an African man looking at him.

"What are you looking at?" he asked. "I'm doing important work here. This is too complicated for you."

He planted the bomb on the undercarriage of the Torrida. He stood up and looked to the man. "It's a bomb." he explained. "You know, a thing that goes 'Boom!'"

Just then, Buffy, Willow, and Xander walked out of the store.

"So, then he goes..." said Buffy. "Hey, who are you?"

"Ah, Americans." said DeMarco. "And here I thought I was the only one."

"I think there's an ant crawling up my leg." said Xander as he sat on the hood of the car and pulled up his jean leg.

"So, what's your name?" asked Buffy.

"Ah, my name is..." said DeMarco as he looked around for a psuedonym. His eyes fell on Xander scratching himself. "Pants. Joey Pants."

"That's kind of unusual." said Buffy.

"So, what's your name?" asked DeMarco.

Buffy suddenly realized she was one to talk. "Never mind." she said.

"Well, I got stuff to deal with. Adios." said DeMarco as he returned to the Voodoo. He got in and drove off.

"Bye!" yelled Willow.

"Catch us on T.V." said Buffy.

"I swear there's an entire colony in there." said Xander as he continued scratching.

"Careful, I heard that African driver ants can eat people." said Willow.

"Well, that's great." said Xander. "If we throw a picnic, we shouldn't worry about the ants eating the food. We should worry about them eating us."

The man ran over to them and started babbling in the local language.

"What's he saying?" asked Buffy.

Willow held out her hands to him and said "Silliw tuob niklat uoy tahw." A bubble floated from her hands and formed a shield between them.

"That man planted something on your car!" yelled the man.

"Cool, you broke the language barrier." said Buffy.

"He planted it on the undercarriage!" said the man. "I'm not entirely certain, but I think it was a bomb!"

"I got it." said Xander. He reached under the car and pulled the bomb off. "Guess that guy wasn't as nice as...uh oh, there's only thirty seconds left!"

"Throw it in that truck! Throw it in that truck!" yelled Willow as she pointed to a burned out and stripped cargo truck.

Xander ran over to the truck while Buffy and Willow hid behind the Torrida. Xander threw the bomb into the open window and ran back to the car.

"And to think I didn't make the basketball team!" he said. As he was sliding across the hood, a small fireball popped out of the truck. It was completely undamaged.

"That was it?" asked Willow.

"We could've left it in the car for that." said Buffy.

Suddenly, the truck was torn apart by a massive explosion. The impact knocked everyone onto their backs.

Willow turned to Buffy as a flaming tire rolled past them and said "Check me for shrapnel."

XXXXXXXXXX

"There he is." said Kim as Lone Wolf approached.

"He's cute." said Mitzi.

"I hope you don't get too attached, because we have to take him out." said Nichole.

"Right." said Mitzi.

The girls went into action. They walked out in front of Lone Wolf and struck a pose. Lone Wolf stopped as soon as he saw them.

"Let me guess." he said as he dismounted. "You must be those mysterious girls that are attacking the Cannonballers."

"You guessed correctly." said Linda.

"Look, I'm not exactly in the mood to fight." said Lone Wolf. "Let's just get this over with."

Mitzi and her girls surrounded him while taking defensive positions. Lone Wolf took a step towards Mia and fell through a board on the ground.

"What just happened?" asked Mia.

"Oh, I know what happened." said Kim. "On this planet, they sometimes store water in holes in the ground. They call it a 'well'."

"I've heard of these." said Linda. "Sometimes, the water runs out and they have to abandon the well."

"Uh, girls?" said Lone Wolf. "Not staying down here for my health."

"What do we do about him?" asked Nichole.

"Remember our little gift?" asked Mitzi. "Let's give it to him."

"Good idea." said Mia.

"Unless your gift is a ladder, I don't want it." said Lone Wolf.

The girls started to roll over a giant beer keg. "Come on, just get it to the hole." said Mizi.

They parked the keg next to the well. Then, Kim opened it and started to pour in the beer.

"This does not bode well." said Lone Wolf.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Congo...

"We're almost at the temple you specified." said Lara over her radio. "Is this the only lead on the quest?"

"There was another." said Hellboy over the radio from Uganda. "However, we discovered that it had already been found and this was the other option."

"There are two keys." said Abe. "Three, actually. But the first two are required to access the third. The other one is here in Uganda. It will save us time if we go after them both at once."

"I have a question." said Joanna. "If the original lead was already discovered, how do you know the Falchion itself wasn't already discovered?"

"If someone gets that, they will use its powers." said Liz. "Since we haven't heard of an unstoppable army running roughshod over the world, we can safely assume nobody has found it."

"That's a good point." said Lara. "We'll call you as soon as we find something."

"Got it. Over and out." said Hellboy.

Lara hung up the radio and parked the car. "Okay, this is the place." she said.

She and her teammates climbed out of the car.

"So, what's the deal?" asked Chun Li.

"In order to get the key, we have to work a puzzle of some kind." said Lara. "Unfortunately, this culture's language is a little beyond my expertise, but another racer is quite familiar with it."

"Who's that?" asked Joanna.

Just then, the Crown Mail pulled up and Artemis and his team climbed out.

"Good day, ladies." he said.

"Nice to see you, Master Fowl." said Lara. "I believe you mentioned something about being able to translate these writings?"

"Yes, I took part in this caper some time ago." said Artemis. "I managed to make off with a trinket from another of this people's temples. I probably would have set off the booby traps had I not figured out the translations."

"Looks like you're repeating your experience." said Cate.

"So, where are these writings?" asked Artemis.

"Right this way." said Lara.

Lara and Artemis led their teams into the temple. They looked at the artwork and statues lining the entrance.

"I think I took out this guy's spleen." said J.D. as he looked at a statue.

"There it is." said Lara. A stone ring was on a pedestal on a stage. Three wheels with markings were mounted to the pedestal. Similar markings were on a stone tablet at the front of a platform the pedestal was on.

"From that angle, there's no way you can read the tablet while using the wheels." said Joanna.

"That's true." said Artemis. "I'll have to read it to her while she uses the wheels."

"Then, let's get cracking." said Lara. She jumped up onto the platform and walked over to the pedestal.

Artemis walked over to the tablet and read. "There appears to be one correct combination of the symbols on the wheels." he said. "If you choose the wrong one, the entrance will collapse."

"Prepare to dig, I guess." said Butler.

"Actually, I think I may be able to winch us out of here through that hole in the ceiling." said Cate.

"Can your grappler handle all our weight?" asked Joanna.

"I've always wanted to find out." said Cate.

"I've figured out the first symbol." said Artemis.

"Go ahead." said Lara.

"It's the one that looks like a lion standing on its back legs." said Artemis.

Lara turned the first wheel until the lion was displayed. "Next?" she asked.

"It looks like a diamond with a hollow center." said Artemis.

Lara turned the second wheel until the diamond was displayed. "And the last one?" she asked.

"It appears to be a pair of chevrons." said Artemis.

Lara turned the third wheel until the chevrons were displayed. "Let's hope this works." she said. She grabbed the stone ring and prepared to remove it from the pedestal.

Her teammates moved out of the entrance.

Lara took a deep breath, then lifted the stone ring out of the pedestal. The entrance did not need a new ceiling. Lara let out her breath.

"Nice work." she said to Artemis.

"Thank you." said Artemis. "Now, if you don't mind, we have a race to..."

"Someone's here. There's cars parked."

Joanna let out one of her Camspys. A second later, she said "It's a group of Yuri's soldiers."

"Doesn't this guy ever give up?" asked Chun Li.

"Hide." said Butler. Everybody took cover behind something. Artemis hid under the platform while Lara hid behind the pedestal.

Four Initiates walked into the entrance. "We're too late. The key is gone." said one.

"Those two cars were still there." said another. "They must still be here."

"Where?" asked a third.

Lara looked through a hole in the platform to see Artemis looking up at her.

"Turn a wheel." he whispered.

"But that will seal us in here." she whispered back.

"We can get out." said Artemis.

Lara reached up and turned one of the wheels. A loud rumble was heard, then the entrance needed a new ceiling. The Initiates took cover as the rock fell all around them.

"Good thinking." said Lara. "But how do we get out of here?"

"I did the math." said Artemis. "I believe that Cate's grappler will be able to hold two people if each is your approximate weight. Of course, the stone ring will have some weight as well, so you might want to give it to J.D."

"That sounds like it could work." said Cate.

"Cate and I will go first to see if the grappler will hold us." said Chun Li.

"They're starting to escape." said one of the Initiates.

"Then, we'll just have to follow them." said another. "Start digging. We'll be out of here in no time." He picked up a large rock, but it was too heavy and he dropped it after moving it an inch. "Give or take a week."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kinshasa, the Veloci raced along with Max behind the wheel.

"So, how does that 'Africa' song by Toto go again?" asked Max.

"Don't ask." said Tommy.

"Why?" asked Max.

"I said don't ask!" said Tommy.

"What do you think this thing does?" asked Max as he looked at the device they had gotten from the Predator.

"I don't know." said Tommy. "I just hope it doesn't vaporize us."

Max turned on the device. He suddenly disappeared.

"Max? Where are you?" said Tommy.

Max turned off the device. "Right here." he said. "What just happened?"

"You disappeared." said Tommy. "That must be some kind of cloaking device."

Max then looked in the rearview and saw the lights of a police car. "Oh, great!" he said.

"Just pull over." said Tommy. "No sense getting into trouble over it."

Max pulled over with the police car right behind him. Then, the police car raced off. It turned out to be the one Marcus and Regis had stolen.

"So long, suckers!" said Regis as he leaned out of the window.

"He's slick." said Tommy. "I'll give him that."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Uganda...

"This is the temple." said Hellboy.

"I wonder if Lara and her team managed to get the other key." said Liz.

"I suppose we'll find out when we finish here." said Abe.

The three of them entered the temple. Inside was another stone ring on a pedestal. This was held between two stone arms with a dial in the center. A stone tablet with markings on it was affixed to the front of the platform the pedestal stood on.

"Can you translate it?" asked Hellboy.

"That's what I'm here for, isn't it?" said Abe.

Hellboy jumped up on the platform and walked up to the dial. Abe walked up to the tablet.

"This is interesting." said Abe. "We appear to be looking at the world's oldest combination lock."

"So, how do we pick it?" asked Hellboy.

"First turn it counterclockwise to the four rings." said Abe.

Hellboy turned it. "And then?" he asked.

"Next, turn it clockwise to the circle with the two raised quarters." said Abe.

Hellboy turned it again. "Next?" he asked.

"Turn it counterclockwise to the 'Z' in a circle." said Abe.

Hellboy turned it and something clicked. He pulled the arms apart and took out the ring. "We've got it." he said.

"Good, now give it to me." said Yuri as he entered the temple with Kroenen and one of his Initiates.

"Yuri!" said Liz.

"And Kroenen!" said Hellboy. "What do you want?"

"We want the Falchion." said Yuri. "For that, we need the stone keys. My Initiates are procuring the other key as we speak."

"There's no way we're giving this to you guys." said Hellboy.

"Fine." said Yuri. He turned to his Initiate and said "You may give the order."

"Understood, sir." said the Initiate. He activated his radio and said "Lasher tank, fire on the temple."

"Just one question, sir." said the voice over the radio. "A sphincter says what?"

The Initiate got confused. "Can you repeat that?" he asked.

"A sphincter says what?" asked Wayne as he sat on the lap of the unconcious radio man for the Lasher tank. Alex and Garth sat nearby and laughed silently.

"What?" asked the Initiate.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a sphincter." said Wayne as he showed the radio microphone to the others. Alex and Dylan high-fived each other while Natalie and Garth laughed.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked Yuri.

"Apparently, I'm a sphincter." said the Initiate.

"Now!" said Hellboy.

Liz held up her hands and the Initiate's uniform caught fire.

"Ah, I'm burning!" yelled the Initiate.

"Stop burning. That's an order." said Yuri.

"Yuri!" yelled Jarod as he stepped into the entrance.

Yuri turned around to face the man he thought was dead. "You!"

"That's right." said Jarod. "I've come to stop you from acquiring the Falchion and assist Hellboy and his group."

"You are going to help Hellboy?" asked Yuri. "Aren't you a nuclear engineer?"

"Not today." said Jarod. "I'm many things. Today, I'm an archaeologist."

"Get him." said Yuri. "He will work for us."

"Before you consider that order," said Jarod "I'd like you to meet my partner. Say 'hi' to the psychotic madman, Johnny!"

Johnny 5 rolled in carrying the cannon from the Lasher tank in a firing position. "Make my day." he growled in a Clint Eastwood voice.

"They're distracted. Let's go." said Hellboy.

He ran over to the wall and punched a hole in it with his right hand. He, Liz, and Abe escaped through it.

"This party's moving. Let's follow him." said Jarod.

He and Johnny 5 left the temple entrance. "I'll be back." said Johnny 5 in an Arnold Schwarzeneggar voice.

They met Hellboy's group and the Angels outside.

"So, you've decided to help us after all." said Hellboy.

"You have our support." said Jarod. "Where to next?"

"Chad." said Hellboy.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Tanzania, Foyt and the Warrior were doctoring a speed limit sign.

"Explain why we're doing this again." said the Warrior.

"We're giving the Cannonballers a false sense of security." said Foyt. "When they see this sign, they'll think the speed limit is higher than it actually is."

She stepped away from the sign revealing that it had been altered to read "Minimum Speed Limit 150 KPH."

"Someone's coming." said the Warrior.

"Hide." said Foyt. She and the Warrior got back into the Buccaneer. The Piranha PDQ raced by a second later.

"Is that sign right?" asked Annie.

"I think it is." said James.

"Hang on tight." said Oakley. She put the car into the next gear and floored it. Not long after that, a Tanzania police car took off after them. Foyt and the Warrior followed a second later.

"What?" said Jessie. "We were within the speed limit."

Oakley pulled over. The police officer got out and walked over to the window. "Step out of the car." he said.

"Let me handle this." said Meowth as they climbed out of the car.

"My name is Officer Kante and I believe you know why I pulled you over." said the officer.

"Why?" asked Annie.

"Does this look like a racetrack to you?" asked Kante.

"My good man," said Meowth "I'm sure there are much more pressing issues to deal with than me and my friends. Why don't you think about it over one of these." He then handed the police officer a cigar.

"What is this?" asked Kante. "You're speeding AND trying to bribe a police officer? That's it! You're coming with me!"

He quickly started handcuffing the Rockets.

"Oh, brilliant idea, Meowth!" said Jessie as the officer cuffed her.

"Absolutely wonderful!" said Annie as she got cuffed.

"Pure genius!" yelled Oakley as she was cuffed.

Just then, Foyt and the Warrior drove by.

"Hey, nice bracelets, ladies!" yelled Foyt. "They'll go great with your new prison wardrobe!"

"Yeah, you should be one to talk about wardrobes!" yelled Jessie.

"You would do best to be quiet." said Kante. "You and your friends are in enough trouble already."

"All thanks to you, Meowth." said James as he got cuffed.

"I thought it was worth a try." said Meowth as the officer slapped the cuffs on him.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Arizona, Phil sat in a chair onstage with a man in a safari outfit.

"Welcome back to our coverage of the Cannonball Run." said Phil. "With me now is a young man who knows a thing or two about the wildlife in Africa. He is a guy curious about animals all over the world and the host of 'Brian Fellow's Safari Planet'. Please welcome Brian Fellow."

"Hi, everybody!" said Fellow. "I'm Brian Fellow!"

"Mr. Fellow, I'd like to welcome you to the command center." said Phil as a rhinoceros came up on the monitor behind him. "Our first subject is the rhinoceros. Mr. Fellow, what can you tell us about the rhinoceros?"

"The rhinoceros, or rhino as it's usually called," said Fellow "is a large herbivore with a very tough skin and a rather prominent horn on its nose. It also has a short temper and is very easily provoked."

"Sounds dangerous." said Phil. "And what should our Cannonballers do if they should encounter a rhinoceros?"

Fellow thought for a few seconds, then said "I'm Brian Fellow!"

"Okay." said Phil. "Our next subject is the zebra." A zebra was displayed on the monitor.

"What did that horse do?" asked Fellows. "He's wearing prison stripes."

"Huh?" laughed Phil. "Oh, that's funny. No, he just looks like that naturally. A zebra is a horse-like animal with black hair and white stripes. I know it looks like a white horse with black stripes, but many zoologists say that it's actually black with white stripes."

"I think he was set up." said Fellows. "Doesn't he look innocent to you?"

"Um, yes, he does." said Phil. "Moving on now, we'll go on to the lion." A lion was displayed on the monitor. "I'll take this one. The lion is a large jungle cat identified by it's sand-colored fur and mane. Known as the 'King of the Jungle', the lion..."

Fellow wasn't listening to him. He had a vision of the zebra talking to him. It said "You have to help me, Brian! I'm a victim of society! I didn't do it! You have to hurry! I'm being executed at midnight!"

"No! No!" yelled Fellow. "Help him! Save the zebra!"

Phil was now very confused. "Excuse me?" he asked.

"They're going to execute the zebra!" said Fellow. "We have to save him!"

Phil laughed. "It's okay." he said. "I think the zebra's going to be fine. We've hired a lawyer. We've requested a retrial. We've found new evidence exonerating him. It's looking good."

"You think so?" asked Fellow.

"I know so." said Phil. "Okay, now, we have Dr. Bunsen Honeydew explaining the possible routes the Cannonballers may be taking through Africa. Over to you, David."

David stood with Dr. Honeydew and Beaker next to a map of Africa.

"Greetings, everybody." said David. "Right now, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew will be explaining which routes the Cannonballers might take and why."

"Free the zebra!" said Fellow.

"Yes, David." said Dr. Honeydew. "At this point, the Cannonballers should be just north of 10 degrees longitude south. There are numerous dry tropical scrub forests in the area as well as a few mountainous areas. If the racers go through the scrub forests, they should have a better go of it since the terrain is more forgiving. However, the police might be waiting for them, so they should watch out."

Beaker rattled off a great deal of information.

"Beaker points out that the racers could go through the mountains if they know what they're doing." said Honeydew. "They might have to reduce their speed, but the route might be shorter in the mountain sections."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Zaire, a local police officer had pulled over the Interna following a mountain section.

The police officer knocked on the driver's side window. Butthead rolled it down.

"Hello." said the police officer. "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"Uh...speeding?" replied Butthead.

"You are correct." said the officer.

"Really?" said Butthead. "What do I win?"

"I'm not sure if you're aware," said the officer "but the speed limit through the mountains is thirty kilometers per hour."

"How fast were we going?" asked Beavis.

"You were going sixty-nine." said the officer.

Beavis and Butthead started laughing uncontrolably.

The officer sighed. "Please, this is serious business!" he said. "You are getting a ticket for your excessive speed."

"And what speed would that be?" asked Butthead.

"Sixty-nine." said the officer.

Beavis and Butthead started laughing uncontrolably again.

"I can see this will be one of those days." said the officer.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ford pulled into a gas station in Zaire. Kid was already there.

"What happened to you?" asked Kid.

"I got lost." said Ford. "Up for another round?"

"How about we do something different this time?" asked Kid.

"What do you have in mind?" asked Ford.

"Obstacle course." said Kid.

"Sounds like fun." said Ford.

After Ford and Kid finished at the gas station, they paid for their gas and took off down the road as the music started.

Too much is not enough.
Nobody said this stuff,
makes any sense.
We're hooked again.

After roaring down the road some distance, they came upon a truck carrying hay and pulling a trailer with a ramp on it.

Point of no return.
See how the buildings burn.
Light up the night.
Such pretty sight.

Kid accelerated and hit the ramp, jumping the truck.

Adrenaline keeps me in the game.
Adrenaline, you don't even feel the pain.
Wilder than your wildest dreams.
When you're going to extremes,
it takes adrenaline.

Ford followed suit and hit the ramp himself. He also made it over the truck.

Sail through an empty night.
It's only you and I,
who understand.
There is no plan.

Kid then turned down a side road with Ford right behind him. They came upon a bridge.

Get closer to the thrill.
Only time will kill,
what's in your eyes.
It's so alive.

"Next challenge is to cross this bridge." said Kid.

"What's so challenging about that?" asked Ford.

"On the guardrail." said Kid.

Adrenaline keeps me in the game.
Adrenaline, you don't even feel the pain.
Wilder than your wildest dreams.
When you're going to extremes,
it takes adrenaline.

Kid rode up onto the guardrail and rode across at moderate speed. Ford followed him, doing the same.

Run through the speed of sound.
Everything slows you down.
And all the color that surrounds you,
are bleeding to the walls.
All the things you really need.
Just wait to find the speed.
Then you will achieve,
escape velocity.

They rode away from the bridge. Some distance later, Kid and Ford stopped.

Too much is not enough.
Nobody gave it up.
I'm not the kind,
to lay down and die.

"Here's the last section." said Kid while pointing to a pond. "You have to take the bridge over that pond."

Adrenaline keeps me in the game.
Adrenaline, you don't even feel the pain.
Wilder than your wildest dreams.
When you're going to extremes,
it takes adrenaline.

"What bridge?" asked Ford.

"The air bridge." said Kid.

Adrenaline, screaming out your name.
Adrenaline, you don't even feel the pain.
Wilder than your wildest dreams.
When you're going to extremes,
it takes adrenaline.

-"Adrenaline" by Gavin Rossdale

Kid raced down the hill towards the pond. He hit a ramp and flew over the pond.

Ford took off after him and hit the same ramp. Unfortunately, he wasn't going fast enough and landed in the pond.

"See you in Europe!" said Kid.

XXXXXXXXXX

Nichole and Kim kept on through the grassland in the '58 Fury.

"There should be another Cannonballer around here somewhere." said Nichole.

"If we do find one, can this piece of junk keep up with them?" asked Kim.

"Don't call her that." said Nichole.

"Call who that?" asked Kim.

"Her." said Nichole as she pointed to the car.

Kim just looked at her strangely, then looked through the windshield. "Hey, there's one." she said.

Ahead of them was the Modicum XSV with Gonzo behind the wheel.

"Kermit, don't you feel the call of the wild in Africa?" asked Fozzie.

"Um, no I don't." said Kermit. "I guess that's because we're not in the swamp, though."

Just then, the car phone rang.

"Got it!" yelled Animal. He picked it up. "Hello! Okay!" He took the phone down and said "Fozzie!"

Fozzie took the phone and said "Hello? Oh, okay. Thank you. Bye."

He handed the phone back to Animal who hung it up.

"Who was that?" asked Kermit.

"That was the wild." said Fozzie. "I got the call of the wild."

"Okay, just bring us in closely and we'll start to make our attack." said Kim.

"She doesn't like being used as a weapon." said Nichole. "How would you like it if you were grabbed by your legs and used as a battering..."

Suddenly, the Super Taxi and badly smashed up Uranus blew past them.

"I can't believe he's still behind us." said George.

"Ay, I thought that last one would finish them." said Kuni.

"Is this thing going to survive the journey?" asked Lance.

"Relax, will you?" replied Johnny.

"Now, this is a party!" said Gonzo.

The Super Taxi and Modicum swerved through traffic on the highway. The Uranus and Fury followed.

Gonzo swerved into oncoming traffic and a car swerved around him. The car then sideswiped the Fury.

"Watch it, shithead!" yelled Nichole.

Kuni looked over his shoulder and tried to read the Fury's license plate. He then turned around and saw George was driving towards a pair of tractor-trailers driving next to each other.

"Are you crazy? Don't go between them!" he yelled.

"Go between them? Are you crazy?" replied George.

George drove between the trucks with the Uranus right behind it.

"I said 'Go around'!" yelled Kuni.

"You said 'Go between them'!" yelled George.

"I said 'DON'T go between them'!" yelled Kuni.

The Super Taxi scraped against the trucks, then came out from between them. The driver of one of the trucks was so spooked, he steered towards the other one. The Uranus was smashed and shoved under one of the trailers.

The Uranus ended up in the path of the Fury. Nichole was unable to avoid a collision. She crashed into him and rolled the car a few times. The two pairs of villains climbed out of their cars.

"Well, it had to die sometime." said Lance as he looked at the Uranus.

"Those god damned shitters!" yelled Nichole.

"Will you relax!" yelled Kim. "You're really scaring me!"

Suddenly, they heard metal bending. They looked to the Fury and saw the damage was reversing itself. Nichole smiled.

"But that scares me more." said Kim.

In the Super Taxi, Kuni dialled his cell phone.

"Who you calling?" asked George.

"Chloe." said Kuni. "I want her to run the license plates on that Fury."

XXXXXXXXXX

Team Rocket lounged around a cell in a small town jail. Officer Kante walked over to greet them.

"The judge will be returning from his vacation early." he said. "You should be here no more than one, two days tops."

"Oh, no rush." said James.

"Very good attitude." said Kante. "That'll be a help when you're in here. Well, I must make my rounds."

With that, he left.

"Nice attitude." said Jessie mockingly.

"I thought it would make him speed things up." said James.

Annie started to use a nail on the plaster surrounding the bars on the window.

"What are you doing?" asked Meowth.

"I'm trying to chip away at the plaster around these bars so we can remove them." said Annie. "I was reading this book and the heroine was locked in a jail cell like this one and she escaped this way."

"How long did it take her?" asked Oakley.

"Two pages." said Annie.

James walked over to the bars and pulled them out with no effort. "Dryrot." he explained.

"Great, let's get out of here." said Jessie.

The Rockets climbed out of the window and found themselves in a courtyard with an eight-foot wall on the other side.

"How do we get past that wall?" asked Annie.

"We climb it." said Meowth.

"Listen to him." said Oakley. "He's the one who got us into this mess."

"Okay, human ladder time." said Jessie. "Annie, you and Oakley will form the base, then James climbs on our shoulders."

"Why us?" asked Annie.

"Because someone has to act as lookout." said Jessie.

"Why can't we do that?" asked Oakley.

"Because you'll be the base of the ladder." said Jessie.

Annie and Oakley leaned against the wall and James climbed on their backs.

"Wait a minute..." said Annie as she thought about Jessie's explanation.

James climbed up and looked over the wall. He spotted...the black van!

James screamed and fell to the ground, taking Annie and Oakley with him.

"The black van is out there!" he babbled.

"Great, out of the frying pan, into the fire." said Oakley.

"And back into the microwave." said Kante as he walked over. "This is not going to look well for you at your trial."

"Nice work, you guys!" said Meowth.

"All that for an extended sentence!" groused Annie. "Right now, I wish we'd never heard of the Cannonball!"

"The Cannonball?" asked Kante. "You're Cannonballers?"

"Yeah, you want to bring that up at trial?" asked Oakley.

"Holy shit! I don't believe this!" said Kante. "The Cannonball is like my favorite sporting event of the year!"

"Really?" asked Jessie.

"Oh, I can't keep you locked up here!" said Kante. "I sometimes let one go through. Please, let me release you!"

"You are?" asked James. "Thank you! Thank you!"

"In fact, I think I'll give you a police escort to the next country." said Kante. "That black van that's been harrassing the racers? It's right outside."

"Thanks again!" said Meowth.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Are you sure we should do this again?" asked Foyt. She and the Warrior were doctoring another speed limit sign in Kenya. It now read "Minimum Speed 150 KPH."

"It worked once." said the Warrior. "Maybe this time, we'll catch that Rockatansky."

"Good." said Foyt. "Because if I hear you go on about taking out Rockatansky one more time, I'm gonna CROAK!"

"There's a Cannonballer approaching." said the Warrior. "Let's watch."

They returned to the Buccaneer once more. Within seconds, the Bryanston V came along. Max was driving.

"You're doing pretty well, Max...for a rabbit." said Sam.

"Us lagomorphs have some progress to make in this field." said Max.

"The way looks clear up ahead." said Bernard as he hung his head out the window.

"Hey, does that sign say the minimim speed limit is 150 KPH?" asked Ben.

"Sure does." said Max. "Full steam ahead!"

Max floored the accelerator and Bernard held on tight for dear life.

"That engine scream should attract some police activity." said the Warrior.

"Funny, that's the first time I've heard an engine scream the Lord's Prayer." said Foyt.

"Let's see what happens to them." said the Warrior.

He took off after the Bryanston V. Soon after, a police car appeared in their rearview.

"Let him go by." said Foyt. "He's got work to do."

The Warrior pulled over. Surprisingly, the police officer pulled in behind them.

"What did we do?" asked the Warrior.

The police officer walked over to the window.

"Hi, officer." said Foyt. "Nice night, huh?"

"Nice enough for a ticket." said the officer.

"Officer, what did I do?" asked the Warrior.

"Did you notice how fast you were going?" asked the officer.

"Not as fast as that Cosworth." said the Warrior.

"Exactly." said the officer. "The minimum speed limit through here is 150 KPH. Didn't you see the sign?"

"See the...oh!" groaned Foyt.

"May I see your license?" asked the officer.

"Nice move." said Foyt as the Warrior handed over his license.

XXXXXXXXXX

The L.A. Cop Car came upon the Citi and Nousagi. Marcus and Regis parked and climbed out.

"What's going on?" asked Marcus.

"You know those girls that have been attacking the racers?" asked Cliff. "They went and tried to take out the Lone Wolf."

"Yeah, they dropped him down an abandoned well and filled it with beer." said Woody. "Kinda reminds me of something back in Hanover."

"The good news is they forgot that people can swim in beer and he managed to float to the top." said Norm. "The bad news, other than the fact that they wasted a lot of beer, is that he soaked up a bit."

Marcus and Regis looked in Lone Wolf's direction.

"'ey, you guys!" yelled Lone Wolf, drunk out of his mind. "I trod tu git beck inta acshun, bud tha Noug...Nog...Sog...motorcyle wunt stot. I geds id nodes bedder then led a druck rye id."

Marcus and Regis looked at the "Nousagi". In his drunken haze, Lone Wolf had mounted a zebra.

"How bad is he?" asked Regis.

"It's gonna take a while to sober him up, speaking from experience." said Woody. "Luckily, Sam's working on something."

"Okay, Mr. Wolf." said Sam as he walked from the Citi with a coffee mug. "I got something that might put you on the fast track to sobriety."

"What's that?" asked Lone Wolf.

"Coffee." said Sam.

"People drink that?" asked Lone Wolf.

"People who've had too much to drink do." said Sam.

"I think I might need something stronger than coffee." said Lone Wolf.

"I'll get you yesterday's coffee." said Sam.

"What are we going to do with him?" asked Marcus. "He's protecting us and we can't just leave him here."

"Maybe one of us can bring him with us." said Regis. "Meanwhile, another rides the Nousagi."

"How does that sound, Lone Wolf?" asked Sam.

"Tht snds lk a gd dea." said Lone Wolf.

"Did what he just said make any sense to anyone?" asked Marcus.

"I understood him." said Cliff.

Within minutes, Lone Wolf was in the L.A. Cop Car while Regis was riding the Nousagi.

"Where are we?" asked Lone Wolf who was now asking the same four questions over and over.

"The Central African Republic, the same place when you asked thirty seconds ago." replied Marcus.

"Well, what are we doing here?" asked Lone Wolf.

"We're in the Cannonball Run. Look." said Marcus as he started writing on a notepad. "I can't have you asking me the same stupid questions over and over again, so I'm going to give you this list. This is a magic list. Any question you might have will have an answer on the list. Got it?"

"Yeah." said Lone Wolf as he took the list. "So, who's riding..."

"Ah ah ah, the list." said Marcus.

"Oh yeah." said Lone Wolf as he checked the list. "Whoa, how'd it know that?"

XXXXXXXXXX

The Karuma, Vortex 5, and Huntley drove along a dirt road.

"Big Red, this is the Pretender." said Jarod into his radio. "According to Johnny 5's GPS, we're almost there."

"That's good news." said Hellboy into his radio. "Any word from Lara yet?"

"No. I thought you were supposed to call her." said Dylan.

"I couldn't reach her." said Liz.

"I hope nothing bad has happened." said Abe.

"Who's that?" asked Wayne as he looked in his rearview.

The Crown Mail raced up behind them, then pulled alongside the Huntley.

"Lara sent us." said Butler.

"Prove it." said Hellboy.

Butler handed him a picture of their team and Lara's with the stone ring.

"So, she was successful." said Liz.

"She's on her way to the temple where the third key is hidden." said Artemis. "We'll meet her there."

"Excellent." said Abe.

They drove past a local man and his son.

"(They seem to be headng for the temple.)" said the son.

"(Yes, they are.)" said the father.

"(They might be after the Falchion.)" said the son.

"(I know.)" said the father. "(We must contact him.)"

XXXXXXXXXX

Lara checked the map. "We should almost be there." she said.

"Good, then we can get back to the race." said Joanna as she fanned herself. She then unzipped her jumpsuit. Chun Li and Cate followed suit.

"What's with the open jumpsuits?" asked Lara. "There's no cops following us."

"The air conditioner is broken." said Cate. "It's probably overworked in this arid climate."

"Until we can get it fixed, we have to unzip." said Chun Li. "Why aren't you unzipped as well?"

"Just in case those guys in the police car drive by." said Lara. "I swear that Regis carries his brain between his legs."

"Fine, get baked alive if you want to." said Cate.

"Uh oh." said Joanna. "We've got company."

Both the Majestic and the Hotknife pulled up and their occupants climbed out. Lara unzipped at that point.

"Well, ladies." said Joel. "You wouldn't be trying to seduce us, now. Would you?"

"Not with this, we're not." said Cate as she pointed to Joel's wedding band. "We're just having problems with our air conditioning."

"Hello, girls." said DeVille. "We can't have you out here with all these speed-crazed lunatics around. Allow us to get you to safety."

"Mr. DeVille, these girls are Cannonballers." said Fearless. "I think we should..."

"Not now, Fearless!" snapped DeVille. "Can't you see she is sexy? So now then, ladies. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Cooper DeVille."

"Cooper, huh?" asked Joanna. "Do they call you 'Coop' for short?"

"Yes, unfortunately." said DeVille. "It's kind of hard having a name like that. 'Coop DeVille'."

"Really?" asked Chun Li. "Do you have a sister named Elle Dorado?"

"No." said DeVille. "A daughter-in-law."

"Mr. DeVille, I appreciate your concern for our safety." said Lara. "However, there is a problem. We are in the middle of a hunt for lost treasure. We could use your protection."

"No problem." said DeVille. "Come on, guys. The hunt is on."

The girls and police officers returned to their cars. The girls zipped up their jumpsuits. "We don't want to give the cops a free show again." said Joanna.

Joel and Fearless groaned. "I'm putting this guy on another list." said Fearless. "Guys I never wanna work with again."

"Oh, girls." said DeVille. "About your AC, maybe I could drive your car and try to fix it. You can use the Hotknife while we're at it. It's the least I could do."

"Sure, I guess." said Lara.

The L.A. Cop Car, Citi, and Nousagi drove by.

Lone Wolf looked out the window drunkenly and waved.

"Oh, he does not look good." said Joanna.

"I hope this doesn't become a habit for him." said Chun Li.

XXXXXXXXXX

In San Francisco, Chloe checked her computer.

"Whatcha working on?" asked Harvey.

"One of the racers sent me a license plate number of a car that's been bothering him and his team." said Chloe. "I'm trying to discover the identity of the owner and possibly shed some light on it."

"You okay?" asked Antwon.

"I'm fine." said Chloe. "It's just that besides this, I've also got something going on with another team. It's like these guys can't do their own fact-finding or something. Okay, I've got it." She then looked at the screen in terror and said "Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God!"

"What? What is it?" asked Harvey.

"According to this, the car in question has been involved in numerous deaths." said Chloe. "Bizarre accidents, unexplained murders, suspicious suicides. The last owner reported that the car was seemingly possessed by some demonic force. He and a friend had another friend who was being shipped off to an ice station in Antarctica and was told to bring the car with him to be disposed of."

"Sounds like a mean set of wheels." said Antwon.

"The owners even named the car." said Chloe. "They called it Christine."

XXXXXXXXXX

Lara arrived at the temple to find the others already there.

"What's the holdup?" she asked as she climbed out.

"You." said Hellboy. "We need both stone rings to unlock the third and you have the first."

"Nice wheels." said Johnny 5. "Where did you get them?"

"Long story." said Chun Li.

"Sorry about that." said Lara. "Shall we go in?"

"Actually, we can't." said Abe. "According to the inscription, only one person can enter at a time. That person must have both rings."

"Well, I best get started." said Lara.

"Take this." said Jarod as he handed her a walkie-talkie. "That way, we can translate the tablet we found by the entrance and relay the info to you."

"Thanks." said Lara. She took the two rings and carried them inside.

"So, which one of us is going to translate the tablet?" asked Abe.

Lara entered the temple and found yet another stone ring set on a pedestal. It was held in place with another pair of stone arms. Two hubs were set in the pedestal. They were designed to be mounted with the stone rings Lara and Hellboy had found. She mounted the rings to the two hubs and picked up the walkie-talkie.

"Okay, I have the stone rings mounted to the hubs." said Lara. "What do I do now?"

"You have to turn the two rings so that the required symbols are on top." said Artemis over the radio. "I'm checking the tablet to see what those symbols are." A couple of seconds later, he said "They appear to be a cross sign on the left one and a serpent on the right."

"I can see those and am now turning the rings to them." said Lara. She turned the two rings until the symbols were on top. Suddenly, the stone arms opened and released the third ring.

Lara picked up the ring, then the walkie-talkie. "I've got the ring. I'm on my way..." she said before turning around and seeing Kroenen in front of her.

"Lara, this is Artemis. We were attacked by Yuri and Kroenen. Yuri held us under brief mind control while Kroenen went in."

"Has Yuri been subdued?" asked Lara.

"I'd say so." said Artemis as he looked over at Chun Li, Butler, and Hellboy who had all wrestled Yuri to the ground. "There should be a rear entrance you can escape from. It leads to the river."

"Thanks." said Lara.

Kroenen charged at her with his blades extended. She did a backflip and somersaulted towards the rear entrance. She then ran for the exit with Kroenen right behind her.

"What can you tell me about this river?" asked Lara into her radio.

"It should be just upstream from a rather tall waterfall." said Artemis. "Unfortunately, I don't think you can cross it without help."

"Never mind that." said Lara. "I can see my assistance right now."

Super Dave sat in the driver's seat of a jet boat on the river.

"Ready to go, Super." said Fuji as he pointed a video camera at him from the shore.

"Thanks, Fuji." said Super Dave. "Let's do the explanation and get this show on the road...or equivalent."

"Got it." said Fuji. He pulled the trigger on the camera and said "Action."

"Hi, folks. Super Dave Osbourne here. And this is my jet boat. This is what I'm going to pilot down the river and back when I get to the waterfall. If I were to go over the waterfall, the boat would fall a long distance and hit the water below at around 80 miles per hour. I can tell you this is going to hurt due to the principle saying that hitting anything at 80 miles per hour is going to hurt."

"That's great, Super." said Fuji. "Are you ready to go?"

"All set." said Super Dave.

"That's my ticket out of here." said Lara.

Super Dave was starting to go in the jet boat while Fuji drove alongside him in the Alarde. Lara ran down the hill and jumped onto the boat.

"Hey, what are you doing?" asked Super Dave.

"Hitching a ride out of danger." said Lara.

"Well, can't you hitch a ride with someone else?" asked Super Dave. "I'm doing a stunt here!"

Just then, Kroenen jumped on board as well.

"Oh, great. More stowaways." said Super Dave.

Kroenen extended both of his blades and tried to slash at Lara.

"Hey, watch it!" said Super Dave. "I'm trying to concentrate on the river!"

Kroenen swiped at Lara again. She blocked with her gun. Before she could retaliate, he thrust one of his blades at her. She dodged it.

"Take it somewhere else!" said Super Dave.

Fuji watched as he drove. Suddenly, the Victory passed him and kept pace with the jet boat.

"Lara! Cate called me!" yelled Bond. "Jump aboard! I'll take you to safety!"

"Listen to him!" said Super Dave.

"Ta ta." said Lara. She jumped from the boat and somersaulted towards the Victory.

Kroenen jumped after her and made one last grab. Unfortunately, he grabbed her backpack and tore it off.

Lara landed on the rear hatch of the Victory while Kroenen landed on the ground next to the road.

"Putz." said Super Dave as he looked at them. He then looked forward to see it was now too late to avoid going over the waterfall. He screamed as he went over.

Fuji stopped the car and ran over to see the wreckage below. He picked up his radio and said "Super? Can you hear me?"

"Knock knock." said Super Dave.

"Who's there?" replied Fuji.

"I'm going to fire." said Super Dave.

"I'm going to fire who?" asked Fuji. "Ooh."

"Are you alright, Lady Croft?" asked Bond.

"My backpack." said Lara. "The key was in there."

"Don't worry." said Jaws. "We can recover it."

XXXXXXXXXX

Buckaroo drove through the grassland in Chad. Sydney played a song on a small music keyboard.

"You know, we're almost at the site of our little adventure last year." said Sydney.

"I'm surprised you would mention that, Sydney." said Buckaroo.

"No, the OTHER adventure." said Sydney.

"Oh, that adventure." said Buckaroo. "Tommy, you have to hear this one."

"Okay, tell me." said Tommy.

"Okay, it all started like this." said Buckaroo.

Just then, his cell phone went off and Perfect Tommy answered it. "Banzai. Hold on." Perfect Tommy handed the phone to Buckaroo and said "It's for you."

Buckaroo took the phone and said "This is Buckaroo." He then had a conversation in some African language. He then hung up.

"What was that?" asked Sydney.

"A Blue Blazer in Chad reported some suspicious activity." said Buckaroo. "We're going to go investigate."

XXXXXXXXXX

Back at the entrance to the temple, Hellboy and the others seeking the Falchion sat around and moped. Jarod and Artemis studied the tablet.

"What are we looking for?" asked Jarod.

"I have a feeling that Yuri and that other guy missed something." said Artemis as he popped something into his mouth.

"What's that?" asked Jarod.

"It's a popular campfire snack." said Artemis. "What you do is you take two graham crackers, place chocolate between them, then melt a marshmallow and place it between the crackers. It's called a s'more."

"Can I have one?" asked Jarod.

Artemis handed him one and he ate it.

"Not bad." said Jarod.

"Well, I guess we'll have to work fast to retrieve the third ring." said Lara.

"We know where they're going." said Hellboy. "The only problem now is getting to them before they can use it."

"That might not be a problem." said Jarod.

"What do you mean?" asked Dylan.

"We were just examining the tablet again." said Artemis. "We found something that Yuri and Kroenen missed."

"Which is?" asked James.

"To open the temple that holds the Falchion," said Jarod "you don't just need the third key, you need the first two as well."

"And since Yuri left those two behind," said Liz "he and Kroenen are a little ill-prepared to open up the temple."

"We'll need to hurry then." said Cate.

"If you need backup, I'll be there." said James.

"Lara, I think I might know who else can offer us backup." said Joanna.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in the Sahara...

"Well, except for that guy who disappeared through the rock," said Paul "we haven't seen a single Cannonballer since we left Peoria."

"You mean Pretoria?" asked Feliz.

"What did I say?" asked Paul.

"Peoria." said Feliz. "And it wasn't Pretoria, it was Cape Town."

Suddenly, the Baja Buggy jumped over them.

"A-ha, this here is the end of the hunt." said Paul.

The Club took off after the Baja Buggy. Highway looked over his shoulder and asked "Friends of yours?"

"I don't think these guys have friends." said Max.

"Can you lose them?" asked Highway.

Paul fired the EDB and hit the Baja Buggy.

"Not now." said Max as the Club drove around him.

"Max, this is the Gyro Captain." came a voice over the radio. "I just saw that and I'm going after him."

"Wait. What about us?" replied Max. The Gyro Captain just flew on.

"Unbelievable." said Highway. "What are we going to do in the middle of the desert?"

XXXXXXXXXX

The Majestic and Zender Alpha raced through the desert.

"I'm telling you she blew us off." said Fearless.

"Look, there's only three ways to get from Africa to Europe." said Joel. "I think we have a decent chance of catching them."

Hellboy and his entourage pulled up behind them and the Hotknife pulled alongside the Zender Alpha.

"DeVille!" yelled Lara. "Coop! Are you there?"

"I'm here." said DeVille. "What's going on?"

"We need some assistance in dealing with a group that's trying to steal an ancient treasure." said Lara.

"How's that?" asked DeVille.

"Some really bad guys are trying to steal an artifact." said Lara. "This treasure can be used to make their army invincible in battle. We're trying to prevent them from getting it."

"Well, if you guys are taking time away from the Cannonball," said Deville "it must be important. I will gladly help you out."

"Thank you." said Lara. "We know where they're heading. It's a burial chamber in Egypt."

"Okay, guys." said DeVille. "We've got tomb raiders to bust."

XXXXXXXXXX

With its battery drained, the Baja Buggy sat lifeless on a sand dune.

"I've called for help, but they're gonna have a hard time finding us." said Max.

"If only the transponder was working," said Highway "they could just home in on the signal."

"Maybe we should start looking around for landmarks." said Max.

They climbed to the top of a sand dune and looked around.

"See anything on your side?" asked Highway.

"I count maybe a hundred other dunes." said Max. "Maybe we can describe each and every one of them and they'll find us. You?"

"Same here." said Highway. "This is what we'll tell them. Look for the dune that looks like a pile of sugar. South of that is another dune that looks just like it. Next to them is a dune with a crashed plane on it..."

Max quickly turned around and looked where Highway was looking. Indeed, there was a crashed plane in the sand dune. They ran over to it.

"Go to the buggy." said Max. "There's a toolkit in there we can use."

"I don't know what you're planning, Max," said Highway "but I don't think we can fix this thing."

XXXXXXXXXX

Yuri's Magnetron tank rolled into the temple in Egypt.

"We'll leave it in here in case there's a sandstorm." said Yuri.

"It's surprising that a tank can fit in here." said the driver.

"Watch out for booby traps." said Yuri.

As they drove through, they failed to notice several more vehicles pulling in behind them.

"Single file, guys." said Cate. "Follow in that tank's tracks."

Lara led the way in the Hotknife. The Huntley, Crown Mail, Vortex 5, Karuma Fasuuto, Zender Alpha, Victory, and Majestic followed.

Behind them was the Jersey XS.

"What are we doing here?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"You'll see." said Buckaroo.

Yuri's driver parked the Magnetron in a large chamber. Yuri and Kroenen climbed out and walked over to a large door. When Yuri saw that the door had three hubs on which to mount stone rings, he got confused.

"There are three hubs? Why?" he asked.

Kroenen gestured to him.

"You mean we have to go back?" asked Yuri.

"Maybe not." said Lara as she entered. Yuri turned to her to see she was with the entire group. Johnny 5 had another ring.

"You will hand that over now." said Yuri.

"I don't think so." said Hellboy. "Even if you got that one, there's still the issue of where the third one is."

"You mean under the driver's seat of the Hotknife?" asked Yuri.

"Whoa, what is this guy? Psychic?" asked Wayne.

"Yes!" said everyone else.

"Kroenen, I will retrieve the stone ring under the seat of the Hotknife." said Yuri. "You try to wrest that one from Lady Croft and her friends."

Yuri returned to the cars while Kroenen extended his blades.

"Party time!" said Joanna as she took out her guns.

"Excellent!" said Wayne and Garth. "Not!"

Kroenen jumped towards the group. Chun Li jumped towards him. The two connected in mid-air with Chun Li unleashing her Lightning Leg attack. Both landed on the floor and took stances.

"Kikoken!" yelled Chun Li as she tossed a fireball at Kroenen. He blocked it and dashed forward with a blade in front of him. Chun Li somersaulted over him and landed on his back knee-first.

Kroenen shrugged it off and thrust his blade towards Johnny 5. The blade went through the center of the stone ring and he used it to lift the ring out of Johnny's hands.

Kroenen ran back to the door and attached the ring to a second hub.

"Hey, don't you want this one too?" asked Butler as he took the last ring out from behind his back.

"Wait, I thought that was under the driver's seat of the Hotknife?" said Lara.

"Well, that's what I told you." said Artemis. "In reality, we only told you that because I remembered we're dealing with a psychic."

"So, what did you put under the driver's seat of the Hotknife?" asked Joel.

Yuri reached under the driver's seat of the Hotknife. Suddenly, his expression turned to confused disgust. He pulled out his hand which was covered in...

"Chocolate and marshmallow?" He licked the concoction on his hand and said "Pretty tasty, though."

Kroenen turned to Butler and approched. Chun Li jumped into action and did a Head Stomp. She then jumped off of the wall and did another Head Stomp.

Kroenen tried to thrust his blade through her again, but she somersaulted away. She said "Spinning Bird Kick!", turned upside down, and spun towards Kroenen with her legs extended.

Unfortunately, Butler was so wrapped up in watching the fight, he didn't notice Yuri coming up behind him. "I'll take that." said Yuri as he took the ring from Butler.

Chun Li did a roundhouse kick and sent Kroenen to the floor.

"Nice try." said Yuri. "But I have the prize. Now, I shall collect my reward."

Yuri attached the ring to the last hub and turned all three until they all had a pair of wings displayed. The door then rumbled open.

Lara drew her guns. "I will try to prevent you from acquiring the Falchion to the last step." she said.

"Then I will take the first step." said Yuri. As soon as the door was open, he turned around and started to enter the room.

In the center of the room was a pedestal with a pair of wings set into the front. At the back of the room was a hole in the wall with a staircase visible on the other side.

"What's this?" asked Yuri. "Where's the Falchion?"

"I'll tell you."

The crowd parted to let Buckaroo, Sydney, and Perfect Tommy through.

"The Falchion is not here." said Buckaroo. "Last year after the race, Sydney, Rawhide, and I came here to find it ourselves. After finding a few keys of our own, we finally reached this temple and secured the Falchion."

"But you said whoever acquired the Falchion would be most likely to use it to take over the world." said Joanna.

"That was my mistake." said Liz. "I didn't take into account that someone might use it beneficially."

"That we did." said Sydney. "Since an army that has the Falchion in their possession can never be defeated, it came in very handy when we took on the World Crime League."

Yuri stormed up to Buckaroo and said "I swear I will attack your headquarters and slaughter every one of your Blue Blaze Irregulars until the Falchion is mine."

"You do realize that it prevents us from being defeated by anyone, right?" asked Buckaroo. "That even includes you."

Kroenen just turned around and walked away.

"Well, as long as the Falchion is in your hands," said Hellboy "I guess it is safe and out of the hands of Kroenen. I guess our work is done."

"So, you really have it?" asked Dylan.

"Sure do." said Buckaroo. "It's in my office right next to the bookcase."

"You mean to tell me I've been hanging my jacket on the thing that helped us defeat Hanoi Xan?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"Careful, that could weaken its mystical properties." said Sydney.

"Hey, we've got a race to run." said Natalie.

"Yeah, let's go." said J.D.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the entrance to the temple, the Club drove in.

"Are you sure you saw other Cannonballers enter here?" asked Paul.

"Definitely." said Feliz. "Now, we can take out a lot more of them."

The Club drove forward until the front dropped a little bit.

"Great, we have a flat." said Paul.

He and Feliz climbed out and checked the tire.

"It's not the tire." said Feliz. "A piece of floor pushed in."

A few pebbles fell onto their shoulders. They looked up and saw that a section of ceiling was starting to fall.

"Okay, step one." said Paul. "Grab the EDB."

Feliz returned to the Club and picked up the EDB. "Now what?" he asked.

"Run!" yelled Paul.

As they ran from the Club, the section of ceiling gave away and fell onto the Club, flattening it.

In the entrance, the Gyro Captain was watching and returned to his gyrocopter. Within a minute, he was back in the air.

"This is the Gyro Captain. The guys with the EDB have been sidelined, maybe permanently. Max and Highway still need help." Just then, he noticed something. "Well, I'll be..."

Max and Highway were cruising across the desert with one of the airplane's wings mounted to the Baja Buggy. They were using it as a sail.

"They're going to freak when we reach Cairo." said Highway.

"Especially when they find out we have no brakes." said Max.

XXXXXXXXXX

Joel and Fearless walked back to the Majestic with Lara's team.

"That was some nice work back there." said Joel.

"Thanks." said Lara. "You too."

"If you ask me, I thought you were most impressive of the whole bunch." said Fearless to Chun Li.

"Me?" said Chun Li. "Why, thank you."

"I agree." said Joel. "You got the right stuff, baby."

"Uh, gee." said Chun Li.

"If it's not too much, can I possibly get your phone number?" asked Fearless.

"Oh, okay." said Chun Li. She took out a pad and pen and wrote down a phone number, then handed it to him.

"Thank you." said Fearless. The two groups parted ways.

"How long until you call her?" asked Joel.

"I think I'll wait until this whole mission is done." said Fearless. "Then, I'll wait a couple of days."

"That was a little cruel." said Joanna. "Don't you think he's going to be crushed when he finds out that's a fake number?"

"Oh, it's a real number alright." said Chun Li. "It just happens to be Guile's number, that's all."

"Girls, I've got some good news." said DeVille. "Your air conditioner has been fixed."

"Finally!" said Cate.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Cairo, Mason and Spike ran jumper cables from the Rigg to the Baja Buggy which was now imbedded in the side of a market.

"I can't believe you ran across the desert powered only by the wind." said Spike.

"It was reletively quick, environmentally concious, and rather fun." said Max. "However, I'd like to have a running motor for this race."

The L.A. Cop Car and Nousagi were nearby.

"Feeling better?" asked Regis.

"A little." said Lone Wolf. "I think I can manage from here. Thanks."

"You'd better be able to." said Marcus. "From what I've heard, those girls have a demonicly powered Plymouth Fury in their employ."

"Terrific." said Lone Wolf.

Nearby, the Bestia was parked.

"I think we made some very good time across the continent." said Dominic. "I'm sure that much of that was due to your navigation. As you have held up your end by navigating us to Cairo, we have delivered you to Cairo. Fare thee well and good luck."

Dominic climbed back into the car.

"Fare thee well?" asked Jesse.

"I played a lot of Dungeons and Dragons as a teen." said Dominic.

"You know, you were right." said Memphis. "We did make up a lot of time. I think in Europe, we can go a little easier."

"Good idea." said Jesse. "What do you say we cut through Greece and the Balkans and do some street racing in Germany?"

"I like the sound of that." said Dominic.

As they drove off, their navigator entered a shop. "Is it in yet?" he asked.

"Right here." said the shopkeeper. He handed over a Sudoku book. "I can't believe you can't get these in South Africa."

"Not this brand." said the navigator as he paid for the book and left. Outside, he said "Excuse me. Are you going to Johannesburg?"

XXXXXXXXXX

"The enemies came harder and faster this time around." said Brock.

"But they were defeated none the less." said Mr. X.

"I think someone should give the Cannonballers some encouragement." said Brock.

"Not a problem, Mr. Yates." said Chris Martin as he and Coldplay took the stage with Sheryl Crow. "We were going to play something else, but then I thought of one of our own songs which could offer some moral support."

"You are authorized to play it." said Brock.

"Thank you." said Chris. Chris took to his keyboard as his bandmates joined in. After playing for a few seconds, Chris started to sing.

Can anybody fly this thing?
Before my head explodes,
or my head starts to ring.

We've been living life inside a bubble.
We've been living life inside a bubble.

Confindence in you,
is confidence in me,
is confidence in high speed.

Can anybody stop this thing?
Before my head explodes,
or my head starts to ring.

We've been living life inside a bubble.
We've been living life inside a bubble.

Confidence in you,
is confidence in me,
is confidence in high speed.

In high speed,
high speed.

High speed, you on.
High speed, you on.
High speed, you on.
High speed, you on.

-"High Speed" by Coldplay.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Boost drove onto the bridge from Tunisia to Italy.

"We're on our way to Italy." said Matt.

"You sound anxious." said Gloria.

"I thought we'd get information on our leak by now." said Matt.

"Don't worry, Matt." said Bruce. "Chloe's working on the problem. She hasn't let us down yet."

Their satellite communicator started to buzz.

"That's probably her now." said Gloria as Matt went to answer.

Matt opened the communications channel. As Gloria had predicted, it was Chloe.

"Chloe, what's going on?" asked Matt.

"I've hit paydirt." said Chloe. "I ran a search on our source for the plans and we've traced him."

"That's great." said Matt. "We'll go after him after the race."

"You could go after him now." said Chloe. "He's currently holed up in a small castle in Dublin."