Credits Sequence featuring Team SOL.
The closing credits started to roll. A row of theater seats were silhouetted against the screen. So was Mike when he walked through carrying Tom. Crow was behind him.
"Well, we could have won." said Mike.
"Ah, best not to dwell on it." said Tom.
"Screw that." said Crow. "I wanted to win."
Mike set down Tom in a seat, then sat next to him. Crow sat on Mike's other side.
Directed by R.J. Justin
"Who's that?" asked Crow.
"Oh, he's some Australian guy." said Mike. "He also did that movie with that guy with the stuff that happened."
"Seen it." said Tom as the rock music started to play.
"Weird Al" Yankovic as George Newman (UHF)
Michael Richards as Stanley Spadowski (UHF)
Gedde Watanabe as Kuni (UHF)
Bugs Bunny (Looney Tunes)
Daffy Duck (Looney Tunes)
Wile E. Coyote (Looney Tunes)
"Sponsored by ACME!" said Crow.
Hank Hill (King of the Hill)
Bobby Hill (King of the Hill)
Dale Gribble (King of the Hill)
Bill Dauterive (King of the Hill)
Boomhauer (King of the Hill)
Jessie (Pokemon)
James (Pokemon)
"Jessie and James." said Mike. "Perfect names for bad guys."
"Why? Because those names are used by a lot of criminals?" asked Tom.
"No, because of Jesse James." said Mike.
Meowth (Pokemon)
Annie (Pokemon)
Oakley (Pokemon)
"And most criminals ride choppers?" asked Tom.
"No." said Mike. "Oh, just forget it!"
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin
Nemesis (Resident Evil 3: Nemesis)
Rob Zombie
"In your he-ead, in your he-ead!" sang Crow.
Driving,
riding,
keep the throttle wide open.
Pounding,
hounding,
feel the beating deep inside.
Kermit the Frog (Muppets)
Fozzie Bear (Muppets)
Gonzo the Great (Muppets)
Animal (Muppets)
Andrew MacCarthy as Larry Wilson (Weekend at Bernie's)
Jonathan Silverman as Richard Parker (Weekend at Bernie's)
Terry Kiser as Bernie Lomax (Weekend at Bernie's)
"Yeah, Bernie put in a lively performance." said Tom.
Hsu Tanaka (Electronic Gaming Monthly)
Chan Tanaka (Electronic Gaming Monthly)
Sushi X (Electronic Gaming Monthly)
Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)
Joanna Dark (Perfect Dark)
Chun Li (Street Fighter 2)
Cate Archer (The Operative: No One Lives Forever)
"No one lives forever?" asked Mike. "We'll see about that!"
Drew Barrymore as Dylan Sanders (Charlie's Angels)
Lucy Liu as Alex Munday (Charlie's Angels)
Cameron Diaz as Natalie Cook (Charlie's Angels)
Mike Myers as Wayne Campbell (Wayne's World)
Dana Carvey as Garth Algar (Wayne's World)
Flag goes up,
you get down.
Beat the lights,
hear the sound.
Turbo charge,
let it flow.
Hold on tight,
and don't let go.
"Wouldn't it be smarter to wear a seatbelt?" asked Crow.
Freddie Prinze Jr. as Freddie Jones (Scooby Doo)
Sarah Michelle Gellar as Daphne Blake (Scooby Doo) and Buffy Summers (Buffy, the Vampire Slayer)
Linda Cardellini as Velma Dinkley (Scooby Doo)
Matthew Lillard as Norville "Shaggy" Rogers (Scooby Doo)
Scooby Doo (Scooby Doo)
Artemis Fowl (Artemis Fowl)
Butler (Artmeis Fowl)
Zach Braff as Dr. John "JD" Dorian (Scrubs)
Mel Gibson as Mad Max Rockatansky (Mad Max)
Sam J. Jones as Highway (The Highwayman)
"Well, I'm glad they found someone to play the highway." said Tom. "Otherwise, there wouldn't be a movie."
Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Michaelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Ted Danson as Sam Malone (Cheers)
Woody Harrelson as Woody Boyd (Cheers)
John Ratzenberger as Cliff Clavin (Cheers)
George Wendt as Norm Peterson (Cheers)
"Norm!" called out all three.
Burning wheels of fire.
Racing to the wire.
Bring the glory down to you.
"I suppose that's better than bringing a bookcase down on you." said Crow.
Michael J. Nelson as Mike Nelson (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
Gypsy (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
Tom Servo (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
Crow T. Robot (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg (Buffy, the Vampire Slayer)
Nicholas Brendan as Xander Harris (Buffy, the Vampire Slayer)
Nicolas Cage as Randall "Memphis" Raines (Gone In Sixty Seconds)
Vin Diesel as Dominic Toretto (The Fast and the Furious)
Jesse James (Monster Garage)
"The outlaw Jesse James." said Tom. A couple of seconds later, he burst out laughing and said "Oh, I get it! Jesse James!"
Beavis (Beavis and Butthead)
Butthead (Beavis and Butthead)
Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)
Marge Simpson (The Simpsons)
Bart Simpson (The Simpsons)
Lisa Simpson (The Simpsons)
"Come down to St. Paul Hyundai and lease a Simpson." said Mike.
Maggie Simpson (The Simpsons)
Derek Luke as Jaleel "The Kid" (Biker Boyz)
Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt (Mission: Impossible)
Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid)
Peter Weller as Buckaroo Banzai (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Burning,
turning,
screaming down the quarter mile.
"I live my life a quarter mile at a time." said Tom.
Racing,
chasing,
put the pressure on the dial.
Lewis Smith as Perfect Tommy (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Jeff Goldblum as Sydney "New Jersey" Zweibel (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Jason Statham as Marcus (CR4 by Turbo Man)
Will Ferrell as Regis (CR4 by Turbo Man)
Matt Trakker (MASK)
Bruce Sato (MASK)
Gloria Baker (MASK)
"I thought Team MASK was sssssssmokin'!" said Crow.
Bernard Bernoulli (Maniac Mansion)
Ben (Full Throttle)
Sam (Sam and Max)
Max (Sam and Max)
Corvax (Muzzy)
Robert Patrick as the T-1000 (Terminator 2: Judgement Day)
Kristanna Loken as the T-X (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines)
Bob Einstein as Super Dave Osbourne (Super Dave)
Art Irizawa as Fuji Akihito (Super Dave)
Frankie Muniz as Malcolm (Malcolm in the Middle)
Justin Berfield as Reese (Malcolm in the Middle)
Nitro burn,
keep it clean.
Down the straight,
like a dream.
In your machine,
speed machine.
Christopher Kennedy Masterson as Francis (Malcolm in the Middle)
Martin Henderson as Cary Ford (Torque)
Ashton Kutcher as Jesse Richmond (Dude, Where's My Car)
Seann William Scott as Chester Greenburg (Dude, Where's My Car?)
"Dude, where's my car?" asked Mike. "I dunno. Did you look under the sofa cushions?"
Pierce Brosnan as James Bond (Die Another Day)
Richard Kiel as Jaws (The Spy Who Loved Me)
Bill Murray as Peter Venkman (Ghostbusters)
Ernie Hudson as Winston Zeddmore (Ghostbusters)
Rick Moranis as Louis Tully (Ghostbusters)
Don Johnson as Nash Bridges (Nash Bridges)
Cheech Marin as Joe Dominguez (Nash Bridges)
"Hey, Cheech-man." said Crow in a Tommy Chong voice.
Tony Shalhoub as Adrian Monk (Monk)
Will Smith as Agent J (Men In Black)
Tommy Lee Jones as Agent K (Men In Black)
David Duchovny as Agent Fox Mulder (The X-Files)
Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog)
Miles "Tails" Prower (Sonic the Hedgehog)
Knuckles the Echidna (Sonic the Hedgehog)
Burning wheels of fire.
Racing to the wire.
Bring the glory down to you.
Michael T. Weiss as Jarod (The Pretender)
"Got brass...in pocket." sang Tom.
Johnny Five (Short Circuit)
Mario (Super Mario Brothers)
Luigi (Super Mario Brothers)
Link (The Legend of Zelda)
David Hasselhoff as Michael Knight (Knight Rider)
KITT (Knight Rider)
Mr. T as B.A. Baracus (The A-Team)
Dwight Schultz as "Howling Mad" Murdock (The A-Team)
"I love it when a plan comes together." said Mike.
"No George Peppard." whispered Tom.
"Oh." said Mike.
Wario (Super Mario Land 2)
Waluigi (Mario Tennis)
Bowser (Super Mario Brothers)
Takeshi Kaga as Chairman Kaga (Iron Chef)
Chen Kenichi (Iron Chef)
Masahiko Kobe (Iron Chef)
Tommy Vercetti (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)
Max Payne (Max Payne)
"Max Payne, what a cool name." said Crow.
"And oddly enough, his parents were expecting a girl." said Mike.
Brad Pitt as Lone Wolf (original character created by Turbo Man)
Steve Guttenberg as Carey Mahoney (Police Academy)
Grinding,
winding,
drop the clutch and let her fly.
Speeding,
leading,
feel the seconds ticking by.
Michael Winslow as Larvell Jones (Police Academy)
Chuck Norris as Cordell Walker (Walker, Texas Ranger)
"I heard Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open." said Tom.
"I heard there's no 'Ctrl' key on Chuck Norris' computer." said Mike. "That's because he's always in control."
"I heard Chuck Norris counted to infinity...twice." said Crow.
Bubba Smith as Moses Hightower (Police Academy)
Patrick Warburton as Eugene Tackleberry (David Graf actually played "Tack" in the Police Academy films, but sadly, he is no longer with us)
Art Hindle as Flash (Speed Zone)
Marion Ramsey as Laverne Hooks (Police Academy)
Bruce Mahler as Douglas Fackler (Police Academy)
Bobcat Goldthwait as Zed (Police Academy)
with
Burt Reynolds as J.J. McClure (Cannonball Run)
Dom Deluise as Victor Prinsi (Cannonball Run)
Brock Yates
Jack Nicholson as Mr. X (CR3 by Charles Xavier)
"Wait'll they get a load of me." said Crow.
"Heeeere's Johnny!" said Tom.
"Sell crazy somewhere else." said Crow. "We're all stocked up here."
"Hey, what did you think, Mike?" asked Tom.
Phil Keoghan (The Amazing Race)
The Big Schwag (Monster Garage)
Frankie Whiteside (Monster Garage)
David Spade
"You want the truth?" asked Mike.
"Sure." said Crow.
"You can't handle the truth!" said Mike.
Beat the clock,
take your turn.
Feel the heat,
start the burn.
Hit the gas,
hear the roar.
Kick the pedal,
to the floor.
Beck
Better Than Ezra
"I wonder if Ezra sued these guys for slander yet." said Tom.
Blues Traveller
Coldplay
Counting Crows
Sheryl Crow
"Hey, it's Sheryl ME." said Crow.
Lenny Kravitz
LL Cool J
Love Fist (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)
Meat Loaf
Slash
Brad Turner (MASK)
Josh Duhamel as Danny McCoy (Las Vegas)
Marsha Thomason as Nessa Holt(Las Vegas)
Mary Lynn Rajskub as Chloe O'Brian (24)
David Carradine as Sherriff Cooper DeVille (original by Turbo Man)
Mykelti Williamson as Bobby "Fearless" Smith (Boomtown)
Donnie Wahlberg as Joel Stevens (Boomtown)
Burning wheels of fire.
Racing to the wire.
Bring the glory down to you.
"Ah, forget bringing the glory down to me." said Mike. "I'll go up and get it myself."
Burning wheels of fire.
Racing to the wire.
Bring the glory down to you.
-"Burning Wheels" by Saxon.
Another song began.
Joe Pantoliano as Jimmy "Dr. Feelgood" DeMarco (original by Turbo Man)
Glenn Close as Commander Alice Foyt (Cannonball Run 3: World Tour by Charles Xavier)
"What was her name again?" asked Tom.
"Foyt!" said Mike and Crow.
"Ah." said Tom.
Eric Etebari as Darden/"Fabio" (2 Fast 2 Furious)
John Cenatiempo as Korpi/"Fonzie" (2 Fast 2 Furious)
Troy Brown as Paul Hackett (2 Fast 2 Furious)
Corey Eubanks as Max Campisi (2 Fast 2 Furious)
Sam Maloof as Joe Osbourne (2 Fast 2 Furious)
Troy Robinson as Feliz Vispone (2 Fast 2 Furious)
Master P as Johnny B (Gone in Sixty Seconds)
Reggie Lee as Lance Nguyen (The Fast and the Furious)
Tanner (Driver)
Dan Aykroyd as Capt. Tom Everett (Caddyshack 2) and Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)
Mitzi Martin as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)
Nichole Hiltz as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)
Linda Kim as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)
Mia Trudeau as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)
Kim Marie Johnson as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)
Ray Park as the Warrior (original character created by Turbo Man)
"Shooting out the walls of heartache. Bang! Bang!" sang Crow.
featuring
April O'Neil (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Richard Sanders as Les Nessman (WKRP In Cincinatti)
Andy Dick as Matthew Brock (Newsradio)
Fran Drescher as Pamela Finkelstein (UHF)
David Bowe as Bob (UHF)
The Road Runner (Looney Tunes)
Giovanni (Pokemon)
Jesse rides through the night.
Under the Main Street light.
Ridin' slow.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew (Muppets)
Beaker (Muppets)
John Forsythe as voice of Charlie (Charlie's Angels)
"Wait, I didn't see John Forsythe in the film." said Tom.
Sarah Chalke as Elliot Reed (Scrubs)
Donald Faison as Christopher Turk (Scrubs)
Judy Reyes as Carla Espinosa (Scrubs)
John C. McGinley as Dr. Perry Cox (Scrubs)
Neil Flynn as the janitor (Scrubs)
Bruce Spence as the Gyro Captain (Mad Max 2:The Road Warrior)
Mark "Jacko" Jackson as Jetto (The Highwayman)
Mason Strong (Roadkill)
Spike (Roadkill)
Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Rhea Perlman as Carla Tortelli (Cheers)
Mary Jo Pehl as Pearl Forrester (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
All three of them booed.
Bill Corbett as the Observer/"Brain-Guy" (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
Kevin Murphy as Professor Bobo (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
Joel Hodgson as Joel Robinson (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
Mr. Van Dreisen (Beavis and Butthead)
Squeaky-Voiced Teenager (The Simpsons)
Apu (The Simpsons)
Chief Clancy Wiggum (The Simpsons)
Principal Seymour Skinner (The Simpsons)
Edna Krabappel (The Simpsons)
Snake (The Simpsons)
Comic Book Guy (The Simpsons)
Nelson Muntz (The Simpsons)
Lawrence Fishburne as Smoke (Biker Boyz)
Dr. Fred Edison (Maniac Mansion)
This old town ain't the same.
Now, nobody knows his name.
Times have changed, still he rides.
"Maybe he's lost." said Crow.
Glottis (Grim Fandango)
Erik Per Sullivan as Dewey (Malcolm in the Middle)
Harold Ramis as Egon Spengler (Ghostbusters)
John Cleese as R (Die Another Day)
Earl Boen as Dr. Peter Silberman (The Terminator)
Makoto (Midnight Club 2)
Ichiro (Midnight Club 2)
Nikko (Midnight Club 2)
Hiroyuki Sakai (Iron Chef)
Masaharu Morimoto (Iron Chef)
Shadoe Stevens
Tim Matheson as Jack O'Neil (Speed Zone)
Mimi Kuzyk as Heather Scott (Speed Zone)
Jason Bateman as Michael Bluth (Arrested Development)
Will Arnett as George Oscar "Gob" Bluth (Arrested Development)
"Mr. Wendall, yeah." sang Mike.
Jane Kaczmarek as Lois (Malcolm in the Middle)
Bryan Cranston as Hal (Malcolm in the Middle)
Wildcat (Tale Spin)
Chad Lindberg as Jesse (The Fast and the Furious)
Jude Law as Sky Captain (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow)
Giovanni Ribisi as Dex Dearborn (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow)
Queen Latifah as Belle (Taxi)
Jimmy Fallon as Andy Washburn (Taxi)
James Best as Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane (The Dukes of Hazzard)
"Most of these guys were good, but James was best." said Tom.
Jimbo Jones (The Simpsons)
Dolph (The Simpsons)
Kearney (The Simpsons)
Mike Henry as Junior (Smokey and the Bandit)
Traffic lights, keeping time.
Leading the wild and restless,
through the night.
Greg Evigan as B.J. McKay (B.J. and the Bear)
Jon Heder as Napoleon Dynamite (Napoleon Dynamite)
Kelsey Grammer as Frasier Crane (Frasier)
Peri Gilpin as Roz Doyle (Frasier)
Pepe Serna as Reno Nevada (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
"Wait, the race didn't go through Reno." said Crow. "Why are they even crediting him."
Keisuke Takahashi (Initial D)
Athrun Zala (Gundam Seed)
Nicol Amalfi (Gundam Seed)
Dearka Elsman (Gundam Seed)
Yzak Joule (Gundam Seed)
Jodi Ann Paterson as Giant Woman (Dude, Where's My Car)
Udo Kier as Yuri (Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2)
Kari Wurher as Tanya Adams (Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2)
Cam Jones (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)
Paul Hogan as Mick "Crocodile" Dundee (Crocodile Dundee)
Steve Irwin (The Crocodile Hunter) (R.I.P.)
Richard Dean Anderson as MacGyver (MacGyver)
"MacGyver made a Jeep out of his script." said Mike.
Hugo Weaving as "Big Donnie" Canaglio (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under)
Dominic Purcell as Alex (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under)
Anthony Simcoe as Rocco (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under)
Kane Hodder as Jason Voorhees (Friday the Thirteenth)
Andrew Bryniarski as Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre)
Brad Loree as Michael Myers (Halloween)
Jonathan Breck as the Creeper (Jeepers Creepers)
The Tasmanian Devil (Looney Tunes)
Jacqueline McKenzie as Diana Skouris (The 4400)
Conchita Campbell as Maia Rutledge (The 4400)
Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl)
Still they ride, on wheels of fire.
They rule the night.
Still they ride, the strong will survive.
Chasing thunder.
Moe Szyslak (The Simpsons)
Bob Denver as Gilligan (Gilligan's Island) (R.I.P)
Russell Johnson as Professor Roy Hinckley (Gilligan's Island)
"The Professor's trailer was made completely from coconuts." said Tom.
Dawn Wells as Mary Ann Summers (Gilligan's Island)
David Caruso as Horatio Caine (CSI: Miami)
Alex Rodriguez as Eric Delko (CSI: Miami)
Jeff Perry as Harvey Leek (Nash Bridges)
Cress Williams as Antwon Babcock (Nash Bridges)
Carl Lumbly as John Parker (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Laura Harris as Marybeth (The Faculty)
Josh Hartnett as Zeke Tyler (The Faculty)
Blanka (Street Fighter 2)
Chip Foose
"Ah, Chip Foose." said Crow. "You know, he invented Fooseball."
"I did not know that." said Tom.
Stalker (G.I.Joe)
Gung Ho (G.I.Joe)
Roadblock (G.I.Joe)
Snake-Eyes (G.I.Joe)
Steve "Tombstone" Stearle (Monster Garage)
Chris "Body Drop" Artiaga (Monster Garage)
Ian Whyte as the Predator (Alien vs. Predator)
Tom Woodruff Jr. as the Alien (Alien vs. Predator)
Vernon Fenwick (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Christine (Christine)
"Christine's cousin is a Dodge Omni." said Mike.
Richard Roundtree as Officer Kante (original by Turbo Man)
Ron Perlman as Hellboy (Hellboy)
Selma Blair as Liz Sherman (Hellboy)
Doug Jones as Abe Sapien (Hellboy)
Spinning 'round, in a spell.
It's hard to leave this carousel.
'Round and 'round,
and 'round and 'round.
"And round and round and round..." said Crow.
David Hyde Pierce as Voice of Abe Sabien (Hellboy)
Ladislav Beran as Karl Ruprecht Kroenen (Hellboy)
Tracy Morgan as Brian Fellow (Saturday Night Live)
Gerard Butler as Dracula (Dracula 2000)
Hugh Jackman as Van Helsing (Van Helsing)
Shuler Hensley as Frankenstein's Monster (Van Helsing)
John Raimi (Geist)
Brendan Fehr as Stuntman (Biker Boyz)
Larenz Tate as Wood (Biker Boyz)
"Huh huh. Wood." said Tom.
Rick Gonzalez as Primo (Biker Boyz)
Dante Baco as Philly (Biker Boyz)
Dion Basco as Flip (Biker Boyz)
Monet Mazur as Shane (Torque)
Jay Hernandez as Dalton (Torque)
Will Yun Lee as Val (Torque)
Denis Leary William Sanderson as Larry (Newhart)
Tony Papenfuss as First Darryl (Newhart)
John Voldstad as Second Darryl (Newhart)
Vinnie Jones as the Sphinx (Gone In Sixty Seconds)
Slimer (Ghostbusters)
worm aliens (Men In Black)
Dietrich Bader as Rex (Napoleon Dynamite)
Phil Cassidy (Grand Theft Auto III)
"Doesn't Phil have a song about him?" asked Mike.
"Oh yeah." said Tom. "It was the Pumpkins. 'Disarm' I believe."
guest starring
Nash Gorey (MASK)
Johnny Sasaki (Metal Gear Solid)
Carlos Bernard as Tony Almeida (24)
Still they ride, on wheels of fire.
They rule the night.
Still they ride, the strong will survive.
Chasing thunder.
-"Still They Ride" by Journey.
"Well, that was nice." said Mike.
"Yeah, pretty cool." said Tom.
"Is it over?" asked Crow.
"Yeah, I guess." said Mike as he picked up Tom. "Let's go."
Mike carried Tom out of the theater and Crow followed.
XXXXXXXXXX
In Monument Valley...
"Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh." laughed Beavis while still staring at the "Elephant Butte" sign.
"Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh." laughed Butthead.
"Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh." laughed Beavis.
"Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh." laughed Butthead.
"Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh." laughed Beavis.
"Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh." laughed Butthead.