2.
Feed your body – Feed your mind
Oh, stop. Put down that hank of thigh and finish reading the chapter. It's short. Your meat won't spoil.
Unfortunately for the uninfected, zombies must eat. While our bodies don't need it. It is really central to our existence. How many zombies do you know that get up in the morning and pass on that particularly delectable 8 year old who lives next door?
My theory is that you should pay attention to what you eat. Moderation and careful planning will ensure that we keep an bountiful supply of lunch meat long past Day One of the Outbreak. For those who don't conserve, I predict a long patch of nothing but other zombies walking the planet – and you know how we taste.
Rule One for better eating: Put down the fatty.
As a vampire movie once told us, fatties "taste like fritos", which go great with French onion dip but leave your stomach feeling greasy for days. Save these guys for big tailgating days when you get together with a few thousand of your undead friends. They'll appreciate the size of the spread you gut for them.
Rule two for better eating: Don't gorge.
Since we don't actually digest the living, I'd like to remind you what options that leaves you with. Regurgitation. (Of course you've never seen it on screen, who wants to watch that stuff?) Putrefaction. (Which never smells bad until you take that shotgun blast to the stomach.) And defecation. (And let me remind you of how lumpy brains are coming out. Ugh.)
Rule three for better eating: Wait for the naked ones.
It's a rule that the pretty ones will always take their clothes off at the worst times. And I'll argue that nothing makes a meal more pleasing than beautiful presentation.