Some of the characters may be a little OOC, but as it's funny, I thought you wouldn't mind!

Bella is still human in this.

Enjoy it!

Disclaimer:

I don't own the sexy stripper Edward. Or any of the others

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The Cullen Family

"Step on it Eduardo, or the shop will be shut by the time we get there!" Alice called in her chime-like voice from the backseat.

Edward growled under his breath and didn't push the car any faster. "Number one," he said in his icy perfect voice, his jaw clenched with annoyance, "My name is NOT Edwardo."

"Eduardo," Alice corrected.

"Same thing," Edward hissed. "Number two, I don't want to go to this stupid shop anyway, and number three, THE CAR WONT GO ANY FASTER!"

Jasper grinned and used his power to send a wave of calm through the car. Edward relaxed, his muscles untensed, and he leant back against the car seat. His eyes fluttered closed, and his hands dropped slowly from the steering wheel.

"Edward! Watch it!" Bella screamed, her voice worried and high. The car screeched and careened across the road. Rosalie leant forward from the backseat and slapped Edward on the face, which woke him from the serene trance-like state Jasper had put him into. He righted the car and growled louder.

"I think you overdid it with the calm," Emmett snickered.

"Yeah, I guess," Jasper said, flicking Alice on the nose and looking out the window with a bored expression on his face.

"You might not care, Jasper," Bella said harshly, "But if we crashed this car, then I would die!"

"Sorry, Bella," Jasper said, putting on a pair of puppy-dog eyes.

Bella melted.

"Why do we have to go to this stupid shop anyway?" Edward whined.

"Because its HALLOWEEN!" Alice shouted excitedly.

Oh no, not Halloween! Esme thought, what happened last year was enough Halloween forever. I don't ever want to clean up that much mess again. My fingers still ache from all the cleaning and my mouth still hurts from all the apologizing I had to do!

All the Cullens were squished in the back of Edward's Volvo. Rosalie was constantly moaning about the lack of space, Emmett was grinning to himself because she had to sit on his knee because of the limited room, Alice was squashed against the window, her cheek pressed against the glass, Esme was stuck in the middle, and Carlisle was in the boot.

Alice who had been screaming that they had to LEAVE NOW had forced him into the boot, and it had been closed before he could get out. His thoughts were filled with, who left this in here? I'll bet Edward hasn't noticed this! and the occasional snort could be heard from behind them.

Edward pulled up the car in front of a small store, which had brightly coloured lights flashing neon from every surface they could possibly be attached to. A big, bright white sign above the door said, 'PERKIN'S RENTAL, COSTUMES FOR EVERY OCCASION!'

"Here we are," Alice said brightly.

Bella and Edward, who were sitting in the drivers seat and the passengers seat, lounging in the legroom that was available to them, got out of the car and sauntered slowly towards the shop.

"OY!" Emmett shouted, banging on the window. "We can't get out of here!"

Alice's whole body was now squished against the glass, which looked to be in danger of cracking.

Rosalie yanked on the door handle and the car door opened, spilling all five vampires onto the concrete. They straightened up, Alice looking around frantically to check whether anybody had noticed their graceful entrance to the Port Angeles community, and when all was announced 'clear', she trotted after Bella and Edward to the shop.

"HELP!" Carlisle shouted from the boot as the rest of his family disappeared towards the shop. "I CAN'T GET OUT!"

Esme turned and hurried back towards the car, and helped Carlisle out. They followed their children into the shop, with the occasional mutter of, 'Children these days…'

"HELLO AND WELCOME TO PERKIN'S COSTUME RENTAL!" shouted a small, stout man enthusiastically as the eight stunning people entered his shop.

"Hey," Alice said, with a wiggle of her eyebrows. "Nice suit."

The man was wearing a bright purple suit, which was polka-dotted with mustard yellow dots.

"THANKS!" the man shouted with a smile.

"He seems incapable of speaking below a scream," Edward muttered under his breath to Bella, who snorted.

"WHAT SORT OF COSTUME ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?" asked the man, his face turning purple as he yelled brightly at them.

"Oh, just something for Halloween," Alice answered, and then she disappeared into the rows on rows of shelves, pulling Bella along with her. The shop seemed to be much bigger than it looked from the outside.

"HOW ABOUT YOU, MY FINE YOUNG MAN?" the man bellowed at Edward, who cringed. He poked his ear to check it was still attached to his head, and the man hadn't blown it off with the force of his words.

"Ugh," Edward answered. "I'm not looking for anything. I don't want to dress up. I was dragged here."

"NONESENSE!" the man shouted. "HERE AT PERKINS WE HAVE A COSTUME FOR ANY OCCASION UNDER THE SUN! WE HAVE PARTY COSTUMES, ANNIVERSARY COSTUMES, HALLOWEEN COSTUMES, WEDDING COSTUMES, EASTER COSTUMES AND CHRISTMAS COSTUMES! NOT TO MENTION OUR LARGE RANGE OF HOOKER COSTUMES, SLUTTY NURSE COSTUMES, SEXY STRIPPER COSTUMES-"

"Oh, god NO!" Edward shouted.

"THEN HOW ABOUT COMING WITH ME?" the man said, dragging Edward by the arm, "I'LL FIX YOU UP, LITTLE GUY!"

And with one last pleading look; Edward was dragged out of sight.

"SO…" the man said, picking up three costumes in a variety of colours, and pushing Edward through a curtain into a secret room which had 'PRIVATE BACK ROOM!' written in capitals on the door. "HERE YOU GO!" And he thrust a few tiny pieces of lacy material through the curtain and into Edward's hands.

"What the hell are these?" Edward growled.

"JUST PUT THEM ON!"

"No!" Edward groaned.

Bella skipped towards the shop attendant, wearing an adorable bunny outfit, (Ps. It was Bella wearing the bunny outfit, not the shop attendant!).

"Is Edward in there?" she asked.
"YES! HE'S TRYING ON ONE OF MY COSTUMES RIGHT NOW!"

"Oh, wow," Bella said with a smile, "He's actually cooperating! I'm so proud of him! I love you Edward!" she shouted through the curtain.

Edward, who had, at that exact second, been just about to rip the costume into tiny little pieces (or even smaller than it already was), groaned. He couldn't refuse to try it on now. Regretfully, he stripped and put on the tiny pieces of material.

"Ready yet?" Bella asked, bouncing up and down in her bunny outfit.

"Yeah," Edward said in a subdued voice.

The shop attendant whipped back the curtain.

And Edward was standing there, wearing nothing but a lacy black thong, (Breathe, readers, breathe!). His pale skin was shining, but not quite glittering, in the light from the hippie pink light bulb that hung above their heads.

"You look wonderful!" Bella said, jumping at him.

"Wonderful?" Edward scoffed.
"Tres, tres sexy," Bella said with a feeble attempt at French. "This is perfect," she said to the shop attendant.

"Bella!" Edward almost shouted, "I can't get this! I have to GO AROUND TO OTHER PEOPLE'S HOUSES in costume! I can't walk down the street in nothing but a thong!"

"Don't be stupid," Bella said. "Of course you-"

"No," Edward said, "No way!" And he ripped off the thong in one movement and jumped behind the curtain before anyone could see anything. "Get something bigger," Edward said from behind the curtain.

"OF COURSE, VALUED CUSTOMER!"

In the next second, the three outfits had been discarded and the shop attendant was back.

"HOW TALL DID YOU SAY HE WAS?" the man asked Bella.

"A bit taller than six foot," Bella said.

"WE HAVE ONLY ONE COSTUME THAT WILL FIT HIM, THEN," the shop attendant bellowed. "UNLESS YOU WANT SOMETHING FROM THE GIRLS RANGE?" he asked Edward.

"NO!" came the answer. "I'll take anything but that!"

The shop attendant smiled manically and flourished a massive costume, which was bright orange with dark green trappings.

"MAY I PRESENT, THE PUMPKIN OUTFIT!"

"No…!" Edward wailed, "This can't be happening!"

"You asked for something bigger, Edward, and this is what you get!" Bella laughed. She took the massive costume and pushed it through the curtain.

A few tangled curses later, Edward was dressed.

"I look stupid," he moaned from behind the curtain.

"Let's see then," Bella giggled. She whipped back the curtain… and there was Edward, his face forlorn, standing in the biggest, brightest costume they had in the shop. His arms were stuck horizontally out of the sides of the costume, and on his head was perched a little orange and green hat, which was the top of the pumpkin.

"I am not wearing this."

"Oh, yes you are," Alice said, appearing in a fairy costume to gawk and grin at her miserable brother. Jasper came up behind her, wearing a Prince Charming outfit. Emmett was dressed as Captain Hook of Peter Pan, and Rosalie as Tinkerbell.

"Edward, you are wearing the pumpkin suit or I'm not getting married to you," Bella said.

"Since when was 'force your fiancée into a stupid, fat, bright orange pumpkin suit that smells of moth balls' part of the bargain?" Edward asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"We're going to pay," Alice said, and dragged the others away so we could have some privacy. The shopkeeper waddled after them.

"If you wear the suit, you can ask one other thing of me," Bella said.

"Like what?" Edward said, interested now.

"Anything."

Edward smiled and walked forward, a lop-sided grin on his face. He reached out to pull Bella towards him, but found his way blocked by a massive mass of orange material. Cursing, he pulled it over his head in one fluid motion and pulled Bella closer. The pumpkin suit dropped to the floor behind him.

"Anything?" he questioned, massaging a spot on Bella's neck with his lips.

Bella nodded, her breath coming out as quick gasps.

"Anything, like…" he trailed off. Edward ran his hands down Bella's shoulders and left them on her lower back. "…This?" and he kissed her again on her neck, moving his lips down to the first button on her top. He opened it with his teeth. "…Right here?"

"You… you want…" Bella moaned as Edward kissed her again. "…That… here?"

Edward opened the next button with his teeth. "There's your answer," he whispered in his velvety voice, his breath cold against her exposed skin.

"Not here," Bella groaned. "Anything but that. Not in public."

Edward pulled back, and leant against the wall, as far away from Bella as he could possibly get. "Fine then," he said in mock annoyance. "No pumpkin suit."

"Awww," Bella said, "Edward! That's not fair."

"Nope. You chose the rules."

"I'm begging you," Bella said, kneeling down and shuffling across the floor. She looked up at Edward with wide eyes. He shook his head once again. Bella hid her amusement as she slowly and deliberately ran her hands up Edward's legs, from his shoes upwards.

Edward moaned, "No Bella…" His eyes looked tortured.

Bella carried on.

"Stop it," Edward whispered, and stopped her hands just as they reached his thighs. He wrapped his hands around her small ones and removed them from his body. "Fine," Edward said through his teeth. "I'll wear the damn suit."

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