Zelda Remembers

"I'll go to Hogwarts tomorrow afternoon to see the boys, and then King will bring me to the cabin," said Michael. "Since it's only Thursday now, we'll have a couple of days together. Does that work for you?"

"Of course," said Severus. "Zelda doesn't think you'll even be needed. We're going today, as soon as she's home this afternoon."

"Take care of her," said Michael, squeezing his shoulder reassuringly.

Severus nodded, frowning at the ridiculous comment.

"We shall see you tomorrow," he said, exiting in a swirl of his billowing cloak.

The new Deputy Headmaster of Hogwarts left St. Mungo's and went quickly around the corner, entering an alley. He glanced around to be sure he was alone and then Disapparated.

&&&&&&&&&

"Everything is at the cabin already, including Rowena. Don't fret, my girl," Severus said softly, a few hours later.

He had changed into his Muggle clothing and waited while Zelda dithered around rather nervously. He wondered if she was truly ready to regain all her memories, but when he suggested it, she came close to snapping at him. Her behavior was most worrying, but she was adamant.

"Let's go, then," she said. "It seems silly to take a day off from work tomorrow, but I have everything organized at school."

"Come along. You said you'll trust me in this," he said mildly.

He put his arms around her and they were instantly standing in the afternoon sun outside the cabin.

Rowena greeted them as though she'd been alone for hours instead of twenty minutes, so while Severus hung up the coats Zelda soothed the excited dog.

"Good girl," she murmured, burying her face in Rowena's thick neck fur.

Severus had gone to light the fires and he returned to say, "We need not do this today. We have so many other things to deal with, perhaps we should wait."

"I need to know," she said firmly. "Let's get it over with. Where's the potion?"

"In a moment, he said. "When you've taken the potion, I'll examine you with Legilimency. I shall offer you more memories, such as I know, and you must take them and evaluate them slowly."

She shivered slightly. "I think I'll change clothes first."

He met her gaze gently. "An excellent idea."

Their bedroom was warm when she entered it. She searched around for a nightgown, but all she could find was the thick white robe her children had given her for Christmas. She flung off her clothes and wrapped herself in it. She slipped her feet into her bunny slippers and returned to Severus.

Severus had fed Rowena. He brought the vial of potion and a tiny glass with some liquid in it.

"Shall we go to the bedroom? I do not wish Rowena to interrupt us if she is disturbed."

He closed the door quietly and turned to find her sitting cross-legged on the bed.

He poured the requisite eight drops into the glass and handed it to her. He watched her drink it, then took the glass and set it on the bedside table. Expertly he watched for early signs of the potion taking effect. He dragged the comforter over her, tucking it around her shoulders.

Zelda saw his worry and wanted to reassure him, but she felt the potion moving through her and her mind became rather fuzzy.

"Zelda," said Severus. "Look at me."

He saw the memories she had already reclaimed, the grey areas and the false memories created by the Ministry officials begin to swirl and merge. There was a flash and he saw Firenze, the centaur standing in the Entrance Hall of Hogwarts, speaking to Zelda. He saw her jolt of emotion and realized she had not remembered Firenze yet. She gasped and he feared she was going too fast.

"Zelda," he said. "Do you remember this day?"

He offered what he had seen of Potter's seventeenth birthday. She had met Neville Longbottom that day and it had been an emotional day.

She focused on his memory closely for long minutes and then said softly, "Harry's birthday. July thirty-first."

She withdrew from his memories and began trying to manage her own confused images as he watched. Eventually he saw her rub her forehead irritably.

"Rest a moment," he said, putting his arms around her.

She shook her head irritably. "You looked terrible last summer, so tired and thin. I missed you so much it hurts even now. If you weren't here with me, I'd go mad remembering it."

She closed her eyes and pressed against his neck. He felt a tear against his skin and wanted to tell her it was enough, but he knew she would not stop so soon.

So it went for the next hour. When her mind leaped too quickly to that final day at Hogwarts he would recall her to earlier memories. They were still painful, but he hoped that giving her the chronology would help her to sort it. There were brief breaks while she tried to order her mind and there were times when she wept. Finally the dose of potion wore off.

&&&&&&&&&

"Perhaps you should rest this evening," suggested Severus, watching Zelda pick at her supper.

"I'm on the edge of remembering everything," she said, looking haggard but determined. "It's going to take a long time to cement it all in place, so I need to finish remembering as fast as I can. Please let me go on, Sev?"

He feared it was a mistake, but knew in her position, he too would press on as hard as he could. Watching her toy with her food disturbed him, but he knew they would continue.

"Get ready for bed and I'll join you," he told her.

Obediently she went, while he cared for the dog and turned out the lights.

"Snape, do not go so quickly," said a warning voice from the wall.

"Phineas. I do not see how this is your business," replied Severus coldly.

"Your wife is not looking well," said the portrait wizard. "She is a mere Muggle and may break under the pressure."

"Thank you for your advice," he said coolly. "Give my regards to Headmistress McGonagall. Good evening."

He swept into the bedroom and said, "Are you still determined to go ahead?"

She nodded.

"Very well," he said, pouring another dose of potion and handing it to her. He was irritated by Phineas and wanted a reprieve from this. He was not in the best state to deal with something so delicate, but he now wanted to prove the late headmaster wrong. He sat down on the bed and gazed watchfully into Zelda's eyes.

He no longer remembered the events unfolding in her mind. He had been away from her so much that it was all new and confusing to him. He realized she had become more deeply involved in his world than he had known.

"Slowly," he said urgently.

She looked at him, but the effect of the potion was making her head spin and she couldn't see him clearly.

"Severus? I can't see you," she said, hovering on the edge of panic. She groped for him and he swept her into his arms, where her body relaxed briefly.

"Firenze," she said confusedly, trying to understand, but then she was swept into the deepest memories and began to struggle and pant.

"Zelda!" snapped Severus, feeling her terror.

He held her out at arm's length and stared piercingly into her eyes, searching for the familiar contact.

"GINNY! Where are you?" she wailed frantically. "No! Noooo!"

He saw her in the Forbidden Forest, confused glimpses of faces flashing through her mind; Draco Malfoy, Narcissa-looking thin and desperate and then Firenze, pacing by her side, suddenly falling. He saw a distant but horrifying glimpse of the Dark Lord's white face entering the grounds of Hogwarts. That memory jolted him… Voldemort was dead! He screamed, "NOOOOO!"

Zelda heard him and forced herself to look at him, but it was a mistake. Her potion-weakened brain could not withstand his agonizing memories and she fell into his waking nightmare, losing all awareness of herself.

&&&&&&&&&

Zelda regained awareness gradually. She couldn't focus because of a fuzzy feeling, but she was with Severus and he was sobbing and groaning in his worst nightmare since the summer.

"Severus?" she gasped, trying to understand what was happening.

His black eyes were sightless and his expression fierce. He ripped open her robe and single-mindedly possessed her body. His mouth found hers and he kissed her so fiercely that she couldn't speak. His blind desperation reached her and she wrapped her arms around him, trying to offer what comfort she could as he plunged inside her.

Regaining consciousness, Severus found himself joined sexually with a woman, having just experienced a splendid climax. She was holding him close, caressing his back in precisely the place that it ached. It was not a dream, he realized dizzily. The release flooded his body with bliss and he smirked, not knowing how it had happened, but it had been good. He allowed himself to drift back to sleep.

"Zelda!" he said, jerking blearily awake twenty minutes later.

"Sev," she groaned weakly, drifting in and out of her own unhappy dreams. Finally she said, "Are you okay?"

"Fine," he said firmly as he realized what they had attempted. "Zelda, are you all right?"

Tears appeared in her eyes and she said, "Yes. I think I remember everything. But, Sev, what happened to you?"

"I believe I… I went back, a flashback, Michael would call it," he said, appalled by what had happened.

"I don't think you've had a worse nightmare since the first days I knew you," she said, finally managing to focus on his eyes.

He gazed into her eyes and saw lingering confusion, pain and sorrow, but she was able to see him again. His relief was palpable.

"I did not know you saw him," said Severus. "If I'd known you were so close to him…" he broke off, feeling ill.

She hugged him and kissed his nose.

"No more potion," he said, looking worn and old. "Zelda, one of us must be sane and in control, and I was wrong when I thought it would be me. I lost control of my mind. I could have hurt you."

"No!" she moaned. "We won't let it happen again. I don't need the damned potion any more. We're okay."

He groaned, his head throbbing. It was ridiculous, he'd been with her all the time, but when he blacked out he'd taken her with no idea who she was or where he was and had not cared. He felt like he'd had sex with a stranger and was filled with guilt.

"I feel terribly sick and tired. Let's get some sleep," she said, attempting to sound brisk and competent.

He felt as lost, she looked so fragile, and his heart went out to her. He held out his arms and she slipped against him and laid her cheek against his chest.

"I love you, Sev. We're all right, aren't we?" she asked, feeling his heart beating against her face.

"While we're together, we'll be all right," he said wearily. "I love you, Mrs. Snape."

&&&&&&&&&

Severus awoke to find the morning sun shining through the window and Zelda holding a tray with breakfast on it.

"Hello, husband," she said cheerfully, setting down the tray.

He studied her carefully, frowning at the dark circles under her swollen eyes.

"Come back to bed and share with me," he said. "I should be taking care of you."

She handed him a mug of coffee and then picked one up and sipped from it.

"Satisfied?" she asked.

"Thank you, my girl," he replied, drinking deeply. "It is excellent coffee."

She smiled faintly and her eyes were clearer as she studied his eyes.

"We need to know we're both all right. It was terrifying, wasn't it?"

"Zelda, did I hurt you last night?" he asked urgently, setting his coffee mug down hastily. "I didn't know you… I didn't know myself when it happened. Did I…" he forced the words out, "I didn't rape you, did I?"

"Oh, poor Severus. Is that what you thought? Goddess, of course you didn't rape me," she said, setting down her coffee mug and looking earnestly into his eyes.

He exhaled slowly, seeing the truth and feeling perhaps he was not unforgivably vicious.

"Please eat something and I will too," she said in a meek voice. "I was wrong and you were right. I need this long weekend to recover from this, and now you do too."

He took his plate meekly, still sickened by remembering his complete loss of control. He forced himself to eat, matching her bite for bite as he saw that she was not actually hungry either. Finally he set both plates aside.

"Sweetheart, come here," he said, holding out his arms.

She came to him and cuddled close. Against all expectation they both fell deep into sleep.

&&&&&&&&&

Brisk knocking startled Zelda in the late afternoon.

"Hey, are you alive in there?" called Michael.

Zelda stirred and realized that she'd slept the day away. She kissed Severus's gaunt cheek and sat up shakily.

"We're here," she said. "I'll be out in two minutes. Is there something to eat?"

Michael was relieved to hear her voice and chuckled, saying, "You got it, greedy wench. Two minutes!"

"Severus, darling boy," she murmured, pushing the black hair back from his forehead and kissing it.

Severus could not manage wake up. He felt warm and relaxed, so he curled on his side and buried his face in the pillow.

Zelda smiled tenderly at this. Rarely had she seen him so deeply vulnerable, sleeping heavily like a small child. She kissed his cheek and tucked the comforter around his thin shoulders. Then she reached for her robe, slipped into her slippers and left the bedroom.

"Zel, what happened?" asked Michael, horrified at her appearance. "Are you all right? Where's Severus?"

He came to meet her and hugged her tight, then looked piercingly into her bleary eyes.

"I think I remember everything, but I need time," she said.

"Come sit down and eat," he said. "Is Severus okay?"

"He's deep asleep. I was an idiot, Michael. I wanted to go on when I should have listened to him and taken a break. My emotions affected him and he said he had a flashback. He was really upset," she said, her voice fading away at the sight of his frown.

"God, Zel, you're a stubborn brat," he said. "You're both stubborn idiots."

He brought her a bowl of stew and some crackers, watching critically as she began to eat.

"Where's Kingsley?" she asked belatedly, realizing that he could not have come there without a wizard's assistance.

"He'll be back in a few hours. But Zel, if you look this bad, and you look really terrible, how bad is Severus? How can you two possibly recover and function like normal by Sunday?"

"I think I should let him tell you how bad it was," she said. "For me it was like recovering a lot of terrifying bad memories all at once and it was horrid. But my memory triggered his flashback and we were using Legilimency, so I kind of fell into his memories and lost it. I don't know how long. But when I came to, he… Severus wasn't there with me, in his mind. I was still too out of it to understand. We ate breakfast this morning and both fell fast asleep until now."

"Please wake him up again, babe," Michael said gently. "I'll bet you were both in shock afterward, so he needs to eat again. Knowing your control-freak husband, this must've hit him hard."

She nodded sorrowfully and returned to the bedroom to find that Severus was stirring restlessly, possibly in the grip of another nightmare.

"Severus," she said firmly. "Wake up, Sev."

At the sound of her voice he stopped moving, but didn't open his eyes, so she sat down on the bed and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Darling boy, please wake up," she said gently.

Abruptly he shot up to a sitting position, staring cautiously around the room.

"Zelda!" he said, relief flooding him.

He swept her into his arms and held her until his racing pulse slowed.

"You're all right," he said, searching her eyes.

The lines on his face were harsh and his eyes were filled with grief that he could not immediately repress.

"I'm fine and Michael's here. He wants to see that you're all right and he says that we're both stubborn idiots." She stroked his cheek. "Put some clothes on too. I don't want him getting any ideas about trading Kingsley in for a sexier model."

She handed him his clothes and watched as he dressed. It was an odd thing to feel comforted by her watching him, but he was indeed comforted by it.

"Much more discreet," she said, hiding her shock at his sunken eyes and haunted expression.

Rowena romped up to them as they left the bedroom, wagging her tail.

"Sweetie, we've neglected you," said Zelda guiltily, stroking the soft head.

Severus was reluctant to meet Michael's knowing gaze, but Zelda ruthlessly pulled him to the table, where Michael put food down in front of him. He slowly picked up his spoon.

"Eat some more, brat," he said to Zelda. "I swear you two need a keeper."

Michael fed Rowena and washed up the breakfast dishes that he collected from their bedroom, leaving them to eat in peace as he bustled around.

Zelda looked guiltily at Severus, who looked as wretchedly ill as he had when he was forced to deal with Voldemort. He still had no appetite, she realized, seeing him force spoonfuls of stew into his mouth with icy determination. Tears filled her eyes, she realized it was her fault he was having such a horrible time. She had her memory back, but she'd never dreamed that he'd pay the price for her selfish impatience.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

His guilt boiled into sudden, spiraling rage and he lunged to his feet and threw his stew at the wall. The bowl lay on the floor, amazingly unbroken, but stew dripped down the wall like blood.

"You've nothing to be sorry for!" he hissed, his eyes filled with loathing.

Michael was there instantly. He grabbed Severus's leather jacket and thrust it at him.

"Put this on, we're going for a walk," he ordered, wondering nervously if he could actually deal with an out of control wizard.

Severus looked down at his wife's agonized blue eyes and knew he needed to be away. Scowling, he shoved his arms into the sleeves and banged out the door.

Michael paused and blew a kiss to Zelda, who sat at the table alone with grief radiating from her rigid body.

"It'll be okay, babe. I promise," he said firmly. "Stay with Rowena and take care of yourself. Maybe take a shower. But don't worry about Severus. We'll be back and he'll feel better."

The door closed behind him and Zelda looked at Rowena, placidly licking stew from the floor and the wall. She wondered where her happy marriage to Severus had gone and what she should do next. Crushed and forlorn, she put her head down on the table and cried her eyes out.