Master Nin R
Niklas "Hawk" Jonsson

Summary: Naruto, desperately needing advice on how to handle his newly aquired girlfriend, turns to the worst possible source for male-female relationship advice in the Narutoverse. ... Or does he?

Disclaimer: Naruto, Konoha and whatnot are not mine, though I certainly wish they were. The story is mine though, all mine.
If the layout looks screwy or symbols seems to be missing, you're probably reading the quickedit-mangled version of this fic on ff dot net, if it grates on your nerves too much, read it on hawksgalaxy dot com or something.

Feedback/Flames: Yes, please. Both of them are equally fun to read, although I must admit that I greatly prefer the first variety. :)
I can be found on ICQ as 21771860, MSN Messenger/E-mail as iamhawk at yahoo dotcom, though not very frequently as real life lately interferes with my online existance more then I'd like. More stories are available at my nifty lil' site at hawksgalaxy dot com or by clicking on my handle up above.

"speech"
emphasis/shouts/Kindred Domination/post-hypnotic triggers
/thoughts/
/telepathy/
translation
+soundeffect/radio/telephone conversation/TV+

Merry XXX-mas!

This was released as one part of my smutty XXX-mas 2006 event, when I made a bunch of shit available at The Fanfiction Forum, ff dot net and fan-fics-r-us. Not all of it was smut, but most of it was at the very least naughty. What and where shit was released, is found here below:

FMP - Unbecoming Conduct Chapter 1 ( TFF for XXX-mas, ff dot net sometime after XXX-mas. )
HnG - The Scoundrel of Go Chapter 4 ( TFF for XXX-mas, ff dot net sometime after XXX-mas. )
HP - Black Heir Chapter 2 ( ff dot net, it had already been available at TFF for quite some time. )
HP - Fall of the Malfoys, Rise of the Blacks Chapter 2 ( ff dot net, it had already been available at TFF for quite some time. )
HP - Nymph in servitude Chapter 4 ( TFF, PP3+HaT Yahoo Groups, ff dot net sometime after XXX-mas. )
C Naruto - Master Nin Chapter 4 ( ff dot net, it had already been available at TFF for quite some time. )
Naruto - Master Nin Chapter 5 ( TFF for XXX-mas, ff dot net sometime after XXX-mas. )
NGE - A Night with Misato ( fan-fics-r-us for XXX-mas, it had already been available on TFF for quite some time. )
NGE - A Morning with Misato ( TFF for XXX-mas, fan-fics-r-us sometime after XXX-mas. )
Ranma ½ - Urd Muyo Chapter 1 ( ff dot net, it had already been available at TFF for quite some time. )
Vandread - Robinson Tokai Chapter 6 ( TFF for XXX-mas, ff dot net sometime after XXX-mas. )

And a naughty new year!

Previously, on 'Master Nin'

"Who's pussy is this?" Naruto asked after he'd pulled back and moved his right hand down to the area in question.

"Yours, Master." Hinata assured him and his response was to exert his ownership over just mentioned pussy until Hinata came with a muted cry as she attempted to restrain her own reaction to his ministrations. It was a slow, gentle and small climax, unlike the earlier fast, rough and explosive one, but she treasured it just as highly, as it was a precious gift from her Naruto-sama. "I love you, Naruto-sama." Hinata restated once she had recovered, finding that Naruto had slowly eased her down from her climax and then wrapped his arms around her in a comforting hug.

Naruto hesitated for a few moments. Growing up like he had, being told that he was loved felt like the most precious of gifts and even if it was only training, he couldn't help but respond to it this time. When she'd said it before, he'd felt like his heart was about to burst, until he realised it was all fake. But now, now, he just couldn't help himself.

"I love you too, Hinata-chan." he quietly replied, but Hinata's ears, well attuned to Naruto, instantly picked up on it and the shocked girl fainted in his arms, slumping bonelessly against him.

Roll credits

Chapter Five:

"Fuckwads..." Ino groaned as she returned to consciousness, slowly opening her eyes and taking note of her surroundings.

Surroundings which somewhat surprised her, as she was back in her bed and tucked in beneath the covers.

"A dream?" she muttered to herself and let out a relieved sigh, shaking her head in dismay and bemusement. Granted, it wasn't the first naughty dream she'd ever had, heck, it wasn't even the first one in which Naruto had been involved.

Naruto and Hinata together was a first, however. A very disturbing one, truth be told. The spanking was another. Being tied up came from completely out of the blue. Having to repeat lines, being punished for disobedience and having a girl messing with her private parts were also completely brand spanking new elements to her erotic dreams.

Though it had been somewhat hot, in spite of these new and distasteful elements, she reluctantly admitted to herself.

She yawned, stretched and shifted in preparation for getting up, when she suddenly flinched and her eyes widened.

"OW!" she cried out and threw the covers off, staring down at herself. /Why the fuck am I sleeping in the nude?!/ she wondered and gingerly got out of bed, starting to sweat, fret and worry as the sudden pain in her rear end that had caused her earlier outcry didn't stop, didn't prove to be just her imagination. She moved over to the full-length mirror next to the door to her room, turned around and stared in shock at her own still somewhat red and quite clearly recently abused butt. "Holy shit..." she mumbled to herself, then stared down at her wrists, eyes widening further as she saw faint rope burns on them.

She breathed in rapid gasps as she almost staggered over to her bed, upon which she sat down with a pained vince.

"Holy shit..." she repeated in shock, staring at her wrists. "It happened... It really happened..." she said in a tone of complete wonder. Her fists suddenly clenched and she let out a feral snarl. "Those two are SO dead." she growled as a series of very satisfying mental images popped into her head.

The one were she flayed Naruto's skin off with a thorn bush after having shoved a bamboo pole up Hinata's ass was her personal favourite.

It was a very angry and extremely irate Ino who slipped into her robe and stalked off towards the bath, plotting revenge and wondering if there was some sort of Jutsu she could learn that would allow her to resurrect the dead.

If there was, she would make killing Naruto and Hinata in as painful ways as possible, only to resurrect them and start all over again, her life's work.

She was so furious, that she never even took note of the fact that after she had taken her bath and shaved her legs, she also shaved her most private of areas, while mumbling 'I have to keep myself nice and bare for Master.' to herself over and over again.

Nor did she take note of the fact that she left her brassiere in the drawer, alongside with her panties, before she slipped into her purple dress and headed downstairs for some breakfast, wondering how she'd gotten back home after she passed out yesterday. Had she been more focused on the present, she might have noticed that she was muttering 'I must not wear a bra, except during training. I will never wear panties unless ordered to.' to herself as she got dressed...

"Tsunade-sama? ... ... Tsunade-sama? ... ... Tsuna-oh... Hello, Naruto-kun."

"Hello, Shizune-neechan." Naruto greeted the older woman as he walked away from Ichiraku's and spotted her stalking the streets of Konoha with a determined expression and a piercing gaze. "What are you doing?" he curiously asked.

"Tsunade-sama ditched work and snuck off." she sighed with a rueful shake of her head. "I found an empty sake bottle on her desk, so I'm guessing she's trying to get more somewhere."

"That's Tsunade-chan, all right." Naruto sighed. His oddball girlfriend could drink more then anyone else he knew, as he'd learned well after travelling with her to Konoha. She had drunk herself into oblivion every single night after the fight with Orochimaru, Kabuto and Manda. "I'll help you look." he offered and resolved to have a talk with her about the dangers of drinking too much.

"Thank you, Naruto-kun." Shizune said with a bright smile as the two set off, watching the streets and peeking into every place in the village that served or otherwise sold sake. "So, how's it going between the two of you?" Shizune asked a few minutes after they had started looking for Tsunade together.

"I must have messed up a little bit, because I made her cry somehow. I don't really know what I did wrong..." Naruto admitted after a few moments of consideration. "I never knew how hard it was to have a girlfriend!" he continued with a shake of his head. "But I'm practising with Hinata-chan and Ino-chan is helping me out too, so I'm learning lots about it now. I'm going to be the best boyfriend ever!" he declared with a wide grin.

"That's good, Naruto-kun." Shizune commented after a few moments. If she hadn't been angry with Tsunade at the moment, she'd probably have slapped the back of his head for making her cry. But with Tsunade skipping work and heading out for sake, without telling her, Shizune felt a little like making Tsunade cry herself. "You'll have to apologize to Tsunade-sama, however."

"Yeah, that's for the best, I guess." Naruto said with a sigh.

"Damn straight, Naruto-kun! Apologising when you've done something wrong is very important. Perhaps give her a gift as well, to show her how much you care. She's not much for flowers, but chocolate will work with her. She's usually not much for jewellery, but perhaps a necklace to replace the one she lost to you wouldn't be such a bad idea." Shizune hinted, then blinked. "Wait a minute. What was that you said before about those other two girls?"

"Hinata-chan and Ino-chan. They're helping me practise to be a good boyfriend. Hinata-chan is a bit shy and not like Tsunade-chan at all, but Ino-chan is very Tsunade-chan-like, so practising with her is great! Even if she doesn't have as large boobs as Tsunade-chan or is as old, her personality is still very Tsunade:ish." Naruto replied.

"Hinata-chan and Ino-chan..." Shizune repeated and thought back on all the paperwork she'd gone through lately, all the personnel files she'd read since Tsunade was appointed Hokage. "Hyuuga Hinata and Yamanaka Ino?" she inquired as two girls came to mind from what she'd read.

"Yep! Ino-chan is perfect for this kind of training. I gotta find some better ropes, though. She nearly tore the ones I had off. Besides, the ropes bruised her a bit too." Naruto replied.

"Y-y-y-yo-you do that sort of thing with Hyuuga-kun and Yamanaka-kun too?" Shizune stuttered in shock.

"Yeah, it was very lucky that those two wanted to train with me." Naruto replied with a pleased grin.

"I'll say..." Shizune mumbled as she stared in Naruto in complete shock. /Tsunade-sama and two other girls! Naruto-kun is a pervert!/ she thought and shook her head to clear it off the mental images that was going through her mind now.

"Hey, that place has copies of Ero-sennins other books!" Naruto exclaimed, captured Shizune's right hand with his left and promptly dragged her off towards a display window behind which could be found, amongst other things, the entire 'Come come' series. Shizune blushed furiously, both at the naughty books and some of the other things in the window.

She'd read part of one of those books a couple of years ago. She didn't know why Tsunade-sama had been carrying one of those filthy things around, but hadn't been able to do more then skim through a couple of pages before she'd put it back in Tsunade's pack, where she had found it.

"C-c-co-c-come on, Naruto-kun. Let's continue looking for Tsunade-sama..." Shizune urged her younger companion, not wanting to be seen holding hands and standing outside an adult shop with Tsunade's boyfriend.

"Just a moment, I'm going to buy the rest of those books. Perhaps there's something in there I could use with Tsunade-chan, Hinata-chan or Ino-chan." Naruto replied and Shizune blushed even more furiously as Naruto dragged her into the store accompanied by Shizune's stuttering attempts get out an understandable protest.

Her eyes were wide as saucers, her gaze darting to and fro as Naruto pulled her through the store until he found a shelve with books. Naruto quickly found the books he was missing from the 'Come Come' series and removed them from the shelf, while Shizune had moved up so they stood back-to-back, sweating and shivering as her gaze roamed about the store and the plethora of perverted items therein. She wasn't even consciously aware of the back-to-back-thing, she'd just done it as she felt rather defensive at the moment, her body just on the edge of deciding weather fight or flight would be the proper course of action.

"N-n-na-n-na-naruto-kun..." she stuttered.

"Yeah, Shizune-neechan?" Naruto asked.

"L-look." she exclaimed and pointed over at the shelf across the aisle. Naruto turned around and looked in the direction she pointed, until his eyes came to rest upon a set of padded handcuffs.

"Hm? What about them?" Naruto asked, looking back at Shizune. "You like those kind of things?" he asked in bewilderment.

"No!" Shizune fervently denied, her blush turning even more pronounced then moments earlier. "I-in-i-instead of r-r-ropes. Yamanaka's r-rope burns'n s-stuff." she blurted out and Naruto looked back at the cuffs, moving over to have a closer look at them. He picked them up and turned them around, looking at them from all angles. "Here, hold these." he instructed and handed the books over to Shizune, who blushed even more as she saw the cover of the book on top of the small pile, featuring a leering man wearing only briefs chasing down a bikini-clad woman with very generous attributes and long blonde hair, both of them looking suspiciously similar to Tsunade and Jiraiya.

Naruto experimentally pulled and yanked on the cuffs, before he nodded in apparent satisfaction.

"Hey, these are pretty good!" he approved and examined the padding more carefully, before he nodded again and put them down on top of the pile of books Shizune was carrying. "Come on! Perhaps there's more useful stuff in here!" he announced happily and walked down the aisle, looking more closely at the items he had ignored at first in his search for books.

When they left the store fifteen minutes later, Shizune was still blushing furiously and had a shell-shocked expression, having encountered more depravity during the last fifteen minutes then she had in her entire life up until this point.

And that was saying something, considering how many lewd suggestions and invites Tsunade had gotten over the years they had been travelling together!

Naruto saying things like 'This will be perfect for Ino-chan!' or 'This looks like something right up Tsunade-chans alley!' in his loud and boisterous voice, attracting the attention of everybody in the store, had not exactly helped her blush any either!

"Na-n-naruto-kun, not that I mind helping you but..." Shizune started, intending to wrap up that sentence with 'If you ever drag me into a store like this ever again, I will kill you. Slowly and painfully.', but she was interrupted.

"You don't?!" Naruto exclaimed happily, turning to face her with a pleased expression on his face. "That's great! Ino-chan is very Tsunade:ish, but much younger. It'd be great to have a more experienced girl helping me out! Besides, you're her best friend. Your help could be invaluable!" he continued and wrapped his left arm around Shizune's shoulders, pulling her down against him and planting an affectionate kiss upon her right cheek. "Thanks, Shizune-neechan!"

"W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w..." Shizune stuttered, her blush turning even more worse, causing the people who spotted her to wonder if she was truly blushing or if she'd been poisoned by some weird complexion-affecting toxin.

"Yeah, I wonder why I didn't think of that in the first place?" Naruto mused out loud. "Who knows Tsunade-chan better then you! With you to train with, I can't loose! I'll be the best boyfriend Tsunade ever had!" Naruto continued and Shizune let out a strangled gasp. "Thanks again, Shizune-neechan! You're the best!" he finished and patted her shoulder before he retracted his arm.

Shizune mewled pitifully, incapable of human speech from the shock she was currently suffering from.

"Come on, let's continue searching for Tsunade-chan. I can't wait to show her all this cool stuff!" Naruto urged the older woman on and Shizune followed him in a stunned daze, never even noticing that Naruto had grabbed her hand again to pull her along.

The village rumour mill had a field day, after several villagers had seen the Hokage's personal assistant staggering about from bar to bar to gambling den, hand-in-hand with Naruto who was holding two bags from 'The Fuumika Adult Emporium', the two of them looking for Tsunade.

Coupled with the earlier rumours about Naruto and Tsunade's relationship, as well as their deviant sexual practises, all the wrong sorts of conclusions were drawn. Especially after Naruto had collided with a drunk and the contents of his bags had been spilled out, revealing everything from dirty books and padded cuffs to phallic looking gags and shiny nipple clamps.

It didn't take long at all for the rumours of Naruto being involved in a kinky sexual threesome relationship with both the young-looking Hokage and her mousy assistant to spread through nearly the entire adult population of Konoha.

"Naruto?" Anko mumbled with a shell-shocked expression. "The Kyuubi brat?!" she asked for clarification.

"Apparently." Asuma grunted with a bewildered shake of his head.

"Both of them? At the same time?" Anko asked.

"So I've heard." Kurenai agreed.

"Holy flying fuck..." Anko breathed. "I wouldn't have thought that about that little brat. He seemed like such a timid mousy little thing when I threw a Kunai at him during the Chuunin exam."

"Tsunade confirmed it. She's his girlfriend." Kakashi spoke up, then blushed faintly as he recalled the scene he'd seen in the Hokage's office. "She couldn't even wait until I was out of the room before jumping him." he added.

"He's good enough to make Tsunade-hime loose herself like that? That, I did not expect!" Ibiki commented.

"Well, he is the number one most surprising ninja I've ever encountered." Kakashi commented and rolled his one visible eye. "I've come to expect the unexpected from Naruto."

"But, both of them?" Anko just couldn't get over that one.

"That's what I heard. They were cruising bars packing a shitload of sex toys, looking for Tsunade." Kurenai agreed.

"I did see Naruto dragging a blushing Shizune around when I was roof-hopping on my way to lunch and he was holding two large bags at the time." Kurenai revealed.

"But, both of them?" Anko repeated, a faint trickle of drool starting to appear at the corner of her mouth.

"He's even more of a man then I first thought." Kakashi commented with a proud, almost fatherly, expression on what little of his face was visible.

"Gimme a drink!" Inuzuka Hana exclaimed as she staggered into the bar, stalked up to the bartender and slammed both palms down onto the counter. "Now!" she snapped.

"Rough day?" Kurenai asked sympathetically.

"I just got back from my mission, tracking down a band of robbers and getting a necklace back. I was still feeding Chakra to enhance my sense of smell, when I bumped into a paedophile and her victim. She was so aroused that I hadn't needed enhanced smell to pick her scent up from a mile away!" Hana ranted and accepted her usual poison of choice from the bartender, tossing it back in one gulp. "Another." she gasped out as she put the glass down. "Kid wore a fucking protector, however. So I couldn't even beat her up and turn her in for child abuse, because he counts as an adult in the eyes of the law. Fucking slut. Fucking laws." Hana added and accepted her second drink, tossing that back in one go as well.

"Anybody you recognized?" Kurenai asked.

"Not really. Her scent was somewhat familiar, something I recognized from a long time ago. I must have met her when I was younger, smelled her during a mission or something. I know that I've smelled the kid around before. I think he hangs with Kiba or something, but I've never seen him." Hana replied and her forehead scrounged up for a few moments. "Kiba reeked of him after the Chuunin preliminaries."

"Are you sure?" Kurenai asked.

"Positive. I couldn't possibly forget seeing someone wearing that much orange." she snorted and nodded for the bartender to refill her glass again.

"Orange?" Kurenai gasped.

"Blonde spiky hair? Whisker marks on his cheeks?" Kakashi interjected.

"Did the woman have short black hair? Wore black clothes?" Asuma inquired.

"Yep, yep and yep. You know them?" Hana asked.

"That's Naruto and Shizune!" Asuma exclaimed.

"Who're they?" Hana asked with a confused expression.

"Shizune is our new Hokage's personal assistant and Naruto is on my Genin team." Kakashi answered.

"That fucking tramp works for the new Hokage? I'm going to fucking report her and have her fired! She even had the kid carrying two full bags from Fuumika's while they were walking around, shouting for Tsunami or some such." Hana snarled.

"Well... I guess it's true, then." Asuma said with a shell-shocked expression.

"He really is doing both of them..." Anko breathed, absently wiping a bit of drool off her cheek.

"What?" Hana asked, taking a sip from a fresh drink that had just been placed in front of her.

"Naruto is apparently... Uh... Involved... With both Shizune and our new Hokage, Tsunade-hime." Kurenai explained, causing Hana to spray the other Shinobis with the drink she had been drinking from.

"Hah?! What?! Tsunade-hime, the Sannin? She's the new Hokage? And that brat is doing both her and her assistant?" Hana exclaimed. "Wait, Tsunade-sama is what? Fifty? Sixty? And she's robbing cradles?!"

"Well..." Kurenai mumbled and looked away, unable to meet Hana's outraged gaze. While she wasn't quite as much of a Tsunade-freak as say TenTen, she still held the woman in great esteem and the fact that she couldn't refute Hana's incredulous statement made her feel somewhat odd and ashamed for some reason she couldn't quite explain. Not even to herself.

"It's not like it's illegal, y'know. The kid turned adult the moment he passed his Genin exam." Anko commented. "Two bags from Fuumika's, you say? My, oh my..." she drawled and licked her lips. "I may have... Misjudged him..."

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Snake-chan." Hana snapped, using one of the more derogative little nick-names Anko had picked up after Orochimaru betrayed Konoha and she got to suffer by association, as his one-time apprentice.

"Out of the gutter and into his pants..." Anko mumbled with a distracted look, spotting a familiar face across the room.

"A toast to Naruto, a man amongst men." Kakashi suggested and raised his glass towards Asuma and Ibiki, who nodded and raised their own glasses.

"A man amongst men." they agreed and the three men clinked their glasses together, as Anko left a few bills on the counter and hastily made her way across the room.

"Found ya, Tsunade-chan!" Naruto exclaimed and Tsunade choked on her drink, coughing and spluttering as she reached for a paper napkin.

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune snapped and stared the older woman down.

"Ugh, what are you two doing here?" Tsunade moaned and looked longingly at her half-finished drink.

"It's time for you to pay up and get back to work. You've played hooky for long enough, Tsunade-sama." Shizune sternly admonished her.

"But I don't wanna! They're trying to bury me in paperwork!" Tsunade complained. "Evil bastards..." she muttered and took a gulp from her drink. "No! I don't wanna go back!" she complained and hovered protectively over her drink as Shizune tried to take it away from her.

"Tsunade-sama..." Shizune sighed and shook her head.

"So don't." Naruto replied with a shrug. "Make a couple of Shadow Clones and have them deal with it, Tsunade-chan." he suggested, causing Tsunade's head to whip up and her gaze to instantly settle on him.

"What?!" she exclaimed.

"Shadow Clone yourself and have them take care of the paperwork." Naruto explained and was met with silence for nearly a full minute.

"That's brilliant!" Tsunade exclaimed in mock joy. "Had I actually known how to." she continued and stared glumly down at her drink, letting out a disappointed sigh.

"Do you know any others?" Naruto asked.

"Water and Mud Clones." she sighed and then blinked. "Hey, those'll work just as well." she drunkenly explained and her entire expression lit up. "You're a genius, Naruto-kun!" she said, stood up and pulled him into a hug. "How can I ever repay you?" she asked as she pulled back, looking down at him.

"How about going on a date with me, as an apology for making you cry?" Naruto suggested, having received a few helpful hints from Shizune as they searched for Tsunade. "My place, at seven? I'll cook, do all the work and everything." he continued, Shizune believing that their relationship was a lot further along then it was and that it would thus be more convenient if they were at his place.

Besides, that way there wouldn't be quite so many stares. While there was nothing illegal about their relationship strictly according to law, it would still be frowned upon.

"Date? Uh... Your place?" Tsunade responded hesitantly, taking a step back away from Naruto.

"Yeah. Shizune-neechan suggested it." Naruto replied and Tsunade turned a surprised expression in the direction of her younger assistant. "So? How about it, Tsunade-chan?" Naruto asked.

"Uhm..." Tsunade hesitated, somewhat torn over what to do. On the one hand, there was that voice in the back of her head that kept on trying to drive home the fact that Naruto was WAY too young for her to even dream of considering him as anything but a younger subordinate. On the other, ever since he snuck into her bedroom, she'd been having these near-constant vivid images running through her mind of the two of them together.

She was way past the stage when she could deny the fact that she was attracted to him. Way WAY past it. She had at least half a dozen fantasies an hour involving the two of them. This morning, she'd woken up in the midst of a climax with her right hand down her panties as the result of a very satisfying wet dream featuring Naruto and her doing the nasty. She'd been so riled up that she had continued playing with herself and brought herself to a second climax.

He was constantly on her mind now, constantly! She could blink and shudder in part excitement and part revulsion in the midst of reading a mission report, as her filthy dirty perverted mind dredged up some sordid fantasy!

So while she did want to spend time with the guy she was currently extremely sexually attracted to, she was also extremely reluctant to do so.

"Uhm..." she stalled, trying to make a decision.

"I think it's an excellent idea, Tsunade-sama." Shizune spoke up. "You should give Naruto-kun a chance." she suggested, feeling that he at least deserved an opportunity to apologize and make up with her.

"You think?" Tsunade asked hesitantly.

"Sure." Shizune replied with a friendly smile. "Hey, you'll even get a free home-cooked meal out of it." she reminded the older woman. The two of them had lived on the road for quite a few years now and they were still staying at a hotel. Shizune was looking for an apartment, as she wasn't feeling quite up to moving in with any of what little remained of her family again. Tsunade was waiting for the crew of workers she had hired to finish fixing up, repairing and cleaning her old home, so she too was staying at a hotel. Home-cooked meals had been few and far between in recent years and would still be for a while, from the look of things.

"All right." Tsunade said and swallowed nervously as she turned to face Naruto. "Fine. Your place at seven, then." she agreed.

"Great! See you then, Tsunade-chan!" Naruto approved and leaned over, pulling her face down so he could place a kiss on her surprised lips. "And thanks, Shizune-neechan." Naruto said, pulling her face to his so that he could place a kiss on her once again blushing cheek. "See ya." he finished as he spun around and walked out of the bar, swinging the two paper bags and attracting Tsunade's attention towards them.

"Fuumika's Adult Emporium..." she mumbled to herself as she read off the side of the bags and her eyes suddenly widened in shock. She spun around to face Shizune again, who was blushing and looking at the ground after having been kissed by Naruto. Again! "You think it's an excellent idea?!" she exclaimed in shock.

"Why, yes." Shizune replied with a surprised tone of voice, looking up at her mentor with a befuddled expression on her face. "What's the matter with that?" she asked in utter bafflement. "He is your boyfriend, after all. Don't you think it's the least you could do for him?" she said as if that explained it all. Granted, she didn't quite know what Naruto had done to make Tsunade cry as even he didn't know, but at the very least he deserved a chance to explain himself and apologise for whatever it was he had done.

/She's gone bonkers./ Tsunade instantly decided, wondering if she should perhaps force the younger girl to take a week or two off to rest up. /Then again, I'm not sure I'm playing with a full deck either.../

"You're more perverted then I thought, Shizune." Tsunade commented, which caused the younger woman's blush to return and intensify. Tsunade shook her head and threw a few bills onto the counter. "Well, time to get back to the office, make some Clones and put them to work!" Tsunade said and rubbed her hands together.

While she wasn't quite as sure as Shizune that going to Naruto's for the evening was a good idea, considering that the last time the two of them had met she'd wound up restrained and spanked on her own bed, she did owe him for his idea to have Clones do her work for her.

But on the other hand...

She was weak and she was very tempted to agree to some things she really shouldn't agree to.

At all.

Ever.

"You're coming along tonight, by the way." Tsunade informed Shizune.

"Huh? What?" Shizune asked.

"To Naruto's. You're coming along." Tsunade explained. With a chaperone present, no funny business would be going on and she could kick back, relax and just enjoy the sensation of not spending an evening in a bar, hotel room, tent or under an open sky.

"Why?" Shizune asked.

"I'm not sure that I trust myself to get through the evening on my own. So you're tagging along for backup in case it's more then I can handle." Tsunade replied, a comment which caused a curious Mitarashi Anko, who had earlier spotted Naruto and Shizune when they looked into the bar she had been at the time and decided to follow them, to suddenly sport a truly impressive nose bleed and fall unconscious to the ground.

"More then one woman can handle on her own!" Anko hollered as she woke up at Konoha's hospital two hours later. "Talk about a Kyuubi in sheep's clothing!" she commented and then started giggling to herself, as three nurses came running to see what the new patient who had been unconscious up until now was making a ruckus about.

"Ladies. Good to see you. Come on in." Naruto invited Tsunade and Shizune as he opened the door to his apartment, stepping aside to let them inside. He courteously took Tsunade's jacket and carefully hung it up, before he did the same for Shizune. "It's a pleasure." he assured the two of them, captured both their right hands and pressed gentle kisses down upon them. "And may I say that the two of you look absolutely ravishing on this fine evening?" he finished and was rewarded with two faint blushes from his guests.

Tsunade had sent word earlier that Shizune would be coming too, so he wasn't surprised by her presence, though it had caused him a bit of extra work. But as he'd already created a bunch of Shadow Clones to clean up his apartment, creating a few more to go through Jiraiya's books for something that could help him prepare for this odd date hadn't been too much of a bother.

Unfortunately, he hadn't found anything about a date with two women at the same time. There had been dates when the character had rushed from one woman to the other and back to the first and so on. There had been stories where the male had dated one woman, then headed straight from that date to another. His clones had come across stories were the man in it had dated several women, but not simultaneously. All eleven books had been checked for tips and assistance, but he hadn't come across a single example where the main character had both his dates present at the same time, through the entire date.

In the end, he'd realized that he'd just have to wing it.

He'd had the clones mark everything that had with dates to do, then read those particular sections himself. As a result, he had a fair idea of what to do and how to behave with one woman. Now he'd just have to adapt that due to the fact that there were two of them. Include the both of them at times, but ensure that both of them still got some individual attention was probably important here too, just as it were in other situations. He just hoped that he would be able to cope with everything he had to keep in mind all at the same time and not mess up too badly. Two disappointments in a row for Tsunade could be disastrous this early in a relationship.

Which was why he was grateful that Shizune was there and that she had agreed to practise with him too. She could give him little hints and tell him if he was messing up too badly, which was great.

"Supper will be ready before you know it." he assured the two women as he released their hands after one final gentle squeeze. "Perhaps you'd like to select a wine or some other drink for our meal while I pop into the kitchen right quick to check on things?" he suggested with a nod at something which hadn't been in his apartment when this day started. The two women looked over at his wet bar with some surprise and he really couldn't blame them for it. Some of the stuff in Jiraiya's books was shit he'd never even considered having before, like the wet bar. He'd sent one Clone off to buy some wine and various other drinks, created a second and it had transformed into the wet bar.

He certainly wasn't going to buy new furniture, but transformed Clones worked out just as well. At least for a single evening, as long as nobody bumped into the furniture too hard, which would dispel the illusion and destroy the Clone. It didn't last forever either, it'd run out of Chakra in a couple of hours unless he injected it with a fresh dose and at that point, it'd vanish.

Which was a shame, otherwise he could have furnished his entire apartment for free. As it was, Clones had moved most of his stuff into what Naruto had affectionately dubbed his 'storage'. A room which he had no use for and had wound up becoming the place where he stashed all the shit he didn't quite know what to otherwise do with. After that, the Clones had transformed themselves into furniture.

As a result of this, his apartment looked much nicer then it usually did and had quite a few new additions to it.

"It's a really nice place you've got here, Naruto-kun." Shizune approved as she moved over to check out the wine selection.

"One tries..." Naruto commented in a failed attempt to sound modest. There was still a bit to work on there.

He strolled into the kitchen and walked over to the stove, lifting the lid of the steaming pot that was standing there and nodded in satisfaction. It was nearly done.

"It'll be done soon." Naruto announced from the stove.

"I didn't even know that you could cook, Naruto." Tsunade said from where she was leaning against the doorway, wondering just what in heaven or hell, most likely hell, had made her agree to go out on a date with Naruto.

She was not at all averse to romantic dinners at her boyfriends place, of course. The situation had potential, a lot of potential.

But when said 'boyfriend' was several times younger then her, things were different. Very different.

Which was why she was grateful that Shizune had reluctantly agree to tag along.

Or had been grateful, at least. She had not failed to see the way Shizune had blushed when Naruto kissed their hands, nor had she missed the evaluating look the younger girl had used on Naruto and his apartment.

"I'm no Ichiraku, but I can manage." Naruto said from the stove as Tsunade made her way over towards him, sniffing curiously in the air, only to frown as she failed to catch any scent whatsoever.

What in tarnation was he cooking that didn't have a scent, at all?

"There's just water in there, Naruto." Tsunade said as she glanced down into the pot. "Oh, no. Don't tell me that..." she said, her gaze shifting around the small room, desperately hoping to see already prepared food stashed somewhere, but failing to find any.

"Yep. Instant Cup Ramen!" Naruto proclaimed enthusiastically as he pulled out two cups of ramen from the cupboard. "Shrimp or Miso, Tsunade-chan?" he asked with an innocent expression.

"You're treating me, us, to cup ramen?" she demanded to know with an incredulous expression on her face.

"There's not much else I know how to cook." Naruto replied. Jiraiya's books had mentioned all sorts of fancy food, but he didn't really know how to cook any of them and wasn't feeling up to the job of experimenting with cooking for something as important as this. So, he went with what he knew.

Which was cup ramen.

If Tsunade hadn't been worried about ripping her brand new dress, which she'd purchased earlier in the day for this express purpose, the evening would have ended right then and there with her punching Naruto out of the apartment straight through the wall.

"Naruto, let me tell you how this is going to work." she said in a strained tone of voice and Naruto looked up at her with a somewhat surprised expression. "You are going to put that ramen away, pour the water into the sink, shut the stove off and then you're going to fetch whatever take-out menus you have. We'll all select what we want to eat and then we'll order out. If you don't have that ramen out of my sight within the next five seconds, the consequences will be dire."

"Uh... Sure... Whatever you say, Tsunade-chan." Naruto replied and hastily shoved the ramen back into the cupboard, silently committing to mind that food was apparently important for these sort of things and that not everybody liked ramen quite as much as he did.

"Grab a movie somewhere while you're at it. We'll be watching a movie together." Tsunade icily informed him.

Naruto sighed, this wasn't working out quite the way he'd imagined.

The naughty stuff was lots easier then these date thingies. From the looks of things, he obviously needed a lot of practise with dates and he made a mental reminder to himself to see if he could find something that went into more details about these dates then Jiraiya's books did. Those were focused more on the naughty bits couples did, then dates and such, even if there had been a few dates spread out through Jiraiya's books which had given him some ideas for the evening.

He obviously needed to know a whole lot more about them however, considering how upset Tsunade was not even ten minutes into their first real date!

The End! ( For now... )