A Hogwarts Weekend
The following Friday, Severus prepared for their weekend at Hogwarts while Zelda was working. It had been another very busy week and he looked forward to sleeping in on Saturday and having some time alone with his wife. He realized he was not in sync with Muggle feminist views, but he wished Zelda didn't have a job. He wanted her to be happy, but he wanted her attention focused on him.
His meetings with Michael were still awkward, and at times they would sit quietly together when talking was too difficult. He was starting to be aware of his emotional triggers, cues that stirred his rage and depression, shattering his control.
"Your self-control's more powerful than I've seen before," Michael had told him. "It's impressive, but when it fails, what happens?"
"It must not fail," replied Severus coldly. "I'll simply work harder at control."
Michael grinned and shook his head. "Buddy, in case you don't know, that's fear talking. You've got as many layers as an onion. All of 'em, the icy control, the sarcasm, the rage, are designed to protect you from feeling the terror inside. You have more reasons for fear and anxiety than almost anyone I've known."
"I have reason to fear losing control, and I'm aware that my fears exist."
That admission alone cost Severus and Michael paused, poured out a cup of tea and handed it to him.
Severus stared, a question in his black eyes.
"Drink it, Sev," he advised. "Listen, you act like I'll force you. I'm well aware that you're not able to change instantly. It's okay. I just want you to be able to think on these things, and if you want to talk, or have questions, I'm here. It's important to talk about the past."
"Do you actually get paid for chattering to people?" asked Severus cynically.
'This isn't typical, because we're friends. But I don't think you'd talk to Augustus Pye, and you're smart and honest enough to take what we talk about and figure things out for yourself," said Michael, smiling fondly at the stubborn wizard.
"What should we discuss then?"
"Whatever you want? For instance, a week ago you learned you're going to be a father, buddy. Are you scared?"
"Apprehensive," replied Severus. "But Zelda is no different, so it doesn't seem real."
"Elijah and Lily both called me after she talked to them. Lily's just excited, but Eli's worried, I think. Do you think you and Zel can come to the cabin next weekend to see them?"
"Of course. I must attend the staff meeting on Sunday, but I'm sure Zelda will want to see them. She thinks of them constantly."
"I'll see if Dilys will come to the cabin again to check on her, if you'd like," offered Michael.
Severus picked up his tea and drank thirstily, relieved that he was not expected to achieve some sort of personal perfection. He was tired, and wanted rest badly.
"I know you cannot discuss specifics, but are your meetings with Potter and Malfoy productive?" he asked. "I feel as though I've thrown that burden onto you."
Michael's brown eyes twinkled as he said, "You don't have to carry all the burdens, all the time. Harry's more open emotionally, but you know that. Draco… I think he's been depressed for a long time. He finds it easier to talk to me now. You should talk to him, in fact to both of them. You're an important person in their lives."
"Really?" sneered Severus, adding with a mocking smile, "You've tossed the burden back, haven't you?"
Michael grinned. "Nice catch. Have you found any more clients for me here at Hogwarts?"
"Yes. They're two children of Death Eater families, who've developed no sense of self as the result of rigid control. They're broken down enough that I think they'll be grateful for your attention and not care much that you're a Muggle."
"Interesting," replied Michael. "Do they know Draco?"
"They've been his gang since they started school. I've had this in mind for some time, but wanted to see sustained effort at their schoolwork first. Is it appropriate for me to ask Draco about this?"
"Sure. I'm curious to know what he'll say," said Michael.
Severus drained his teacup and said, "I must go. I'm patrolling tonight, and then I'll collect Zelda and the dog."
"Dilys is coming to see her, isn't she?"
"Tomorrow afternoon. I still see no sign that she's pregnant, but the potion may be continuing to accelerate development. We'll know tomorrow."
"Do you think we've all made a mistake about the pregnancy?" asked Michael ironically.
A wave of emotion threatened to break forth, but Severus replied calmly, "It's no mistake, we heard the heart beating."
Michael's eyes grew far away. "Sev, I can't imagine not being gay, but to hear that and know you'll be a father… I always wished it were possible for me."
Severus had no words to respond to such heartfelt honesty, but he held his hand out and clasped Michael's strongly. Then he straightened his robes and headed out to patrol the corridors.
&&&&&&&&&
The earlier, hectic day had finally given way to peace for Severus. He and Zelda had eaten a delicious dinner that was brought by Dobby, and finally they were alone. Zelda had seen his mood and coaxed him over to the couch, where she sat with his head in her lap, reading contentedly. An hour later, Severus awoke, exquisitely relaxed. He reached up and captured her hand to kiss.
"Feeling better, Professor?" she asked, tracing the line of his hooked nose with her finger.
"Yes," he murmured, turning to rub his face against her belly.
"I'm glad," she whispered, setting her book aside. "Sev, let's go to bed."
One black eyebrow rose curiously as he sat up. "Of course, my girl. Go ahead, I'll tidy up and be there in a moment."
As he entered the bedroom, Zelda was leaving the bathroom, smiling wryly.
"What is it?" he asked.
She came to him and kissed him. "It's something about pregnancy. Sometimes I feel too sick to move and others, I'm incredibly horny. Um, like now…"
His eyes lit up with cynical amusement. "Suppose I'm not incredibly horny?"
"Perhaps I can change your mind," she said, running her hands down his back caressingly. "We always seem to be in a hurry these days, but now we have all night and we can sleep late tomorrow."
He began undressing, a slow smile appearing on his face. "I'm willing to be persuaded," he murmured.
As he removed his shirt, Zelda pressed her face against his chest, inhaling deeply.
"Mmm… Sev, you're so perfect," she purred as her hands roamed over his bare skin.
"You're persuasive," he said softly, beginning to undress her.
As her clothes fell away, Zelda pulled him to the bed, her clever hands arousing him as they moved.
"In a hurry?" he asked mockingly, as she drew him down and began kissing her way down his torso.
She moaned faintly, finding the scent and taste of him utterly delicious.
"You have no idea," she hissed, rubbing her cheek against his belly and smiling wickedly at him before returning to her work.
Severus found her urgency fascinating, and allowed her to have her way. He lay on his back, his legs spread slightly, his own arousal gradually consuming him until he pulled her on top of him, laughing, and locked his arms around her. He thrust up into her and they moaned in unison as they began to move together.
Zelda looked into the black eyes she adored and found him looking at her. She was overwhelmed with joy, which she offered to him.
"Wonderful Severus," she whispered, panting with delight as she felt her orgasm approaching.
He loved to watch her when they made love, to see her lose control and then melt into him, so vulnerable and trusting. He thrust hard and felt her climax, and then it was his turn and they held each other, breathing hard. He felt her mouth smile against his neck and tears against his skin.
"Crying, my girl?" he asked softly.
"Happy tears," she murmured, nuzzling his ear.
"All right, then."
He cradled her close to his side and studied her. She wasn't sleeping, but drowsy, smiling tenderly.
"Hormones," she murmured.
"Is it different?" he asked, curious to understand.
"It's… I guess it's primal. My emotions are so close to the surface," she said. "I'll try not to be too annoying."
"Annoying?" he said with a smirk.
He recalled his fluctuating emotions and the nightmares that still plagued him when life became stressful. She was sweet and caring when he was weak, and he vowed to do no less for her. His hands moved to caress her, while contentment filled him.
She nestled against him. "I'll try not to cling too much, although sometimes I'll want to, like now."
"Too much isn't possible," he confessed, tucking the comforter around both of them and continuing to pet her.
"Pregnancy doesn't last forever, and eventually I'll be myself again. Sometimes I'd like it if you'll just snuggle with me. As time goes on, pregnancy is isolating."
"Holding you is my pleasure, dear girl."
She snuggled close and gradually dropped off to sleep while he pondered his new life. His bitterness, his intellectual arrogance and his pride had all given way to his need for this woman. With her, he was everything he could not be with others. Learning to live so divided seemed impossible, yet if he considered it rationally, it might work. The hardest part would be, once people who knew him met Zelda, there could be no doubt where his weakness lay.
Zelda whimpered in her sleep, pressing closer to him. He smiled, realizing how fortunate he was, and then allowed himself to sleep.
&&&&&&&&&
"You look well," said Dilys Smethwyck. "The pregnancy is progressing faster than normal, but if you take no more potions, it will eventually return to an almost normal rate of development. How are you feeling?"
Zelda smiled. "Once in a while I feel horribly sick, but Severus is quite a dictator. He makes me rest, and I take my vitamins like a good pregnant person. I slept wonderfully last night and I feel fine."
"I look forward to seeing you next week in America," said the witch. "Your children will be there, I believe?"
"It'll be the first time I've seen them since we told them," she replied.
Zelda rose from the bed, where they'd been sitting and talking, and walked Dilys out to the main room, where Severus waited with a guest.
"Molly!" Zelda cried. "Where've you been lately and did Severus tell you?"
Molly Weasley nodded, chuckling as Zelda impulsively hugged her. "You're glowing, Zelda, and I can't wait to see Severus being a father."
Severus scowled at the women, but when Zelda smiled comically at him, his expression softened slightly.
"Molly, this is Dilys Smethwyck. Michael bullied her into taking care of me during my pregnancy," said Zelda. "Dilys, this is Professor Molly Weasley."
"It's lovely to meet you," said Molly warmly. "I kept your book on my nightstand during every one of my pregnancies. It's marvelous."
"Thank you," replied the Healer, smiling warmly. "Many of my male colleagues shy away from dealing with magic related to childbirth, but I've always thought it the most fascinating field of study."
Zelda glanced at her husband, who was fighting the urge to squirm in response to all this enthusiastic female chatter.
"Will you bring Rowena down to Hagrid?" she asked, fighting the giggles at the blatant flash of relief she saw in his eyes.
"Of course," he replied suavely. "After that I must speak with Professor McGonagall, so I'll see you later."
He went to put on his staff robes. Picking up his wand, he decided perhaps an impromptu patrol of the corridors might be advisable before he returned. Opening the door again, he called Rowena and slipped out the door.
Outside, the snow sparkled brilliantly in the winter sunshine.
"Heel," he told Rowena, who fell in by his side immediately.
Hogwarts would be better if students possessed the intelligence and willingness of this dog, thought Severus. He looked forward to a quiet walk to Hagrid's, but a dreamy voice broke into his reverie.
"Severus!" called Sibyll Trelawney, hustling out the same door he had just passed through. "Where are you going?"
"To see Hagrid," he replied politely, hiding his sudden irritation.
Rowena, irritated by the Seer's intent demeanor, growled low in her throat. Her hackles rose slightly and she took a small step forward, drawing the witch's attention.
"Great Merlin! Why have you a dog with you?" she asked, shrinking back in alarm.
Severus had not considered that Rowena could offer protection from annoyance, and he vowed to reward the intelligent creature at the first opportunity.
"This is my dog," he said coldly. "Are you afraid of dogs, Sibyll?"
"I have Seen that dogs bring calamity, so I avoid them," she said grandly. "Remember the Grim!"
"Rowena frequently patrols the school and grounds with me," he murmured. "She's very well trained, but also protective of her own."
"Oh," replied Sibyll blankly, staring at him oddly.
"Hagrid is expecting me, so I'll be on my way. Good day, Sibyll," he said. "Rowena, heel."
He walked on, the dog trotting obediently at his side.
"Good girl," he said, looking appreciatively down at her shining brown eyes.
As he approached Hagrid's cabin, the door opened and Fang burst out, running eagerly to greet Rowena, but she looked up at Severus as though asking permission.
"Go on," he said, smiling as she bounded forward, jumping exuberantly on the huge black boarhound so they both to rolled together in the snow.
"Morning, Severus," called Hagrid from the doorway. "How 'bout a nice cuppa tea?"
Severus realized the batty Seer might still be loitering near the castle, so he nodded pleasantly and entered. His eyes watered immediately from the smoky, unaired atmosphere. He contrasted this with his own quarters, maintained delightfully by his wife and Dobby. Another way his life had improved, he thought smugly.
"How's Zelda?" asked Hagrid, looking a bit hurt. "She din' wan' ter come with yeh today?"
"Zelda is conferring with the childbirth Healer and Molly Weasley just arrived, so I thought Rowena needed fresh air," explained Severus.
"Eh, woman business," Hagrid mused. "Yeh don' want too much o' that."
He put a normal size mug in front of Severus and a bucket-size one for himself, and sat down across from his guest.
"Have you discovered anything unusual while you've patrolled the school?" asked Severus.
Hagrid stared shrewdly at him and said, "I haven' told anyone yet, an' I think you're the properest person ter know. Night before last, after midnight, I found' Harry Potter an' Draco Malfoy in th' alcove outside th' library doors. They wouldn' say why they were there. Maybe I shoulda taken points from 'em, but after all Harry's been through I can' believe he's up ter no good, even if he's wi' the likes of young Malfoy."
"I discovered them once myself," Severus said thoughtfully. "It seems odd, given their history, but I believe those two have joined forces to play Muggle detectives."
"Well, I never," mused Hagrid. "I saw Harry yesterday an' asked him if Ron an' Hermione know he met Malfoy, an' he jest shook 'is head."
"I'll speak to them," said Severus. "A word of warning, however. Keep an eye on Ginny Weasley. I believe she's aware of what those two are up to. She's underage and Molly won't be amused if the girl comes to harm."
"I'll do that," promised Hagrid. "Now, how's it feel ter be th' new Deputy Headmaster?"
Severus rolled his eyes. "It's only until the end of the school year."
Hagrid smiled knowingly. "There's rumors tha' th' job's yers fer th' taking."
"I have a wife to consider," replied Severus. "A Muggle wife who I don't believe will be well-received or safe living in our world. Not to mention a child."
"Yer babe's likely ter be a powerful witch or wizard," he mused, his black eyes twinkling. "Yeh aren' thinkin' of raisin' it away from our world, are yeh?"
Severus stared at him in surprise. "I hadn't thought of that," he admitted. "But… Zelda is a Muggle and I'm a half-blood. It cannot be certain that our child will be magical."
A knowing smile flashed briefly across Hagrid's bearded face, but he only nodded.
Severus had not thought yet about what his child might be like. He hoped fervently it would be a sweet daughter, with her mother's smiling blue eyes. Frankly, he didn't care whether or not the child was born with magical power, and certainly it would be easier for him to choose a different path if it were not so.
They finished their tea in thoughtful silence. Severus put his cup down on the table.
"Thank you for the tea," he said politely. "I'm going to take a walk around the school now."
"Never know what yeh'll find," agreed Hagrid.
Outside they found Fang and Rowena wandering around in a leisurely way, sniffing at the snowdrifts, occasionally nosing playfully at each other.
"Thanks fer bringin' Rowena down. It's good fer 'em both to play together an' she's good company too. Should I keep 'er until after the meetin' tomorrow?"
"I believe Zelda is busy today, but Rowena is here to keep her company. If she wants the dog back, I'll send you a message."
Hagrid nodded, and so they parted. Severus headed back to the castle, while Hagrid whistled up the dogs and headed for the Forbidden Forest.
&&&&&&&&&
As he entered the castle, Severus wondered idly what Potter and Malfoy were up to. He had begun to form a vague idea, but wished for the hundredth time that the Chosen One would consult with someone responsible before attempting some ill-conceived venture. He fell into one of his regular routes through the castle; rather wishing he would find students engaged in unlawful activity. If he couldn't give detention to Potter and Malfoy, he'd gladly give it to others.
It seemed that breakfast was over, and the sound of many conversations filled the corridors. Students who saw him nodded respectfully, but they rarely spoke and generally went on their way rather faster than before.
"Professor Snape!" called Hermione Granger as she stepped through the entrance to the Gryffindor common room.
Ron and Ginny Weasley followed her, but strangely, there was no sign of Potter.
"Where's Potter?" asked Severus.
"That's what I was going to ask you," replied Hermione, a slight frown creasing her forehead. "He said he was going to see if you'd brought anyone here for the weekend."
"I haven't seen him today, but perhaps he is in the dungeon. Where are you headed?"
"Looking for Harry," said Ron.
"Perhaps you should come with me," Severus murmured cryptically.
They began descending the many flights of stairs. Severus walked behind them and other students watched with interest, occasionally murmuring sympathetically.
"They all think we're headed for punishment!" Ron whispered with a gleeful grin.
Hermione looked concerned for a split second, before she saw the humor in it and smiled.
As they reached the dungeon corridor leading to Severus's quarters, they saw movement by his office door and heard voices. Severus took the lead and moved closer, while Ginny held her friends back.
"We can't do it. He'll go to McGonagall and we need to catch them first, where they can't explain it away."
"I think he'll help us. Someone should know what we suspect," Harry whispered stubbornly.
"I expect to be that someone who'll hear your explanation immediately," Severus said in a very cold voice.
Draco started slightly, but Harry turned around with an odd gleam in his green eyes.
"Good morning, Professor Snape," he said innocently.
He looked down the corridor and saw his friends advancing. He glanced apologetically at Draco. There was no other way to ask. So he stared intently at Professor Snape, offering the question he wished to ask.
Severus looked intently at the boy. So Harry Potter wished to introduce Draco to Zelda. Did the boy understand what he was asking? Severus had hoped to give Draco a decade or two to prove himself before letting him know of Zelda's existence. Perhaps that was unrealistic. He glared, nodding reluctantly.
"This way," he said curtly, herding them toward his quarters.