XxpuppetmasterxX and LilMzSunshine
Chapter 6: Valentine's Day
A/N: This one's my favorite chapter. I'm just gonna tell you that up front.
I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it. - Garry Shandling
From: LilMzSunshine. To: XxpuppetmasterxX
Subject: Marriage Angst (what else?)
Sorry for bugging you... You don't need to read this, especially if you're in a good mood. I don't want to bring you down. I just needed to vent, and WhatADrag and my family are sick of listening to me.
I just realized that Valentine's Day is coming up, and, well, this will be my first V-day ever when I'm with someone and I hate him. I hate my husband. And that was bad enough, but then it occurred to me that this is it. I'm stuck with this guy for the rest of my life. I'm never going to spend a Valentine's Day snuggling with my boyfriend or watching a stupid romance movie or anything. It's just me, on my own. Forever.
So, I made myself depressed. I mean, this really wasn't what I wanted. I knew I'd have to get married someday (my family's real weird about stuff like that), but I always hoped that I'd find someone who, you know, loved me and all that romantic stuff, but also that I didn't feel threatened around. It's hard to explain since you've never met my family, but... I'm really shy, and it seems like my entire life I've always been surrounded by people who intimidate me. My entire family is constantly pressuring me to do better and meet their expectations and I've always been afraid of screwing up around them. I thought I'd marry a man who supports me and doesn't care if I'm not the perfect daughter, and I wouldn't be so afraid anymore.
But instead I end up with this guy. I guess he's all right... I've started feeling a little bad for him since your story came out, (XD) and it could be worse, but I just can't ever imagine feeling comfortable around him. I'm not getting someone who supports me, I'm just getting another family member to worry about disappointing. I feel like I'm never going to be anything but scared and alone...
Dear Abby: Am I just being a silly schoolgirl too caught up in a romantic fantasy to accept my lot in life?
— love, Not Alone on Valentine's Day
From: XxpuppetmasterxX To: LilMzSunshine
Subject: Re: Marriage Angst (what else?)
Dear Not Alone:
I don't think you're being silly at all. There's nothing wrong with wanting a spouse who supports you, or with wanting to be with someone you care about on Valentine's Day. (And if there is, then I'm just as screwed up as you. XD)
And, since I can tell you're feeling insecure (I'm psychic...) I want you to know that your husband and the man I write for in Make Me a Match are two completely different people, and don't waste your sympathy on your husband, because he's a jerk. A complete bastard who doesn't deserve you. You're wonderful, you should be with someone who loves you.
It is a little weird, though. I've been on dates and stuff before, but I've never thought at all about what kind of girl I'd like to marry. I guess my family's a little bit different from your's; they can't put any pressure on me because they're too busy ignoring me (middle sibling angst!). Maybe I'm the one who's being ridiculous. Maybe I should just be grateful that I got someone to marry me... (at gunpoint, but still).
Well, that's my return angst. Email me any time. I love hearing from you. (emoheart)-- xpmx
Hinata blushed as she read the reply to her email, but didn't respond immediately. She turned off the computer and grabbed her coat and purse.
"Welcome to the Yamanaka Flower Shop! Bouquets are 10 percent off for Valentine's Day!" the young man at the counter chirped automatically as the door opened.
"Hello, Sai-kun," Hinata greeted timidly, breathing in the fresh smell of flowers appreciatively.
"Oh, hello, Loudmouth!" Sai smiled cheerfully at his friend on recognizing her. "What are you doing here? Buying something for your hubby?"
Hinata blushed. "N-no, of course not... I actually wondered if you could do a Valentine's Day commission for a friend of mine... I know I'm not giving you much notice, and I know you're busy this time of year, but..."
"I'd be glad to. I like getting commissions."
Hinata handed him some papers. "I've been co-writing a story with someone."
"Matchmaker Matchmaker and Make Me a Match," Sai nodded. "Ino and Shikamaru have been reading them... actually, a lot of other people have been reading them, too, judging by the number of reviews."
"Yeah, actually... well, these are the character sketches for Youko and Kenta... I was wondering if you could draw them..."
"For Valentine's Day? Do you want them kissing or anything?" Sai continued to smile, but he sounded puzzled.
"Oh, no... they don't like each other at all."
"That's what I thought. An unusual Valentine's Day commission..." Sai's smile grew wider. "This'll be fun."
"Hey," Kankuro interrupted his cousin-in-law's email-checking, "Neji, um.."
"Give me a second! Between you and Hinata I practically have to trek out to Gai-the-Eyebrow's house just to check my email."
"Oh, I don't need online, I just wondered should... am I supposed to get Hinata anything for Valentine's Day?"
Neji snorted, either at Kankuro or the card with dancing monkeys that Tenten had sent him. "It's your call, but I wouldn't waste my money. You can bet she didn't get you anything."
"She'd just freak out if you bought her something," Hanabi said matter-of-factly. "Hey, Neji, can I–,"
"NO! It's my turn. Tell your dad we need another computer."
"Buy one yourself."
"I'm saving up my money to rent an apartment so that I don't have to have this conversation with you ever again."
Kankuro awoke on February 14th to the sound of his parents-in-law arguing. He heard a dish break and decided he had better wake up now and get some breakfast before it was too violent to venture into the kitchen. He got dressed quickly, but not so quickly that he forgot to paint his face up carefully before he left the room.
Hinata woke up sometime while he was doing this, so he smiled at her as amiably as he could manage. "Happy Valentine's Day."
Her eyes widened and she pressed into the bed (it was her night to have it) as though trying to back away from him. "Um... yeah," she agreed in a frightened little squeak. Kankuro sighed and went to get his Lucky Charms.
As he had predicted, Hinata's mother and father were arguing in the kitchen.
"Like you have any idea what I'm thinking or feeling, you emotionless—," her mother suddenly noticed Kankuro in the doorway. "— handsome person..."
"And now you're mocking me. Real mature, you selfish cu—," Hiashi also suddenly noticed Kankuro. "–untry music loving lady... Hello, Kankuro!"
Kankuro smiled and slowly poured himself a bowl of cereal, being careful not to make any sudden movements, or turn his back on the couple. He inched back out of the room and then made a break for the porch.
"Nice cover," Hinata's mother remarked to her husband.
"You, too."
Within minutes they were arguing again.
Hanabi and Neji were also awake, sitting on the porch eating bagels.
"Morning, Kan-kun," Hanabi greeted brightly.
"Hi."
"What's the matter?"
"He's afraid that he and Hinata are going to end up like your parents," Neji explained simply, then turned to Kankuro. "Don't worry about that, though, because Hinata is never going to stand up for herself. So whatever you two do, it won't be argue."
Kankuro sighed.
"I have needs, you know!" someone inside the house yelled.
"And how am I not addressing those needs?"
"How can you even ask that?"
There was a lull in the shouting, followed by a small gasp.
Kankuro's lip curled. "Are... they—,"
Hinata's mother stepped outside, her cheeks a little flushed, and a bright, probably forced, smile on her face. "Here's fifty bucks," she handed Hanabi some money. "You kids go see yourselves a Star War."
"...ew?" Kankuro said after she had been gone a moment.
"Even my aunt and uncle have their off days when they can stand each other," Neji shrugged, nodding over at Hanabi as if to say, 'see exhibit A over there'. "Don't think too hard about it. Hey, Midget, go wake up your sister and see if she wants to come with us."
Hanabi shrugged and walked off, and Neji lowered his voice, "Hey, Kankuro, look, there's this website, XxpuppetmasterxX's Ultimate–,"
Kankuro smiled. "Yeah, I know the one."
"Well, if you ever need some time... alone on the computer, you can always go down to Gai's. I'll give you my password... nobody'll bother you."
"Thanks."
"Well, I feel bad... You seem like a good guy, and Hinata's not really—,"
"Not really what, Nii-san?" Hinata asked.
"Somebody that anybody in his right mind would marry," Neji finished, cleaning up the phrase he was going to use only because Hanabi had come back on the scene.
Hinata bowed her head a little. "Well, I'm going to hang out with Kiba and Shino... you guys have fun."
"Bye," Kankuro said. Hinata turned red and power-walked away without looking at him.
"Don't mind her," Hanabi shrugged. "You coming?"
"Actually, I think I'll stay here, have the computer to myself."
Neji winked at him. "My iPod's on my dresser. Turn the sound all the way up," he advised.
LilMzSunshine had sent him a link to a DeviantArt deviation by the famous MonkeySaiMonkeyDo.
It was a painting of a young man and woman attached at the ring-finger by what looked like a chakra thread. Both were trying to pull away from each other and glaring at each other, annoyed.
Artist's Notes
Another Valentine's Day commission. This one is from LilMzSunshine to her hopeless crush XxpuppetmasterxX, who's got a lot more balls than her current husband.
For those of you not following the latest online fiction scene, these two have been writing companion stories, Matchmaker, Matchmaker (link) and Make Me a Match (link) about a couple in an arranged marriage who hate one another.
So, this is a pic of the two main characters, Youko and Kenta. I had a lot of fun doing this one, because there are only so many kissing scenes you can do before it starts to get repetitive. The homicidal V-day card was a nice break.
It was also a little challenging, because each story is told from a different point of view, so sometimes Youko is a poor young girl and Kenta is a dickless ass, and other times Kenta is a confused teen and Youko's a heartless bitch. I've read both the stories now, and I'm not sure which character's my favorite.
Medium: Colored ink on canvas
Characters (c) LilMzSunshine and XxpuppetmasterxX
Kankuro finished the notes and scrolled up once more. So, this was what Sunshine and her husband looked like... (not entirely true; LilMzSunshine had changed her appearance slightly for the story). Youko was very pretty, but this wasn't a surprise; he had pictured her often enough. It was Kenta that surprised him. The man Sunshine had married (or the character based off him) was... well, he was handsome. He was muscular, with well-shaped features and comely, slightly tousled brown hair. He looked like a bishounen's masculine older brother.
Neji's iPod picked this moment to change to a quiet song, and Kankuro quickly looked down to turn the sound up, and caught a glimpse of his own reflection on the screen. Suddenly more unhappy than he had been since his wedding, he compared it to the picture on the computer.
Kankuro didn't consider himself at all handsome. He thought his face looked awkward, like someone had photoshopped his father's face onto a body too large for it. The rest of his family was slight and wiry; he was huge and clumsy next to them. His father said that he had just picked up more genes from his mother's side of the family, but one look at his mother's picture told him that his nose was still unaccounted for.
His nose was his least favorite feature, and that was a competitive category. It was like this huge growth taking over his face. He was hopelessly self-conscious about it, and covered it up with his kabuki paint whenever he left his room, even back home. The way he figured it, even if the makeup failed to detract attention from his enormous snoz, people would at least assume that the paint's design was what made it appear so huge.
He supposed Hinata knew the truth, though. He didn't sleep in his face paint. No wonder she didn't like to look at him.
He turned his attention back to Kenta and his perfectly formed bishie nose. Sunshine complained about her husband all the time, of course, but never about his looks. Well, he's got one thing I don't, Kankuro thought. Actually, two. Looks and Sunshine.
Kankuro was jealous. It was stupid of him, he knew, since he and LilMzSunshine were never even going to meet, and anyway they were married. But still.
He left a comment, added the picture to his favorites, and (somewhat masochistically) looked at it again. It really was a great picture. The expression were priceless, the brush strokes perfect. It was a wonderful Valentine's Day gift. He wondered if MonkeySaiMonkeyDo was serious about Sunshine having a 'hopeless crush' on him. He kind of hoped he was. He also wondered what he could do for Sunshine to top this.
Kankuro was in the process of re-writing his email to LilMzSunshine for the third time in a desperate attempt to tell her how he felt without coming across as a creepy internet stalker, when Hinata slipped into the room. He risked taking his headphones off to say hello. "Do you need the computer?"
Hinata jumped as though startled, bowed her head to avoid eye-contact, grabbed a movie off the top of the TV, and ran out, barely stuttering, "No, th-thank you". Kankuro put his headphones back on and deleted the message he had been writing.
From: XxpuppetmasterxX To: LilMzSunshine
Subject: V-Day Angst
Sunshine,
I lied to you in my last email. I did have an ideal Mrs Right. You see (you're right, it's hard to explain to somebody who doesn't know them), my family is a lot more... infamous than me. Everybody knows all about them, and they only know me through them. And the worst part is, everybody's afraid of my family, so they're all afraid of me as a result. And, well, I'm not very good at changing their minds.
I've got a sick sense of humor, and I spend all my time with my puppets. I don't know if you've ever seen one, but they're not real turn-ons. I love mine, but I admit they don't help me out on the social scene.
And I just look creepy. At least everyone else in my family looks like they might be normal, when you first see them. But not me. I'm ugly and intimidating; I'm big and awkward, my hair looks like what you'd get if a steel wool factory had a fatal accident, and my nose is this gigantic ugly tumor in the middle of my face. I might very well be the nicest person in my family, but nobody's brave enough to talk to me, so nobody ever finds out.
I've never had many friends, just a few casual acquaintances now and then (the odd girlfriend on the rebound from someone attractive...), and I guess what I really wanted was a wife who could see through my family and my looks and my creepiness and get to know me. You want someone who doesn't frighten you; I want someone who isn't frightened of me. And I guess we're both screwed; my wife is afraid to be in the same room as me.
I don't blame her, really. She's really beautiful, and kind and sweet to everybody (well, except me). She's almost like a fairy tale princess or something. I bet before I turned up she had nine boyfriends, all of them utterly perfect for her. And now she's married to creepy ogre me, who hates her. She's right not to like me. I'm no match for her.
I suppose I could have just summed this up by saying: My Valentine's Day sucked except for your present. I'd go insane without you.
(Kankuro thought for a moment, then continued typing.)
Love you, – XxpuppetmasterxX
PS: check your Gaia. You still use it, right?
From: LilMzSunshine To: XxpuppetmasterxX
Subject: Re: V-Day Angst
Puppy,
My Valentine's Day sucked too, except for your letter. All my friends have boyfriends/girlfriends, so I hung out at a teammate's house with them and their dates. Whoo, fun.
I do still use my Gaia, but, like I said, I'm at a friend's house on a slow computer. I'll check when I get home, though. XD
Don't feel so bad about yourself. I know what it's like to be judged by your family, and I also know that you're not creepy at all. If your wife can't see how lucky she is to have you, then she's a shallow little princess (I don't mean that in a good way.) Anybody would be lucky to have a guy like you.
I know how you feel, though. My husband is really handsome, too. I'd actually rather he wasn't. It just makes me nervous. I'm like you, I'm not pretty at all. I'm very, very pale, and when I blush (and I blush a lot, you have no idea), it makes me look like I have a fever. I'm way short, so my breasts look out of proportion on me. My hair is too shiny for its own good. It looks like a wig. I wear eyeshadow every time I leave my room, but I might as well flush the makeup down the toilet, for all the good it does me, because I have eyes like a corpse. I just hate it, I married a guy who's way out of my league. He must want to kill himself every time he looks at me.
I don't think that I would be afraid of you, no matter how scary you look. XD I wish we were married. – Sunshine
From: XxpuppetmasterxX To: LilMzSunshine
Subject: Proposal
But we are! Or, did you mean, to each other? xoxo – puppy
When Hinata got home, she rushed to check her Gaia, and found that someone had sent her a gift.
"Sis? Can I check my Gai–," Hanabi gasped. "–a. Hinata... where did you get that Angelic Halo?"
Hinata looked at her recently-updated avatar. "Oh, that," she checked over her shoulder for Kankuro, but didn't see him. "XxpuppetmasterxX gave it to me. Isn't it cute?"
"He GAVE it to you? Just... as a gift?"
"Yeah, it came in a little box. For Valentine's Day."
"Do you have any idea how much that cost him? Angelic Halos are the rarest item on Gaia!" Hanabi was a Gaia fanatic. She periodically pressured her cousin and sister into buying donation items for her with their pay-pals.
Hinata sighed dreamily and logged off so her sister could check her own account. A few minutes later, she heard an ecstatic cry of joy. "HINATA!"
"What?"
Hanabi pointed to the screen. "He bought me a Kitsune Mask! I've had that thing on my Wish List for ages!"
"Who?"
"Your boyfriend! Look, read the note,"
Hey, I'm a friend of LilMzSunshine's... so I don't suppose you could let her know how nice I'm being to her little cousin, could you?
"Little cousin?" Hanabi asked.
"I tell people that I'm an only child and you're Neji's sister."
"Thanks, sis. Thanks. So, is this guy single?"
"Nah, he's married."
"The lucky, lucky woman. And her lucky lucky little sister."
Hinata sighed.
A/N: Happy Nowhere Near Valentine's Day!
I drew the picture that Hinata commissioned. It's not the brilliant work of art that Sai paints, but it's ok. I'll put a link to it on my profile... and if anybody ever wants to illustrate something from one of my stories, I'd love you forever...