Ayla's head often felt full to bursting with choices. She tried to organise the more important ones to the front of her mind, she knew however that once a choice is made another, sometimes more, come in its wake. She and Marcus had had many long and exhausting conversations over what to do about Jake. It was inevitable now that her son would find out the truth of his heritage, Ayla was determined he find out from her. The doubt that this might not be possible kept her awake most nights.
On the nights that she could not find sleep Ayla would list the things she knew. She knew she loved her family, and would do anything she could to protect them. She knew that she could not protect them from the hard time that was in store. She knew she had raised good children, she was sure she knew how they would react to the news. And finally she knew that she would have to come clean to her own parents before she came clean to her son. Her parents could make the transition easy, offer a place to stay if Jake decided he could not live with his mother for a while. Unburdening herself to her parents first might even make it easier for her to tell Jake. Her mother would insist that the boy be told, and a weight would maybe lift from her shoulders.
Ayla could do little to convince herself that the lie she had been telling was for anyone's good. She knew deep down that she could have handled things better when Jake was born, that she could have told the whole truth. The lie was easier though, everyone assumed it to be true with little effort from her to convince them. She and Marcus seemed like the perfect couple back then, and that was what they were now. During their never-ending conversations her husband had promised to support her no matter what, this was the only comfort she could take from the whole situation, that at least one person would be on her side whichever way things turned out. She couldn't help but imagine the worst.
Marcus regularly tried to convince her that what she had done when she could see no other way of acting was absolutely the best thing, it was easy for him to tell her that hindsight has a useful way of correcting our mistakes when it is actually too late. They had both lost count of how many times he had told her that solving a problem afterwards did not really solve the problem. Ayla would tell him that she was taking steps to solve things even now. The whole situation had become a puzzle to Ayla, she told herself she was determined to unravel the ends and fit all the pieces into place. She often wondered what kind of puzzle she had created, with tangled ends and missing pieces.
The frost came early in November that year, the normally mild sea air was replaced by a cruel, cold wind that forced the Flint's to bundle up early. Ayla stood in the front room window and watched her girls "ice skate" over the fallen leaves that covered the lane. If there had been snow it would have been a perfect Christmas card scene. She was already making preparations for Christmas, an unusual habit she had picked up since Jake had received his letter. Ayla liked to be prepared now, she no longer liked to leave things to the last minute. The presents were almost all bought and wrapped. Each one had been carefully chosen, hopefully reflecting the love that Ayla felt for each of her children. She would readily admit that she had gone overboard this Christmas with presents. She knew the season was going to be difficult, a few more nice things would not do any harm. Spoiling her children at what was sure to be a difficult time in their lives could not be a bad thing. She hoped to make the betrayal hurt less, though she knew that some pains cannot be willed away with lots of presents.
Marcus watched his wife from the door and knew what she was thinking from the way her shoulders tensed. She was going over everything she had to do again. Her fingers gripped the windowsill as she watched the girls slide up and down past the window. She was more watchful than him nowadays, it was as though she was waiting for something bad to happen, and was determined to make everything better before the girls even knew what was wrong.
"You know you're getting worse than me. You can't watch them all the time. Kids get hurt, its natural." he said as he stepped into the room and stood beside her.
"You're a fine one to talk. I bet you're not thinking how long it would take you to get out there and get them to Saint Mungo's if they broke a leg each." she replied.
"Twenty seconds to get out there, thirty to get them back in, ten seconds to get to the hospital, with you helping me of course."
Ayla smiled at her husband's admission. She shared his worry for their children. It wasn't until she had become a mother that she realised how dangerous the world actually was. That there were a million and one things in one small room that could damage her small, beautiful bodies of her children. The only time Ayla had felt easy was when they slept, she had watched them like a hawk during the waking hours of their infancy, waiting for the falls and tears. Marcus was the exact opposite. He knew that they would all get hurt at sometime or another. And while he did worry about them getting hurt, that, he said, was what kids did. But when they slept Marcus was at their bedside. Ayla could not remember the number of times she had woken in the night and found her husband missing from their own bed. He told her liked to watch the girls sleep, that their steady breathing relaxed him. She knew however that he was anxious that they should stop breathing in the night. That he would wake up one morning and find his precious girls dead. He had done the same with Jake, yet that all seemed so long ago now. He still looked in on them now, more so since Jake had left for Hogwarts. Both had their anxieties about their children, and neither voiced them often for fear that they would come true.
"I'm going to tell mum and dad today." Ayla turned to face her husband, hoping to read his reaction on his face.
"Want me to come with you?" he asked, reaching for her shoulders to pull her to him.
"You probably should, but then there'd be no one to look after the girls. And I don't want them to overhear and get the wrong end of the stick."
"Good point. If you need me, let me know. You know I want to be there right?"
"I know. But its better that we don't involve the girls just yet."
"You should go now, while they're distracted. If they know where you're going they'll want to go too. I'll tell them you've gone food shopping or something."
"I wish we didn't have to lie to them." Ayla sighed.
"Me too, but at the moment it's necessary. They'll understand when they're older. Go on, get your coat on, it's chilly out there."
"I'm going by floo Marcus, I won't be all that cold."
Ayla smiled at her husband as she went to get her coat. Always worrying about someone.
"Doesn't mean you might not need it. See you later, and don't worry. It'll all work out I promise you." he said as he kissed her goodbye.
Ayla stepped into the fireplace and shook her head, smiling.
"You are a fine one to talk mister. I'd like to see you try not to worry. Jenson Manor."
She called out her destination before he could retaliate. Marcus watched as she disappeared among the emerald flames.
"I can't help worrying." he said to himself as he turned to take her place watching the girls. He knew she would worry while she was gone, he would keep a close eye on them until she returned. There were somethings you didn't neglect, taking up your wife's insane vigilance in a time of crisis was one of them.
Season's Greetings to all my wonderful and beautiful readers/reviewers (no I'm not drunk Karen)! Hello to people old and new, oldies you have the people who keep favouriting this and Quidditch Players to thank for this chapter. I was going to wait until the New Year to post something but I felt guilty for keeping both new and old waiting. I know I've been terrible for regular posting these past few months, but guess what my resolution will be?
So I just want to thank everyone for reading/reviewing and generally being awesome, have a great '07 and a happy and safe '08. Love you all xo