XxpuppetmasterxX and LilMzSunshine
Chapter 7: The In-Laws Again
A/N: No Exit is an existential (European emo philosophy) play by Sartre, where the quote "hell is other people" comes from.
Element-girls and Arafaxdeep20 have done illustrations for this fic on deviantArt. The links are on my profile; go check them out after the show!
I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. – Lewis Grizzard
From: LilMzSunshine To: XxpuppetmasterxX
Subject: Vacation, all I ever wanted
Puppy;
I might not be online for a week or so... I'm going to go 'bond' with my in-laws... who, by the way, are all crazy. I know, because my dad gets along real well with my father-in-law, and that doesn't bode well. Anyway, doesn't look like I'll have time to type, just lots of material... you'll know when I get back, because I'll have a six-chapter update or something.
Chu
—Sunny
"I haven't started packing yet, and we leave tomorrow morning," Hinata sighed to Shikamaru as they sat next to the river. "I really don't want to go... I can't go that long without writing."
"Get a notebook," Shikamaru shrugged.
"But what if they look inside?" she squeaked. Shikamaru rolled his eyes.
"They won't read your diary... hide it in your suitcase or something."
"But– but–,"
"Take a deep breath, Hinata. You make too much out of stuff. Anyway, isn't Neji going with you or something?"
"Neji's already called dibs on the computer while I'm gone... Hanabi's pissed, but she can't do anything about it, because Neji is Dad's favorite kid, because he's not actually his kid and that makes him more specialer than us."
Shikamaru shook his head. "There's so much I don't understand about large family dynamics... They're just sending you out into the desert? I thought they tried to keep you kinda protected or something like that."
"Sometimes I think it's more that they don't want everyone to find out what a wimp I am..." Hinata sighed. "But their logic is that Kankuro's going to be with me, and since he married me against both our wills, he will therefore give his life to protect me in the event of an emergency."
"That... doesn't make any sense."
"It's more plausible than Neji coming to my rescue."
"I thought he was all 'centered' and didn't hate you guys anymore," Shikamaru said. Hinata laughed.
"He doesn't actively hate any of us... actually, I think he even likes me and Hanabi, but he's still really passive-aggressive, and there's no guarantee that his Anti-Main-House reflex won't kick in if I'm in danger."
Shikamaru blinked. Any other kid in Konoha would have told you that Neji absolutely loved his little cousins. But then, any other kid in Konoha didn't know him as well as Hinata.
"...you have fun, then."
"You know, I bet Kankuro can make it to Suna on his own," Hinata told her father timidly as she and her husband of longer-than-she-liked-to-think were trying to pack last-minute. "He'd probably move faster without me."
"Think, you're making sure he doesn't overexert himself in his rush to get back to his family and the hell away from us."
Hinata watched her father for a moment, trying to decide if he was joking.
"You need to go with him to make sure he comes back," Neji explained from where he was lying on the floor reading No Exit. "Otherwise he'll just stay in Suna and we'll have to get you a new guy, which is an even bigger hassle the second time around."
"It's like taking a pet dog for a walk," Hinata's mother told her. "Except you don't have to pick up after him."
"I'd rather have the dog," Hinata said.
"Trust me, kid, I hear ya," her mother said, whacking her husband with magazine. (Why? Because he was there.)
And so Hinata and Kankuro set out to visit with Kankuro's family.
"So... we'll be arriving on your birthday?" Hinata asked shyly from across the campfire the first night.
"Yeah, if nothing screws up," he replied gruffly, watching his hotdog over the flames. He didn't feel like looking at his wife tonight. Or ever, really, but tonight was bad. He was going home, he was finally going to see his family again, and she has to tag along.
"It's hard to believe we've been married over three months," Hinata ventured again. She was trying to start a conversation with him and take advantage of this opportunity to get to know him. She really was. Because no matter what she thought of him, she really didn't want to spend the entire journey in complete silence. "Time sure flies when you're having fun, I guess," she giggled nervously.
"You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to," Kankuro snapped at her, pulling his dinner out of the fire. "So far as I'm concerned you aren't even on this trip with me; we just happen to be traveling in the same direction."
Hinata sighed and unrolled her bedroll. Nobody could say she didn't try. "Looks like we're both on the floor tonight," she whispered to herself, smiling. She wished that Kankuro had heard her, and that he had smiled, too, and that they could at least get along based on their common hatred for their situation. But it didn't look like things were headed that way, and she needed to get plenty of sleep; tomorrow looked like a long, silent day.
"KANKURO!!" Temari spotted her brother approaching and literally jumped out of her window to latch onto him before he could get to the front door. "You're home!"
"I'm home, sis," Kankuro laughed, pulling his sister into a bear hug and picking her up off the ground a little.
"I missed you so much!" Temari exclaimed, kissing his face until she was smeared with face paint.
Hinata stood awkwardly off to the side, feeling confused and alone. Not only was this a condition that Hinata was used to, it was one that didn't last long, because Gaara had ambled out to meet his brother in much less of a hurry than Temari, and when he found that Kankuro had been monopolized by her, he turned to Hinata.
"It's good to see you again, sister," he said.
Hinata fidgeted with her fingers and blushed. "It's good to see you, too... Ga– little brother."
Gaara smiled. He liked his siblings, and he liked that he had a new one now. "How was your trip? Are you tired?"
"Oh, no, I'm fine," Hinata said politely, although really she was dying to take a nap. She figured that she would end up in the same room with Kankuro, and she was in no hurry to spend any more time with him.
"Don't be silly," Temari said, moving from Kankuro to his wife and hugging her with only slightly less exuberance. "You've had a long trip, I bet you're dying."
"She's fine, 'Mari," Kankuro said irritably, annoyed by the attention Hinata was receiving from the two others. "She's a ninja too, you know, she's perfectly capable of walking a couple of days without fainting."
"Oh, shush, you," Temari said, stroking her sister-in-law's cheek. "She isn't used to hiking through the desert, and anyway, anybody would want to rest up after a long trip, whether they're in danger of fainting or not. Come on, Hinata," she said, dragging the girl a few feet closer to the house before turning around. "You're invited inside, too, Kankuro."
"I wasn't waiting for an invitation!" Kankuro yelled back. "What's wrong with her?" he asked Gaara.
"Nothing, she's just being nice... what's wrong with you?"
"I just wanted to spend time with you guys... not her," Kankuro sighed. "C'mere, give me a hug," he ordered, grabbing Gaara. "I missed you, baby brother."
"We missed you, too, Kankuro-nii-san... but I hope you don't turn this into some power-struggle with her... it's not her fault that you've got a girlfriend online."
Kankuro sighed and squeezed his brother tighter. "Where's Dad?"
"Working on some typical crap," Gaara shrugged. "But I don't see why you're changing the subject. I mean, I've been to the PuppyXSunny community on LiveJournal, it's not like we don't know about it."
"I just don't want to talk about it, ok? All I want to do is spend time with you guys without talking about how my love life is over-complicated and nonexistent at the same time."
Gaara only cuddled against his brother's chest as a response. "All right, if you insist. Come on, let's go bother 'Mari and Dad."
So, the two headed back into the house, Kankuro falling a bit behind as he picked up the backpack he had been carrying.
"Wait, we're an LJ community?"
"Daddy, where's Hinata sleeping again?" Temari asked, bursting into her father's office casually. She was the only one of the Sand Sibs who got away with this. She was also the only one who had ever tried it.
"Who?"
"Kankuro's wife. Your daughter-in-law. You know, if you ever left this study, you might know that your oldest son is back home. And in case you didn't notice, he HAS been missing for three months. Ever since you sold him to Clan Hereditary Insanity."
"All right, all right, I understand that you're upset with me, Tamarao," the Kazekage sighed impatiently.
"TEMARI!"
"Right, you. I know that you're upset, but your brother had to grow up sometime. Getting married is part of life,"
"Only in back-ass-wards societies like ours," Temari muttered. "But I don't want to get into that now. Where's Hinata supposed to sleep?"
"In Kankuro's room, of course."
"... So where's Kankuro supposed to sleep, then?"
"In his room, of course."
Temari glared at her father. "What is wrong with you? You're not going to make those poor kids share a room!"
"They'll have plenty of space," The Kazekage looked up to see his daughter's angry expression. "They're married, Temari. Married couples usually sleep in the same bed, you know."
"I hardly call that travesty of a diplomatic arrangement a marriage," Temari muttered. "And I would never call Kankuro and Hinata a couple."
"What you call them doesn't really matter, because they're sharing a room. End of story."
"Here, Hinata, you can sleep here," Temari said, throwing open a door. Hinata inched into the room uncertainly, looking around at the fake plants and dried flowers lining the walls. "Well, what do you think?"
"It's... well," Hinata tapped her fingers together. "I didn't know Ka-ka-kankuro-kun liked plants so much..."
Temari laughed. "This is my room, honey."
"O-oh. It's very pretty,"
"I'm into botany, on the side," Temari explained, throwing her sister-in-law's bag onto the bed. "But it's kind of a difficult hobby to have out here... plus I'm not much of a green-thumb, so I do this instead."
"Oh... th-that's really interesting, Temari-san,"
"Thanks. Here, I'll leave you alone so you can sleep a little. Oh, and," Temari turned, hanging off the doorframe. "My father... thinks that you and Kankuro are sleeping in his room, so don't make a big deal out of staying here, if you don't mind."
"I- I don't want you to get in trouble on my account."
"Don't be ridiculous! I'll be fine, even if he does find out, he won't yell at you, so don't worry. I don't think he realizes that you two don't have the most physical relationship," she winked. Hinata, quite naturally, blushed.
"I- well, we– uh,"
"Don't worry, I'm not one to judge. Do you want me to wake you up for cake? (Don't worry, it's store-bought... we didn't want to poison Kan-kun on his birthday.)"
"Oh, um... th-thank you."
Temari smiled. "Of course. Have a nice nap!"
When Hinata woke up it was dark outside. She rubbed her eyes tiredly, feeling guilty and awkward for sleeping so long in that way that only house guests can feel guilty and awkward. She blinked blearily at the moonlight shining in through the window and wondered what time it was.
"You're awake, I see."
"AH!" Hinata eeped and turned quickly, holding her hands up between her and pale half-illuminated face grinning at her from next to the bed.
Gaara smiled more broadly and leaned closer to her so that his face was completely revealed. "'Mari was right, you were tired."
Hinata kept taking deep breaths, trying to get her heart-rate back to normal. "I- I-I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..."
Gaara's heart squee'd a little. She was SO adorable. "It's ok. Here," he handed her a plate off of the bedside table. "We didn't want to wake you up, so we saved you some cake."
Her hands shaking from her scare, Hinata took the offered cake with a slight nod. "Th-th-thank you, Ga-gaara-kun."
Gaara smiled to himself as she ate. He could tell that she was really uncomfortable, and curious as to why he was in her room in the first place, and also that she was too afraid of him to ask. It made him very happy.
He had been watching her sleep. He liked watching people sleep in general, because, in Kankuro's words, 'he was a creep', and he was very happy to be able to watch his cute little sister-in-law slumbering. She was so innocent-looking.
He told Kankuro as much after he had vanished mysteriously from Hinata's room, probably further scaring her.
"You're lucky to share a room with her," he said simply. Kankuro, suspecting sarcasm, had simply glared at him, but Temari's head shot up.
"Gaara, what were you doing?"
"Nothing, I was just watching her. She looks so peaceful when she sleeps... do you stay up and watch her sometimes, Nii-san?"
"Gaara, you're a creep," Kankuro muttered.
"Well? Do you?"
"Of course not! I don't even want to look at her when she's awake!"
"Would you watch LilMzSunshine sleep?" Gaara asked blandly.
"GAARA!" Temari snapped. "Don't bug Kan-kun about that."
"It's ok, Temari, if he wants to be a weirdo... Yes, Gaara, I would love to watch Sunny fall asleep. I have elaborate fantasies wherein I get to watch her sleeping. Happy?"
Gaara nodded, looking vindicated. "Then why am I a creep?"
"Because, you have to be some kind of freak to think Hinata's worth watching."
"...Kankuro," Temari said uneasily. "Don't be so harsh."
"I mean it, she's not worth the effort of focusing your eyes."
"She's a very sweet girl, Kankuro," Temari said seriously. "And... I don't think you should be so caught up in this... romance with LilMzSunshine. I mean, you're married... you need to start living in the real world. You can't keep being so cruel to Hinata just because she isn't who you would have picked. She's a sensitive girl, and her life sucks, the least you could do is treat her well."
"Yeah, because she's so nice to me," Kankuro snarled sarcastically. "It's not like I go out of my way to pick on her or anything! I leave her alone and she leaves me alone, and it's working just fine. If she wants someone to treat her well, she can find herself a boyfriend. I don't care. In fact, I wish she would."
"You really aren't fair to her, Kankuro," Gaara said. Kankuro decided that was the last straw, and stood up and walked out of the room.
Kankuro was in a sour mood when he and Hinata returned to Konoha. He wasn't angry with Temari and Gaara exactly, just disappointed and jealous. Ok, maybe he was a little angry. He wanted Sunny to be home from her trip so he could talk to her again. Now he really knew what she meant when she talked about how much her family loved Mr. Sunshine. Everybody seemed to love Hinata. He felt like the only sane one left in the world.
He was brooding over how Gaara had followed Hinata around the whole week, and how Temari had kissed her goodbye like she was her sister, not just some woman that her brother had to live with, as Hinata pushed open the front door slowly.
"Um... I'm home?" she said modestly. Kankuro rolled his eyes.
"Come on, Neji, let me check my Gaia, please? PLEASE?"
"No. Wait your turn."
"Come on, you've been on all week!"
"I called dibs, it's only fair."
"Fair? Your eyes are red! You look like a freakin' Uchiha, please please please,"
"Hi, Neji, hi, sis!" Hinata said hopefully, moving into the room that contained the computer. Neji briefly glanced over his shoulder and went back to his chatroom. Hanabi slammed her head against the wall.
"Aw, man, now I'm never gonna get a chance."
"Oh, hey, Hinata," Neji continued typing. "Your mom wondered if you could heat up a frozen lasagna for dinner or something. She's out and I'm not allowed to use the microwave after that what I did to those Hot Pockets."
"Yeah, where is Mom?"
"Damned if I know. Hey, Kankuro, how's your family doing?"
Kankuro smiled. "They're doing good... It was good to see them."
"But I'm glad you're back!" Hanabi exclaimed, giving up any claim she had to the computer and throwing her arms around his middle. "We missed you."
Hinata sighed and decided to throw her suitcase into her bedroom.
From: XxpuppetmasterxX To: LilMzSunshine
Subject: How do you DO it?
Arg, my family is completely enamored of my wife... How do you deal with that?
The only consolation I have is that her own family seems to pretty much ignore her. Is that mean of me? I mean, she has friends and stuff... her family's just... evil.
How are your in-laws? Are you even back yet? Are they madly in love with you, excluding your husband from his own family?
From: LilMzSunshine To: XxpuppetmasterxX
Subject: Re: How do you DO it?
My in-laws are... nice... Ok, so I think my sister-in-law was coming onto me, and don't get me started about the other one... He was following me around the whole time, telling me all my husband's good points, like he was trying to set us up or something... he's creepy.
I do feel a little sorry for your wife... I mean, it was SO nice to get back home and see my cousins and my parents again... I miss them when I'm on long trips, 'cause I'm a baby. But don't feel too bad for her. I mean, I bet that your family wasn't molesting her, so she's not half as traumatized as you were.
Haha, at least we have each other... sort-of.
Email (Compound Email)
From: LilMzSunshine To: XxpuppetmasterxX
Subject: Re: Can't take this anymore
XxpuppetmasterxX Wrote:
I've got to have you, Sunny... I'm going to sneak over to your house and murder Mr. Sunshine, then carry you away into the sunset.
LilMzSunshine Wrote:
XD Please, do! But what about the Puppet Mistress? Are you going to kill her?
XxpuppetmasterxX Wrote:
Hadn't thought about that... maybe you should... I'm not sure I've got the heart to kill the woman who inspired Youko.
LilMzSunshine Wrote:
Here's what we'll do; I'll hire an assassin to kill the Puppet Mistress, and then once she's dead, you can escape and killed Mr. Sunshine, and then we'll ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.