Coming Out: The Colonel's Coda

Part 6

Winston Mayer turned the corner onto the main road of Fort Leonard Wood. He had spent the night discussing old times with General Mark Andrews, who was currently sitting in the passenger seat.

The general was in from Washington with two or three Senators and Congressmen to observe a specialized counter-insurgency training program. It was unfortunate that it took congressional oversight for the two of them to catch up. Winston knew that a big part of that was his fault.

Mark had been his and Kate's best friend. He had been the best man at their wedding.He was Noah's godfather. He was the person that took Winston out to get drunk after he found out that Kate was sick. It was sad that he didn't see Mark more often, but for a long time it had been a lot harder to deal with the fact that Mark reminded him of Kate.

So they had drifted apart over the years. But tonight it had been good to see Mark and talk about Kate and old times: even though it still hurt to think of her, the pain didn't drown out the happy parts anymore. At least not as much.

And so the two continued to reminisce over the drive back from the steakhouse. As they pulled up to the house, they were talking about Tokyo. It all began in Tokyo: two young wounded soldiers at Tokyo General who were lucky enough to make friends with the doctor's daughter. Lucky enough to meet Kate.

And the continued to talk about Tokyo until Mark noticed the blue car in the driveway. "That's Noah's car," he said turning to Winston. "You didn't tell me he was in town."

"I didn't know," Winston replied as he pulled on the parking break.

They entered the house the found Noah sitting at the kitchen table. "Hello sir," he said, standing to greet his father. Winston smiled, inwardly if not visibly: despite all the disagreements they had, it still made Winston proud to know that his son was well mannered. So many kids these days simply didn't seem to care.

Before Winston could reply Noah noticed as Mark came in. "General," he said, "I didn't know you were in town."

"That makes two of us," the general replied. "It's good to see you Noah. And I've told you a hundred times, it's Mark."

"You as well sir," Noah said. But Winston noticed that his son didn't exactly seem overjoyed. Noah had never gone out of his way to spend time with Winston. This visit almost definitely came with bad news.

"What are you doing here, Noah?" he asked, staring at his son.

"My God, Winston, is that any way to greet your son?" Mark said, a bit concerned with the tension that had overtaken the room. "Do you open with the third degree every time you see him?"

Noah looked back and forth between his father and the general. Winston recognized the look of indecision on his face: the boy was trying to decide how to deal with Mark's comment. After as moment he decided to ignore it all together, directing his response to his father's question. "I needed to talk to you, sir," he said. "Can we sit down?"

"And it seems I'm intruding," Mark said as he put back on his coat. "I'll leave you two to talk."

"Nonsense, Mark. You're the boy's godfather after all. Whatever this is about, Noah should be able to you as well." Winston paused for a moment and stared at his son. "Isn't that so, Noah?"

Noah nodded weakly. "I suppose it is," he replied. Turning to Mark, he said "Please stay sir."

"It this about you and Maddie?" Winston asked as the three of them walked to the living room. Mark and Winston sat on the couch and Noah took a seat in the arm chair facing them "Has something happened?"

"Maddie?" Mark questioned. "That's the girl you're dating, right? Winston said you worked with her at the television station."

"Actually, Maddie and I broke up yesterday." Noah replied.

Winston sighed in frustration. It amazed that his son could continue to make such idiotic choices on such a regular basis. "How could you screw that up son? She was a good woman!"

"I did it because it was wrong for me to use her like I was." Noah replied.

"Using her? What are you talking about son? What did you do?" Whatever his son had done to that girl, if he was describing it like that it couldn't be good. He started to stand up when Mark pushed him back down into his seat with a firm hand in the shoulder.

"Calm down, Winston," he said, "and let Noah explain." Winston had to literally bite his tongue, but he waited for Noah to continue.

"I liked Maddie, sir. But as a friend. If I'm honest with myself, I know that the reason that I dated her, the reason I pushed the relationship so fast, was because I knew she was someone you would approve of. I want you to be proud of me sir, but I'm not willing to like to both you and Maddie to do it."

"You seemed willing to lie about it before," Winston said in a raised voice. "And what, pray tell, do you imagine it will feel like when you like someone as more than a friend? Do you think that stars will fall and the little animals will gather around, or do you harbor some other childish notion? You had an attractive woman who you cared about, who your family approved of. What exactly did you find so unbearable about that?"

Noah paused. "Sir, I want you to know," he said, "I've always been proud of you. I know I haven't always been the son you wanted, but I've always been proud to be your son."

This statement only served to increase Winston's anger. "Stop avoiding the question Noah! Be a man and answer when someone asks you something."

Noah sighed. "Maddie wasn't attractive to me sir. I'm gay."

Winston stopped moving altogether and just stood there. Very early in his military career, shortly after combat training, he had learned about controlling his anger. A week in the brig had seen to that. And he knew if he allowed himself move right now, his first action would probably be to strike his son.

After a moment, he spoke: "Excuse me?"

Noah looked directly at his face and spoke again, quite clearly: "I said I'm gay."

"And I suppose you're proud of it too! How can you shame your family like this? How can you choose to live your life in such a dishonorable fashion?!"

Now Noah was standing too. "You think I chose this!?" he yelled. "You think I would choose to make you hate me?! I don't get to choose who I'm attracted to!"

"Bullshit! If you were a real man, you would take responsibility for your actions! But I guess you don't care about things like that!"

Before Noah could reply, both of them turned at the sound of Mark's voice. In his anger, Winston had almost forgotten he was there. "If he weren't a real man, Winston," he said, "he wouldn't have had the backbone to come here and tell you to your face. He seems to have known how you would react."

"You can't seriously be supporting him Mark!" Winston said. Though he was no longer yelling, his voice still was far from quiet. "For God's sake, he's throwing his life away!"

"No, Winston," replied Mark, standing up, "he's simply not living it like you want him to. And as you pointed out, I am his godfather. You and Kate asked me to be a part of his life: I'm certainly not abandoning him now."

Winston set his jaw and glared at Mark. His voice was no longer raised, but icy and calm. "Fine, you want to be a part of his life, go ahead. I'm done." Turning to Noah he continued "I want nothing more to do with you Noah. Get out, both of you."

Mark put his hand on Noah's shoulder as they walked to the door. But before he left, Noah paused and turned back. He looked at Winston and said "Goodbye sir," before shut the door.

Then Winston when to the liquor cabinet in the living room and pulled out a bottle of whiskey and a glass. As he closed the cabinet door he a picture on top of the cabinet. On the left sat an army officer in his late twenties wearing a dress uniform with a gold bar on his collar. His arm was wrapped around the woman next to him. Despite her beauty, it was apparent that she was frail: her dark brown hair and her bright blue dress stood out against her pail skin. At their feet was a young child, their son, dressed in a small suit with a bow tie. Noah was only two in the picture. It was the last picture of the family from before Kate died; it was taken just before Winston had left for his first overseas posting.

Putting his hand behind the picture and pushed it forward. He ignore the sound of the frame's glass breaking as it hit the wood and took his glass and bottle to his bedroom.

In the morning, Winston found Noah's key to the front door on the kitchen table, right where his son had been sitting when he had arrived home.