Decisions and Doubts
So the Snapes became a commuter family, going to Hogwarts most weekdays through May and June, but settling into their new cottage in the countryside. Zelda and the baby accompanied Severus to Hogwarts, where she worked with Crabbe and Goyle regularly. Severus consulted with teachers about supporting students who still seemed academically weak. He also assisted with Minerva, who was organizing the following year's staff.
"Miss Tonks will teach DADA next year, but I cannot convince Solomon to return to teach Potions," she told Severus. "After a slow start he's become a competent teacher. But he's excited at the prospect of Potter coming to apprentice with him and says he misses their secret doings at DoM. Will you please return to your old position for one year?"
"I always preferred teaching DADA," he replied. "That part of my old charade with Dumbledore was real. I also worry about my family's safety here. But I'll discuss it with Zelda."
"Thank you. I don't wish to endanger Zelda or little Alaric," she told him. "We'd accommodate the needs of your family in every possible way. You'd also be Deputy Headmaster again, with the commensurate salary."
Severus left without making any promises and went downstairs to have lunch with his wife. He found her sitting with a veritable mob of students. Miss Granger was holding Alaric, a besotted smile on her face.
"Are there no examinations to study for?" he asked coldly. "I thought they begin next week."
"All work and no play make Ron, Harry, Draco, Neville, Vincent and Gregory dull boys, not to mention what it does to Hermione. Besides, coming down to admire Alaric is a most refreshing activity," she said mockingly.
The students watched this brief exchange in silence, most of them suppressing smirks.
"I believe lunch will be served in the Great Hall any minute. You don't want to be late," he said pointedly, striding over to Hermione and holding his hands out for Alaric.
Handing over the baby, Hermione smiled at Professor Snape. "He's just wonderful."
"Indeed," he replied grudgingly.
Zelda was saying goodbye to the others.
"I don't want to interfere with your studies, but I love hearing your plans. Come down to see me again any time."
"Play nicely together," said Severus, eyeing the Slytherins and Gryffindors as they headed for the door.
"We will," replied Harry innocently.
Severus snorted as the door closed behind them.
"Longbottom has now joined their merry band of misfits," he said in some disbelief.
"He's a brave young man, after you were so nasty to him when he was young," she murmured.
"His clumsiness repeatedly endangered his entire Potions class," said Severus. "Coddling him would have done no good."
"Mmmm…" she replied, her eyes narrowing briefly. "I wasn't there, so I don't know. But he's come a long way if he can face you now. I think he's nice."
Severus was tired of discussing Longbottom and instead turned his attention to Alaric. At about five weeks old, the boy was filling out nicely. His eyes were bright and he'd begun to smile in the past two days, tentative, innocent smiles that could melt the heart. The uncomplicated joy of this beloved child was shocking to him. Never had he imagined a child of his being so pure and beautiful.
"Has he done anything brilliant this morning?" he asked, striving to control his emotions as he sat down next to Zelda.
"He smiled at Harry today," she replied.
Severus rolled his eyes and hugged her.
"You provoking wench," he snapped. "I should chastise you for such impudence."
A slow smile appeared on her face. Dilys was coming that very afternoon to examine her and she was rather sure that she'd be cleared for a marital romp. She put a hand to his cheek and kissed him.
"Soon," she promised. "I'll work on my impudence, just in case."
Severus laughed.
&&&&&&&&&
During examination week at Hogwarts one could feel the tension in the air. Zelda kept tea and snacks constantly on hand to fortify her seventh year friends. They came alone or in small groups, looking for sympathy. Hermione was more relaxed than anyone had expected, but Ron, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck.
"Harry's given up on being an Auror, but I still want it," he told Zelda. "I need five NEWTs. I dunno what I'll do if I don't get enough. I think I did okay on DADA."
"You've been working hard, you're smart and you'll do it," said Zelda, using the same words she'd said over and over.
"Kingsley said he'd recommend me," he said hopefully. "McGonagall too."
"Have another cookie," said Zelda soothingly. "How many do you have left to go?"
"Transfiguration and Potions," he said. "I know I'll fall apart in the Potions practical."
Draco Malfoy entered the room, pouting slightly when he realized Ron got there first.
"Hi Draco. Have some tea and eat something," said Zelda. "Are you worried about Potions too?"
He was prepared to deny it, but realized no one would be fooled. "I've done everything, but there's no guarantee," he said softly. "I even asked Granger to show me her study guide."
Ron hooted at the idea. "Could you get through it? It's as long as Magical Me!"
"It's the practical part of it where anything can happen, can't it?" said Draco sullenly. "If I fail at it, it's all over."
He took a small bite of a sugar bun, and then stuffed the whole thing in as he realized he was ravenous.
"How are Crabbe and Goyle holding up?" asked Zelda. "I haven't seen them since yesterday morning."
"They're surprisingly calm," replied Draco. "They never thought they could pass any of it, but they held up pretty well during the Charms practical."
"I'm glad," she replied. "You know, you're not the first to have to take exams. It happens every year and you'll be okay."
Both young men glared at her.
"Forget the smug platitudes, I recant them," she murmured.
Hermione, Harry and Neville all crept in, looking pale and weary. They needed no encouragement to head for the food and then came to sit around with the others.
"Will you hex me if I say encouragingly that Charms is finished?" asked Zelda. "Eat something sweet before you answer."
"Neville did amazingly well in the Charms practical," said Hermione. "His use of Charms in a duel impressed the examiners."
Neville blushed as he munched on a pastry.
"Herbology's on Friday. I wish I'd paid better attention last year," said Draco in a grim voice.
"I feel that way about all my classes," said Ron frankly.
The sound of a baby's cry distracted them all and Hermione jumped up.
"Let me fetch him,' she said.
"Okay," replied Zelda. "I think the sight of my brilliant child will cheer you all up."
Harry snorted at the look on Draco's face. "Not a fan of kids, Malfoy?"
"This one's okay," he replied, glancing toward Zelda. "In general, I can live without them."
Hermione reappeared, looking more cheerful in spite of the baby's frantic hunger.
"Okay, let's get the show on the road," said Zelda, pulling her shawl down to cover herself as she took Alaric and began feeding him.
Blessed silence filled the room, punctuated by the slurping sounds of Alaric's enthusiastic feeding.
"When will you all be finished?" asked Zelda.
"Friday afternoon," said Harry.
"Why don't you come down here for a bit when you've finished, if you'd like," suggested Zelda. "Crabbe and Goyle too, of course. All the younger kids will be back next year and I guess I'll be around too. But you're all heading off to start your lives and I'll miss seeing you often."
"You'll be back?" asked Harry. "Does that mean Professor Snape…"
"He's agreed to teach Potions next year," she said mildly, her lips twitching at the look of wicked delight in Harry's eyes. "A one year reprise of his least favorite class to teach, as a favor to Professor McGonagall."
Neville had choked on his tea at the news, so Hermione thoughtfully patted his back.
"I asked him to leave the 'dunderheads' part out of his little first day speech to the first years," Zelda added.
"How did you know he said that?" asked Hermione curiously.
"He said it every year, of course," she replied. "Speaking from experience, sometimes a teacher hits on a classic formula and when that happens we tend to repeat it."
Draco's gray eyes gleamed with mischief as he asked softly, "How do you know exactly what he said, Zelda?"
She said innocently, "He was telling Alaric about potion-making the other day and I overheard him explaining what he told his students on the first day of class."
After a stunned moment, everyone in the room broke into gales of laughter, Zelda included. The release of tension in the air was palpable, and she saw that Neville was laughing as hard as any of them.
Alaric began fussing, so Zelda paused to pat his back. When he erupted with a mighty burp, everyone laughed again.
"That felt good," said Ron. "I can't remember the last time I could laugh at anything."
Zelda settled Alaric for the rest of his feeding and looked around at them.
"You'll be okay," she said. "We'll be here every day for the rest of the week, and if I can do anything to help, send me an owl in the evening."
Harry chuckled and said, "Will you ever get tired of owl post?"
She grinned. "It's the coolest thing in the world, and I don't have to be a witch to enjoy it."
"Um… Zelda, about that," said Hermione. "We were talking the other day. Hardly anyone knows you're a Muggle, and we think you shouldn't mention it to anyone else. They don't need to know."
"Really? I've actually talked about it with several people who've said the same thing," replied Zelda. "I've been hesitant to ask everyone to keep it a secret, but I don't see why anyone else needs to know. I won't tell. I'll let them all make assumptions."
"That's settled then," said Harry. "We won't tell anyone. It's almost time for supper, so I suppose we should go."
The door opened and Severus entered the sitting room, frowning at the sight of the small mob.
"Long day, Professor Snape?" asked Zelda kindly. "The kids are just leaving."
He nodded. His back was aching and he needed quiet. Actually, he wanted to go home.
"Go study," he told the young people as they rose and gathered their things.
Harry paused to Vanish the remains of their feast, and then followed the others.
"Thanks, Harry," called Zelda. "See you tomorrow."
As the door closed behind them, Severus sank wearily into an armchair.
"Is something wrong?" asked Zelda, detaching the sleeping babe from her breast and righting him.
Severus held his hands out to take his son. Zelda handed him over and placed an absorbent cloth on his shoulder.
"Hello," murmured Severus, kissing Alaric's soft cheek. "You look splendid, little one."
Alaric looked drunk and his head lolled against his father's shoulder, which made Severus cast a quick Impervius Charm on his shoulder. Immediately Alaric spewed up a considerable amount, which then flowed neatly onto the appropriate cloth.
"Magic's useful," said Zelda, amused. "What's our plan for the evening?"
"Let's go home," said Severus. "My back aches and the hysteria radiating through the air is most annoying. If they'd studied throughout the year, they wouldn't be so pathetically frantic now."
"I know it," she said, stroking his cheek lovingly. "Give me two minutes, and then we'll go."
She went to put on her boots, put on the baby carrier and returned to the sitting room.
"Okay," she said.
They escaped Hogwarts without running into anyone and walked briskly toward the gates. Zelda had gained back much of her pre-pregnancy strength and the walk was refreshing to her. She saw tension begin to drain from Severus as he put his energy into physical activity. Something wasn't right, but she'd give him time, rather than force his confidence.
Once outside the gates, Severus breathed easier. He put his arms around Zelda and the baby and they Apparated away.
"Lovely," she murmured at the sight of their home.
The sound of birds and the rustle of the wind in the leaves was all they heard as they approached the house. Severus felt his entire body unwind and as soon as they were inside, he went upstairs and changed into his oldest Muggle clothing.
Zelda followed more slowly and went to change the baby, planning to wait until he was ready to talk. He followed her into Alaric's room.
"I'll go start dinner," he said, coming up behind her and kissing her neck.
"Thanks," she replied. "Alaric's wide awake right now. If you'll bring the bouncy chair, he can watch us cook."
He smiled at the simple pleasure of their family life. Down in the kitchen he put the colorful chair on the table where Alaric would be able to see everything. When Zelda joined him, he took Alaric from her and hugged him close for a moment. Sighing, he put the baby into the little chair.
Zelda put her arms around him and began rubbing his back, feeling the tight muscles under her hand.
"Your poor aching back. I'll do more after dinner," she promised. "Do you want to sit down while I cook?"
His eyes narrowed. "You may assist me," he told her.
She kissed his bare neck, nuzzling under his hair. "Anything you wish, husband."
"I don't known why I'm in such a mood," he told her as he hugged her. "But I feel better now."
"Let's eat leftovers and then I'll pet you, if you like," she offered.
"I do like," he said, opening the refrigerator. "Here, let's see what we have."
&&&&&&&&&
They shared a quick, casual dinner, while Alaric entertained them with his bright eyes and random babbling. They fed the pets and headed upstairs immediately. Alaric went to sleep easily at about half past eight.
"Come here, love," said Zelda. "I'll try to make you feel better."
She undressed him, caressing and kissing him in a most pleasing way.
"Lie down," she said softly, kissing his chest.
"Take this off first," he replied as he began undoing her dress.
"It's no treat," she said, frowning.
In fact, she was miserably self-conscious about her post-pregnancy body.
"Please," he said, his eyes intense.
So she undressed as he lay there watching. Her breasts were very large and had a tendency to leak milk at times, something he'd told her he liked. But her belly… Zelda wanted to cry. She exercised and knew she was losing weight, but it was a ruin of sagging, horrid skin.
"Zelda," he muttered, holding out a hand to her, "I need you."
She reluctantly lowered herself into his arms and kissed him, startled when his arms locked around her. He was distressed and it didn't matter why. Seeing his pain helped her to put her own insecurity aside and make love to him.
"Sev, dearest love," she whispered, kissing his mouth languorously, offering her feelings to him.
The feel of her bare skin against his and the love in her eyes helped, he found, as he explored her body anew, grateful that once again she was his completely. He parted her legs and she sighed with delight at his caresses.
"My Zelda," he whispered, entering her slowly as their eyes locked. "My beautiful wife."
He lost himself as he concentrated on her pleasure. Her breathy sighs and her touch drove the vague demons from him and he felt safe and well. They climaxed together for the first time since the baby's birth, and then fell into an exhausted sleep, still entwined in their intimate embrace.
Severus woke before dawn, drenched in sweat and panting. He'd had a nightmare, but most fortunately hadn't disturbed Zelda. Carefully he slipped from the bed, put on his bathrobe and went to check on Alaric. The uneven, snorty breathing told him that the child would soon wake, but he needed a moment alone.
Something haunted him. He was happier than he'd ever been before. He had a wife he adored, a son he adored and a home. Yet he was filled with forebodings and fears, irritated by almost everything. He returned to the bedside and picked up his wand, then crossed the hall to where a table functioned as a temporary desk. He wrote a short note on a piece of parchment, flung open a window and used his wand to summon a post owl. He fastened the note to the owl's leg and whispered the destination, then watched the bird fly off.
Alaric began crying, so Severus closed the window and went to his son. He was relieved at having taken action, when in the past he'd have ignored his own distress and focused on some trivial external irritation. Now, the sight of his infant son wriggling excitedly, actually made him smile.
"Good morning, my boy," he murmured, looking into the child's eyes. There was confident recognition there, and complete trust.
Severus lifted the boy out and discovered his nightgown was soiled because the nappy had overflowed.
"You need a bath, child, but you need breakfast more," he said, laying the baby on the changing table and stripping him efficiently.
Alaric obviously preferred his comfortable filth, because he shrieked with outrage as he was washed and dried. But when he was dressed in clean clothes he forgot everything but his hunger.
"Morning, husband," said Zelda, smiling sleepily. "Thanks for tending the young prince."
Severus started. He didn't think he'd told Zelda his mother's maiden name, or about his own absurd conceit when he was a lonely teenager. But Alaric was screwing his face up in petulant rage and despair as his father passed him to Zelda.
"Come here, child," said Zelda, sweeping her son against her and offering a breast.
At once there was quiet, punctuated by snorts and slurps. They looked at each other ironically.
"Come back to bed," she said softly. "I'm worried about you. Something's wrong."
"Am I so transparent?" he asked, lying down and facing her.
"I want to help."
He caressed her cheek with one thin hand and said, "I sent an owl just now to Michael, asking him to see me today."
"Is it about Hogwarts? You seem better when we're here at home."
"You're right, I do feel better here," he said. "Yet we have work to do at Hogwarts."
"Later," she told him. "Now, can I do anything for you?"
"Try to be patient with me. I've been gradually growing more short-tempered for days now, but I don't know why. It's not you, though, and not Alaric."
She studied his face and saw that the lines were deep. His black eyes were filled with unhappy emotions, but why that was, she couldn't tell.
"You were wonderful during my hormonal fits of pregnancy," she said. "I'll help if I can."
She held her hand out to him and he grasped it hard, recognizing her promise to him.