AN-Sorry took so long to update. Hope it's worth the wait. Thanks a million for the reviews. Now I have two of you. Well, gotta count my better half. She's the one that keeps inspiring me to write. Hope you enjoy.
The retreat had done nothing more for Bette than to make her realize that you can't keep things bottled up. For some it might be a way to deal with things but not for her. She had gone nearly insane not being able to speak to anyone. Even with the silence, she had not really been able to find the peace and enlightenment that she had been fighting so hard for.
Tina still had her feelings toward men. How was she supposed to compete with that? It was not as if there was a specific man really. It was just this feeling that her former girlfriend had in general. Not so innocently it had started in a chat room on the internet. It had exploded into something so much more. If all it was just the fact that Tina was struggling with her feelings for Bette herself than perhaps there was something more she could do.
The lack of control frustrated her to no end. There was still the fact that she had no means of income at the moment. The closest she had come was when she had gone to Washington, DC to fight for the money the arts so desperately needed. She had that chance to cheat once again. But she had called Tina. But what had come of it?
If these were the only things she was dealing with she might not be as depressed and lost as she was. The past few months had been extremely difficult for another reason. She had just lost her father. That was hard enough. But on top of that, she had to watch one of her best friends deteriorate so quickly. One minute, Dana had been going in for a simple procedure. The next, they were all around her bedside because an infection had taken hold.
Watching her struggle not only physically but emotionally was excruciating. It went back to the fact that she could not help in anyway. There was that lack of control she so hated. Gladly she would have given anything to see Dana through. But slowly, looking back, she could see how her best friend had gone from a pro athlete to someone that could not even do the simplest of things for herself.
The one good thing had been watching Alice take care of her. Though it was also difficult, Dana had finally let the young writer back in her life. That was the circle of life for Bette. Though we go our separate ways some times, we find a way to move on and do the best we can. Alice had dropped everything in the blink of an eye to take care of the woman that she loved more than life herself.
Bette didn't want to think about having to do that. Watching Tina drift away was difficult enough as it was. How could she ever watch her slip slowly away from her with no hope of even seeing her again? So, Tina was with Henry now. But was she completely with him? Did she love him at all? Or was this just a phase?
Tears fell freely from the young woman's eyes. Not one to show her emotions, not even to Tina, she let them fall. She was grieving now. She was still grieving for her father. She was grieving for Dana and what the loss did to all of her friends. She was grieving because Tina was no longer hers. She was grieving because she wasn't in control anymore.
Her life was in a spiral now. How was she going to get her life back together? There was no way as long as Tina still wanted to be with men and not with her. The only thing that would make her life complete once again was to have her everything back in her life. The only thing that would make the tears not want to fall was if she woke up and this was all a nightmare. If she could just wake up and have Tina and Angelica next to her like the old days than she would once again be complete. If only…