Disclaimer: If you haven't figured it out after 15 chapters, than I suggest you go request some professional help lol. That's right, I don't own it or them J
A/N: What can I say to make you forgive me? I think there's nothing to say except that I'm really sorry and I hope you'll still read this despite your hatred for me and my lack of updates. Enjoy. Title inspired by Christina's Aguilera's song (again) I turn to you.
Chapter fifteen: I turn to you.
Half an hour later, Kate and Jack were making their ways through the white hospital corridors. She could not even remember how they got there. All she could think about was Sawyer's awfully quiet voice when she had picked up Jack's phone in the beach house. He had announced her, still with that so uncharacteristically soft and quiet voice that the whole group of friends were heading to the hospital because Boone was run over by a car, without mentioning if he was going to be ok or not. She had given the phone to Jack at that moment and watched helplessly as his eyes lost their sparkle while the terrible news sank in. she had tried to say something, she had tried to comfort him but he had cut her off.
« Later. I…uh we need to be there as quickly as possible. » he had said and her heart went out for him as she heard his voice choke and stumble upon his words. She had silently nodded and they had went to the car. The drive had been silent, both lost in their own thoughts and prayer. She knew Jack was not a very religious person but she assumed that in a time like this, you always look out for something bigger than you, something to hold on to.
And here they were, now, looking for their friends, passing in fronts of dozens of rooms full of ill people and their families. They both felt numb from the worry and the pain but they kept running needing to reach the group as soon as humanely possible. Finally after minutes that seemed to be hours, they found Sawyer, Sayid and Shannon talking to a nurse outside of the waiting room of the 3rd floor. Well, talking would be the wrong word since they could hear Sawyer's angry voice from the end of the hall. Sayid was desperately trying to calm him down but his attempt were vain. Jack hurried over to Juliet, the nurse he had worked with several times and knew was a very kind and genuine woman. She turned to look at him and smiled sadly. He nodded, unable to return the gesture and threw a questioning look at Sayid and Sawyer. Kate went over to Shannon who was now seating in a chair her head in her hands. The brunette sat down next to her and put an arm around her friend's shoulder. Almost instinctively, the blonde buried her head in Kate's neck and cried silently. Kate had never seen Shannon in such a state. She always was full of joy, amusement, life and mirth, even when she was bashing and gossiping. Seeing her like that brought back old and painful memories to Kate. 'No!' she thought. 'Now is not the time. You friends need you.' the voice insisted. She straightened herself and held Shannon a little closer and tighter, whispering soothing and comforting words in her blonde hair.
She glanced at the three men and the nurse. Jack was thanking her one last time with a smile that was so forced that his already thin lips were not even visible anymore. She nodded and left them alone. He turned to look over at Kate and tried to smile again but the worry and the sorrow she saw in his eyes made her heart jump in her chest. His eyes were always so full of expressions, even when he tried to hide them he could not. That is why she fell so hard for him. He came nearer and sat next to her. He did not say anything, he just shipped his hand in hers. She smiled through her tears and give his beautiful hand a squeeze.
Boone was still in surgery and Juliet was just telling the men that all they could do for now was wait for the doctors for an update. She had told jack about his state, using medical terms that only he could understand. Despite her lack of knowledge in the medical area, the worry in her boyfriend's eyes was all Kate needed to understand that Boone was in a critical state. Boyfriend. It was the first time she used that word in her head and it was really odd considering the circumstances.
« We… uh we should go inside and I'll explain to all of you what's happening in there. » Jack finally spoke after several unbearable minutes of silence. The expecting looks he saw on his friends' faces was really killing him. The four of them nodded and slowly joined the rest of the group in the waiting room. The mood in the room reflected their own. Helplessly miserable. They all turned to look at Jack with so much hope in their eyes that Kate felt pride overtaking her for a few seconds, making her forget how anxious and sad she was feeling. She looked up at him smiling but the smile fell of her face when she noticed that he was holding back tears. Just like he did a few moments ago, she took his hand with one of her own while the other one find its way to his arm. She felt him relax slightly. He took a deep breath and started to explain to them Boone's situation. Apparently, the collision had been so forceful that both his legs were broken, as well as several ribs and his left wrist but that was not what worried the doctors the most. Four of his vertebras were smashed and as a result, there was a good chance that he would not be able to walk again . That news definitely erased the last bits of happiness left in each of their hearts and was not saying much.
Jack's voice was thick as he talked and his eyes were still shinning with unshed tears. Kate never let go of his hand and arm, holding on it as if it was the only good thing she ever did in her life. He finished his fateful speech by announcing that Boone would probably not wake up before several days. The friends looked at each other, desperately seeking in someone else's eyes he strength and hope that they were lacking themselves.
« He's going to be alright. » Charlie broke the silence with confidence. « Boone's tough, he's gonna get through this. » He finished with a nod. Claire got up from her seat, her expression unreadable and after a few seconds where Charlie looked at her with a slight fears in his eyes, she threw herself at him. He quickly wrapped his arms around her.
« Thank you. » she whispered, her voice weak and shaky. He smiled and held her tightly.
« You're quite welcome. » he whispered back and she snuggled even closer to him. At that moment, Kate felt Jack's hand shake in hers.
« Ill' be right back. » he said quietly to no one in particular . He slowly let go of her hand and left the room. Kate sighed dejectedly. She had never felt so helpless and useless at the same time in her entire life. Jack was obviously having a really hard time and despite her efforts, there was nothing she could do to help him. She sat in the nearest chair next to Sawyer and Lilly and tried as hard as she could to hold the new cascade of tears that were threatening to fall. Sawyer awkwardly stretched his hand and put it on her shoulder. She looked up at him and smiled sadly.
« You should go and talk to him. » he said softly. It was the first time she heard Sawyer's 'real' voice. Sarcasm free and somehow, strangely comforting. It was James' voice and suddenly she understood why Lilly insisted on calling him by his real name. Kate creased her brow in confusion.
« How do you know…? » she began to ask but he interrupted her.
« What? You think I'm so stupid and shallow that I can't see when or why something's wrong? » he asked but his voice was not reproachful, it was just a little teasing.
« You know I didn't mean it like that. » she replied with a small but soft smile.
« I know. Now, go! » he gently urged.
« No. » she said stubbornly. « He obviously needs to be alone. » she said sadly but he shook his head.
« He needs to be away from the expectation and dread he sees in our faces. He needs to clear his head a little bit. We all look up to the Doc and it's hard for him, harder than any of us could comprehend. » he explained and she nodded finally understanding Jack's distress. She knew what Sawyer meant. She knew Jack well enough to know that the role of leader his friends had assigned him was a huge weight on his shoulders. She could not quite understand why he or the rest of them adopted this attitude but she knew it all too well. She immediately felt ashamed for not being able to restrain herself from doing the same. Most of the time she looked at Jack like he was some kind of hero, whereas he just wanted people to see him for who he truly was. An average inter in surgery who was struggling through life like any of them. « He needs you now. » Sawyer assured her one more time, bringing her back from her guilt trip. She nodded and got up. She was almost at the door when she looked back and smiled a real smile to Sawyer. She mouthed a 'thank you' and he simply nodded, watching her leave, feeling somewhat helpful. He turned to look at Lilly and she kissed him.
« You knock my socks off. » she stated with a smile and he smirked.
Ten minutes later, Kate found Jack seating on the park bench where he had found Claire a few months ago, the day she learned she was pregnant. She approached him carefully, almost afraid that he would disappear. He did not look up at her and when she sat next to him she felt him tense beside her. Not knowing what do she said the first thing that came to her mind.
« That nurse seems to like you very much. » she said and smirked when she heard him chuckle ever so slightly.
« I didn't know you were the jealous type. » he said finally looking at her and despite the quite banter, she recognized the pain in his eyes.
« Oh, she has no idea who she's messing with. » she said.
« Don't worry Katie, Juliet and I are just co workers. »
« I'm not worried, I'm just letting you know. » she said simply and he nodded.
« Duly noted. » he said and she smiled. They sat their in silence and after a while she got closer and took his hand, lacing his fingers with hers. He sighed and relaxed even more.
« He's gonna be fine. » she said using the same tone Charlie had used a few minutes ago. « And you, don't need to beat yourself up like that. You're here now and I'll try to remember that even though you're great, there's more to you than this false image of hero we all have of you. » she said squeezing his hand. He looked at her with so much intensity that her heart started pounding faster. He suddenly leaned over and pecked her lips with his. When he leaned back she took him in her arms and he buried his head in her hair.
« I'm sorry our vacancy were interrupted. » he whispered.
« I'm not. Don't worry, that big house beach of yours is not going anywhere… and neither am I. » she whispered softly and he hugged her more tightly.
A/N: I know it's a short chapter but it's an intense one. I like it this way and I really hope you liked it. This is usually the place where I ask you to leave reviews but after such a delay in my updates, I wonder if I deserve them. So it's up to you.