Here is Ed's POV hope you like it!

Chapter 4: Misery

After I left her I ran but I could still hear her screams and her sobbing my name. She would finally see me for the monster that I am. As I left the woods, my life, my future, my love, I headed back to the house. Before I could make it there I threw myself into a tree and then another and another but the pain was nothing compared to the wretched pain I felt inside. I laid on the forest floor and let the misery consume me as dry sobs wracked my body. How could I do this to her, my angel? This felt so wrong but I knew it was right. It was the only way. I couldn't keep her with me, I would only hurt her. I was a monster and my family as much as I loved them, they were monsters too. She certainly didn't belong with monsters. Everything about her was pure and beautiful and good. I just prayed she would get past this quickly and allow herself to find happiness and have all the things that I knew that she deserved. She deserved it all she was perfect. The real question was how was I going to survive this?

I finally went home but there wasn't anything for me there either. I was miserable and I knew from reading everyone's thoughts they were too and they blamed one person …me. They definitely made me feel even worse because everyone except Rosalie felt that if I really loved her we would be back soon and things would all work out. Little did they realize if I really loved her I would never come back. They just didn't get it. I helped everyone finish packing and then we met up with Alice and Jasper. Before I even read his thoughts I could tell I was killing Jasper with my pain. I couldn't stay. I would eventually make everyone miserable. I really couldn't stand being with them either. I couldn't look at these happy couples, see their love and not think about her.

Everything made me think of her, made me think of what I had just thrown away. Her beautiful skin her beautiful smile … oh her lips. I didn't know how I was going to do this. I kept trying to remind myself I was doing this because I loved her and because I was trying to keep her safe. It wasn't enough though, I kept seeing her face. She had believed my lies and she had just looked back up at me crushed . I don't know how she could have believed me so quickly and so completely but I knew it was true I saw it in her eyes. Oh those beautiful deep brown pools filled with pain that last picture of her was going to be burned into my head for all eternity.

I had to do something that would keep her out of my mind so I had already talked to Carlisle about Victoria. I hadn't been able to pick much out of her mind before because I had been so focused on James but she was his mate and was bound to hold a grudge. I would track her down for what she had done to my family , to my Bella. Oh but she was no longer my Bella as much as the thought pained me. I would have to change my line of thinking she wasn't mine anymore and she never would be. I did this so she could find someone human. She would be someone else's and the thought sickened me. Someone who could love her the way I would never be able to and someone who could give her a family but even the idea of it made my skin crawl. To think of someone else touching her...

Suddenly Alice interrupted my thoughts.

Edward I leave for a few days and you make a complete mess out of everything! How could you lie to her like that? What do you think this will do to her?

She bombarded my mind with pictures of Bella on her bed sobbing uncontrollably then another picture of her just staring out the window in her room looking blank with dark circles under her eyes.

"Stop it Alice! You don't think I know what I have done to her! I had to! I had to get her out of our lives, I had to protect her!"

You are a fool ! She will kill herself before she falls in love with someone else! She is more like us then you give her credit for. She loves you like I love Jasper, this isn't some silly infatuation for her she won't just get over it!

Her words were sobering but I wouldn't let myself believe them. "Bella promised she wouldn't hurt herself it's just going to take some time. Don't be looking for her future either, we've done enough damage."

Alice rolled her eyes at me and I heard her mumble "idiot" as she walked away.

After my conversation with Alice I packed up my things and without saying goodbye to anyone. I ran off south to where Alice had last caught a glimpse of Victoria, to see if I could pick up her trail. I wandered and stayed mostly in the woods having little desire to pretend to belong to civilization anymore. As I tracked my mind still wandered to Bella. I thought about her scent so sweet and intoxicating. I thought about every moment I had shared with her, my memories were all I would ever have now. I replayed them over and over in my mind and I lost track of the days as I tried to follow Victoria's scent.

Periodically I got phone calls from the family but I never answered them. I would occasionally listen to my voice mails when I was receiving a good enough cell signal but I just wanted to make sure they were safe. I wasn't ready to talk to them yet. I had made it to Texas and was having a harder time finding things to hunt and an even harder time tracking. I decided to stay in a hotel and get cleaned up a little before I decided what to do next.

I stepped into the shower and washed the dirt from my travels off and the warm water couldn't help but make me think of her. It felt so amazing to have her near me and for the first time since I had been changed I had felt almost human again. She had made me feel alive. I wrapped a towel around my waist and walked back into the room in time to hear my cell phone ringing . I looked at the front of the phone it was Carlisle which worried me he wouldn't call unless it was important I decided to go ahead and answer it.

"Carlisle?"

"Yes Edward it's me and I have a dilemma, Bella is here with us."

I was furious! Did they completely disregard everything I had asked them to do? What the hell were they thinking? I was already irate and a growl was rising in my chest.

"What is going on?"

"She was trying to follow us, she doesn't believe that you don't love her. Alice came to get her once she saw her wandering aimlessly in Denali looking for us. She had plans to try to find Tanya's but Alice couldn't let her go there because Laurent is still staying with them."

About a thousand emotions swept through me as I heard this joy, sadness, anger, worry and excitement.

Carlisle continued, "She has met with the whole family and I have agreed to change her it's what she wants and I've answered every question I could and she has shown no hesitation, she is sure and in the end I agree with her it isn't your choice, it's hers."

I couldn't believe the turn this conversation had taken. I roared back at him, "You can't do this to her she is only a child! She doesn't understand what she is asking you to do!"

"Edward, she isn't and you know that! She loves you, she wants to be with you and I know you need her too. This is the only way. If you want to be here for it you should hurry because we are doing it tomorrow at the house here. Otherwise we will take care of her till you come to your senses."

"Carlisle, no please don't do this!"

"You haven't left me a choice. Your solution is not working and I will not let you condemn both of you to a miserable existence when you could be together."

I growled again and slammed the phone against the wall breaking it into a million pieces and leaving a dent in the wall. I grabbed my stuff and headed out the door hoping that I would get there in time. I got to the Dallas airport and got the first flight I could find to Alaska.

Now my torture would really begin as I sat waiting and feeling completely helpless. I couldn't even call because like an idiot I had smashed my phone into bits. I had to think of some good arguments to change her mind. I can't believe she went to Denali all by herself. I can't believe her. I should have known, she is so stubborn . No matter how horrible this situation was I had to smile Bella never did what I expected her to do, why was I still not getting that through my head? But I could not let her do this to herself, she deserved so much more than this cold empty life.

As I sat wishing for sleep and dreams that I knew would never come I finally let myself think what if. What if she was changed and I could love her. I would be able to love her like I've wanted to since the day I fell in love with her, the day I had kissed her. I would be able to really kiss her. I was shaken from my thoughts as the planes wheels were skidding to a halt on the runway. No, I was going to do what was best for her. I was going to save her.

Well if you care for this chapter I was listening to Muse of course and Daughtry. They seemed to fit Edward especially … It's Not Over.