Sorry that this took so long but I have been sick and so have my kids. It's been a long week! Don't worry I love this story and I never leave stories incomplete, I hate that! Well unless of course I died or something… Still don't own anything and it makes me very sad to have to say it all the time.

Chapter 5: Choosing Life

I was trying to get off the plane but of course I was painfully stuck waiting for these stupid slow humans to get off first. It was taking every bit of self control that I had mastered in the last almost one hundred years to not fling them all aside and start running. I was trying not to think about Bella but of course that's exactly what my mind was making me do. I couldn't control it any more than I could control the constant parade of meaningless thoughts from all these insignificant people around me. One thing that had been nice about my forced solitude was the quiet I had enjoyed while tracking but it too reminded me of the frustrating quiet I always experienced when trying to hear Bella's thoughts.

Oh they were finally moving and I took off at a human pace jog while inside the airport until I reached the rental car area and I then asked for the fastest car they had. I thought I could still drive there faster than I could run. I threw my duffel bag in the back seat and sped off hoping that they really had waited for me. There was still a part of me that hoped that I could just take her away from here and deposit her back into her life, where I knew that eventually she would find happiness.

Why couldn't she just believe me? This could never work. We could never be, she would regret this and that's something I would never be able to bear. I didn't know how I was going to be able to take seeing her again. I knew how hard it was to leave her last time how was I going to do this again knowing full well how this was going to feel. How was I going to convince her that we couldn't do this anymore? She hadn't believed my lies for very long last time. It was slightly comforting that she had come to the conclusion that I had lied to her. It had broken my heart so much to see her believe me so quickly before. I had thought that I would have had to argue with her and convince her but she had believed, I had seen it. I wonder what had changed her mind so drastically that she had come all the way up here to find me?

I hated to admit it but I couldn't wait to see her. I couldn't wait to smell her neck to kiss her lips .. No I wouldn't do that it would just make it worse I would have to be cold. I couldn't let her know how bad it really was for me without her. I was so weak just the thought of being near her was driving me crazy.

I pulled up to the house and I couldn't control myself I was feeling so nervous. She did make me feel so human and so young again. When she was near I was a seventeen year old boy again instead of a one hundred year old vampire. I stepped out of the car trying to control myself but her scent floored me as soon as I had opened the car door. The monster reared it's head inside of me as I breathed her in. I knew it would be worse once I got inside so I tried to adjust as much as I could out here. There is no way to describe the intense pain and pleasure the smell of her invokes in me.

I knew I had to hurry I was sure they had heard me drive up. I quickly approached the door but before I could reach it, it was flung open. There in the door way was my beautiful Bella and her eyes were already brimming with tears as she ran to me. She jumped into my arms and put her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. The monster inside leaped to life with the closeness of her blood drawing me in but as soon as I heard her voice it was thrown back down.

"Oh Edward, why did you do this?" Her lovely sweet voice was raspy from crying and filled with pain.

I held her tightly oh I had missed her so badly. Her smell and her warmth. It felt so wonderful to be near her to feel her next to me. Even though I had been trying to come up with a plan for hours now, I really didn't know what to say. My head was no longer in control and my heart seemed to just take over.

"Bella, beautiful Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you I just wanted you to be happy and safe."

"Don't ever hurt me to help me ever again." She sounded scary and like she really meant it. I softly placed her feet back on the ground and kissed the top of her head but not daring to do more than that because I knew she wasn't going to like what I had to say next.

" You can't let Carlisle do this. I can't let you, please listen to me."

"Edward, you can't make this decision for me it's mine to make."

I knew that but I also knew that she didn't grasp what she has been asking for. She had no idea what this is really like. What it's like to constantly want to take a drink from a human and the control it actually takes to not do it. Sometimes I can barely stop before taking the one thing I love most in the world out of it.

"I know you think that you want this but you don't, it is only half a life. You could still have it all, a real life. You could have a husband and children and die of old age. This life is only full of regret, sorrow and sadness over what we have become, what we have missed out on and what some of us have done. I can't let you do this and only because you want to be with me it would be the worst kind of selfishness and evil to do that to you. You are my angel Bella I will not destroy you."

"I don't agree. You and your family have loved me and I love you. I don't want anything else. I want this, I need this, I won't live without you it would hurt too much. I found out this week that it is more than I can possibly bear."

"I can't do it, you mean too much to me. Just stay with me for as long as you can and I will take care of you but I won't change you."

"No, this is the only way. If you don't want to change me Carlisle will. I will not stay with you while I get old and die, that is of course if I even make it that long! With my track record I am already living on borrowed time."

I frowned but she continued. "I love you. I want to be with you forever. I don't want to be without you and this is the only guarantee that I have that you won't pull another stunt like this one when you think I'm not safe or when you want me to move on with my human life. What do I have to do to convince you that this is the right thing to do and that this is the life that I want?"

I looked into her eyes and saw the fierce determination in them. I was never going to change her mind about this and I knew I wasn't going to change my ideas about this either. This was wrong and I didn't know how to make her see that.

"I can't do it."

"I understand. I have to go Carlisle is ready for me. I made him wait until you showed up just in case you finally decided to change me yourself."

I could feel the hurt and the sadness on her face and in her voice. As she walked back in to the house. I couldn't stand it. How could I do this to her? It pains me to see her so unhappy but there was no way I could handle doing this to her. Now I wanted to try to convince Carlisle, since I had failed so miserably with Bella. I followed her inside and found my whole family looking rather annoyed and their thoughts weren't telling me much different. I had tried to block them while I was talking to Bella but now that I had let my guard down for a second their thoughts assaulted me.

Carlisle had already guessed my next strategy and was already telling me that it wouldn't work because he had already made his decision and the family had already decided too.

Esme was trying to be calm and kind but I could tell she was upset with me and I saw her memories of when they had first seen Bella again. She had embraced Esme then cried. Emmett and Jasper were just telling me how stupid I was. Rosalie wouldn't even look at me and kept thinking about herself. Alice was as usual showing me more of her visions of Bella as a vampire and kept telling me with her thoughts that it was inevitable so why wouldn't I just change her.

I gave up and finally just asked Bella. "Why is it so important to you that I do this instead of Carlisle?

She sat up in bed and looked into the living room at me as I walked into the bedroom. "Because I want you to choose an eternity with me." She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I didn't want to do this but I just couldn't let Carlisle do it either it just seemed wrong. I looked back at her seriously as I got down on one knee.

"I will do it but only on one condition, agree to marry me first."

Her eyes were huge she sat there completely shocked and didn't say a word.

In Her Eyes by Josh Groban was what I was listening to for this chapter. I know he's kind of cheesy but I love his voice and I just pretend that Edwards singing it instead. I know this is short so I will try to update sooner this time.