Fourth chapter now! I don't really care if someone is reding this... I'm enjoying myself anyway. If you're reading this, please review. Tell me if you like it, if you hate it, if you think I should go and kill myself, whatever. I'm also needing someone to proof read my chapters...

Disclaimer: OK this is getting boring. I don't own NGE. I don't own Evanescence's songs.

Remember this is Shounen Ai, if you don't like it, there's a beautiful cross button on the right top of this window...

"Spoken words", thoughts

Song used is "Imaginary" by Evanescence (again). Japanese words used are: "Gomen", as a short for Gomen Nasai, which means "Sorry", "Onegai" which means "please"

I'm just smaller than my feelings

Paper flowers…

Paper flowers…

Kaworu laid on his back on a partially bulldozed building's roof. He had been just resting his new human body against the cold construction for God knows how much time now… He only couldn't assume what had happened before he had sat down there.

I linger in the doorway

Of alarm clock screaming monsters

Calling my name

--------------------------------------------------flashback----------------------------------------------------

He had been walking his way around Tokyo-3, which was now brighter as ever and it was starting to look like a normal city. Kaworu could only stared dumbfounded as he walked through the now almost rebuilt city. The lights of Japan's first city followed him everywhere, and a dazzling moon hanging in the only hole the storm rain clouds had left seemed to smile to the people below it, through the small part of a totally black night sky showing itself despite the gray of the already mentioned stuffy clouds. Everyone's faces irradiated nothing but happiness -and a little bit of concern when they noticed the threatening clouds above them, like announcing the coming of the rain-, and some of them turned to see the teen as he passed them by. But, let's be honest, Kaworu did catch the gazes of the bystanders, wouldn't you turn to take a better look at him if he just happened to pass by your window? A pale, silver-haired, crimson-eyed boy, staring with a fascinated expression to everything he could lay his eyes on, so obviously enchanted by every single sound that reached his ears, and dressed in clothes that were obviously too big for him? I bet you will.

Let me stay, where the wind will whisper to me

Where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story

Kaworu obviously knew that Shinji wasn't in Tokyo-3 anymore, because the fact that he himself was there was proof enough that the visions he had seen while imprisoned were totally true. And he had watched Shinji leave Miss Katsuragi's apartment. So he was sure he wasn't there anymore. But, then again, maybe he could find some information about where he could have been gone to. So half an hour after he escaped the hospital, a record time for someone who has spent years suffering the most mind-breaking punishments, he found himself staring at what used to be NERV's headquarters.

Used to be. There was nothing left there. Only an abandoned building.

Nothing…Kaworu now didn't know what to do. He thought about breaking into NERV's office. I can't waste time on NERV's files, I have to find Shinji. Something very strange had started burning inside him. Plus, every information that NERV could have on Shinji's whereabouts would have been erased now. But he thought that he could use some of the stuff he will surely found inside. And so he made up his mind and broke through the main door entering the place.

In my field of paper flowers

And candy clouds of lullaby

I lie inside myself for hours

And watch my purple sky fly over me

After walking through dozens of hallways in the dark he found the room that had been given to him for the only night he had spent there. He stayed in the doorway of his old room. The memories of his conversation with Shinji…the memories of the boy he loved fell on him and the fire burning on his insides somehow seemed to fill his entire body. The tears he hadn't know he had been holding now were flooding his eyes and going down his face silently. For a moment he just lingered there, trying to imagine Shinji's delicate features, his slim body, the sound of his steady breathing while he slept on the floor beside Kaworu's bed. After what seemed an eternity, Kaworu managed to get some of his things from the room and left with not even another glance at the room he had once shared with Shinji.

When he was outside NERV and had calmed himself enough, he decided to take his chances and try to figure out where Miss Katsuragi lived.

Now he just wished he hadn't.

Don't say I'm out of touch

With this rampant chaos, your reality

Finding Miss Katsuragi's apartment was incredibly difficult. He had asked people around but no one seemed to know nothing about her. A feeling of desertion had begun growing and growing inside his chest, and was now so heavy that he didn't know how long he could stand it. It was funny, though, that he had survived his time on Hell, but now he couldn't stand losing a minute of timethat could have been spent in running to wherever Shinji was. It feels better when your loved ones are impossible to reach than when they are near you and you still can't reach them.

I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge

The nightmare I've built my own world to escape

But then, when he was about to give up, when he really was about to fall down to his knees and give in to despair, he saw something, something so unreal he really rubbed his eyes twice until he was fully convinced that what he was seeing wasn't a mere mirage. A purple-haired woman, descending a car in front of him. That couldn't be…it was too much of a coincidence that the woman he was looking for just appeared to be there. Indeed, too much of a coincidence.

In my field of paper flowers

And candy clouds of lullaby

I lie inside myself for hours

And watch my purple sky fly over me

Kaworu couldn't help but to simply stare at her stupidly as she made her way out of her car. He expected her to look at him in disbelief, to start shouting, he even expected her to attack him…he, above everything, didn't expect her to ignore him at all like she did. Misato Katsuragi just passed him by like he didn't even exist and entered the store behind him. Kaworu was speechless, to say the least, but somehow managed to get his feet moving and followed Miss Katsuragi inside.

She seemed pretty normal…maybe there was something terribly sad on her eyes, but she seemed to be on the store to try to cover up those feelings. She had picked up six cans of beer already and was paying for them. By the ammount of beer she was buying, something was obviously wrong. Kaworu approached her fearfully.

"Miss Katsuragi?" he said tentatively, wishing with all his heart that she would answer, at least that would prove him she could see him.

"Mmh, yes?" she glanced down at the teenager. Apparently she wasn't surprised that the boy knew her name. Most likely she didn't care.

"You…you don't know who I am, do you?" Kaworu muttered with a tone of resignation in his silky voice.

"Gomen, dear, are you lost?" Misato answered him, with a motherly look on her features.

She doesn't remember me…She doesn't remember me!

Kaworu was now back in hopelessness. If she didn't remember him, that could only mean…

"Where's Shinji-kun?" he asked her when he decided he didn't care if she glared at him and yelled at him for ages and sent him to mind his own business. But Misato just stared at him, like he was some kind of strange bug. She seemed to be deciding what she would answer, until…

"I don't know who are you talking about" she snapped, but Kaworu's eyes read the lie very easily. Why would she deny he knows him? Kaworu couldn't understand Misato's attitude towards him. She probably misses him and doesn't want to be reminded that he has run away. Besides, she doesn't know me…she thinks I'm just a stranger…

"Do not lie to me, I ought to find him. Onegai, Miss Katsuragi, help me locate Shinji-kun." Kaworu used his softer voice and tried his best to get Misato's help. "Onegai…" he added firmly, staring wide-eyed at the purple-haired woman that used to be Shinji's guardian. Misato just kept gazing through him, because she wasn't looking at him, but beyond him… she seemed rarely absent-minded.

"Gomen nasai. I wished I'd knew where he is." she said faintly, but then she saw the tears clinging to Kaworu's scarlet eyes and added encouragingly "But maybe you can find someone that remembers him in a station…I mean, someone must have recognized him…" She said that last sentence to herself, mostly, wondering why she hadn't think about that…but now it can't be helped…it's been six month's now… she told herself, reassuringly.

Swallowed up in the sounds of my screaming

Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights

Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming

The goddess of the imaginary light.

And that had been how Kaworu had been left: alone, lost in the huge city and with no clues to Shinji's whereabouts. He had been also left with a dreadful thought in his mind…that Misato didn't know him…and that meant that….that meant Shinji….it just couldn't be.

-------------------------------------------------------------end of flashback---------------------------------------------------------------

Kaworu kept staring at the grayish night sky. For some people, gray skies are sad and boring. They seem to bring the tears out of people, they remind you of those unending nights that you spend tossing and turning, they remind you of your own sorrow and loneliness. But for Kaworu, this one was beautiful and somehow he felt protected under it. He felt like the sky was some kind of defense barrier between him and Heaven. He hoped, innocently though, that the Almighty's eye couldn't lay itself on him through the storm clouds. He almost felt that the rain that was now falling on him could wash the torture he had suffered, the scars that remained on him, his condition of Fallen…

Kaworu lift himself up and headed to the train station where an assistant had promised him she would search the computers for any information on Shinji Ikari. But it wasn't like he held any hope at all. That word had lost meaning to him long ago.

He was disappointed, anyway, because the assistant had not only found records of Shinji Ikari traveling in that train's line. She had also found the day and destination of his trip, and gave that information to a very excited and uncontrollably shaking Kaworu. And he couldn't help it…he smiled.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Please review! Love yah all!