Hello! everyone!!! I'm so very sorry for the delay... just been having serious trouble for everything I tried to do with my life... I also apologise for the shortness of this chapter, the next one is veeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy long, I promise!

Disclaimer: I don't own NGE, not even Shinji and Kaworu who I love more than my own life... I do own my invented characters. I don't own Evanescence's song Your Star either.

Warning: okay, shounen ai, getting more and more yaoi as chapters pass by...

Kisses -kisses!

I took the shards of your broken heart

"But the imprint is always there..."

There's a place inside our minds where we can never enter willingly. It's a place where our heart, mind and soul do what they please. It's almost impossible to interpret the right eaning of what that place provides us. That place is our sleeping mind. Our dreams.

Shinji turned around on his bed. He pushed the silk sheets over his head without waking up. He had gone to bed after he found he wasn't able to stay another minute awake. His mind was full of the events of the day, and he was longing for sleep.

His dreams were very strange that night;

He couldn't see anything and he realized his eyes were closed. He laid on his back on somethin soft. He was warm, comfortable. Suddenly he felt something. Something touching him. And he opened his eyes a bit, still feeling sleepy.

It was Kaworu. He was laying beside Shinji, and they were both on a mattress placed on the floor. The room was dark. Kaworu had changed clothes. The silver-haired boy he had met the day before was stroking his face, as he bent down on him.

I can't see your star

"You are awake" Shinji barely heard the voice, but he knew what the other had just said. Because that's how dreams are like, even if people doesn't speak, you can hear what they say.

Shinji didn't answer, he just enjoyed Kaworu's gentle touch, feeling too sleepy as to attempt to stop the other boy. He closed his eyes and relaxed under Kaworu's tender hands. The boy had told him he loved him the day before. He had told Shinji Ikari that he was loved. He couldn't be afraid of this boy because he loved him. Shinji knew he did.

Kaworu slowly got closer to Shinji and cupped his face with his hand. Shinji re-opened his midnight blue eyes as he felt Kaworu's lips on his.

I can't see your star

The boy kissed Shinji filling the younger boy with the sweetest sensation he had ever felt. At that moment, at that exact moment, Shinji knew he loved Kaworu.

Kaworu parted and all Shinji could do was stare at him.

"I love you" Kaworu smiled at him.

"Stay with me" Shinji stared at him with supplicant eyes. "Stay with me forever"

Kaworu simply kissed him again. But this time, Shinji kissed him back. So this was what people called love? This wonderful warm feeling…

Shinji's lips parted allowing Kaworu to deepen the kiss. Shinji slid his hands to Kaworu's back, holding him. Holding him close. Close to himself, so he could never ever leave him. But Kaworu broke the kiss then.

"Onegai, don't leave me…don't ever leave me" Shinji whispered the plea and he pushed Kaworu into a more passionate kiss. He wanted to taste the other boy, he wanted to be sure this was real. But after some wonderful moments, Shinji couldn't held his breath any longer, and he pulled Kaworu away softly. Kaworu stroke Shinji's hair while he smiled to him. He smiled with that affectionate smile that seemed to take away everything wrong in the world.

"You should sleep. It's late" He kissed Shinji's hand, his neck, his lips.

"Promise you'll stay with me" Shinji whispered. Kaworu held him and told him the most beautiful lie Shinji had ever been told.

Though I patiently waited, bedside

"I'll be here" and Shinji fell asleep. He fell asleep in Kaworu's arms.

For the death of today

The dream changed. He was on the seashore. He was talking to himself.

"Why did you have to die? Why did you left me? Kaworu-kun!" he was crying and screaming to no one. Because he was alone, he had been alone all along.

I can't see your star

"Shinji-kun?" It was Misato's voice, but Shinji didn't hear her. "Shinji-kun it's been a day already…come back home, onegai." she talked to him sweetly.

"He's gone…he's gone forever…I killed him…I killed Kaworu-kun….he won't answer me because he's dead, because I killed him…." Shinji kept his knees against his chest while he muttered to himself.

The mechanical lights of Lisbon

Frightened it away

"Shinji-kun…" Misato was worried. She kneeled down beside Shinji.

"I will never see him again….never, never, never, never, never, never…" Shinji dug his head in his hands. Misato grabbed his wrist and forced him to get on his feet. "C'mon, I'll take you home"

And I'm alone now

The dream continued to change. Now he was on his room at Misato's apartment. He was holding his pillow. It was dark. It was always so damn dark. He couldn't see anything. He hadn't been able to see Kaworu when he kissed him. It was always so damn dark.

Me and all I stood for

We're wandering now

He was always in the dark. And alone. What had Kaworu said? That he suffered because he was lonely? Because he'd rather be lonely than to allow people into his life to hurt him? That's what he said…And Shinji let him in. And Kaworu hurt him. Kaworu said he wanted to die to save Shinji, so Shinji wouldn't be destroyed. But it hadn't worked. Shinji was destroyed.

All in parts and pieces

Swim lonely

"I'm alone…I'm alone again…"

He couldn't keep going, he couldn't keep living in the dark.

A single tear went down his face. "Kaworu-kun…" now his eyes were flooded…again…he was crying again.

"Why"

Find your own way out

The dawn was coming. Small traces of light came through his window. He laid there, crying and crying for hours until the Sun illuminated the entire bedroom. It enlightened everything. Everything but Shinji's life. And, truly, who could think of the Sun? The stupid Sun. That damn useless fireball that was worth nothing. How could someone compare that to his Kaworu? How could that idiot Sun enlighten things more than his Kaworu?

I can't see your star

Misato entered his room a bit later. She was bringing him breakfast, though he refused to eat. She tried so hard.

"Shinji-kun, look I brought you rice balls, your favorites!" She tried to cheer him up. Cheer him up, when there wasn't anything else for him in the world. Kaworu was dead, why didn't she care? Everyone should be crying…everyone should be suffering. They had no right to be happy. Kaworu was dead. Kaworu, who had been the most perfect being on Earth. Kaworu, who had been smart, wise, beautiful….perfect. He had been just perfect. Everyone should be mourning for him.

How can the darkness…

Misato left the tray with Shinji's breakfast on his night table. She approached him slowly. Shinji was now laying against the wall, still muttering some incomprehensible words. He sat on the bed, staring at the wall. Misato couldn't see his face.

"Shinji-kun?" she started, but she broke off when she noticed what lay on Shinji's trembling right hand.

…feel so wrong?

It would have been so easy, to end his suffering just like that. It would have been so easy if Misato hadn't show up and took the knife off his hands.

So far away

The dream changed again. He was sitting on the seashore. He had obviously went out of Misato's apartment without her noticing it, because he was still a danger to himself. As he stared at the sea, he wondered…

It's growing colder…

"Can you see me? Can you feel my pain?" He closed his eyes. "I want you back, Kaworu. I want to be with you. I want to kiss you, I want to hold you." he stood up and headed towards the sea. He stopped as the cold water bathed his bare feet. "I love you, you know? Wherever you are, I love you." Shinji waited for an answer that didn't come "I don't know what to do, Kaworu. I don't know how to go on. How can I live without you, Kaworu?" Shinji stared at the ocean, but again, he got no answer.

…without your love

"Talk to me, Kaworu!"

Only silence.

Why can't you feel me calling your name?

"Why can't I just die and follow you? I should have let you kill us all. Anything would have been better than this."

Only silence.

Can't break the silence

"Can you hear me, Kaworu! I wish I was dead!"

He only heard silence.

It's breaking me

And the dream changed again. He had stopped talking to himself. He had stopped thinking in hurting himself. He had stopped torturing himself with the guilt. Kaworu had died for him and he wanted to make his sacrifice worth something. He had to at least try. He owed that to Kaworu.

All my fears turn to rage

He stared at a calendar in a wall on Misato's apartment.

"It's been a month"

And I'm alone now

Misato looked over at him. He had a glass of water in front of him.

"Take your pills, Shinji-kun" Misato pointed at Shinji's hand. He looked at it, he had two small pills there. "I'm not leaving you until I'm sure you have." she said. Shinji did as he was told.

Nothing worth fighting for

Then he stared at the glass, now empty. Kaworu had said something about glass. What was it? Ah, yes. He had said Shinji's heart was like glass.

We're wandering now

"I'll try to move on" Shinji stated. Misato looked up at him, startled.

All in parts and pieces

Swim lonely

"I have to at least try" Shinji repeated, though Misato hadn't said anything. "For him. That's what he wanted."

Misato's smile was huge.

Find your own way out

………………………………

And Shinji woke up. The dream was almost completely forgotten as his cell phone's alarm went off. He sat on his bed trying to recall the details of the strange dream. But he couldn't. The dream escaped him. So he stopped trying and decided to get ready for the school's trip.

Of course he didn't care about the things he had seen in his dream. After all, it had only been a dream.