Here I am, again with this story.
Here is what I promised, the long chapter. I ask for your foregiveness for the uncountable mistakes it has. I just don't feel like checking it too much…since I sat for the First Certificate Examination of English and I don't want to have anything to do with the language for a while. My brain is exhausted.
The song is Sacrifice, by the best band ever t.A.T.u.
Disclaimer: I don't own Shinji and Kaworu, because, again, Santa didn't even consider giving them to me as a Christmas present. OMG, that means this fic is a year old now! Happy Birthday to So Close And Still So Far Away…
I don't own t.A.T.u. songs either….
Mmm, the Japanese words...are the same as ever, so, let's move on with the story!
A long lost love
Can you tell me, softly
Shinji rubbed his forearms attempting to warm up. The challenging task of getting dressed, having breakfast and getting to school in less than five minutes hadn't been all so successfully accomplished. He had managed to dress up, but he had forgotten to wear a jacket, he had packed his bento lunch, but he had forgotten to have some breakfast. And, well, he had gotten to school early, but only to notice he had a growling stomach and it was freezing on the outside, something he hadn't notice while being inside his artificially heated house. But then again, if it hadn't been so cold outside, then it wouldn't have been so tempting to lay in bed for a minute, and then he hadn't had fallen sleep for 20 minutes instead. But now that was already done, and he couldn't help what had gone wrong, so he decided to pay a look at his classmates instead.
It was a bit weird to see his classmates all wearing casual clothes and without the usual drowsiness of the morning's first hours. They were all standing outside the school awaiting for the bus that was to take them away from the place they liked to call "Hell's main branch office" but that other mortals referred to as school. It was still early, and some of the students were missing. Shinji felt out of place, like the lack of classroom and uniform isolated him even more from the rest of the students. He had also noticed some students from other divisions whose names he didn't care enough to find out. Besides from hungry and cold, he felt alone, and was starting to think that coming had been a stupid idea, and that he would have been so much better if he were still asleep, and that he wouldn't have forgotten what he had been dreaming if the mobile phone's alarm hadn't made him jump out of his bed. And he knew his dream had meant something, he knew it was important that he remembered… but, no; it was gone. So he was feeling miserable or starting to feel so when he saw the unmistakable Mai arriving, and closely followed by nonetheless than Kaworu himself.
"Shinji! I see you are early as ever!" she winked at him playfully. Obviously, she was back to her usual self after the previous night's outburst. "How come? Aren't you cold? You are just wearing a t-shirt!" she added, widening her eyes.
"Freezing, thanks for asking" he glanced at Kaworu, who was wearing a white jacket and blue jeans. "Ohayo, Kaworu-kun"
"Ohayo, Shinji-kun" Kaworu answered smiling. He then opened the small bag he was carrying and handled Shinji a blue jacket. "It seems I am sentenced to keep you away from cold" he smiled even more, so that Shinji knew he was just joking.
"Oh, how convenient!" Mai clapped her hands childishly "It seems like Kaworu is your guardian angel, Shinji" Both Kaworu and Shinji tried to ignore the way Mai's sentence had turned out for obvious reasons. Kaworu simply watched Shinji put his jacket on.
How you always haunt me?
"Yes, indeed." Shinji said shyly, without bothering to show to whom he was talking to. "Arigato, Kaworu-kun" he lifted his eyes from the ground to face the silver-haired while he thanked him.
"It's almost time to go now" Mai observed, checking the time on her cell phone. "Aren't you excited?" she smiled proving that at least she was excited. But she didn't got an answer because as soon as she had finished talking, the voice of the class rep rose above the rest of the students' constant mumbling and chattering.
"Alright, minna-san, the bus is already here, so as soon as name you, you get on the bus" The general excitement didn't seem to affect Akai, because she seemed as bored as always. Mai had said once that the girl probably hated to be the one that was supposed to control the others and set the example, and Shinji couldn't have agreed more.
"Aizawa" she called immediately, without bothering to raise her voice so that Aizawa could hear her above the noise of the chatting students.
Shinji noticed the class representatives from the others divisions also calling their classmates and getting on the two other buses he had just noticed.
"Bai" only when he heard the name of his classmate, the Aizawa boy got on the bus. Bai followed close, silently.
"Bandai, Chikasue" the first one, a blonde green-eyed boy hurried to get on the bus. The second, a dark haired, followed, holding a cards' set in his hand. Mai looked at Shinji.
"She's calling us alphabetically, you'll be the first of us. Make sure you get a seat for Kaworu. I'll be sitting with some friends of mine from the other divisions" Shinji was surprised: he had never noticed Mai had friends on the other divisions, or that she had any friends at all. But now he came to think about it, ha had seen her with some boys he didn't know sometimes, but given Mai seemed to talk with everyone and befriend no one, he hadn't take it into account.
It was probably a lie, to leave him alone with Kaworu anyway.
"Deushi, Gobu" a light brown-haired boy, followed by a dark tall boy got on the bus talking and chuckling.
"I'm leaving you now, Shinji, Kaworu, see you later!" the girl disappeared in the crowd. Shinji watched as Mai left and muttered:
"She's a bitch"
"Ikari, Miyasaki" Akai kept calling the students.
"Did you say something?" Kaworu placed a hand on Shinji's shoulder, who was standing a feet away. Shinji sighed.
"Nothing. I'd better go. See you there." Shinji followed the boy called Miyasaki, a curly haired short boy.
Kaworu stood there till he heard Akai, who was obviously getting impatient since now she was calling three students at a time.
"Nagisa, Ogasawara, Okazaki" and the two other boys mentioned, a black-haired and a brown-haired got on the bus. Kaworu walked to the bus wondering why the Lilims needed to be so strict with rules to keep the order of things.
"Ri, Saito, Takaki" the Angel heard the last names of the boys' list while he got on the bus.
Shinji was already sitting on the first seat. Mai was, in fact, with some friends waiting outside the bus, and by the way the laughed and their expressions they were obviously true friends. Kaworu had noticed the girl was nervous and doubtful when she was around people, even though she appeared to be completely comfortable. But she seemed natural around those boys outside, like she was when she was around Shinji. By what he had heard, it was obvious that nobody ever notice she exaggerated her personality. But then again, he was Kaworu, how couldn't he notice?
He walked to the place where Shinji was already sitting. The brunette was gazing through the window, apparently lost in thought, and laying his head against the cold glass. Kaworu noticed he had taken out his MP3 player and was listening to music.
It seemed like Shinji could totally forget to wear a jacket in a feezing day, but he couldn't forget the thing that represented his auto imposed isolation from the world.
Kaworu smiled at the sight of the Shinji he used to know. But then he saddened, noticing that if Shinji was already comfortably curled up in his own little world, then that meant that he didn't long for any kind of conversation, not even with Kaworu.
Can you help me? Hold me
But then again, he was Kaworu. If head brought Shinji out of his shell once, he would certainly do it again. Being the Angel of Freewill, Tabris was known for doing whatever he wished, whenever he wished. He sat beside Shinji, leaving the brunette two choices: to ignore the Angel, and be incredibly rude, or to turn arounf and start a conversation.
Shinji turned around and smiled weekly.
"I wished to speak to you, Shinji-kun" Kaworu said seriously. "Would you mind if we talked?" Kaworu pierced Shinji with his amazing red eyes.
Shinji blinked. Then he took his earphones off, and stared at Kaworu for an answer. As Shinji didn't't say anything, Kaworu spoke?
"I wanted to apologize to you for the way I behaved yesterday. I understand my behavior must have been strange." While saying that, the silver-haired stared right into Shinji's eyes and grabbed one of his hands between his own, causing Shinji to blush in a record time. "But you must know… I saw someone that could have hurt us, and I did everything on my power to keep us safe, to keep you safe. Do you understand that?" he squeezed Shinji's hand softly and softened his voice. Shinji nodded, blushing even redder. "Do you believe me?" Shinji nodded again and looked down a bit. "Shinji-kun, will you forgive me, even if I acted in an unforgivable way?"
Shinji let go of his hand and stared at his friend "I…I forgive you…It's ok, I'm sure you did the right thing!" The brunette smiled and closed his eyes. It was the most sincere and true smile Kaworu had ever seen on him. And probably the most sincere smile of his whole
Come to me now, slowly
"No hard feelings then?" Kaworu inquired.
"Not at all." Shinji said sincerely. How in hell could he be angry with his Kaworu?…wait a minute…Had he just called Kaworu his?!?!?!?!?!?!
"God, I'm starving" he added when all worrying thoughts were washed away by his growling stomach.
"Let me guess, you didn't have breakfast, did you?" Kaworu smiled.
"No" Shinji blushed again. "I think I'll eat some of my lunch now" he said as he searched for his lunch in his bag. Kaworu on the meanwhile watched how the students finished sitting down and started chanting and chatting. Mai passed them by and went farther inside the bus followed close by three or four boys. Nami, Yuri and Akina were sitting at the back with a bunch of giggling girls.
"Ok, minna-san, be silent and listen up. " Akai said with her usual I-don't-give-a-damn-if-you-shut-up-or-not voice and then she started reciting monotonely. "We're off to the trip now, everyone must be responsible and don't do stupid things."
"If someone's not able to behave as an intelligent person, then you're on time to get off the bus." said Daichi-san, their sensei, who wasn't nearly as sweet as Akai, but succeeded more when it was about controlling the class.
"Hiroshi, get out" Aizawa said, referring to the boy called Gobu, who laughed with the rest of the group.
"We're leaving now, so try not to break the windows and jump through them. That's all I'm asking for." said Daichi, exasperated.
"Can't promise anything" Saito voiced out, and the class laughed again.
"The rules are still up, so you know what to do" Akai said with a tone that seemed to hide 'if you're going to misbehave try not to get caught' "today we're visiting a camping spot where we'll be having lunch and playing sports, chatting, whatever you want to do…"
"Whatever? That'll be cool! Has someone got a gun?" this time Ri spoke. Akai didn't bother to wait for the class to stop laughing to finish her lecture. Which, of course, nobody listened.
"Well, that's it, we're leaving now…" and she sat down beside the blonde girl called Ashida, while the bus started moving.
Shinji was again laying against the window and holding the chopsticks to his mouth. He had also put his earphones on again. Kaworu wondered if the brunette still listened to that wonderful classical music. The third child then, grabbed another piece of whatever he was eating with his chopsticks and filled his mouth completely ignoring the way Kaworu was staring at him. Until he decided to take a glance at him, only to find those red eyes piercing him. The angel was smiling absently.
Kaworu seemed lost in Shinji's eyes, face, body… He resembled a little kid watching a particularly delicious piece of chocolate through a candy store's window.
The Third Child then straightened in his seat, put away his chopsticks and took off his earphones. The way in which Kaworu was staring at him made him feel really nervous and quite scared. Even so, the angel kept gazing at him. He reached out to Shinji's face and caressed a lock of brunette hair out of Shinji's forehead, still smiling with delight.
You caress me, smoothly
After a moment that seemed eternal, the silver-haired broke the silence.
"You are so…You are so…" he whispered with his softest and most loving voice. But he never finished his sentence.
"Everything okay boys?" Daichi was bending over and watching them with her usual motherly expression. By the looks of it, she didn't have the slightest idea of what was going on or what she had interrupted. She was simply asking as a matter of routine. She was always concerned for her antisocial and or depressive students, such as Ikari Shinji and Yonamine Mai herself. And since he was the new one, She was bound to ask about Nagisa Kaworu's well-being too.
"Uh? Yeah, sure, sensei" said Shinji, turning away to look through the window in order to hide his flushed face. Kaworu, on the other hand, turned to gaze at Daichi quite confused, now that he had been taken out of his dream land.
"Nagisa? You ok?" Daichi peered at him with her light blue eyes and the silver haired nodded silently. She raised an eyebrow at the disappointed and puzzled expression the silver-haired wore. Then she kept walking her way into the bus, leaving the most uncomfortable silence behind her.
Shinji surprised himself by daring to look at the angel sitting beside him.
Kaworu had his sight fixed in his hands and he seemed to be utterly embarrassed and mentally cursing himself for his previous…lapse. The brunette couldn't help but notice that the angel was blushing slightly, which made him look even cuter. Shinji sighed and surprised himself again by deciding to ignore what had happened. He was really handling the situation calmly.
"I hope it doesn't take too long"
Kaworu looked at him for a second, then turned to his hands again. "What do you mean?" his voice sounded shy and uncharacteristically doubtful.
"The bus, I wanna be there already…If the bus takes too long I swear I'll fall asleep…" Okay! That was one hell of a change of subject! Well done, Shinji! the brunette was mentally applauding himself.
"Mmm…." Kaworu lowered his head so that his silver locks covered his eyes and hid his expression. Shinji, on the other hand, was having lots of fun by noticing he had handled the situation so much better than his friend.
"I dreamt about you last night" the brunette's voice was a whisper. Then, he thought that that last sentence had been a little odd and added "I mean, you were in a dream that I had last night…"
Kaworu lifted his eyes to meet Shinji's for a millisecond, but it was just the time Shinji needed to notice that the silver-haired was blushing even more at his last comment.
"What do you mean? You had a dream…and I was in it? You had a dream about me?" Shinji smiled to himself at the disbelieving tone on Kaworu's voice.
"Yep, what's so hard to believe about that?" Shinji said naturally but the silver-haired ignored the question.
"Ummm….and what did you dream of?" The angel tried to sound casual.
"I can't remember" Kaworu felt an alarm going off on his head. "All I remember is that you were in it… it was a sad dream, though, I reckon something had happened to you in my dream. Yet it made no sense, 'cause some of my old friends were there, from Toky-"
Shinji shut his mouth immediately. He had said too much. He waited for the million questions he had expected the silver-haired would have. He waited for the angel to say something like 'oh, so you used to live in Tokyo-3, didn't you?' but nothing happened. But it never came. The angel didn't ask a single question. Which made Shinji wonder… did he, like Daichi, already know?
Kaworu just sighed and, for the next thirty minutes, became lost in thought while Shinji listened to his dear music. None of them said anything.
He dreamt about me? How come? Is he remembering something? Kaworu was sure that ,while he had been Tabris, an Angel of God and a holy creature, he had known that, sometimes, when a Lilim forgets something through divine intervention, the only place where the memory is not lost is in the subconscious mind. That is, dreams. For it is impossible to erase something from a place where most things are hidden. It must be, if he says I was in Tokyo-3 in the dream. And what he said about me being injured or something like that? Could it be, my Shinji, that you dreamt of my death?
I cannot ask him anymore without looking suspicious. Yet, I cannot stand the doubt...
Oh, Shinji, this is not what I wanted… I wanted to be able to return to you… but to what use if you don't remember?
The warm sun was making everyone more comfortable when they got off the bus. Everyone reunited in groups with their friends and started chatting in excitement.
"Minna-san!" Akai, for the first time in years, seemed to be making an effort to make her voice rise from the students' noise. "Well, this is a free school trip, which doesn't mean you won't pay for it" she added and some students gave exclamations of disappointment. "It means you may do as you like. Here in the camping spot you have tables and seats, room to play football if you want. There's also a basketball court over there" she pointed behind the crowd "So off you go, let's have some fun for a change!" she finished happily. Obviously her mood seemed to improve drastically when she freed herself from responsibility.
As soon as she finished her speech, the students went all in different directions; Mai waved at Shinji and Kaworu and went after her friends. Shinji took a quick glance at her while Kaworu was watching their surroundings, and he could clearly see Mai winking to him. He glared at her and she laughed. Then she disappeared among the trees.
The three girls, Miyagi Akina, Chikamoto Nami and Konami Yuri sat by a table with their friends and started an animated conversation. The boys headed down to the already mentioned basketball court and some of them remained playing cards on one of the tables. Shinji and Kaworu lingered there, uncertain of what to do or where to go, until the girls waved at them, and after an exchange of glances they both walked through the grass and sat with the girls.
"Oh…girls, these are Ikari and Nagisa, both new students" Akina was as always, the one talking. She pointed at them as she named them. "You already now Ikari, he's been in our school since the beginning of the year. Nagisa has been here since last week." Akina gave the girls from the other divisions a significant look. The meaning of the various reactions of the girls was lost for Kaworu. Even if it wasn't for Shinji, he was sure Akina had told the other girls about Kaworu. And suddenly he felt a little angry at his classmate. Who had gave her the right to talk about Kaworu?
All the girls said hello and gave some other exclamations of courtesy.
Kaworu had noticed the one of the girls flinching at the sound of Shinji's name. She was a light brown-haired and grey-eyed girl. She was remarkably beautiful. The silver-haired reckoned she must have had recognized Shinji's name.
The girls then started talking about nothings, resuming the conversation that Shinji and Kaworu had interrupted by introducing themselves. They occasionally asked for the brunette or the silver-haired's opinions, while the first wondered about what Mai had told him the night before, the dream he had forgotten, the look on Kaworu's face when he saw that light the previous afternoon, the look on Kaworu's face earlier when he contemplated Shinji on the bus, the look on Kaworu's face when he had told him he had dreamt about him, the thing Kaworu was about to tell him before Daichi had interrupted them with her stupid questions….Kaworu, Kaworu, Kaworu. And the latter thinking about how good Shinji looked dressed in blue, how it made his eyes look even prettier , how it was worth the eternity he had spent in Hell only to be able to sit there and watch Shinji, how cute he was when the ate with his chopsticks, and Shinji, Shinji, Shinji.
Calm my fears and soothe me
Obviously Kaworu's mood had improved incredibly since they had got off the bus. But of course, he was under the influence of two of the most happiness-irradiating phenomena in the world: Love and a school trip.
"Why are we here?" Kaworu muttered in Shinji's ear. "Among a bunch of girls?" Shinji chuckled at the tone of Kaworu's voice; he sounded like he had just discovered that their classmates had plants coming out of their ears.
Several hours had passed by since they had sat with the girls when Kaworu spoke. All the students were playing card games, playing football, talking and doing other various fun stuff.
It was almost noon now and the girls were discussing the possibility of starting to eat. The angel then stood up.
"Girls, you will have to excuse us but we promised to have lunch with Mai." he waved at Shinji, who stood up a little confused. "And, what kind of a man doesn't keep his promise to a lady?" he said to Shinji's amusement.
"Not a gentleman, certainly!" said Akina, making the other girls laugh. Then both boys picked up their things and were gone.
"At least we got rid of the girls…." Kaworu smiled happily. Shinji smiled back. Somehow, the fact that the silver-haired didn't want to keep those girls' company was quite comforting.
"Um…let me guess…. We're not having lunch with Mai, are we?" Shinji said chuckling. He was following Kaworu's steps into the woods. The camping spot even had it's own small forest.
Shinji looked up to the tall pine trees, and then looked down to the variety of wild flowers growing here and there, and finally he looked at Kaworu who was still walking deeper inside the forest, and he confirmed the trip had been an excellent idea.
It's like I'm actually enjoying it… I'm having fun and I'm with my friends… more than everything, I have friends. Even if Mai is a little bitchy sometimes….she's a great friend.
I can hardly remember my past now….. But wait, this is no time to think about that!
I'm about to have lunch in a beautiful forest and with Kaworu himself! … Wait, did I just though that? My god, it's happening again…
After some moments they caught the voices of Ashida and Akai, coming from somewhere among the trees.
"Haven't you noticed, Tami-chan?" It's like they're struggling between them to get him. Yonamine and Ikari on one side and Miyagi, Konami and Chikamoto on the other!" Shinji chuckled at what Ashida was saying. He had to agree with her.
"Certainly, it's like poor Nagisa's been slit into two. But if you ask me, I think I know which side of the rope is going to break first." Now it was the silver-haired who laughed and widened his eyes at that uncharacteristic side of Akai Tamiko's personality. She talked giggling and obviously comfortable while being with her friend.
"Anyway, I can't blame them… specially Miyagi." said Ashida Haya. "She always had a thing for cute boys. And you can't deny that Ikari and Nagisa are absolutely gorgeous!" And both girls laughed.
Shinji and Kaworu blushed, looked at each other with widened eyes and then laughed.
"Yeah, we could use some more transferred students!" they heard Akai saying before they got out of hearing range.
"Looks like you are some sort of trophy." Shinji said between giggles.
"Well, I do not know about you, but I think I would look quite good standing on a base and covered in gold paint." and all of Shinji's efforts to stop laughing went to Hell as he imagined a golden Kaworu-trophy.
"Ne, Shinji-kun, lets sit here and have some lunch. Unlike you, I wasn't eating my lunch while coming here, so I'm quite hungry." Shinji nodded, still smiling and sat down over some big rocks and under a particularly beautiful sakura tree.
While they both enjoyed their lunches, talked to each other, tried each other's food and made several jokes, Kaworu forgot he had ever been Tabris. He forgot he had chose once to die for this Lilim boy, he forgot everything he had gone through while being stuck in Hell. Shinji's gentle smile, his soft voice talking about nothings, that was all he could remember, like his life could have been defined by that very moment.
"You know, you still haven't explained how in Hell did you know my name…" the blue-eye's words fell upon both of them leaving an uncomfortable silence. The Third Child felt sorry for ruining the little moment, but he needed to know… he needed to know he could trust the silver-haired, he needed to know he wasn't a spy sent by NERV or SEELE to get him. The sole thought of Kaworu being a liar, of their friendship being a fake…it was a lot more than Shinji could handle.
Kaworu sensed Shinji's insecurities and decide to tell him half the truth.
"Well, I will be honest with you, I know who you are… or at least who you were. That is how I knew your name… I'm sorry for not telling you earlier, I just did not want to blow my chances to get to know you better by reminding you a past that I'm quite sure you wish to forget." the angel's voice faded away before adding in a whisper "You are… an amazing person, Shinji-kun. And a friend of value beyond measure."
Shinji swallowed hard. So Kaworu also knew….
"What makes you think I would…want to forget my past?" asked Shinji shyly. A whole minute had gone by and it took the silver-haired several seconds to figure out Shinji's question.
"Oh…that." Kaworu fixed his eyes on Shinji's blue ones. "Because I know you, Ikari Shinji-kun, more than you think. Someone who runs away from a city, starts a new life and doesn't bother telling anybody about his past is obviously running from something" he smiled, but it was a serious sad smile. Shinji bit his lip and lowered his eyes when he felt that he couldn't fight back the tears anymore. Kaworu simply cupped the brunette's face and wiped Shinji's tears with his thumb.
"I guess… it sounds pretty obvious… when you put it that way…" Shinji whispered, once again locking his gaze with the angel, who smiled again and wiped away more of his tears.
Move your hands across me
And as Shinji stared at Kaworu who was really close to him now, even with the tears pouring from his eyes blurring his vision, he noticed… just noticed…. How beautiful those scarlet eyes were… 'he has breath-taking eyes', Mai had said. How accurate and yet short seemed the word now. Breath-taking eyes indeed.
They sat there almost for a minute that seemed eternal, simply staring into each other's eyes. But then Kaworu started leaning closer and closer, slowly closing the one feet gap between them. Shinji just blushed as he watched the other boy reduce that gap to an inch. He was scared, nervous and expectant, but he wanted that kiss. He longed for Kaworu's fine lips. He didn't even realize how long he had been fighting against the impulse of kissing him.
Take my worries from me
Their lips were brushing when they heard the voice.
"Kaworu! Ikari! Where are you boys? Sensei Daichi says we shouldn't be getting so deep in the forest!" It was Yuri. "Where are you?"
Kaworu cursed the innocent girl mentally and leaned backwards (showing his incredible amount of will), separating himself from those lips he had wanted to kiss since months now. Shinji seemed shocked and confused so Kaworu spoke.
"We're here Yuri-san" his voice came a lot harsher than he had wanted to "We're okay"
"Oh there you are!" the blonde girl had just come from behind a tree. "You should get going , unless you want to be left in here, Daichi says we'd better keep where she can see us… so much for the so called freedom…" she ended, obviously adding some mental adjectives to their teacher.
We'd be there in a minute. We have to pack our lunches" Kaworu's tone was subtly hiding a -go away, leave us alone- Yuri smiled and left.
"Don't take too long, I'll keep an eye on Daichi, she doesn't know you are here." she said as she walked to a spot where they could no longer see her curly hair.
Kaworu got up and offered Shinji a hand to help him got onto his feet. Shinji took his hand and picked both bento lunches.
"We….should get going…" the brunette's first spoken words after Kaworu had almost kissed him sounded hollow and meaningless. He stared at the crimson-eyed, waiting. But the angel gave no signs of wanting to hurry or any intention of leaving at all. Konami Yuri turned around to take a glance at the two teenagers and in slow motion she watched Kaworu push Shinji against the sakura tree. Softly but quickly.
I will sacrifice
I will sacrifice
Shinji froze. What was he supposed to do now? The silver-haired boy caressed his face with his thumb and pushed back a brown lock, all the time smiling absent-mindedly. The brunette was as tense as someone who is stuck between Kaworu and a tree would be. (Well actually I think some of us wouldn't be tense at all, 'cause we would have already straddled the angel and we'll be having our way with him). Shinji waited for the unavoidable but the crimson-eyed seemed to be taking his time to savor the moment. Finally he spoke.
"Don't you ever cry again, Shinji, You'll never need to cry again. I'm here for you" Shinji felt a warm feeling inside as Kaworu took the brunette's right hand with his left, his pale right hand never leaving the younger boy's face.
"Do you….do you mean that?" Shinji lowered his eyes and asked in a whisper. Kaworu lifted the other boy's head with his hand.
"Of course I do, silly. You are all I care about." the silver-haired smiled one of his perfect smiles , making Shinji go through several shades of pink. At that moment, at that precise moment, the blue-eyed sent his doubts to hell and surrendered to whatever this sweet crimson-eyed boy wanted to do with him.
For a moment none of them said a thing, but then Kaworu leaned close enough to make their noses touch.
"How long has it been?" Kaworu was clearly talking to himself, given that the younger boy didn't have the slightest idea of what he was talking about.
"How long has it been since the last time we kissed?" Shinji blinked in confusion but Kaworu didn't give him time to think about his answer.
All I have in life
To clear my conscience
The silver-haired closed the gap between them with a smooth movement, gently kissing Shinji's lips, sending shivers through the younger boy's spine. For a long moment, Shinji's mind was blank, then what was going on clicked in his mind.
Kaworu's kissing me….oh my God….A boy is kissing me….what do I do? What do I do?
The angel started kissing Shinji more fervently, but still slow and caring, and Shinji found himself responding and getting lost in the kiss. How wonderful, how blissful a simple kiss could be? Shinji didn't know anymore, but it was surely something immeasurable.
I will sacrifice, I will sacrifice!
All I have in life!
Sacrifice! Sacrifice!
Behind a nearby tree, Konami Yuri felt her jaw fell to the ground when she saw Nagisa Kaworu kissing Ikari Shinji. She couldn't help but to stare wide eyed when Ikari started kissing back. It hadn't been her intention to interrupt them, she hadn't mean to spy on them. She was only doing what she said she was doing, warning them not to go far away. She had to stop caring for people once and for all.
Of course, she had to admit that it had been an instantaneous attraction between them; the way they were always together, the way they addressed each other... but she had never dared to imagine they could be... more than friends. And since she hadn't listened to what they were saying before kissing, she had no way to know they had just become more than friends. They made quite a good couple, she thought. And immediately after that, she shook her head, like trying to get rid of the idea.
Kaworu was about to get Shinji to open his mouth when Yuri just couldn't take it anymore. She coughed, tuning her back on the boys. She would die if they knew she had seen them.
"Boys! Hurry up! I think I see sensei Daichi coming!" of course the blonde teacher was nowhere near them, but, the Hell! She needed an excuse! What was she supposed to say? ' Hey, I saw you making out and it was so shocking I just want you to stop so that I can forget the goddamn thing'?
Can you fill me, solely?
Obviously, the silver-haired angel had noticed she had been watching from the beginning. But there was no way he was going to miss this chance. Not even if the whole classroom, or the whole school, with teachers included, had been spying on them.
He stepped back and left Shinji's lips alone. He picked up the lunches that had fallen from Shinji's grips in the precise moment on which Kaworu had pressed his lips against the brunette's.
"Let's go" Kaworu smiled. Shinji, on the other had, couldn't believe what he was hearing.
How on Earth could Kaworu stay so calm?!?!? He had just kissed another boy…a classmate!!! And he was as calm and relaxed as ever!
"Is there something wrong, Shinji-kun?" And still, he had the nerve to ask if there was something wrong! No, no, of course not! I mean, I'm totally used to being kissed by my male classmates and them watching them act as nothing had ever happened.
Shinji dismissed the angry thought and looked down, unable to hide his blush.
"You..you ki…- we kissed!" the brunette's voice was barely audible. Kaworu grinned.
"Certainly, we did. It is not so easy to forget your lips, Shinji-kun. I have not forgotten it, nor am I trying to make the fact unimportant." his grin didn't fade. At the comment regarding his lips, Shinji's cheeks turned bright red, making Kaworu's grin even wider.
"Demo…I do not want Daichi-san's sanity to be put in danger because of us… We should better go now." Shinji couldn't help but to smile and nod.
They walked together to the spot where Yuri was standing alone. Shinji, blushing and with his mind flying somewhere else. And Kaworu, feeling the happiest person on Earth again.
Deeper still and wholly
Yuri blushed slightly when the boys passed her by. The silver-haired smiled at her.
"Come on, Yuri-san, we've got to get out of here!" he said enthusiastically. The blonde girl blinked twice and nodded so vigorously that her curls bounced up and down.
After a short moment, they found themselves again among the crowd of students, who were now playing dodge ball. Mai, who was sitting among her friends and other students that preferred watching than playing, stood up immediately and run towards Shinji and Kaworu.
"Boy's you don't know what you've missed! Ri threw the ball so high that it ended up on top of a pine tree and then we had to hit the tree until it fell down right on Gobu's head!" she clapped her hands, a feature so typically hers that it may have seemed her signature, obviously replaying the incident on her mind. "Which, now that I think about it, is a shame. Such a good-looking boy…and now we've probably killed his only functioning brain cell…" she put her forefinger to her chin, in a thoughtful expression. Shinji laughed.
"You missed a lot too" Kaworu whispered to himself, so that Mai couldn't hear him. Shinji did, though, and blushed almost immediately.
"Oh, Shinji! Kawaii ne! You are as red as a tomato!" Mai smiled, closing her eyes, and shoved Kaworu playfully before adding " Doesn't he look incredibly cute when he blushes like that?"
Kaworu smiled back to her. The Third Child, on the other hand, threw her a killing glare.
"He certainly does." said the silver-haired. Shinji made a mental note to kill Mai, while Kaworu repressed the sudden urge of eating the brunette alive. He looked cute when he blushed, indeed.
"So what? Are you gonna play or watch?" Mai asked Shinji, obviously assuming that Kaworu would follow anything Shinji decided.
"Mmm…I'd rather watch" Shinji said simply and sat among Mai's friends with Kaworu to his left and the short-haired girl to his right. Mai didn't bother to introduce the boys to her friends, unlike Akina.
As they weren't left on their own again during the rest of the day, Shinji and Kaworu didn't have time to talk about what had happened.
With your understanding
Instead, they kept exchanging meaningful glances and gestures. The angel would repeatedly smile to Shinji, or stare at him dreamily, lost in thought as always. The Third Child would only blush and smile back shyly. The flirting was followed all the time by Mai, who caught their gazes meeting more than once. She only chuckled and tried to appear concentrated on the game taking place in front of her, rather than the one taking place beside her.
Time went by and nobody other than Mai and Yuri noticed what was going on between the boys. The blonde girl had turned down every offer she had been made to join the game. She seemed to be considering what she had seen. Every now and then she would lift her sight a little to take a quick glance at the boys, like figuring whether she should keep their secret or tell.
At 4:30 pm, Akai stood up and went to talk to sensei Daichi, who had been sitting with sensei Shirai and the headmistress Sasaki. They exchanged a few words and Akai's voice rose from the student's.
"Ne, minna-san! Time to go!" Pack your things and wait, I have to count you before you get on the bus!"
Slowly the students obeyed and after some minutes, they were all standing next to the buses. Akai had taken out a paper and was ticking their names as they got on the bus on by one, fighting for the best seats, chanting or simply chatting.
Mai and Shinji got on the bus yawning. Kaworu followed, still grinning.
"I'm so sleeping!" Mai exclaimed to no one in particular and a moment after she was curled up in her seat and apparently asleep already.
As soon as they both were in their seats on the front of the bus, Shinji and Kaworu stared at each other. Shinji was about to open his mouth when sensei Daichi took the sit immediately in front of them, and the headmistress Sasaki sat by her side.
"I guess we can talk later…" Shinji whispered.
"Don't worry, Shinji-kun. There would be plenty of time to talk. You should better sleep." said the Angel in a sweet voice.
"Oh, arigato, Kaworu-kun! I think I'll try to get some sleep…" the brunette laid back on his seat and tried to accommodate in a comfortable position before closing is blue eyes. The silver-haired only smiled and sighed at the sight, and whispered "Your welcome"
Shinji didn't sleep, but laid there, thinking, pondering. He couldn't believe what had happened, and he couldn't believe how calmly he was taking it. He had been kissed by a boy…No, wait! He had kissed a boy!
But of course, Shinji was he type of person that goes through his life without worrying too much about why things happen. Well, he might have fallen in love with the crimson-eyed…so what? He was happy. He knew Kaworu was happy. What was wrong with it?
And it had felt so right, so wonderful… Kaworu's lips o his own, the boy's hand holding his own, what he had said about Shinji being all he cared about, about how he was always going to be there… it had felt so damn right. And that was all Shinji cared about at that moment.
Eventually, the blue-eyed fell asleep. His breath became steadier and his head fell on his own shoulder. The angel helped the brunette into a more comfortable position, just like he had done when Shinji had fallen asleep at his home. The Third Child slowly moved, half asleep, and rested his brunette head on Kaworu's shoulder, earning a remarkable blush from the angel.
With your arms around me
Unfortunately, Daichi turned around on her seat in order to scold some particularly noisy students. But the lecture never left her mouth.
She raised an eyebrow at Kaworu, who broke Shinji's record of blushing the reddest in the least time possible. In addition, Sasaki had also turned around, probably to see why her friend wasn't telling students off, and now was watching the scene rather amused.
The two women finally turned their backs on the happy couple, forgetting about the students they were supposed to tell off.
When they finally found themselves at the school gates, they got off the bus, happy to be able to go home at last. Shinji woke up and stretched, not showing any sign that he had noticed he had been sleeping over Kaworu's shoulder.
Some of the students' houses were on the way from the camping spot to the school, so they had already gotten off the bus. The remaining lot started to separate, heading towards their respective homes.
Can you help me, hold me?
"Shinji, are you walking home today?" said Mai, rubbing her eyes.
"Nh?…Sure…" Shinji seemed to be having trouble focusing in the real world.
"Good, then come with me… and Ri-chan…also coming with us, are you?" she turned to a tall, thin green-eyed boy.
"Yeah, sure." he nodded.
"Oh…I forgot… gomen nasai… Shinji, Kaworu, this is Nakatani Ryou. Ri-chan, these are Ikari Shinji and Nagisa Kaworu." she said yawning.
"And I'm Yonamine Mai…and that is sensei Daichi…and this is our school…and that is a bus…" she added and her friend laughed.
Whisper to me, softly
They started walking together, talking about nothings, until they got to Shinji's house, which was the nearest. Kaworu realized then that he was not going to be able to talk to Shinji that day at all.
The blue-eyed smiled apologetically, and the crimson-eyed smiled back, before Shinji closed the door.
Mai, her friend and Kaworu kept walking. Next thing he knew, they were at Mai's friend's house, a beautiful small manor. He said goodbye and only Mai and Kaworu were left.
Move your hands across me
Mai was happily humming a song, but Kaworu wasn't paying attention to her. He was trying to find a way to see Shinji as soon as possible.
After some minutes, they were standing outside the block of apartments where Kaworu lived. Seeing she was soon to be left alone, Mai pulled out her MP3 player.
"No wonder why you and Shinji-kun are such good friends" stated Kaworu, raising one of his pale eyebrows.
Mai grinned. Kaworu was waiting for her to say goodbye and leave, but she did not move.
Take my worries from me
"Kaworu"
"Yes?" he inquired.
"I wish to speak to you for a moment. May I come in?" she said seriously. Her voice was flat, and quite unlike herself.
"Yes, of course" Kaworu said, surprised and curious. "What's the matter?" he added, gently.
Mai looked up at him, and gazed directly to his red eyes with her brown ones.
I will sacrifice, I will sacrifice
All I have in life to clear my conscience
"I'd really preferred that we talked inside. Open air…is…dangerous" she said, without giving away the meaning of her words.
"Dangerous?" Kaworu was startled. "I don't think I can quite follow…"
But Mai interrupted him.
I will sacrifice, I will sacrifice
All I have in life
"Oh, yes. Dangerous. We might be heard."
Sacrifice! Sacrifice!