Year 4
NOTE: … -Purrs-
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L: WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! -Bangs head on desk-
Kurama: Why what?
John: Well, I'm off to the war, dears! Have a nice life and I'll see you all in hell. -Leaves-
Kurama: ... -Turns to L- L?
L: -Glomps- Eh…
Mello: What the fuck is wrong with him?
Kurama: I don't know…
Itachi: Then that makes you just as retarded as he is…
Kurama: At least I don't have sex with my younger brother…
Itachi: ... -Walks away-
Kurama: Where the hell are you going?!
Itachi: I have to get Sasuke down... -Walks out-
(Mello and Kurama look at each other)
Mello: Get Sasuke down from where?
(In the bathroom)
-Near opens the door- ... O.o …
(Sasuke, nude, taped to the wall)
Near: … -Twitch twitch- ... -Closes door and leaves-
(Back to the group)
L: WHY?! WHY?! -Hits head on computer-
Kurama: Stop, stop! What is the matter with you?!
L: Someone replaced my pictures of Mi-chan with hentai... AGAIN! -Turns screen to reveal SephirothxMi-chan hentai-
Mello: Hey! Click back to that one!
L: NO! -Clicks out-
Mello: Aww. -Near walks in- ... What the fuck's the matter with you?
Near: ... -Twitching-
Kurama: Was it Sasuke?
Near: -Nod nod-
Kurama: Ah... Ew…
L: Who would do such a thing to my pictures?!
Sephiroth: Bwahahahaha! -Falls- Ow… -Gets up- Bwahahahahaha!
L: Sephiroth? Again?! Damn you!
Mello: Who the fuck is the chick?
Near: You're one to talk…
Kurama: That's Sephiroth... You know, from Final Fantasy.
Near: How sad the way the name contradicts the many games made.
Mello: … Okay… Whaaaat?
Sephiroth: Mi-chan is mine! I love her more!
Mello: ... So he's like that Jessica chick in that one episode? …
Kurama: Exactly…
L: You replaced my pictures again?!
Sephiroth: Yes... Yes, I did…
L: Gawd. Get over yourself! Stop obsessing over Mi-chan! She's not a real character!
(Our World)
Mi-chan: … Ow…
Kai: Mi-chan? What happened?
Mi-chan: ... I… Don't... Know…
(Back to their world)
Sephiroth: … I guess you're right…
Mello/Kurama: That easily? …
L: That's right… -Pats Sephiroth- Besides, Mi-chan's mine…
Sephiroth/Kurama: HELL NO!
Mello: Here we go... -Smiles-
L: Uh, oh... -Runs-
Sephiroth/Kurama: -Chase- Grr!
(Itachi walks in with Sasuke)
Itachi: ... -Looks around- What did I miss?
Mello: Oh, nothing much... Kat just came in and stripped for us, you know... Nothing Special.
Itachi: WHAT!?
Near: Daddy's cowering…
Mello: That's because Kat traumatized him…
Itachi: -Punch-
(L cowers)
Mello: Hey, Near!
Near: Hmm?
Mello: Do you remember why Kai tried to seduce Wyant?
Near: ...
Mello: Because she needed money!
Near: ...First of all, that was really random. Second of all, why doesn't she just get it from her second job?
Mello: Hmm... I don't know…
Near: O.o… -Runs to L- Daddy, Daddy!
L: Eh? -Looks up from his cowering-
Near: -Grunt voice- I want to rape Mello…
L: Well, I'm not stopping you…
Near: Yay! -Jumps to Mello-
Mello: WHAT?! -Near jumps on Mello-
Near: Now… Tonight… You... -Pulls on Mello's shirt-
Kurama: ... L, you're a bad influence on kids…
L: Yep… Why do you think you pay so much for dentist bills?
Kurama: ...Huh... -Finger on chin-
Matt: Mello-sama!
Mello: Matt! Thank GAWD you're here! Get this idiot off of me!
Matt: -Jumps on Mello also- Oh, Mello-sama!
Mello: You idiot! What the hell are you doing?!
Near: -Smiles- Hm!
Matt: I've been waiting all my life to do this...
Mello: S-stop it! -Matt's face closes in on him-
Matt: That smudge bothered the shit out of me... -Rubs smudge off-
Mello: -Growls and pushes Matt off- YOU DICK-WAD!!!
Matt: Mello-sama? …
Near: Mello? …
Mello: I thought you were going to kiss me!!!
Matt: Now, Mello, you know I'd never try that… I'm straight. Besides, I rape Misa every night.
L: …
Mello: EXACTLY!!!
(Silence)
Mello: Never do something like that unless you are about to kiss, rape, molest or bang me!!! -Near notes these-
L: Holy shit... Itachi and Sasuke aren't the only ones who like peanuts.
Sasuke: D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Unit!!!
L: -Slaps with rolled up newspaper- No! No! Bad Uke... Bad!
Sephiroth: Now I must take my leave... -Jumps on the window- I bid you ad-
L/Kurama: I wouldn't do that if I were-
Sephiroth: -Falls- Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!
L: ...Should we go after him?
Kurama: -Sighs and nods to L-
L/Kurama: -Jumps after him-
Mello: ...-Turns to Near- Now what?
Near: We could-
Mello: NO!
Near: Aww... -Looks down-
Matt: But, Mello-sama…
Mello: WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE, MATT!?!?
(Matt's head slumps and he leaves)
Near: You're a meanie…
Mello: HOW!?
Near: …
Mello: No! …Not now, anyway.
Near: -Looks up and smiles-
Mello: On one condition: I'm the Semei!
Near: Therefore you are KIRA!!!
Mello: What?
Near: I don't know. Reaction? …
Sasuke: Itachi-sama! Hold me…
Itachi: Not now, Sasuke…
Sasuke: -Cries-
Itachi: -Sighs and opens arms-
Sasuke: YAY! -Hug-
Itachi: Why me? …
Mello: Because you raped him…
Itachi: -Growls-
Mello: Hey, don't get mad at me…
Sasuke: Hey, Near! -Near looks up- Can I play with that vibrating thingy you keep hidden in your room?
Near: O.o... -Looks around- No…
Sasuke: Aww, why not?
Near: Because… It has diabetes… Like Daddy should have!
Mello: How nice…
Near: Go play with Deidara.
Sasuke: Deidara?
Mello: Diana?
Sasuke: No, Deidara.
Mello: Kiara?
Sasuke: Deidara.
Mello: Kirara?
Sasuke: DEIDARA!
Mello: ... Julie?
Sasuke: -Sighs-
Itachi: Remember, kids, if you ever meet Deidara, never shake his hand.
Sasuke: Why?
Itachi: Because he has another mouth on his hand...
Sasuke: It must annoy his husband... Two mouths but both are always complaining...
Itachi: ...
Mello: Hey! He can have the best make-outs ever!!! Chick not included... OR NEEDED!!!
Near: Damn... He must give himself killer blow jobs...
Itachi: ...
Near: What's this? -picks up notebook-
(Mello and Sasuke run over)
Itachi: Nosey asses. -Folds arms-
Mello: Porn?
Itachi: -Runs over-
Near: It looks like L wrote it.
Mello: L? L writes?
(Reads)
All: ...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Sasuke: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?
Mello: We should put this online!
Near: ... -Walks to the computer-
Itachi: What are you doing?
(Near doesn't answer)
Mello: O.o… You sneaky bastard…
L/Kurama: Hey, guys.
Near: -Hugs computer-
L: Shit, hurt yourself yet?
Kurama: What are you doing?
Near: Nothing…
L: It doesn't look like nothing...
Itachi: Hey, L.
L: Huh?
Itachi: Would you like to meet my good friend?
Mello/L/Kurama/Sasuke: Your 'good friend?'
Itachi: Yeah…
Sasuke: What's his name?
Itachi: (Glare)
Kurama: Yes, what is your 'friend's' name?
Itachi: (Eyes shift) ... Let me go get him first. (Runs and pulls Sasuke with him)
(Loud bangs can be heard, then moaning, then silence)
Itachi: (Comes out with a statue)
L: Where's Sasuke?
Itachi: (Looks up to think then looks back at them) ... He... Died...
Kurama: ... Uh huh... And is this your 'friend?'
Itachi: Yep...
Near: (From the other side of the room) He sure looks a lot like Sasuke...
Itachi: Yep...
Mello: Hey, yeah! He sure is ugly like him!
(Snickers and silence when Itachi glares at them)
Kurama: So does your friend have a name?
Itachi: Yep...
All: ...
Mello: (Sharp sigh) What the fuck is it?!
Itachi: Yep... I mean... This is my good friend, Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta... (Eyes shift then squint) Kintei...
All: (Stare)
(Near finishes downloading the file)
Computer: (Near wide-eyed) FINISHED DOWNLOADING FILE.
L: File? What file?
Near: (Hugs computer again) Um... There's no file... The computer lies...
Computer: NO. COMPUTERS DO NOT LIE.
Near: (Eyes the computer)
L: What was it saying about a file?
Near: No, nothing, there is no file...
Computer: YES THERE IS.
Near: No, there isn't.
Computer: YES THERE IS.
Near: Stop it.
Computer: NO, YOU STOP IT.
Near: You started it, now stop it.
Computer: COMPUTERS DO NOT START IT. YOU STARTED IT.
Near: Stop it.
Computer: NO, YOU STOP IT.
Near: No, you stop it.
Computer: NO, YOU STOP IT.
Near: No, you stop it.
Computer: NO, YOU STOP IT.
Near: ... I'll stop it.
Computer: YES YOU WILL.
Near: (Glare)
Computer: PARENTHESIS-GLARE-PARENTHESIS.
Near: (Stands and walks away)
All: (Stare)
Near: (Hits computer with a baseball bat)
All: O.O...
Near: (Twirls hair calmly) Now try to back-talk me, stupid computer. (Walks away)
Computer: (Breaking) I... KNOW... YOU... ARE... BUT... WHAT... AM... I?
Near: (Comes back and smashes it again)
All: O.o ...
Mello: Stop! Dude, it's dead!
Itachi: ... Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei feels left out...
Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei: (Grumble)
Itachi: What's that, Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei? You want to call them stupid? Go ahead. Listen up, panda-whores, Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei has something to say!
(Everyone stares)
Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei: ...
All: ...
Mello: ... Well, fuck you too!!!
Kurama: What the fuck?
Mello: Didn't you hear that bastard?!
Kurama: ...
Mello: He called me a girl!!! Gawd! Does taking time out of your day to make your hair decent make you a girl?
Near: For you, yeah...
Mello: Shut up, Near!!! You're just as bad as Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei...
Near: He just called you a pussy.
Mello: FUCK YOU IKO WAKKA KIKI MAKA KUNTA KINTEI!!! FUCK YOU AND YO COUCH!!!
L: How the hell do you remember that?
Mello: Subtitles.
Kurama: Ah... I should've known.
L: Me too...
Near: Hey, L, that Sephiroth guy made a fannon-fiction about Mi-chan and put you in it...
L: Really?! ... Is that the same computer that you just smashed? ...
Near: Don't be silly, that computer was a MAPPLE. This computer is an iJAK.
Kurama: How could you have not seen the difference, L?
L: I'm sorry!!! T.T
Mello: READ THE GODDAMN STORY ALREADY!!! ... ITACHI! Stop making out with that bastard, Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei!
Itachi: ... (Eyes shift then goes back to making out with statue)
Near: "A short story" by ILoveMi-chanmorethanLKJ. Sephiroth loved Mi-chan but he was already married to L, Kurama and John and this greatly upset him! He stalked them into teh dead of night and then... dun dun dun... He killed Mi-chan's lovers!!!!! MUWHAHAHAHAHAH -He laughed to himself into teh wee hours of the morning. Then... Mi-chan came out of her house and screamed as she saw her lovers' bodies lying there... Then she got over it and went to live with Sephiroth- They lived happily ever after- The end... Muwahahahahaha... Jk.
Next day- They come back to life and Mi-chan dumps Sephiroth at teh sight of her once-dead lovers... Rrrr... So Sephiroth gets the courage up to kill them... Again... Muwhahahaha!!!! Mi-chan goes to Sephiroth, but in the end- He kills everyone except Kai and Kat b/c they are hott too!
... Can I stop reading this shit? It's making me dizzy...
Kurama: HA! We should make a better fanfiction!
L: Yeah! Then WE'LL post it on HA! NARUTO! COME BACK WITH SAS- I mean Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei!!! I'm not done screwing him yet!!!
Naruto: HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Mello: ... HAHAHA! You all have arch enemies and me and Near don't! (Cartmon mock) Ha ha ha ha ha ha. We don't have arch enemies!
Near: (Reading) PS: Raito agrees with me when we say that the KaixMi-chan pairing sucks. ... Huh...
Mello: (Stare) ... DAMN YOU RAITO!!! DAMN YOU TO MI-CHANXKAI HATING HELL!!!
Kurama: ...Imagine if I actually met Mi-chan.
Sasuke: (Jealous) Imagine if I actually met Kat.
Kurama: She'd probably dress you up in that Tiki suit that Itachi dresses you up in.
Sasuke: ...I don't like that suit.
Itachi: ...I really don't give a shit, but, for the sake of you having sex with me, tell me anyway.
Sasuke: It's dark in there.
Mello: In where?
Itachi: -Stares at Mello, then to Sasuke, smiling evilly-
Sasuke: Oh, no.
Itachi: -Puts Tiki suit on Sasuke-
Mello: Oh, hey, Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei. Have you seen Sasuke around here?
Itachi: (To Near) I'll bet you five million dollars that he'll fall for it.
L: For what? Besides, Near, that's not a very good investment.
Near: I'm not stupid enough to fall for that, Itachi. -Plays with toy robot-
Itachi: Kurama? Are you up for a little bet?
L: No, Kurama.
Kurama: L's telling me no. My mind is telling me no. My conscience is telling me no but my body says yes! Will I do the smart thing and listen to my smart self? Of course not.
Itachi: Awesome. -Shakes hands and takes suit off of Sasuke-
Sasuke: -Gasp, wheeze-
Mello: -Wide eyes and points- ... Hey, Sasuke, have you seen Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei?
Itachi: -Puts suit back on-
Mello: Oh, hey, Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei. Have you seen Sasuke?
Itachi: -Takes suit off from Sasuke-
Mello: Wow, Sasuke, you keep missing Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei. He was just here.
Sasuke: (Tired) I'll bet.
Itachi: I win.
L: Oh, Kurama.
Near: Damned hormones.
Kurama: Yep, well, I guess I owe you a million bucks.
Itachi: Pay up, bitch. -Puts hand out-
Kurama: Oh, hold on. Let me get my checkbook. -Leaves room-
Itachi: Ha! You might as well just give me your whole purse!
Near/L: -Stare-
Itachi: ...What? It doesn't match him anyway.
Kurama: Here we are, Itachi: One million bucks.
Itachi: Come to Itachi!
(Millions of stampeding bucks run over Itachi)
All: O.O …
(Hours later)
Itachi: -In full body cast- Grrrrr...
Kurama: -Snickers-
L: Kurama.
Kurama: WHAT?! I paid him.
L: -Sigh- Here, -Holds up doggy treat- go give this to Spike so you can go get Mi-chan.
Kurama: AWESOME!!! -Takes the treat and runs- Mi-chan, here I come!!!
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I don't own the original story of "A short story" by blah blah blah... But I do own that one! I will kill the creator of the original story later on in life, then cut her face of and glue it on a paper bag and wear it so I WILL own the story... But until then, I'll just stab my voodoo dolls of her...
-Stab-
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
-Pokes thumb-
... Hmm... -Faints-