Road Trip To No Where Chapter 7: Out of the tent, into the pig pen, a smallville fanfic

(By the way…This is a long one, and when I mean long one… Well, it's just long! So... Wasabi is currently in proud mode...DON'T PUT WATER ON MY FLAME!)

Chapter 7: Out of the tent and into the pig pen

"Welcome to the beyond…" A deep airy voice greeted the three friends as Chloe finally entered the tent behind Pete and Jimmy. A voice which they all noticed was a little too deep. "Hello children of the future. Come hither into my humble aura."

Pete leaned over to Jimmy. "You know for a moment there, I thought he was going to say 'Children of the corn'."

Jimmy nodded solemnly. "As did I my friend. As did I."

Chloe pushed Pete forward. "Ask for your clue so we can get out of here. This place gives me the creeps."

The light from the numerous candles lining the tent sent shadows dancing along the fabricated stone walls, making it seem like they were in a medieval dungeon. Sitting at the far end of the tent sat, who Chloe assumed to be Madam Barry. In her old tattered purple dress with a frayed hem. A black scarf hid what colour her hair was but it was obvious that her head was cleanly shaven. Unfortunately Madam Barry's face was not. With three day regrowth on the cheeks, the only people who could be fooled were two year old children.

Pete stepped up to the table which Madam Barry sat at. "Listen, do you have a clue or something for me. My name is-"

"Pete, this I know already." Madam Barry's hands worked around the large crystal ball in front of her.

"Oh she's good." Jimmy whispered to Chloe. She cocked an eyebrow. "She can read Jimmy…Pete has his name on a name tag he bought at the front gate. Why? I don't know."

"Yes Pete, I have a clue for you from you companion Clark. It said-"

Pete interrupted "Woah, what do you mean 'it'? Do you mean 'it' as in past tense?"

Madam Barry nodded. "Yes…It said-"

Jimmy stepped up next to Pete. "Hey, it's his clue, or it was, what happened to it?"

Madam Barry shifted her cold blue eyes to Jimmy. "It was unneeded by destiny." She looked back to Pete. "Now, your clue said-"

Chloe slapped a hand on the table. "Where's the clue mama Baz?"

"Aright, fine!" Madam Barry's voice lost the mystical edge to it and became even more deep and manly then before. "Your God damn clue was eaten by the God damn pig at the petting zoo. You happy now you brats? Jeez, a guy tries to make a buck and what does he get…"

The three friends looked shocked for a moment. Jimmy was the first to snap out of the daze they were in. "Does this mean we have to slaughter a pig and drain its blood out so we can play a prank on a loser at the prom call Carrie?"

Pete blinked. "What?"

Jimmy turned to him. "'Cos I'll do it for the team."

Chloe pulled a pen and paper out of the bag on Pete's back. "Just tell me the clue and we can go about our business."

"Ok well the tall kid named Clark gave me a clue that said…"

I see you have discovered where my brother hid

But do not smile I am just getting started,

What you search for has already been told

So do not diddle and be slow

Or else your epilogue's fate will be cold,

(I'm gonna put it in liquid nitrogen Pete)

Happy hunting,

Love Clark!

"Son of a…What kind of clue is that?" Pete was tempted to shred the note in two right then and there. But unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, Chloe was holding the clue in her hands.

"Well, obviously we've been told where the clue is…"

Jimmy gripped Schnitzel tightly in one hand as he attempted to eat fairy floss with the other. "I could still-"

"No slaughtering of pigs! Wait, pigs…" Chloe bit her lip thoughtfully.

"Chlo, I don't think it would be that easy." Pete muttered

Jimmy put Schnitzel in the backpack. "Oh but Pete…maybe it is that easy. No, no hear me out. Maybe CK made sure Barry said something about the petting zoo so we would think that it might be at the petting zoo. But he would also think that we could think that it would be too easy to be at the petting zoo and go wonder off somewhere else, spending our time looking for a place that doesn't have the clue but we've heard of it. But the clue won't be there and it won't be there because in fact, it was so easy in the first place that it was right there in the petting zoo the whole time being sat on by a prize winning hog in the mud!"

"…Is it wrong of me to have actually understood what he just said?" Pete whispered to Chloe.

"In some ways, yes. But Personally I would say no because I also understood what he just said." Chloe whispered back.

"Oh good."

Jimmy clapped his hands together. "So what do you say guys, shall we go to the petting zoo when I'm right now or when I'm right later?"

"Welcome to the haunted house of dead, be terrified at the living creatures of the night. Vampires will jump out at you and suck you blood, werewolves will howl in the night before jumping at your throat, Zombies will drag their rotting flesh towards you with the intent to eat you brains…"

Doesn't that sound exciting? To bad Clark, Lois, Lana and Kara aren't there.

(Fair nurse's office)

"Alright dear let's take a look at these eyes of yours." The middle aged red headed nurse shone a bright light into Lois's eyes.

"Hey lady, you got the wrong LL. Your patient's over there." Lois pointed over to the door and over to her other companions. Lana, who was wearing her large black sunglasses, walked purposely to the nurse. "I'm having a little trouble with my eyes."

"Yes, yes of course." The nurse whose name was Betty, motioned for Lana to sit in a chair next to her. "Now let's see these eyes of yours."

Lana timidly removed her glasses and locked gazes with Betty.

"So? What's the verdict? Will Lang live to see another day? Pun intended." Kara asked.

Betty examined Lana's eyes intently before answering. "Your friend's going to be fine. The over abundance of sugar in her system has made its way into her eyes and affected them. But she just needs to go into a dark room for an hour or so and the swelling should go down." She smiled at Lana.

Lana's own smile diminished ever so slightly. Her nurse's teeth were straight, the straightest she had ever seen. Lana wanted to cover her eyes with her glasses again from the sheer whiteness of Betty's toothy grin. She could've sworn she could see her own reflection. That unnatural smile was just that, unnatural. The freaky kind.

As soon as Betty had her back to the group Lana signalled to Clark to get them all out of there.

Soon.

As in that moment.

Clark looked at the other two by his side, they had seen the message too. They then had an eye argument between the three of them on how to get out of there discreetly. Finally ending the little two on one argument, Clark sighed in resignation. Who was he to silently argue with Lois and Kara?

So instead of doing things politely and calmly like he wanted, he broke down and went with the girl's plan. So he sucked in a lungful of air and bellowed out.

"NOW!!!!"

Without using his super speed he got Lana up, as Lois hit Nurse Betty in the back of the head, knocking her out. Kara quickly flung the door open and ushered Lana and Clark out. She then turned back to Lois who was busy tying the nurse up with a phone cord.

"Lois, come on, we got to go!"

Lois got up and dusted herself off. She then pulled out a pen and a piece of paper and wrote:

It was Colonel Mustard in the Dining Room with the revolver.

"Ok," she smirked at her note. She then turned and grabbed Kara by the arm. The two of them ran out of the office right behind Clark and Lana. The girls laughed their heads off as they ran away. Clark just sighed again and ran with them.

(At The Petting Zoo)

The smell of animal excrement hit the noses of the group that had been dubbed 'Terror Schnitzel'. Chloe dry reached, it shouldn't have been that bad for her, because of all the time she sent at the farm, but all of those animals in that little tent…It was just too, too much. Pete shook his head to try and get the smell out of his senses, while Jimmy covered his nose with the neck of his shirt.

"Ok gang!" He turned to Pete, who still had Schnitzel's head poking out of the back pack. "Shaggy, you and Scooby go check in the basement." He put his arm around Chloe. "While me and Daphne go back to the shaggin' wagon and check for clues there." Jimmy finished with a slight wiggle of his eyebrows.

In the background the fair's loud speaker went on: "We have four suspicious suspects on the lose heading in the general direction of the rides. These four; three women and one man are crafty and willing to leave stupid clues at the crime scene. Be very careful around this group. Have a nice day."

Chloe hit Jimmy playfully in the stomach. "Too bad I don't swing that way, Velma."

Jimmy nodded. "Nice comeback…"

Pete clicked his fingers in front of their faces. "Hey! I need to find my clue…Now!"

The two separated. "Jeez, talk about mister non patient…" Jimmy mumbled.

"What was that?" Pete snapped.

Jimmy froze "Um…Jeez, talk about…Those…Dude let's go find your clue!"

Pete took the others by their shoulders. "It better have been…" He whispered to Jimmy. "Anyway, I think we should split up in here. Chloe go to the baby animals."

Chloe pumped her fist in the air. "Yes!" and ran excitedly to the baby ducklings.

"Why does she get the cute ones?" Jimmy complained.

Pete glared at Jimmy "'Cos I said so…You're going to the pigs."

"NOOOO! Wait, where are you going?"

Pete crossed his arms together smugly. "I'm going to the bunnies."

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

(At the haunted house)

"I think we should go here," Clark said as he stopped in front of the black building. Grey and black tattered curtains fluttered in the wind. "A) It's a good place to hide form the fair guards and B) Lana's eyes can get better. Two birds with one stone."

Lois smirked. "Please…You just want to get us girls in the scary house so you can protect us."

"No…Come on, I'll pay."

Lois was already half way to the paying booth. "Well, come on Smallville. Move it"

Clark stuffed his hand into his pocket to get his wallet out. "You just want a free ride." He accused.

"Yeah, 'cos walking around in a house with a badly made prosthetic Dracula is a heart stopping ride. I can't wait to throw up my jam doughnuts." Lois said sarcastically.

Kara and Lana smiled to themselves at the teasing duo and went over the paying booth after Clark's large form.

(Petting Zoo)

"IT'S NOT HERE!!" Pete yelled in despair, not noticing the stares of parents and children at his outburst.

A mud covered Jimmy picked straw out of his hair. "It was worth a shot…"

Pete punched Jimmy in the arm.

"Ow! What was that for?" Jimmy complained

Pete pointed a finger at him. "YOU were the one who said it would be here! But it's not here James…IT"S NOT HERE!!"

Chloe ran from out of know where and slapped Pete in the face. "Pull yourself together man!"

Pete blinked in surprise. "I'm sorry." He whispered softly. "I'm sorry Jimmy. I shouldn't have just blamed you. We're in this together…"

Jimmy patted Pete on the back. "It's cool, man. I forgive and forget easy."

Pete shook his head. "No. We're a team…I should've blamed Chloe too."

"See was-Wait what?" Chloe asked.

Pete smiled at her. "I blame all of us for this."

Chloe blank face snapped and she jumped onto Pete's back. "AH!! Jimmy get her off me!"

Jimmy, seeing his fellow man in danger, started to tap Chloe numerously on the face to annoy her. He did this while chanting 'We are the Champions' under his breath.

"What the Hell is going on here?"

The voice stopped the trio in their tracks. A very obvious ground guard crossed his arms together. "I think you three better come with me…"