Harry Potter – Emissary or Exile by Tansy 1354
Summary: Take one man who has finally accepted and fulfilled his destiny, then take one fifteen year old boy who has just found out about his, add a bit of very old magic and a new journey will begin for both.
Part 4 – Seeker
Harry's view
He was glad that he had written several letters to the Order at the beginning of his holiday and so was able to satisfy his duty to send one every third day.
Harry paced his room muttering to himself as he had done nearly everyday since he had come back to Privet Drive for the summer. The only time the routine changed was when he occasionally banged his fist on the top of his desk or he would suddenly sink back on to his bed in apathy and despair.
He did not want to see anybody from the Order. He felt unworthy to be the cause of their risking their lives. But then again, they were just guarding the locked cupboard that housed the final weapon. That was all well and good but you needed to know that the weapon worked so you had to take it out and use it regularly. Still this weapon had a mind of its own and, that couldn't be good.
As for Ron and Hermione, they couldn't possibly understand what he was going through. They still had their loving families and hadn't managed to be responsible for any of their deaths. Neither had seen someone that they loved and trusted above all others, killed in front of them. Another link to his parents severed forever.
They did not have the burden of being the one responsible for ridding the wizarding world of Lord Voldemort. He laughed mirthlessly as he suddenly realized that Hermione had accused him of having a 'saving-people thing' and Ron had always joked about him being a hero. Well the laugh was on them because he was only fulfilling the role he was destined to play.
Despite what Hermione would think, Harry didn't bother opening any of his school books, since he didn't know which classes he would be eligible for until he received his O.W.L. results. He really didn't care anyway.
He tried several times to write to his friends but he would either end up angry that they weren't suffering like he was or crying because of the suffering they had gone through because of their injuries at the Department of Mysteries. He didn't know what to write so gave up trying to write any letters.
While his days were thus filled with thoughts he could not banish or control, bitter, despairing, destructive thoughts, his nights were even worse. They were filled with nightmares that replayed every detail of the deaths of his parents and Cedric and finally Sirius. They always seemed to be the same, each one blaming him for their death and telling him how useless he was.
However at the beginning of the second week of this constant barrage, something changed as he was dreaming of Sirius, they had just got to the bit where Sirius was screaming how he was sorry he had ever agreed to be his godfather.
Suddenly he felt a presence calling to him and a slight weight upon his shoulder. It was a male voice, soothing and quiet "Rest my child, do not fear, it is only a bad dream. You are safe now, I will watch over you till the dawn breaks." Then the voice started to sing and his dream changed to that of tall trees and waterfalls and sparkling streams. It was the most beautiful place he had ever seen and he felt as though he was being welcomed home.
Next morning he crept down to the kitchen and served himself with cereal and milk and poured himself some orange juice. He went to the laundry and had a wash, making sure not to make a mess, before returning to the kitchen to grab some more fruit and some bread and butter to take upstairs with him. It had been the first time since he had arrived back to this hellhole that he had felt like getting clean or wanting to eat.
That night he actually went to bed early in the hopes that the man from the night before would return and his wish was granted. This time he was able to see the man more clearly and what he saw was how he imagined a father to be.
"I have many names but you may call me Strider if you like," the man said. Harry immediately felt a bond between them.
"I'm Harry; and I have many other names too, none of my choosing though. Pardon me for being blunt what are you doing here in my dream?" The teen asked curiously.
"I come as a representative of your family from a distant land. I have only come now because I have just discovered you are my kin through you summoning me. This is something I believe only someone of my blood could do. I am here to help you in anyway I can, Harry, even if it is just to listen or perhaps offer some advice. That's if you would like me to continue visiting you." He finished encouragingly.
Harry felt in no danger although he knew he should have been suspicious; all he heard was the man's sincere wish to help him. His face lit up at the thought of the chance to have someone who would come when he was needed and listen to him and only offer advice when asked. Of course, he agreed at once.
So that night and over the next two nights, Harry would fall asleep and Strider would come and they would talk. Harry found that he and Strider actually had a lot in common. Both had been orphaned at about the same age when their parents were killed and were brought up by others to keep them safe but considered themselves the odd ones out in that environment He laughed as Strider talked about his twin brothers and their various pranks, so like the Weasley Twins. He understood as Strider told of his various attempts to be more like the elves that he lived with.
He was surprised when he learned that Strider, when informed of his destiny, had a similar reaction to Harry. Finally here was someone who could truly understand what he was going through. "At least you weren't told and then just swept out the door and left to deal with it on your own." Harry had replied a little bitterly.
As the visits got longer and longer, the young wizard told his friend about his introduction to the Wizarding World and told of his various adventures at Hogwarts. Harry finally felt proud of himself when Strider was suitably impressed by his many brave deeds and his loyalty to his friends.
"Harry, where were all the adults who were supposed to be looking out for you and teaching you to defend yourself?" Strider asked concerned.
"I tried to warn them about the plot to steal the Philosopher's Stone, they didn't believe me and as a result I nearly died saving it. In my second year I was turned against because I was different, yet it was Ron and I who did something when Ginny, his sister was taken. The adults did nothing and if it hadn't been for a magical bird called Fawkes, I would have died from the poison of the Basilisk I had to kill."
While Harry took a breath Strider asked, "None of your teachers suspected anything?"
"No, they never tell me anything except you can't do what you would like and you aren't allowed to have a normal life because of who you are. I can't go anywhere by myself outside of school.
I am confined here every summer with my relatives making quite effective guards, but if that is not enough there is also a guard outside the house. Supposedly this is for my own protection, they even stopped my friends from writing and telling me anything last year. In fact the last two summers, I haven't actually been allowed out of the house. Even worse I am forced to write a letter to those in charge every three days or they will remove me to the same dank dark place my Godfather Sirius was confined before he died trying to rescue me." With that the tears of frustration and grief broke through and Strider was there holding him and stroking his hair. He finally fell asleep in Strider's arms.
Although Harry's talks with his friend were helping him to think more clearly, he was growing weaker as the days progressed. Even with making sure he was eating, it didn't seem to make a difference.
To top it off the next night he received a vision from Voldemort including some of his followers being tortured in the usual way. It was the first time since Strider started to visit that he had received one. As he began to jerk in pain from the curse, a small part of his mind reflected that Voldemort used this spell whether he was pleased or not. No wonder the death-eaters liked to inflict pain on others, and didn't understand the concept of true loyalty. When it was over he found himself with a cool compress on his head and Strider speaking and humming to him again.
The next day he felt exhausted and sore from the night before and fell asleep on his bed late in the afternoon. While he dreamt he heard Strider speaking to him again from behind him and it was then he realized that the man was cradling him in his strong arms. Harry relaxed and tried to concentrate on what he was saying.
"Harry, one of my names is Estel which means hope and trust in the language of my adopted people. Both of which I am eager for you to experience I wish with all my heart that I could come to you for real instead of in our shared dreams for you have grown to mean more to me than you can imagine. I know that you are pained in mind and spirit and I wish I could take it away for you and embrace you as a father should embrace a son. Know this though, that I swear I will do everything in my power to bring you home to us. My wife the Lady Arwen is also keen to welcome you into our family. So sleep now and let only pleasant dreams find you until next we meet." With that the gentle voice was gone but Harry stayed sleeping peacefully as a smile graced his worn face.
Over the next couple of days Strider continued to come to him but the visits seem to grow shorter until he told Estel that he didn't even have enough energy to write the required letter and he was afraid that the day after tomorrow they would take him away and he would be beyond the lifeline these visits had become.
"Please Estel, I want so much to be somewhere that people actually care about me and not my name and where I am not endangering anyone by being their friend. I don't know what I'll do if we don't continue our talks, apart from Sirius you're the first person I've spoken to who really understands what it is like. Please don't leave me alone with them."
"I promise you Harry I will do everything in my power to bring you home to your family. Just hold on for a little bit longer and continue to rest. I will not abandon you."
With that he tucked the young man into the blankets and began to stroke his hair till sleep finally took the young wizard at last.