Thanks so much for the feedback so far – there's lots of talking in this chapter, so sorry if you don't like that!

It's half past three in the morning here (I'm still jet-lagged from Canada) so please forgive any crazy mistakes I've made :-S

Enjoy!

Chapter Four

It was the same city, but then again it wasn't. It was… cleaner. More efficient. There were more people there, and most of them were new faces to John. The uniforms were different. Lots of things were different.

John had left the infirmary with Teyla determined to get as much information as possible out of her… but as soon as they had left he'd been too busy staring round the city to pay much attention to what she was saying. She was explaining about how they had got back in touch with Earth – something about a siege on the city by the Wraith. It was strange to think that the siege John had been half dreading for a few months had already taken place years ago, and so he tried not to think about it.

Eventually they reached the mess hall, and it is there that John started to feel glad for the sudden, strange turn of events. In this time, they had got back in touch with Earth – and the evidence was all around them in the mess.

There were fresh vegetables he hadn't had since coming to Atlantis – broccoli, carrots, potatoes. God, he'd missed fresh potatoes. There was a selection of candy bars. Roasted chicken or vegetable lasagne. John knew he was grinning like an idiot, but he was even excited by the sight of the Evian bottles – water from the Atlantis tanks tasted so metallic.

Teyla seemed quite unfazed by the breadth of choice, and John watched with some amusement as she took her time deciding over a Twix and a bag of Maltesers. She chose the Twix in the end, and John picked up the Maltesers, thinking she could have some of his anyway.

John followed Teyla to a table in the far corner of the mess, and she nodded to him to sit down beside her, so that they were both facing the rest of the hall.

"This will be an excellent opportunity to observe the other members of the expedition, and for you to ask any questions about them," she said as he took the seat.

John looked – the hall was pretty empty at the moment, as it was so early in the evening, and he thought he recognised everyone there, so he just tucked into his chicken. Soon, though, the hall started filling with people, and John found himself asking for name after name, until in the end Teyla just started pointing people out.

"That is Dr Dewberry – she is a dental surgeon; that man with the beard is Dr Rouse – he is an expert in jumper avionics, and you help him with his experiments quite often…"

"I do?"

"Yes, he often needs to test theories to do with manoeuvrability and he does not have the Ancient gene. That is Lieutenants Blake and George – they arrived on the Daedalus only last month, and I do not know them well, but you seem to like them and Ronon was certainly impressed by Blake's martial arts skills."

"Okay."

"That woman is Dr Omagh, she is a botanist, and just took over from Katie Brown – "

"What happened to Katie Brown?"

"She went back to Earth about six months ago."

"At least she didn't die. Why did she go back?"

"She was seeing Rodney and they – "

"Woah woah woah – Katie Brown and McKay? Seriously?"

"Yes, they were in a relationship for well over a year."

"Sheesh."

"But they broke up, and Katie left."

"Wow. Why did they break up."

"Actually, you knew the story in far greater detail than I…"

"Well, not anymore –"

"'Evening Colonel, Teyla."

John looked up. There was a young woman standing next to their table – she looked military, but she was definitely another newbie. She had walked over to their table from the side, so Teyla hadn't had a chance to tell John her name before she'd spoken.

"Hey," said John, after a moment.

"Good evening, Major Teldy," said Teyla.

Major Teldy rolled her eyes. "Teyla, I told you to call me Anne," she said, walking round the table to stand in front of them both.

John looked round at Teyla, and saw her nodding. "Of course, I forgot," she said, glancing at John with an amused look on her face.

John smirked. Like hell she had – that had been for his benefit, he was sure. She was crafty.

"Where's TJ?" Asked Teldy.

John watched as the amusement disappeared from Teyla's face; she glanced at John again, her eyes wide with nervousness and uncertainty. John raised an eyebrow. Interesting.

Teyla turned back to Major Teldy. "He is with my people," she said.

Teldy nodded. "Okay – sorry I interrupted, I just wanted to make sure we were still on for tomorrow," she said.

Teyla gave her another smile. "Absolutely," she said. "I will see you then."

Teldy grinned. "Great – see you tomorrow," she said. She nodded to John. "Colonel."

John nodded back. "Major," he said. Teldy turned and headed for the exit, and watched her leave for a few moments before turning his attention back to Teyla.

"I am training her in several fighting techniques," Teyla said before John could ask anything. "She is a very keen pupil."

John nodded. "Cool… who's TJ?"

Again, that nervous expression passed over Teyla's features, and John worked to keep his expression neutral, even though he was suddenly dreading her answer. She was obviously scared to tell him.

Teyla gave him a small smile. "Tagan… he is my son."

At first, John was sure he couldn't have heard her correctly. There was suddenly what seemed like a dull roaring in his ears, and that must be why he thought she'd said that. "Your son?" He repeated though, just to make sure.

"Yes."

The roaring in John's ears increased, but he was now sure he hadn't misheard. But… but…

"You have a son?" He said incredulously.

Teyla nodded. "Yes," she said seriously. "He is three months old."

"Wow." It wasn't what John had quite wanted to say, but there were lots of people around, and so it best to stay polite. And calm. He had to stay calm.

Inside though, he was anything but calm. He was a very special, very dangerous kind of uncalm. The kind of uncalm that led to fist fights and hangovers and nights in jail. Teyla had a son. She was a mother.

He didn't want to ask. God, how he didn't want to ask. But he had to. "So… are you… married?" He winced inwardly at the forced nonchalance in his tone.

Teyla's answer was immediate. "No." John started to feel a little calmer, but not much. Teyla was shaking her head. "No – Tagan's father was killed several months ago." She paused. "The same day he was born."

John saw the sadness in her eyes as she said the words, and his sense of uncalm dissipated almost at once. Not from relief that her… whatever… was dead (though he was ashamed to admit that was certainly part of it), but from sadness for her. Whatever had happened, it was still hurting her, and John needed to know what it was, so that he could start helping her through it.

He didn't have to ask – Teyla started telling the story at once.

"It is a… long story… but… just under a year ago, my people were taken, Kanaan among them. They were missing for many months, and we did not find them until I was also captured, four months ago. Many of them were dead, experimented on. Kanaan was one of those experimented on, and he died during the rescue. Tagan was born during the mission, and now the remainder of my people are back on Atlantis."

Her voice was matter-of-fact, but her eyes betrayed her pain, and John's heart ached for her. He was sitting sideways in his chair to face her, and she had swivelled round a little in hers towards him. John wanted to reach out and… well he didn't know what exactly. Squeeze her hand? Give her a hug? He'd never done either before… not that he could remember anyway. He wondered idly whether he and Teyla had that kind of relationship nowadays, where they could go to the other for comfort when they needed it. It wasn't exactly something he felt comfortable about asking her.

John hadn't missed the casual way the father's name had been dropped into the story. Kanaan. John had met him once, but he kept himself to himself, away from the Atlantis personnel and from John. John knew that he and Teyla were very good friends, but he was sure that that was all they were in his… memory time. Their relationship must have started sometime after.

John realised suddenly that he'd been sitting in silence since Teyla had finished her story.

"I'm sorry," he said, feeling totally lame. It was all he could think to say though – he'd always been so bad at things like this. He decided to get to the root of Teyla's story. "Who captured you?" He asked her.

Teyla raised an eyebrow and gave him a rueful look. "That is also a long story," she said. "A very complicated one."

"Right." It was probably a sore point, too, so John decided not to push the subject. He thought back to what had brought up the story in the first place. "So… Tagan huh?" He said, forcing a smile onto his face. "Isn't that your father's name?"

Teyla nodded, smiling herself, and John patted himself on the back for remembering her Lord-of-the-Ring-esque introduction all those months ago. "Yes, I named him for my father," Teyla told him.

"Nice," said John, still smiling. "You know, I could have sworn she called him TJ…"

Teyla was still smiling, but John thought she looked a little wary again. No maybe not wary… but there was something in the look she had when she spoke again. "She did – most people on Atlantis call him by that nickname," she told him. "It's… his name is Tagan John."

The fake smile fell from John's face as he gaped at her. "Seriously?"

Teyla's cheeks were a little pink, and John realised the look had been embarrassment. "Yes," she said.

John didn't know what to say. Literally. He cast around for words, any words to say in response to that announcement, but none came to mind. She had named her son after him. She had named her son after him. After him.

Tagan John.

TJ.

Wow. That was just so… John just didn't know. He couldn't even think it. This was Teyla – the amazing alien warrior leader he'd met a couple of months ago, and she was telling him that she had named her child after him.

Teyla seemed to be waiting for him to say something, and John once again struggled to find some words. He cleared his throat.

"Wow," he said faintly. "That's… wow."

That was the best he could come up with. And he was still gaping at her.

Teyla didn't seem to mind – she gave him a mischievous smile. "Ronon and Rodney were very upset," she told him. "Especially Rodney. He wouldn't speak to me for… hours."

John didn't laugh. He couldn't. "I don't really know what to say," he said after a moment. "I mean… god, to me, we've only known each other three months. And now you're telling me that you named your son…"

Teyla placed her hand on his arm and gave it a soft squeeze. "We have been through a lot, John," she said.

John swallowed. "I bet," he said weakly. Teyla smiled again and removed her hand, and John found himself equal parts relieved and disappointed. They lapsed into a slightly uncomfortable silence, and then John cleared his throat.

"On a related subject… when did you start calling me John?" He asked her. Teyla looked at him sharply, her eyebrows raised, and John was quick to clarify his question. "I mean, you've never – you always called me Major."

Teyla gave him another smile. "You told me to call you John when we are off duty," she said. "It was about two months after we made contact with Earth."

John looked at her in surprise. "That's precise," he said.

Teyla raised one eyebrow again and paused, seemingly considering her answer. "It was a… memorable conversation."

"Memorable?" Repeated John. He raised his eyebrows. "Do I wanna know?"

Teyla chuckled. "No, probably not," she said.

John nodded, accepting that answer. He shrugged. "It kind of threw me when McKay called me John," he told her.

Teyla looked thoughtful. "Actually, Rodney does not call you John very often," she said. "Though you almost always call him Rodney."

"Really?" John paused, and could feel his expression harden as he spoke. "What about Ronon?"

"Ronon calls you John. A lot of the time, anyway," said Teyla. She gave John a piercing look and her voice turned serious. "Have you seen him?"

John could feel himself frowning. He couldn't help himself. He'd woken up to find half his friends were dead or gone, and then there was suddenly this huge, unfriendly guy standing there in front of him, who apparently he was teammates with. He knew it wasn't Ronon's fault, but whenever John thought of him, he could only think of the people he's replaced, and he couldn't help feeling resentful.

"He came to the infirmary for a minute," he told Teyla.

Teyla sighed and looked away, out of the window. "This will be hard for him," she said sadly.

John snorted. "Yeah, the poor guy," he said sarcastically.

Teyla immediately looked back at him, her eyes flashing, but John stared back defiantly. Teyla sighed again. "John… Ronon is a very private person, and you and he…" Her voice trailed off for a moment. "You are very close," she finished.

"Really," said John bitterly. Teyla frowned at him, and he finally relented, looking down at the table. "Sorry, I just…"

Teyla's hand appeared on his arm again. "I know this is hard for you," she said softly. "But it is not exactly easy for us."

Us. They were all an us, an us that John wasn't a part of anymore, and might never be again.

Hard for him? Damn right it was.

TBC