Okay, this one turned out to be lo-ho-hong. There's a lot of talking, and you're all going to have to cast your minds back to series one to understand the first third of the chapter – have fun with that!
Thank you so much for all the reviews – over 100 for six chapters (five, really, as I only got 1 for the prologue…)? I'm blown away. Thanks!
Chapter Six
"Sounds like Beckett had a pretty bad time of it."
"Yes, Carson was under a lot of pressure. And he blamed himself."
John looked up at Teyla as she spoke, and didn't miss the flicker of sadness in her eyes as she said Carson's name. He cast around for something to say, but there wasn't anything. He looked back down at the mission report and kept reading.
"Poor guy."
XXX
"Why do I get the feeling that this isn't the last time we encounter the Genii?" John said, putting down the mission report and reaching for the next. Teyla just smiled at him and nodded to the file he held in his hand.
"Keep reading."
XXX
"This has to be the craziest thing I've ever read."
"It was certainly a… strange… experience," said Teyla, smiling. "It seemed so real. I would never have known the difference. But you did."
"No it's not that… I… we went to Earth and I took you shopping?"
Teyla raised her eyebrows at the look of total incredulity on John's face.
"Yes, clothes shopping," she answered.
John shook his head. "That's just… so crazy," he said.
"I greatly enjoyed the experience," said Teyla.
John snorted. "Yeah, most women do," he said. He glanced at Teyla, wondering if she'd be annoyed at his little quip, but she just smiled again.
"There's just so much more to Earth than the mall," said John. "Well, I hope I made up for it when I really took you to Earth."
Teyla's smile faded and she looked away. John frowned. "I have taken you to Earth right?" He asked her. "You must have been…"
"I have," said Teyla. "Once. But… I did not leave the SGC, and you were not with me."
John gaped at her. "What?"
"It was for a review with the IOA…"
John couldn't – didn't want to – believe what he was hearing. "And that's the only time you've been to Earth?"
"Yes," said Teyla. There was a moment's silence, and then Teyla chuckled. "Do not look so… astonished, John. There has never been a good time, and you yourself have only been back a handful of times, and always for very specific reasons."
"I should have made time," said John firmly. "I'm really sorry."
Teyla frowned slightly, but then smiled, though it was an uncertain smile. "Really John, it is alright," she said.
John shook his head. "We're going to Earth," he promised. "Really soon."
Teyla stared at him for a moment, and then nodded. "Alright."
XXX
"Wow, this Kolya is a total asshole."
"It is pronounced Kol-lee-a. And yes."
John looked up from the report. "Tell me he's dead," he said.
Teyla nodded briskly. "He is," she said. "You killed him, about eighteen months ago."
John nodded. "Good," he said.
He looked back down at the mission report, but he didn't continue reading. This report… this report got to him. John had killed lots of people in his time in the Airforce, but he'd never relished the opportunity. He was glad that this Kolya guy was dead, because he was sure that he must have caused even more trouble if he had been alive up until eighteen months ago. But reading the description he'd written of how he'd gone John McClain on the Genii in the city was pretty weird. John liked to think of himself as someone who'd protect his friends, and protect his home, but really, even though he liked Atlantis a lot, it wasn't really home. Not yet. He was so glad he was there, and wouldn't want to be anywhere else, and it sure was starting to feel like home, but reading how he'd killed all those people to save the empty city, in plain black and white, was unnerving. It wasn't that he wouldn't do it – wouldn't do whatever necessary to save McKay and Weir, and get the city back – but reading that he already had was… it was evidence that he did feel that Atlantis was his home, even only a couple of months after he remembered.
It was strange that he didn't feel that comforted by the idea.
XXX
"So a bunch of fireflies saved me?"
"Yes, and Rodney."
"Yeah, I noticed that. I guess those shooting lessons finally paid off."
XXX
"The city has a quarantine mechanism? Seriously?"
"Yes, it activates if it detects any kind of airborne virus."
John quirked an eyebrow at Teyla. "It says here we were sparring – just how badly were you kicking my ass?"
Teyla smiled. "Very," she said primly.
John grinned and looked back down at the report. This he was sad he couldn't remember – being locked in a room alone with Teyla wasn't exactly high on his list of nightmares.
"Has it ever happened again?" John asked Teyla. "The quarantine thing, I mean."
"Yes, actually, about six months ago," she answered.
"Oh yeah? Where was I stuck that time?"
"In Rodney's lab."
John groaned. "Oh god."
Teyla laughed. "He wasn't there," she said. "You were stuck with me again."
John grinned. "Really?" Then he thought about it. "Hang on – you were pregnant six months ago, right?"
"Yes," said Teyla. She grinned. "You were terrified I was going to give birth while we were trapped."
"It always happens that way in the movies…"
XXX
Wow. Uncomfortable. Like totally, totally uncomfortable. He'd been pretty tactful, writing this report, but John was good at reading between the lines. Especially his own.
John read the report as quickly as possible, skimming in places, and then put it aside. It seemed kind of wrong to be reading about his adventures with another woman while Teyla was sitting next to him… not that he'd done anything wrong, and it wasn't like they were even together now… hell, she'd even had a baby with another man! But still… uncomfortable. It was weird.
And John didn't even want to think about the fact she was ascended. That was really weird.
"We never saw her again," said Teyla softly. Suddenly.
John looked at her, finally, but didn't say anything in response. Again, there was nothing to say, really.
XXX
"So, Weir went back in time and changed the ZPMs around, and then was in stasis for thousands of years, and then woke up, and told us the story of how she'd changed the past."
"Yes."
"This place puts the twilight zone to shame."
XXX
"Wow, thank god I remembered that question from the Mensa test…"
"Yes, you mentioned that at the time," said Teyla, tilting her head to one side. "Rodney was most impressed."
"Oh yeah?"
"He invited you to join his Mensa chapter."
John looked sickened. "Tell me I didn't," he said.
Teyla smiled. "Not that I know of," she said. "But you may be keeping it a secret…"
John shuddered. "Don't even joke…"
XXX
John wasn't heartless, but he was surprised, given the seriousness of the mission, that he had allowed himself and Teyla to risk their position so blatantly.
"How many people did we manage to save?" He asked her.
Teyla dipped her head sadly. "Only ten or so," she said. "As many as we were able."
John nodded, and started to read the report again, but he could feel Teyla's eyes on him. He looked back up, and she took a deep breath.
"It was not a… it was a deeply unpleasant experience," she said. "We disagreed very strongly."
John frowned. There wasn't a trace of any disagreement in his report, and he'd almost finished it. "How do you mean 'disagreed'?" He asked after a moment.
"You did not… you were angry with me for promising Orin that we would go back for him," she said.
John raised an eyebrow. Ah.
"You said that it was not meant to be a rescue, and that it might compromise the mission to wait for him and his family."
John wanted to argue, to tell her he wouldn't ever say something like that, but he knew that wasn't true. It just made John kind of sick to think that that was what it had come to.
Because he understood where he had been coming from. It was a sad fact of being a soldier that sometimes people had to be sacrificed in order to obtain the objective. If he and Teyla didn't get that intel back to Atlantis then it wouldn't have only been Orin in danger, it would have been everyone in the city. But still, it didn't mean that John liked it. He didn't, at all.
From what he could remember, things hadn't gotten that bad. Yet. He hadn't had to become that ruthless. It saddened him that he had had to.
"In the end, I told you I was staying no matter what," said Teyla.
John didn't say anything – he just looked at Teyla, wondering if she realised that that was the reason he had stayed as well, and not found somewhere better to hide the jumper. It wasn't written in his report that that was why, but John knew deep down that it was. There's no way he'd leave Teyla like that.
John opened his mouth to say something to relieve the tension, but Teyla suddenly frowned and then tapped her earpiece.
"Teyla here… oh – yes, no do not worry… yes I am but I will meet you – oh, alright then…"
John raised an eyebrow at the one-sided exchange. Teyla glanced at him several times while she was speaking and was on her feet by the end of it.
"That was Dr Keller," she said. "She has Tagan but she needs to go back to the infirmary, so she is dropping him off."
John's eyebrows shot up. "Oh."
"She said she was very close by – I told her earlier where I would be…" Teyla's voice trailed off as she started to walk towards the door, and John stood up, feeling all kinds of awkward. What should he do in this situation? What did he usually do? Tell Teyla to go? Tell her to stay, with Tagan?
Oh god, he was about to meet Teyla's son. He couldn't help glancing over at the picture on his desk, and drew little comfort from it. He was not good with babies. Okay, it looked like the him in the picture was comfortable enough with them, or with Tagan at least, but this him really was not.
He didn't have time to ponder his dilemma, though, because a second later his door chimes sounded and Teyla palmed it open.
Since Teyla was standing in the doorway she blocked most of Keller – John could only see her face. She looked highly flustered.
"I'm so sorry about this Teyla – it's Raymond again, and apparently he's not imagining it this time –"
"It is fine, Jennifer," said Teyla. She took a white shoulder bag from the doctor and slung it over her shoulder.
"I fed him an hour ago and he's been asleep pretty much since then," said Keller. John saw Teyla shift her weight, presumably because she'd just been handed her son.
"Thank you," said Teyla.
Keller nodded. "Any time," she said. She looked over Teyla's shoulder at John. "How are you feeling, Colonel?" She asked him.
John shrugged. "The headache's gone," he said.
Keller nodded, narrowing her eyes slightly at him, and then stepped back. "Alright, I have to go – see you both later!"
She left, Teyla took a step back, the door closed again, and John got his first glimpse of baby Tagan.
He hadn't changed much from the picture on the desk, save that he was bigger and had slightly longer hair. He was wearing distinctly Earth-made baby clothes and sat in baby-carrier from Earth, but his legs were covered in an Athosian blanket, and he wore a tiny woven bracelet around his wrist. As Keller had said, he was fast asleep.
John stared at him. This was Teyla's baby. Her son. She was this baby's mother. Nothing he had seen and heard all day quite compared to looking at this baby and knowing that simple fact – Teyla was his mother.
Since finding out that Teyla had a son, John had avoided dwelling on that fact. Now though, with said son right in front of him, it was a little hard not to, and John wasn't sure how he felt about him. It wasn't that he resented him or anything, it was more like seeing Tagan brought home to John how everything had gone… off track. If you had told him yesterday (the yesterday he remembered, anyway) that in three years time Teyla would have a baby, John would have been excited – excited at the thought that maybe that baby was his too. Yesterday, the thought of him and Teyla together wasn't such an alien concept (excuse the pun) to him – he definitely had feelings stronger than friendship for her, and was biding his time, waiting for the opportunity to speak up. He'd never been good at that kind of thing – not when it really mattered, anyway – and so he'd been waiting.
Now, here was proof that everything he'd been planning on saying was never said. Or, it was said and he was rejected. John couldn't quite decide what was worse. He had a feeling, though, that it was the first one that was true – not because he was so sure Teyla wouldn't reject him, but because she was so comfortable around him, and it was obvious that they were still close, even if they were only friends. So, he hadn't said anything. In three years. Nothing.
He supposed he could have just got over it – but he found that hard to believe, too. Little snippets of things he read in his mission reports told him how deeply he still cared for her, and even though they were a few years old now, he doubted his feelings had changed.
Obviously, he had just misunderstood their relationship. He'd always thought of them as friends and teammates who could so easily be something more – Teyla had obviously only ever regarded him as a friend, and he'd been astute enough to realise this before making a complete fool of himself. It hurt, but it wasn't her fault, and it certainly wasn't little Tagan's. It was all him.
These thoughts and realisations crowded John's mind as he stared down at Tagan, who was oblivious of the inner turmoil he was creating. Oblivious and totally innocent – John really had to get over himself.
With that in mind, John looked back up at Teyla and gave her a small smile. "So… what now?" He asked her. He had no idea what the normal Teyla-with-her-baby protocol was. "If you have to leave I don't mind… there's only one report left, anyway."
Teyla glanced at the one report left, sitting next to the pile of read ones, and then looked back at John. "That is one report that you will most likely have many questions about," she said after a moment.
"Oh," said John. He'd had questions about all of them so far, so he doubted this one would be different. But Teyla looked… nervous? Anxious?
John put his hands in his pockets. "Well, you wanna stay then?" He asked her.
Teyla shifted the weight of Tagan's carrier in her arms and bit her lip. "Do you mind?" She asked him.
John couldn't help a glance down at Tagan, though he answered at once. "No, not at all," he said. "Of course not."
Teyla nodded and carefully placed Tagan's carrier on one end of the sofa before sitting back on her chair. John carefully sat back down on the sofa, trying to keep a little space between him and the baby, desperate not to wake him up. Tagan didn't seem to notice his change in circumstances though – he slept on, his head low in between his shoulders. He didn't look very comfortable to John.
"Is he okay like that?" Asked John.
Teyla nodded. "He is fine," she said.
"Alright." John glanced at Tagan again, and then reached forward for the last report. He saw from the front that, as it didn't have a designation number on it, whatever it was about must have happened on base. He flipped it open and started to read. It was mostly about Teyla, and John soon discovered what Teyla had meant by him having questions.
He looked up at her, his eyes wide. "You're kidding me," he said. "You have wraith DNA?"
Teyla nodded. "A little, yes," she said calmly. "It is how I am able to sense when the Wraith are near."
John gaped at her, unable to grasp the concept. How was she so calm about this? Sure it had happened a few years ago, but still… "Are you – I mean, you must have been a little…"
Teyla gave him a faint smile. "It was very disconcerting at first, but my abilities have come in useful quite often," she said, still sounding infuriatingly calm.
"Well, yeah, I'm not saying it's not useful that you can sense the Wraith…" said John, still trying to locate his own sense of calm. He was sitting there reading a report by him that he didn't remember writing, which was telling him Teyla shared DNA with their worst enemy, and she was totally fine with it. Plus, there was a baby next to him.
John was impressed by how little he was freaking out right now.
"It is more than that," said Teyla. "I – this is in that report – I discovered that I am able to communicate with the Wraith, when they are close by."
John blinked. "Communicate?"
"Yes. I also managed to take control of a Wraith queen."
Woah woah WOAH. "Seriously?" John's mouth was hanging open but he didn't think to even try and close it.
Teyla swallowed and then nodded. It was the first time in the last few minutes that her calm had cracked, and it made John feel marginally better. Marginally. "Yes – but it was because I was pregnant at the time," she explained. "Tagan also has wraith DNA, and our combined strength allowed me to take control of the queen."
John suddenly felt like his head was spinning on his shoulders. "Why would you want to do that?" He asked in disbelief. "And when you were pregnant? I let you do that?" The horrible thought that Teyla could have so easily been added to the horrific death toll McKay had given to him because John had kept her on active duty when she was pregnant crossed his mind.
Teyla looked at him intently. "You had been captured, as had Rodney and Ronon," she said. "I took over the queen to set you all free."
John kept staring at her, and Teyla looked down at Tagan's carrier. "You took me off active duty as soon as you discovered I was with child," she said.
Well thank god for that. John was glad that he had been sane about that, at least. Still though, he hadn't missed the tension in Teyla's voice just then, and figured that she probably hadn't been too happy about being removed from the team. He thought about asking her, but decided not to dredge up old demons, if indeed they had existed.
He looked down at Tagan again. The baby was still asleep, but he'd turned his head at some point and was now facing John. His tiny eyelids were flickering as he dreamt.
"So Tagan will be able to sense the wraith as well?" John asked after a moment.
Teyla nodded. "Yes… and his abilities are likely to be strong, since Kanaan also had the gift," she said quietly.
"Right." Kanaan. John had given even less thought to Tagan's father as to Tagan. Unlike Tagan, though, John still didn't want to think about him. Not right now.
John sat back against the sofa and stared unseeingly at the report on his lap and then looked back up at Teyla. She was watching him closely, a worried frown on her face. He gave a little shrug. "Sorry, it's a lot to take in," he said.
Teyla nodded again. "I know," she said softly. "I made my peace with my abilities years ago, thanks in no small part to you."
John frowned "Me?"
"You never distrusted me, not once," said Teyla, staring at him intensely again. "Even when I did not trust myself."
John was saved from having to think of anything to say in response to such a pronouncement by the sound of his door chimes. John half-rose to go and open the door, but sank back down as the door slid open anyway, revealing McKay.
He stepped inside without waiting for an invitation. "Oh good, you're in here," he said briskly. He looked at John for a moment. "Do you remember anything? At all?" He asked him, his voice a little softer than before.
"No," said John. He waited for the scientist to say something, but he was just frowning at him. "Did you need something?" John asked.
McKay blinked and then nodded. "Yeah – Teyla, could you check this translation for me?" He asked, turning to her and proffering a laptop tablet. "I translated it and then Simmons had a look but the guy's a total quack."
Teyla sighed as she stood up. "He is not a 'quack', Rodney," she said in an exasperated tone.
"Oh yes he is," scoffed McKay as Teyla took the tablet from him. She sat down on the edge of John's bed with the computer on her lap and squinted down at it.
"Just because he corrected your pronunciation…" She said as she pressed something on the screen. John watched her – it was odd seeing her so at ease with Earth technology.
"Like anyone even knows how it was pronounced!" Returned McKay, peering over her shoulder. "And anyway, these runes look closer to the Ancient writing on Athos than on Atlantis, so you might see something he missed."
Teyla nodded, obviously concentrating on whatever she was reading. McKay glanced over at John, who looked back down at the report he still held, though he was still watching him and Teyla out of the corner of his eye. McKay sat down next to Teyla and lowered his voice, though not low enough. "How's he doing?" He asked Teyla.
Teyla also glanced over at John before answering. "Fine, Rodney," she said, her voice also low. "He is handling the situation very well."
McKay shook his head. "I'd be totally freaking out…"
Teyla rolled her eyes and went back to reading the tablet, pressing the screen every now and then and saying the odd word to McKay. John watched them silently, once again struck by how much time had passed. Here were McKay and Teyla, two members of the same team and yet, in his day, not what you would call friends, sitting next to each other so comfortably and even making fun of each other, and John was forced yet again to realise how much everything had changed.
John looked back down at Exhibit A, the sleeping baby next to him. Only Exhibit A was no longer asleep. As John watched, Tagan blinked once, twice, and then two brown eyes were staring up at him. Eyes just like Teyla's.
John's own eyes widened. With panic.
Oh god don't start crying please don't start crying.
John looked over at Teyla and saw that she was in the middle of explaining something to Rodney. He looked back down at Tagan, who was now looking from side to side, shifting in his seat.
John swallowed, and reached out a hand, placing it very carefully on Tagan's chest. "Hey… it's okay, Mommy's just over there," he said quietly, in what he hoped was a soothing tone. "She'll be back in a minute."
Tagan stopped looking around and stared back up at John. Then, to John's surprise, he smiled at him. John couldn't help but smile back – he really was very cute. He turned the carrier slightly towards him and stroked Tagan's hand. Tagan grabbed hold of his little finger in his fist, and John smiled again.
"So… I guess you know me, right?" He said. He shook his finger slightly. "I'm sorry I don't remember you, little guy. I'm working on it."
Tagan started looking around again, and John noticed his other arm rubbing against the strap holding him in his carrier. John reached out his spare hand to undo the buckle and push the straps away. "Here, let me… okay, that better?" He grinned down at Tagan, who looked up at him with his big brown eyes. His grip on John's finger tightened.
Then he started to whimper.
John shook his head emphatically. "No… shush… it's okay…" He said, his tone more pleading than soothing. He leant over the carrier, and stroked the top of Tagan's head. His hair was really soft.
"Please don't start crying because I really don't know how to stop babies crying…" Pleaded John. He looked over at Teyla – he could tell from the tense set of her shoulders that she could hear Tagan, but whatever she was translating must have been important, because she was still staring down at it.
That or she had more faith than was merited in his ability to deal with a fussy baby.
"Er…" He turned his attention back to Tagan, who was shifting around in his seat again. "Okay, you want out?" John asked him. "Come here then, I'll take you to your Mommy…"
John hadn't held a baby in… wow, god knows how many years. He mostly avoided holding babies, since they seemed to dislike him so much. But he figured Tagan wanted his Mom, and since Teyla was only ten feet away he wouldn't have to hold him for too long. John slid both hands under Tagan and started to lift him out, remembering to support his head. He brought him close, so that Tagan was looking over his shoulder, and then shifted his arms around so he could hold him further down. Like the normal way you'd hold a baby. Not that he ever held babies.
He made a few shushing noises and tensed, ready to stand up and take him to Teyla, when he realised that Tagan had stopped whimpering. He was looking around again, but the crisis seemed to have been avoided. "Huh," said John, a little dumbfounded by this strange turn of events. He'd never, ever met a baby that didn't cry if he held it for more than five seconds. But Tagan was… yep, he was smiling again.
John smiled too. "Okay… this is okay," he said. "No crying. That's good. We'll just sit here, okay?" He shifted Tagan closer to his chest, and then sat back again. "Okay."
And it was okay. John held Tagan, bouncing him a little every now and then to make him smile, and didn't feel an ounce of discomfort. He supposed that he should be feeling weird, sitting there holding Teyla's baby, but he didn't. He didn't even feel any of the turmoil he'd felt earlier when he'd first seen him.
So John sat there holding Tagan, and kept smiling.
"See, I told you he was a quack."
John looked up and saw that McKay and Teyla were now standing, and McKay was once again holding the tablet.
Teyla raised an eyebrow at McKay. "He did not appreciate that name when I told him," she said.
McKay's eyes widened. "You… you what?" He gasped. "Teyla, the man is 6 foot 3!"
Teyla stared at him impassively for a moment, and then smile wolfishly. McKay was still gaping at her, not noticing her smile. "I can't believe you would… wait, you're joking aren't you?" He glared at her. "You're spending way too much time with Sheppard."
John raised his eyebrows at that, and wondered if it was true. Teyla just laughed, and McKay rolled his eyes. He looked over at John, who expected him to be at least surprised that he was holding Tagan, but he didn't bat an eyelid. "We're all working on the machine," he said. "We'll fix it."
And John believed him. He really did. "Okay," he said.
McKay nodded. "See you later then," he said, heading for the door.
"Good night Rodney," Teyla called after him. The door slid shut and they were once again alone – John, Teyla, and Tagan, whom John was still holding.
Teyla smiled.
John cleared his throat nervously. "You don't mind do you?" He asked.
Teyla shook her head. "Of course not," she said. She started to walk over to them, and John carefully stood up.
"He was getting ready to cry and I was going to take him over to you but he seemed to calm down when I picked him up…" He explained, perhaps needlessly. He still wanted to, though. Felt the need to. Teyla stopped next to him and smiled again, and John shrugged. "I'm not really that good with babies."
"I know," said Teyla at once. John's eyebrows shot up, and Teyla laughed. "I have never seen anyone more terrified of holding a baby," she said. "You were more nervous than Rodney."
She was grinning at him, and John smiled back, feeling faintly embarrassed. "Yeah, well - kids are fine… but babies? They just don't like me."
"Tagan does," said Teyla. She looked down at her son and smoothed his hair down on his head. "He is very fond of his Uncle John."
Uncle John. John could feel a sense of warmth blossoming in his chest at her words – not only at the endearment but also at what she'd said about Tagan liking him. He found that he wanted Tagan to like him.
Teyla looked back up at John and he grinned at her. "I think he's okay too," he said flippantly.
Teyla chuckled and shifted her gaze back to Tagan, who was smiling at her. She reached out a hand and he gripped her finger, just as he had done to John. John looked down at Teyla, in awe at the look of sheer love she had on her face. He had never seen her look that way before, and decided then and there that it was a good look. An amazing look, actually. Motherhood suited her. She looked so beautiful.
"I should probably put him to bed," said Teyla softly, jerking John out of his reverie.
"Oh, right," he said. He handed Tagan over to Teyla, who gently placed him back in his carrier. She buckled him back in and picked him up.
"Will you be alright?" She asked John, turning to face him again.
"Sure," said John, nodding. "Yeah, don't worry. I think I'll have an early night too. It's been a long day."
Teyla smiled sadly. "Yes," she said. "Contact me if you need anything."
John nodded. "Okay, thanks," he said. He smirked. "And thanks for babysitting me." Teyla rolled her eyes and picked up her white shoulder bag. John bent down and waved at Tagan. "See you, Tag," he said. He straightened up and found Teyla staring at him intensely. He frowned. "What?"
Teyla shrugged. "Nothing… it's… that's what you call him, you know," she said.
"Really?" John shrugged it off. "It just seemed like the logical nickname," he said. "Everyone probably calls him that."
Teyla tilted her head to one side. "No, just you," she said. She started towards the door. "Good night, John."
"'Night Teyla."
And with one last smile, she was gone.
TBC