The Truth Behind the Pansy

(AN: I love Harry Potter by JK Rowling, don't get me wrong, and I love most of the characters, except one, Harry. In the first couple of books he isn't too bad, but he just keeps getting worse and more annoying. My brother agrees with me so we decided to write this story)

Disclaimer: If we owned Harry Potter he wouldn't be a pansy and this story wouldn't exist.

Chapter One

Hello, my name is Damien, and I think that the world deserves to know something about Harry Potter, he is a pansy. I just finished my first year of Hogwarts, yes you guessed it, I am in the same year as Harry Potter, but I am in Ravenclaw, thank God, I don't think I could bear having to share a dorm with him. Ever since I got to Hogwarts it was Harry Potter this and Harry Potter that, and yeah, sure, he's famous, but it gets old. However the more I got to know him the more unimpressed I became. All of the great things that Harry supposedly did were all done by others while Harry sat there with his mouth hanging open. Here, look at some of my journal entries from the past year.

September 1, 1991-

I can't believe I am finally at Hogwarts. I was sorted into Ravenclaw! Dad will be so proud, his whole families been in Ravenclaw (Mum's a Muggleborn, so she was the first in her family to go to Hogwarts at all, let alone Ravenclaw). One of my roommates is Brian, he's a Muggleborn, so he's just learning about wizards and such, but we both really like plants so I think that we will be good friends.

Did you know Harry Potter is in my year! He is in Gryffindor, I can see that, you have to be really brave to defeat Voldemort (yea, I say the name, but I think that it is stupid how everyone is scared of a name, it only gives Voldemort more power).

-it digresses from there, this is just to show you that I didn't always think Harry was a pansy, he was my hero

November 2, 1991-

A couple nights ago was Halloween, and while we were all at the feast (it was really good by the way, Brian ate almost an entire plate of tarts) Professor Quirrell came in screaming about a troll. Of course he fainted, but that teacher would probably faint if you sent an ever-bashing boomerang at him. I was going to follow everyone back up into the Ravenclaw dormitories, but then I remembered that one of the Gryffindors, Hermione I think, was in a bathroom crying because one of Harry Potter's friends insulted her after charms (at the time I wondered why he didn't go after her, I thought he was supposed to be nice?). Anyway, so I thought I would find her and warn her. Me and Brian took a short cut and ran

right into the troll. I had just learned a spell that makes people confused, so I cast that on the troll, that kind of backfired because it made him spin around, loose his balance and almost land on me, luckily Brian pulled me out of the way. So we ducked back into the passageway, but by the time we got to the bathroom (we had to take the long way to avoid meeting the troll again) Harry and Ron were already helping Hermione. Turns out my spell must have worked, because the troll got really confused when Harry jumped on his back, even more so than a troll should (Me and Brian have done some private research on magical human like creatures, like trolls and goblins and centaurs, it's fascinating – we're not Ravenclaws for nothing) Then Ron knocked the troll out with its club, it was wicked.

Then when Professor McGonagall showed up, they lied to her! They made Hermione take the blame, what'd she ever do to them, and then they took all the credit for taking down the troll on their own, when it was my spell that distracted the troll. We tried to tell them that but no one would listen, not even McGonagall! Then Harry and his friend got points! I couldn't believe it! They hardly did anything, and that confusing spell I did was so advanced some third years cannot even do it, and everyone can do wingardium leviosa! I'm starting to get tired of Harry Potter.

April 16, 1992-

I cannot believe Harry Potter! He and his friends got everyone in trouble, losing Gryffindor loads of points, and he is treating himself like some kind of victim, yeah he lost points and people are a little mad at him, but it happens to everyone. I mean he still has his great friends, and it's not like he is failing any classes or anything! I mean who cares if some idiots who care too much about awards don't like him! He even told Wood that he would quit the Quidditch team! What is he cursed or something? Or maybe he thinks that loosing points makes you a worse Quidditch player! I mean playing Quidditch could get the points back if you are good enough, and I think he is. He couldn't honestly think Wood would hate Harry so much he wouldn't let him stay on the Quidditch team, I mean I bet Oliver would let Sirius Black on the team if he could play! (Sirius is a man who murdered thirteen people with a single curse, he's mad too, he laughs while he's killing people, like one of those deranged people on Muggle television).

He acts like his entire life is some sort of tragedy. I mean sure he had to live with his aunt and uncle who hate him, but I mean he has food and clothes and he was never beaten (although some people seem to think he was) and they let him go to Hogwarts, pretty good for people who apparently hate him.

And he has really good friends, he met Ron and his family before he even got on the train and now they are inseparable, and I even heard that he gets to go to the Weasleys over the summer, and Ron's mom sent Harry loads of Christmas gifts. And then he became really good friends with Hermione too. Now if he doesn't feel like listening in class he can just use Hermione's notes, or if he doesn't want to do his homework he can copy Hermione's.

And no one dislikes him either. Sure there is the whole point's thing now, but that will blow over soon. The only people who really hate him are the Slytherins and maybe Snape, but everyone hates them, being liked by them is more likely to hurt you.

-Now I know that so far you are saying, so what, Harry is a nice kid with good friends, there are lots of people out there like that. I'll admit it, at that point Harry hadn't shown many pansy-like qualities, but he, even from the beginning, put himself in the category of horribly misunderstood (no one gets me, I don't remember my parents or Voldemort, I wish I weren't famous) Now you might call this being modest, but don't let the pansy fool you.

May 20, 1992-

So me and Brian were just coming out of transfiguration when Peeves threw a cauldron down the hall at us (I'm not sure how he got it, but it made quite a racket ricocheting around the halls) anyway, it surprised me so much that I jumped and fell down the stairs, breaking my wrist. I wish there was some way they could punish Peeves. Anyway I went to the Hospital Wing and while I was looking for Madam Pomfrey I heard Harry talking to Dumbledore.

Do you know what I found out? You know how Harry defeated Voldemort when he was only one right? Wrong. His mother died to save Harry, and that in turn was what got good old Voldy.

-just an interlude to sum up this rant, it's the end of the year and Harry just took his next big step towards pansy-hood, with the start of his 'I'm a hero' stage ,a stage already threatening to come to the surface as everyone seems to think that he is the hero behind Voldemort's initial downfall. This stage gets kicked off when he and his friends fight through the obstacles to get the Philosopher's Stone. Let's examine this 'fight' with the end of my May 20th entry shall we?

The first obstacle, the trap door. Well, Hagrid told them how to get by it and even gave Harry the flute, then Ron is the one who gets them all through the trap door, with Hermione playing the flute.

The second obstacle, the Devil's Snare. Harry and Ron scream an idiot while Hermione identifies the Devil's Snare, and gets rid of it. (There was a strange rumor going around that if you relaxed the Devils snare will let you go, but that is not the case, pick up a Herbology book people).

The third obstacle, the Keys. There is another strange rumor that the keys tryed to attach Harry, who was the only one on a broommstick, when in fact there were three brooms, so Hermione and Ron helped get the key, and Ron was the one who figures out what the key must look like.

The fourth obstacle, the chess board. Ron does everything, figures out what has to be done, and plays the game, sacrifices himself, and Harry wet himself. (Well, he doesn't admit to it, but I'm guessing)

The fifth obstacle, the troll. The troll was huge, even bigger that the one that got in on Halloween, and I'm sure that Harry would love to tell you about the epic battle that they had when

Hermione stood squealing in the corner, however, it was already knocked out so don't believe any of the stories that you hear (I wonder who was feeding the troll to keep it alive down there).

The sixth obstacle, the potion room. Harry thought they were doomed, Hermione figured it out, even over Harry's crazed girlish screams (alright he wasn't screaming like a little girl, but maybe he was on the inside, maybe a little?).

The seventh obstacle, the mirror and Quirrell . All Harry had to do was touch Quirrell and his mother's sacrifice did the rest, and even that did not defeat Quirrell, it just held him back long enough for Dumbledore to arrive.

Then of course he wakes up in the Hospital Wing, and finds enough candy to last him a lifetime, all from his admirers. So the entire school thinks Harry is some kind of hero, this has to be good for his head.

-Now I'm sure some people are still doubting me, telling me Harry is a good person, well, maybe I don't have enough evidence now, but me and Brian just have this feeling about Harry, and we can tell that he is no good.

(AN: This is only the first chapter, the true pansy will be seen in later chapters, so stay tuned.

Muggle is supposed to be capitalized, look in the books.

The mistakes (like me and Brian instead of Brian and I) are supposed to be there, this is supposed to be an 11 year old kid writing in a journal, it won't be perfect, even if he is a smart Ravenclaw, just because you know the grammar rules doesn't mean you follow them in informal writing.

So what do you think? You could review and tell us!)