A/N Thanks again for the reviews guys! It makes me want to write more and update sooner when I know you guys enjoy it! This chapter is also a flashback but goes back even further halfway through the chapter. There's a line so you won't get confused!
Every thought that I repent,
There's another chip you haven't spent,
And you're cashing
them all in, Where do we begin.
To get clean again,
Can we
get clean again.
I walk home alone with you,
And the mood
you're born into,
Sometimes you let me in,
And I take it on
the chin. I can't get clean again.
I want to know,
Can we get
clean again.
Jude was downing another bottle of something from under Sadie's cabinet. He didn't even know what it was, he didn't bother to look. He tilted his head back and let the lukewarm substance liven his senses. It tasted a bit dry…and he wasn't enjoying it, but it got the job done.
He sank his head into his hands and rubbed his face. Lucy was working, again, and at night, she was at Prudence's, always. She never promised not to get high with them again, Jude remembered that, and he knew she was still doing it. She'd come home laughing and twirling her skirt around, hands flailing in mid air, smelling like smoke and music. She'd laugh and go on and on about the simple things. John would smile and sometimes twirl her around. And Prudence would dance around the two of them. Jude would bite his lip while watching from the doorway. Lucy would walk over and wrap her arms around him. She was so high and so numb but he still loved the way she looked when she danced, and when she flashed her smile, and when she spoke soft and low. He would take her hand and dance with her, too and John would pucker up and stomp off into the kitchen. The scene was all too familiar, and the drink was all too convenient when she was away.
The
God of Wine comes crashing through,
The headlights of a car that
took you farther
than you thought you'd ever want to go,
We
can't get back again,
We can't get back again,
She takes a
drink and then she waits,
The alcohol it permeates.
And soon
the cells give way,
And cancels out the day.
Soon the dances grew old and the chance of Jude even coming out of his room when Lucy would come home was slim to none. He'd sulk and paint and drink and curse under his breath.
I can't keep it all together,
I
know...I can't keep it all together,
And the siren's song that is
your madness,
Holds a truth I can't erase,
All alone on your
face,
Every glamorous sunrise,
Throws the planets out of
line,
A star sign out of whack A fraudulent zodiac.
There was one night especially, when things that were already beginning to fall apart, became a tattered mess.
Jude sucking down his beverage of choice, was alone, sick and tired. He kept shifting his gaze to the clock and noticing it was almost three. No Lucy. Sadie was pacing around glancing down on the street every now and again, and still, no one showed up. Max was beginning to worry but no one bothered Jude. He had been drinking since she left and had only sped up while she had been gone.
Footsteps pranced up the stairs and everyone's head popped up, except Jude's. Laughing and singing was flowing through the door as it opened. Prudence was wrapping her hands in her hair and signing and John was pulling Lucy through the door, holding her hand tightly.
This was about all Jude could take of their "friendship."
"Lucy…where have you been?" Sadie asked quietly.
"With my two friends? It's not like I was doing anything wrong."
Jude heard the chatter between the two of them and stood up, rubbing a hand through his hair, and taking one last sip he tore from the bedroom, through the kitchen and to the living room.
And the God of Wine is crouched
down in my room,
You let me down,
I said it, Now I'm going
down,
And you're not even around.
And I said no...
I can't
keep it all together,
I know...I can't keep it all together.
Everyone watched Jude, startled and surprised no one moved or said anything.
"Jude…" Lucy said quietly, her smile slowly erasing itself from her face.
"What the hell is this?" Jude demanded pointing to John.
"It's John." John responded coldly.
"I know who the fuck you are…and I don't want you hanging onto my girlfriend like you do."
"John I'm sorry." Lucy responded while walking towards Jude. "You've been drinking…again, what the hell is wrong with you?"
"Me? Me? Excuse me if I don't snort lines from 5 till 2 and I don't come home to you every night."
Max walked over to Jude and leaned in holding onto his shoulders, he pushed him back. "Jude come on man, let's just go chill out somewhere."
Jude shook from Max's embrace and leaned down to Lucy's height. "Think about something for me will ya love? I came back here for you, I love you, and I can't seem to figure out what I'm doing wrong because you'd rather spend your nights with this ass than me!"
"He's not an ass…he's a friend! Jude why are you doing this!"
"Why are you relying on drugs to get you through? You used to rely on me!"
"You used to be sweet!"
Jude turned around and threw his hands in the air. "You used to be fucking great! Fucking pure and NOW…now you're a junkie!"
Lucy stepped back and she felt the tears begin to well up. Jude watched them start to fall and instead of walking over and wiping them away like always he smiled. "Yea cry out your addictions love."
"HEY!" Max yelled. "You, room, NOW! What the fuck Jude…you drunk stubborn ass."
Lucy watched Max pull Jude towards their room.
Sadie walked over to Lucy and embraced her in a warm hug. John sighed and walked over. "Why don't you stay with me and prudence tonight?"
Jude was almost to his room when he heard John. He broke free form max's grip and charged back towards the living room.
Lucy looked up and saw a stumbling, angry Jude come running. She screamed and just as he was about to swing at John, Jojo grabbed him by the waist and pulled him back.
Lucy felt the tears fall freely and didn't bother to stop them. Jude was screaming words that didn't make sense and just as they were calming him down he began throwing up.
John laughed and walked towards the door. "I'll be outside pru…and sweet, if you change your mind you know where we're at."
Lucy looked at John then back at Jude. Max and Jojo carried him into the bathroom and Lucy ran to her bedroom. Sadie rolled her eyes and grabbed a few rags from the kitchen.
Lucy laid on the bed and sobbed. This wasn't right, it wasn't supposed to be like this.
She reached in her pocket and felt for the bag John had given her. She found it and walked to the balcony and shut the door. Just before turning to sit she saw Jude, with the help of Max walking to their room, he looked right into her eyes and she turned away quickly.
Jude shook the memory from his head and realized he was sitting back on his bed waiting for a girl to come home that never would. He took another long sip and decided that t his was how things would be, and if it was going to stay like this, then he wasn't going to change either.
He finished off his bottle and tossed it on the ground. He laid down and chuckled before falling into a blind sleep.
And there's a memory of a window,
Looking through
I see you.
Searching for something,
I
could never give you,
And there's someone who understands you,
More than I do.
A sadness I can't erase.
All alone on
your face.