A/N Sorry it's been a couple days, thanks for the reviews!

The car was hot and the air was thick. The top was down which was making a breeze but it wasn't cool and it wasn't enough to consider comfortable. The roads weren't very crowded, most people were laying out in the sun or at the local pools trying to cool themselves off.

Lucy was focusing on the trees that populated the road side. She would look at the birds flying from one to another, she'd try to smile but that felt so foreign to her face.

Max would look over at her every now and then, he'd try to think of something to say but everything had already been said, and he didn't know how to fill in the gaps of her life.

The radio was busted and the silence was becoming more uncomfortable by the mile. Lucy kept replaying Max's words in her mind.

"It's only until you get better, until you get well enough to come back to New York."

"Mom and Dad aren't going to let me come back, why would you do this to me?"

"I had no other option! All the doctors here are way out of the price range and you know Mom will take care of you. She couldn't believe what has happened to you Lucy. She almost had me killed because I didn't tell her sooner."

Lucy sighed and looked at her feet. "They're going to lock me up in my room. They're not going to let me do anything, or see anyone!"

"Maybe that's exactly what you need. To be kept away from the world right now."

"How am I ever going to learn?"

"You obviously didn't learn how to deal with life in the right way since you've been with us in the city."

"I didn't choose for this to happen!"

"Lucy, you chose to do cocaine, you chose to do it every day, you chose to make it a priority. You didn't choose the addiction but it happened because of the choices you made."

"Are you going to send Jude back to England to get help?

"Jude isn't my sister. And Jude's getting help."

Lucy looked back at her feet and sighed. "I'm never going to get to see him again, am I?"

"You'll be back. You just have to get better."

"Can I at least say goodbye?"

Max shrugged. "You really think that's safe?"

"What's safe?"

"Exactly. Look if you want to write him a letter I'll see that he gets it, I just don't know how good of an idea it is that you see him face to face, you're both vulnerable."

Lucy nodded reluctantly. "When do we leave?"

Her thoughts were shaken when she thought about the letter.

"Did you give it to him?"

Max was startled by his sister's voice, she hadn't spoken since she uttered her goodbyes to Jojo and Sadie. "Give who what?"

"Jude. Did you give him the letter."

Max nodded. "I put it on his stand before I came to pick you up. He was asleep, but he'll get it."

Lucy nodded then turned to focus on the trees. She didn't want to go back home, she could imagine her mother's face, the disappointment, her father's sunken eyes filled with tears, the punishment and the help she would have to endure. She didn't like the way this was sounding. Her head hurt and her heart hurt.

Jude was shaken from his dreams by the sudden urge to throw up. Luckily he didn't. He gripped his stomach and moaned. He so badly wanted real food, and wanted to not get sick, and to walk outside and feel the heat sink into his bones. He turned to his side and reached for his water glass. He felt the cool liquid slide down his throat and expected his stomach to react, but it stayed calm and he smiled. He sat the glass down and noticed an envelope. There was no name and it wasn't sealed. He didn't even think it was for him. He picked it up and eyes it carefully. Maybe it was the beginning of a long list of medical bills. He moaned at the thought. He turned over the envelope and opened it carefully, he pulled out a folded piece of notebook paper. His eyes caught sight of the writing and his breath caught in his throat. In an instant, he felt completely weightless and unable to move. His heart rate beat faster and he began to read the words.

Jude.

I've never written you a letter before. I've never thought I'd have to. You're sick, Jude. You are hurt and you are sick. I'm sure now you realize this without me trying to explain. I'm sick, too. We both have our diseases, we both have our addictions. We let them swallow us whole and choke us to death. I can't seem to be able to let the drug go. I think about it, I crave it, I still want it. Max has decided to send me back home with my parents, until I get better. He can't handle me. I'm leaving on Sunday and I don't know if I'll be back. I guess it goes without saying I don't know when I'll see you. They let me see you once but it didn't end well, you were still in a coma, you probably don't remember and that's for the best. I've come to realize it's my fault you're in this state. John was with me when this happened to you. If it hadn't been for me hanging around with him, you would be fine…well not fine, you'd probably sill be drinking, but you wouldn't be in some hospital room. I can't live with myself knowing what I have done, and I don't expect you to live with it either. I still love you for whatever it's worth. I never didn't love you. I didn't think you'd actually leave but you did, and you didn't come back. You just drank and killed yourself slower. I'm trying to forgive you for your addiction but I can't even forgive myself for mine. I'll never love anyone as much as I loved and still love you. But obviously fate isn't on our side right now is it? You never know the effect someone has on you until you throw them away for something else. I hope you're doing better than I am. I hope you can say no, I hope you get to go home soon. I wish you the best in life and anything you do. I don't expect us to ever be. I would love to see you but I'm not sure how that's going to work. We both said things and did things we didn't mean. I want to forget them, but I don't know how to do that without forgetting you or you forgetting me. I'll keep you in my heart always and I'll remember you for what you were and how you were on our better days. The world is cold Jude, and you were the only thing keeping me warm, until we fell apart and found comfort in other things. I hope you find comfort in yourself.

Wishing you the best,

Lucy.

Jude folded the letter and looked up. He had fallen into the deepest hole of her life and she had sunken into the corner of hers. He Didn't even have a reaction to the letter. Not seeing Lucy ever again had never crossed his mind, but her words, so negative and awful were ripping through him. She wanted to forget him. She needed to get better and maybe that was the only way. He felt his stomach churn and he gripped onto it. He laid his head into his hands and felt himself let go.