Chapter 2 – Feminine, boys!

Traveling to Suna from Konoha was becoming increasingly difficult because of the war everyone thought was coming. The same war that no one actually had any proof that it existed. But there was still the threat of Oroichimaru and Sasuke lingering in the back of everyone's minds.

Times of war meant times were alliances needed to be established and strengthen and enemies were punished and oppressed.

Now that was the fun part.

It was only two days until she was due to meet the Kazekage. The same person who just happened to be her future husband.

And a sociopathic killer.

The only downside besides the whole 'consummating' the marriage thing was the fact that he was – by all accounts – reformed. It would have been a lot easier if he was still a heartless killer. At least that way they would have had something in common.

But, because he was 'nice' nowadays, nicer then he had been anyway, then Sakura would have to keep up the whole 'nice little medic girl' act that had the whole of Konoha duped. It had even succeeded to the point that – even after horrific proof – Lee was infatuated by her mere presence, entirely convinced that she would do no wrong.

At least it would be good practice. Although there was no way there was going to go the rest of the month, let alone her whole life, without harming someone intentionally.

But that was another issue, entirely unrelated to the current problem, which had started about the time that Sasori told Deidara that he would have to be Sakura's maid of honor because he looked so much like a girl. Deidara retaliated by knocking Sasori out and dressing him – while unconscious – in a short, short dress and glued flowers to the backs of his hands, so that – in Deidara's opinion – Sasori would have to be the flower girl.

I went on for hours until Deidara put his hand over Sasori's mouth to stop him shouting that Deidara was really a girl. For some reason, unknown to them, Deidara's left hand-mouth decided to make out with Sasori, scandalizing the both of them.

Now, Deidara was throwing exploding objects at Sasori while Sasori blocked and aimed sharp objects controlled by his charka strings at Deidara, trying to get in a good shot or at least shut up his persistent whining.

Sakura and a group of heavily armed guards came across this sight when the responded to the neighbors' complaints of screaming and the sound of breaking things, alerting the village guard of a possible domestic dispute.

Apparently they had thought Deidara was a girl.

Screaming so loud and so high pitched that they thought he was being raped, Deidara launched himself at an unsuspecting Sasori and started slapping him in such a way that the guards, Sasori and Sakura could only laugh at obvious and alarming resemblance to a scorned or disgusted girl.

It didn't help Sasori's predicament in any way.

Their audience had recovered from their bout of laughter only to start laughing again as Deidara started trying to scratch Sasori, all the while calling him a 'bitch, un'.

It didn't help the Sasori fell asleep in the middle of all this.

Disgruntled and annoyed that he no longer had anybody to torment, as petty as it was; Deidara stood up and straightened out his clothes, re-tied his messy hair and walked out of the apartment, adopting a casual swagger that had guys looking twice to see if it really was guy.

Insulting Deidara all the more and only adding fuel to the fire that was his plans for revenge.

Back inside the apartment that had housed the initial fight, Sakura assisted with the cleaning up and clearing of the house and Sasori's wounds, as superficial as they were.

The whole time that his wounds were being cleaned up – note cleaned not healed as he is a puppet – Sasori was quiet, seemingly contemplating the events that he had just gone through. It was really unusual for Deidara to act so… bitchy.

Eventually, Sasori had come to the conclusion that Deidara must have been PMSing.

Even though he was a guy.

And guys can't PMS.

Can they?

Meanwhile, in the sand village of Konoha, one very angry wind konoichi was facing down her very regretful brother.

Screaming unintelligibly at him, Temari started to make her iron fan larger and larger, preparing to throw it at him or sweep him out the door.

All this because he had glued glass into her shoes.

Which had originally been Gaara's idea, even though Gaara himself would never admit it, even under pain of torture.

Either way, Kankuro was being threatened by his sister to make amends or else suffer the consequences. And Kankuro had suffered enough bruises at the capable hands of his sister to know that she wasn't joking about wanting to hit him and the possibly break him into millions of pieces.

Gaara sat back at his desk – yes they were in his office, not that anyone knew why – and tried to continue with the paperwork that kept piling up because he had never actually wanted to be Kazekage. That was until he realized the potential for power.

Although he was trying to be nice, to make his position as Kazekage more secure, he was sorely tempted to just give up on the idea and slaughter his two siblings – his only blood relatives and the only ones who could actually stand to be in a room with him without wetting their pants – because they wouldn't shut up and let go of the petty argument that he had orchestrated, purely for the amusement of watching people fight.

Now that he couldn't kill anyone important and it would be way too suspicious if his siblings randomly went missing, Gaara sought to entertain himself by making other people fight and harm each other.

But, because he didn't want to create an uproar in the village, he had to rely on his siblings and seek enjoyment out of their constant petty squabbles.

By Kami, the only reason he hadn't killed them already was to defy his worthless father and uncle by leaving alive the people they had thought he would kill first. Gaara would grudgingly admit – to himself at least – that he was even starting to respect their abilities and how he could use them to his own personal advantage.

Speaking of personal, wasn't his bride-to-be meant to arrive only the following day? And he hadn't even arranged for any accommodation for her and her expected entourage.

Mentally shrugging it off, Gaara disrupted the fight between his siblings – by scaring them, of course – and ordered them to get the arrangements seen to. Really it meant that Temari and Kankuro did all the work of making his future wife and friends comfortable while he could worry about more important things.

Like power.

And the perverted asshole of a demon, Shukaku.