I Will Remember You
The streetlamp shines through the open window and you drink in his sleeping image, hoping that this vision will remain in your mind always. This is how you want to remember him, peaceful, sated…happy. However, you know that over the years to come, you will protect yourself from the happy memories, desperately grasping at the times you argued, the times when he was so angry with you that you thought he was going to shake the teeth right out of your head, the times when you wanted to kill him whilst he slept. But you also know that however hard you might try to forget, you will always remember.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories.
You gently stroke his face, running your fingers down his cheek, feeling the slight stubble graze your finger tips and silently pray that he will forgive you for doing this, for leaving in the dead of night, stealing away like a thief, running from everything good. You pray that he won't turn bitter from this, wont shut off from the world, but some dark recess in your mind knows better.
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smiling in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one.
You cock your head to the side, still drinking in his image, wondering what it is about him that makes you crazy. Your face involuntarily breaks into a smile when you remember the way he held you close last night, like he didn't want to let you go, like some part of him knew it was going to be the last time.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories.
You sit awake, unable to sleep, wrapped in a sheet that still smells of him, clutching a glass of bourbon to your chest, and you can't seem to shake the feeling that if you took one more step towards the life you want to lead with him you would fall, never able to claw your way back up. You can't keep living life in your head, however much you want to, however much you want to retreat into your memories of him, and wishes of how life could have been.
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard.
You will never tell him, never admit how much he means to you. Never tell how much you need him in your life, or at least the memories of him, even though you know memories aren't quite enough and that it will drive you mad until you see him again…if you ever see him again.
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories.
He stirs slightly in his sleep, his arms seeking you out and you lie down next to him, feeling his arms snake around your waist and pulling you firmly against him. You don't know what you are more afraid of, loosing him or loosing yourself in him, although it doesn't matter now, your mind is made up and you are leaving.
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light.
You sleep for an hour, lightly, not wanting to have to leave when he is awake, not wanting to see the accusations in his blue eyes, and you wake up with his heartbeat pounding in your head. You want to bottle that noise and play it when you are alone, in the dark, behind closed doors, but you gently disentangle yourself from his arms and place a kiss to his temple, savoring the taste of his skin, knowing that it might be the last time you taste it.
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories.
Down on the street you allow yourself one last glance up at the window, willing yourself not to let the tears fall, willing your legs to move, move you away from him. You finger the picture in your pocket, of him asleep, taken last night, knowing that the photo will keep you company long after the pain of leaving has dulled. You furiously brush a tear from your cheek and move, turning away from the window, from him. You allow yourself a brief smile at the memories that flit across your mind. Maybe you will see him again, maybe, but you will remember him as long as you need to.
Weep not for the memories.
V!
xox