Chapter 4 – You're a pretty… GUY?

They had been on the road to Suna for a grand total of three hours before the complaints started.

Firstly Deidara was getting hounded by one of their escort who thought that he was a girl and wouldn't accept that he was actually a he. He wouldn't take no for an answer, even when Sasori had threatened to use him as a puppet. Or when Itachi had threatened to make him a sacrifice for gods that Itachi didn't actually believe in.

It was completely out of character for Itachi to defend someone who constantly got on his nerves but he said the only reason he tried to get the escort to get the fuck away from Deidara was that it was interrupting Itachi's daily ritual of putting 235 and a half strokes through his hair with a brush that was exactly a foot long at twilight every night.

It was really a good thing that his weekly ritual of putting on nail polish wasn't the thing that was interrupted because whole villages lost lives for that.

Why do you think he killed his family in such a brutal way? His mother and father had stopped him in the only thing he ever loved doing for a family meeting to discuss something as trivial as his betrothal to some random girl from another clan because they wanted stronger ties or something.

He really couldn't care less about why exactly they had disrupted him, it was only important that they had. For that they and everyone who had been foolish enough to get in his way – and several who hadn't - had paid with their lives.

The only reason his little brother, Sasuke, didn't die was because of a, he wasn't at the family compound on that day. B – He was way too young to realize how important nail polish was. C – He had actually liked nail polish himself. And D – Itachi had lost a bet to Sasuke and as a consequence, wasn't allowed to kill Sasuke until he was 45 years old and living in one of the Mist villages.

Itachi always keeps his promises.

If he did that to his family, what would he do to a stranger who annoyed the living fuck out of him?

…

Exactly!

As beautifully orchestrated as death, destruction and general mayhem are to Itachi, Sakura, Sasori and Deidara, they couldn't afford to kill everyone of their escort.

As amusing as it would be, it would make a very bad impression on the population of Suna and would make them loose all leeway and any form of esteem they had in the eyes of Tsunade. Which they really didn't want to lose because then it would be a hell of a lot harder to finish carrying out their plans.

Difficulties and delays annoyed the group more then most things that anyone in the civilized world could come up with.

Itachi had been decided as Sakura's 'other' person because of his highly sadistic nature and the fact that he would be one of the only people who could stand to be around the three of them without spewing or dying.

Painfully.

Sakura started polishing her favorite dagger. It was long and curved and deadly and had seen to the deaths of many important and insignificant people over the years. Every person who had ever been touched by the blade had died. Not a single one of them was permitted to live with the knowledge of a power that was hers only to wield.

Stroking the handle and murmuring words of contentment, Sakura eventually decided to go to sleep on top of one of the wagons, after receiving promises from everyone that no harm would come to her without a vengeance being obtained mercilessly.

Two and a half days after the sleep incident, the group finally arrived at the sound village. They couldn't see much of the village over the high stone wall surrounding it. They could only see guards ready to defend even as they checked people and luggage before their entry was permitted.

The guards seemed to be some of the friendliest people in Suna, smiling and waving while they were checking over entry permits and occasionally talking to a stray person walking past. They were – for some odd reason – amused that a group of Leaf shinobi were going to stay for an unspecified amount of time.

Maybe they knew about the marriage.

Inside the gates, they came across a town that looked like any other, minus the copious amounts of sand that replaced the usual scenery of grass and trees. There were market stalls and open shops and a multitude of busy people haggling over the unset stall prices.

The group was greeted by a blond female with a large fan on her back and a brunette male in pajamas that resembled a cat suit with what looked like a mummy slung over his shoulder as well as war paint on his face.

Sakura recognized them from the Chunin exams as Sabaku no Temari and Sabaku no Kankuro, the current Kazekage's - Gaara's – elder brother and sister.

They seemed partially afraid of him too.

"Greetings from Suna and the house of Sabaku," Temari said in an extremely bored tone. "We hope your stay is comfortable and no harm befalls you while under our hospitality. If any issues are to arise then feel free to contact either my brothers or I to resolve the dilemma. Please follow us t6o your new lodgings."

Pivoting on the spot, Temari growled under her breath about how she was going to make these people suffer for burdening her with having to show them around. She was of the opinion that the Leaf village and every living thing in it could just go and die and she wouldn't really care at all.

It was one of the only things that she and her brothers agreed on.

Smiling at the… pleasant thought of their slow demise, Temari showed them the way to the hotel first so that the guards could check in and then had Itachi, Sakura, Deidara and Sasori follow her to the Sabaku mansion which is where they would be living for the next few months. Maybe longer.

Neither Temari nor Kankuro were even mildly disturbed at having a group of majorly homicidal people living in close proximity to the place she slept at night. If anything, the both of them were getting excited to have the opportunity and the possibility of learning something new. Temari would have been satisfied to learn any new trick that she hadn't already known but Kankuro wanted to talk to Sasori and exchange their knowledge of puppets and how to use them. Maybe the other puppet master could teach him something new.

Smirking incessantly at the strange thought running through their heads, both lead the way into the compound, carefully avoiding anything that was either booby trapped or set to explode at a thought.

Eventually, after taking what was nearly the longest route possible to the mansion, the doors were opened for them majestically by servants who then proceeded to grab their entire luggage and take it to their new rooms.

Cautiously following the servants inside, the three men and one woman discussed how they were going to spend the next… rest of their lives, really. Debating whether or not to kill servants for entertainment value repressed the urge to actually commit a homicide – most likely murder – for a record of 42 seconds.

That was when the floor exploded