Ice
The ice is thin come on dive in
Underneath my lucid skin
The cold is lost, forgotten.
The cold seeps in through my jacket, causing me to shiver, although I don't really know if it's the cold or something else that is making me shiver. It must be something else because the cold isn't bothering my anymore, I am not hugging myself, not blowing on my hands, desperately trying to get heat onto them.
Hours pass days pass time stands still
Light gets dark and darkness fills
My secret heart forbidden...
I think you worried for me then.
How long I have been here, I have no idea, time was forgotten after the first hour. The sun has gone down, the cold getting harsher, creeping along the ground, like tendrils of mist, its like I can almost see it, even though it doesn't bother me. You placed your jacket over my shoulders. I hadn't even heard you arrive, and you sit down next to me, taking one of my hands in yours, rubbing the feeling back into it. I shake my head and tell you there isn't any point, I can't feel them anymore anyway. I didn't tell you that I wished I couldn't feel my heart. You looked at me with worry, wondering what I was doing out here, alone, in the dark, you wondering who I am seeing. I gesture towards the looming granite slab in front of us, the one with my fathers name etched into it and you nod, your hands get tighter around mine.
The subtle ways that I'd give in but I know
You liked the show
Tied down to this bed of shame
You tried to move around the pain but oh
Your soul is anchored.
I pull my hand away, and I see the glimmer of glee in your eyes, you've always liked it this way, always liked the fact that I pretend not to care about what you do, pretend not to love you, just like you pretend not to love me, but we both know it is just for show, but neither of us knows for whose benefit. You are who you pretend to be, so be careful who you pretend to be.
The only comfort is the moving of the river
You enter into me, a lie upon your lips
Offer what you can, I'll take all that I can get
Only a fool's here...
You drive behind me home, and walk me to my door. You know very well I need you to come in; I always do when I feel numb, not just from the cold. You come inside and shut the door, and I wonder what you are shutting out; the cold, or the world. Then you move, towards me, and I give you everything, and you give me everything you can. Even as you whisper that you don't love me, as you move within me, I know you are lying. We both lying to each other everyday, but at least we are honest about the fact we are lying. I don't love you. I say it back, and our eyes meet, the understanding in them clear like water.
I don't like your tragic sighs
As if your god has passed you by,
Well hey fool that's your deception
Your angels speak with jilted tongues,
The serpent's tale has come undone,
You have no strength to squander.
Maybe one day we will stop pretending, maybe one day we can actually be happy that we have each other instead of living with guilt, and a hint of shame. But until then I will play the fool, pretend that I believe you when you say you don't love me, and you will pretend the same. It may not be much but it is all we can give each other.
The only comfort is the moving of the river
You enter into me, a lie upon your lips
Offer what you can, I'll take all that I can get
Only a fool's here to stay
Only a fool's here to stay
Only a fool's here...
Ok, I don't know where this came from, blame it on my Gin pickled brain, had far too much to drink last night and am not in the mood for a funny hungover story!
V!
xox