Stupid
A moment of weakness, that is all it took. A moment when we gave into the tension that surrounds us all the time, the usually we can push aside. But we were both too tired to fight, and strung out for too many hours at work, too many hours with each other and when his hands gripped my arms and pushed me against the wall, the moment began, I don't know when it ended, maybe it still hasn't. His lip devoured and his hands roamed, and I gave up fighting the desire that rages around my body.
Night lift up the shades
Let in the brilliant light of morning
But steady there now
For I am weak and starving for mercy.
I slip from bed, silently, trying not to wake him, but knowing that I will. The muscles in my legs protest as I walk towards the window. I open the curtains and let the ridiculously early morning sunlight in. He stirs, moving unconsciously away from the light, both of us preferring the cover of darkness to hide what we just did. Somewhere in the back of his sleeping mind he must know that he is safe because he doesn't wake, his agent skills not kicking in and I indulge myself in a smile and study him.
Sleep has left me alone
To carry the weight of unraveling where we went wrong
It's all I can do to hang on
To keep me from falling
Into old familiar shoes.
There is no way I can sleep. Not when every single one of my nerve endings is alive, sending tiny bolts of electricity around my body. So I look. I look at him, at his broad, hard chest which I fit so neatly against, at his hard, masculine features. It would be so easy to fall back in love with him, maybe I never fell out, but I steady myself at the edge, knowing what is over it, knowing that I wouldn't be able to crawl back out again if I let myself go. He stirs again, a tiny smile gracing his features and my fingers itch to trace his jaw line.
How stupid could I be?
A simpleton could see
That you're no good for me
But you're the only one I see.
His arms seek me out in sleep. I let him wake, the confusion in his eyes at not finding me next to him is almost laughable. He looks around and his eyes find mine and they soften slightly and I almost give in and go to him. He looks questioningly at me and I turn away from him, back to the window, watching the sun rise over a new day, which I have no idea what it holds…for us. Behind me, I hear him move and I imagine him dressing and slipping out of the door, not wanting to discuss anything, or wanting to confront our weakness.
Love has made me a fool
It set me on fire and watched as I floundered
Unable to speak
Except to cry out and wait for your answer.
His arms around my waist and his face in the crook of my neck feels so natural, but yet surprising that its hard for me to pull away. I entwine my fingers with his and close my eyes, knowing that he can't see my face. I don't know why I feel so stupid, why I feel this is all wrong, but I pray that he will swallow his pride and show me how wrong I am. He murmurs in my ears, come back to bed Jenny, his breath tickling my neck. I bite my bottom lip.
But you come around in your time
Speaking of fabulous places
Create an oasis
Dries up as soon as you're gone
You leave me here burning
In this desert without you.
His arms drop and his tugs gently on my wrist. I try my hardest to resist but go with him. Maybe I'm not so stupid, maybe this isn't so wrong. He fills every one of my sense, covering me with his comforting weight, making me feel him, taste him, see him. He is all I see; my eyes always seek him out. I desperately try to cling to sanity, but as he slips into me and whispers in my ear again, this changes everything, his eyes tell me that the changes are for the better.
How stupid could I be
A simpleton could see
That you're no good for me
But you're the only one I see.
Everything changes
Everything falls apart
Can't stop to feel myself losing control
But deep in my senses I know…
Enjoy poppets!
V!
xox