Chapter Three: The Attempts to move on.
Ryan looked around the nearly bare room while holding an oversized cardboard box. The walls were a plain white except for the few brownish black smudges that were here and there, probably some sort of furniture markings. He looked down briefly to the plain colored, beige carpet which had a few spots that were a little too worn in for most people's taste. There were only a couple of other boxes currently in the room, and strewn in random corners as well as a lone full sized bed, undressed and bare. Just like everything else in the room, it too was white.
For a moment the scene reminded him of so many he saw as a child. After his dad was taken to prison, he, his mother, and Trey never stayed in one place for very long. So seeing empty rooms with boxes was something he remembered a bit too well. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to block out the memories. They were so long ago and yet still so vivid in his mind. 'But this is different', he reminded himself. He wasn't moving out because they had missed rent again, or to get away from his mom's latest abusive boyfriend. He was moving out of the dorms and into his very first real apartment.
Shaking his head and telling himself to get a move on, he moved over to the far side of the room and placed the box that read, "Izzy's" scribbled across the sides of it, on top of another box just like it. He then turned and headed back for another trip. Just as he walked out of the bedroom he saw a stack of three smaller boxes on top of each other floating towards him. He laughed and jogged over to them.
"Izzy, what are you doing?" He chuckled and reached out, taking the three boxes from the struggling girl. Once he pulled them out of her arms it revealed a very determined yet flustered looking young woman. She was about average height; a whole 5 foot 4 inches tall. Her long, dark, naturally curly hair was pulled up in a lose knot on top of her head, with only a few tendrils escaping, causing them to fly every which way. The highlights in her hair were now hidden from being pulled back to her head. She was a pretty girl, but nothing out of the ordinary. Her intense hazel green eyes and full pinkish lips were two of her best qualities, aside from her hair. And she wasn't super thin. Not overweight by any means, but she definitely had curves.
As Ryan took the boxes from her arms she instructed him on what to do with them. "They are all for the bedroom. I thought they were light by themselves, so I thought I should take them all..." She paused and watched him disappear back into the other room. "I should have given up half way up the stairs when I almost dropped them twice, but what can I say I was driven!" She yelled out to him, as she bent over to retie her shoelace.
"Try stubborn." Ryan emerged back out of the bedroom with his infamous half smirk.
Isabella stood up and put her hands on her hips and gave him a look. "I am not stubborn Ryan Atwood." She said in an even, non defensive tone. He just looked at her, the smirk still very present on his well defined face, and at the same time moving a bit closer. He stopped about a half of a foot away and raised an eyebrow. But instead of teasing her more, his blue orbs looked her up and down, and a smile fell across his lips. Her once stern look slowly started to melt away and finally she shook her head. "Ok maybe a little, but it's really what you like about me."
His look lightened a bit and he cocked his head to the side, as if he were pondering the thought. He took a deep breath, and spoke as he came to a conclusion. "And here I thought it was because you let me cheat off you in Intro to psych freshman year."
"Well that too of course." She winked and turned around, headed back down for another box or two, completely unaware of the deep blue eyes still staring at her with desire. And just as she reached out for the door knob, she felt him grab her hand. She turned around to face him, wondering if he needed her for something. But as soon as her eyes met his, she knew it wasn't for anything involving the move.
"Ryan... we have to finish this. Your parents are going to be here in a few hours to help us paint and spruce it up. I promised that..."
But before she could finish, Ryan interrupted her. He pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her body to his own. The temperature in the room immediately went up, and Isabella had to take a deep breath.
"Exactly, Sandy and Kirsten should be here in just about 60 minutes, which means we really don't have all that much time." With that he leaned in, and placed a very delicate yet well planned out kiss right below her ear lobe. He knew it was the spot she couldn't say no to. And just as he predicted, as his warm lips touched her soft skin, Ryan could feel Isabella squirm slightly.
"Ryan," she began to protest. I want to at least have all the boxes up here, so that when they arrive all they need to do is help us unpack."
However, he wasn't listening because now he was the 'driven man'. He wasn't sure what it was about the way Isabella was dressed today. It was simple and comfortable. But seeing her in those short cloth red shorts and plain black tank top, that was just tight enough to show her curves, gave him the sudden urge to christen the new place.
"Don't worry about that Izz... Kirsten... and Sandy... live for this stuff." He spoke in between assaulting her neck line with his lips. And then he pulled back to look in her eyes. "Something about how they haven't really gotten to experience something like this since moving into the McMansion. And more about how a mail truck didn't really count."
He stood there trying to make sense of what all that means, but gave up after only a few seconds, with a more important agenda. "Seriously, if they don't get to help, they will be severely disappointed. Seth probably won't completely move out until he is at least 30, and they want to be a part of my 'first home'."
Ryan laughed at the thoughts of his family's personalities, and how they all seemed to fit together to make the most loving group of people he had ever known. But although they were loving they were definitely unique. Sandy's self righteous remarks, Kirsten's stern yet loving in their own way, non sentences and demands, and Seth's... well Seth's, 'Cohenisms' as Summer would put it; they all seemed to be exactly what Ryan needed in his life to make it seem ironically normal.
Bringing his thoughts back to the moment at hand, Ryan looked back to the girl before him and used his hands to rub up and down her sides through her shirt. He gave her a pleading look which only caused her to laugh more.
Isabella playfully pushed him away, but it was no use. She knew that she could never be able to truly refuse him. Who could? And so as she walked away from him, acting as if she were in fact rejecting him, she made her way into the bedroom, knowing full well that he would follow. And just as she had guessed he went in after her.
"You know Ryan, I think that we should repaint these walls... white is just so…" As she turned around to see if he was near her, instead of finding his voice she was met with his lips crashing into hers. The kiss was so full of passion and strength that she began to lose her balance. Ryan only took advantage of this and used his muscular chest to push a little harder, causing her to fall back onto the sheetless bed. When their lips broke for a moment to gasp for air, Isabella laughed. "Better make it quick, the last thing I want is for your parents to catch us in the act."
Although Ryan stopped kissing her, he was already working on pushing his hands up the side of her tank top, the material he once liked seeing on her, now only in his way. Her soft, smooth skin, felt amazing to his slightly rough hands. His look got really serious, as if he were afraid of that actually happening. "Well then you better stop talking then." And with that, their lips pressed together once more. But this time it wasn't a 'crash', it was still strong and passionate, but much more designed and deliberate. The kiss only broke one more time so that Ryan could pull back and take the tank top off of his girlfriend, revealing her full breasts restricted in a black lacey bra.
She then returned the favor by pulling his t-shirt over his head, and throwing it on the floor. As their kissing resumed once again, and their bodies pressed together, Isabella couldn't help but think that she was the most fortunate person in the world. Every time they kissed… every time they made love, it was as if nothing else mattered. She was head over heals in love with this boy. She had been ever since she first spoke with him second semester, freshman year in that psychology class. She knew the moment her green eyes met his blue ones, that she was done for.
And every time he kissed her the way he was kissing her now, when their tongues danced together in unison to massage each other, so full of fervor and desire, it reminded her of that very first time. It was mid way spring semester of their sophomore year. And just when she was about to give up on him in the romantic sense, he surprised her with an intense kiss. She had liked him for over a year, but after getting to know him she realized that he had a shaded past. It wasn't just her, she knew that very well. He didn't date anyone for over a year and a half. And she couldn't understand why? He was gorgeous, incredibly sweet, and intelligent and fun. But no matter how many girls threw themselves at him, he remained celibate.
So they became fast friends instead, the sexual tension building between them in the mean time. And although she wanted more, and with all the hints she gave him, he never budged. And later rather than sooner, she realized that maybe they were just meant to be friends. She knew he was a good guy, and even thought that maybe he liked her in more than just a friendly way; but she also knew that he wasn't ready for what she wanted. And so for a year they remained merely friends, until that warm spring day when everything changed.
It was as if he had finally let go of something. She never did know what it was that he was letting go of; Ryan was never one to reveal his thoughts. But it didn't matter to her. What mattered was that he finally did, and he gave them a chance. And although she knew deep down, almost another year later, she still didn't own his entire heart. Maybe she never would? But they were moving in with each other, which to her was a huge step. And for now she was satisfied with what she did have. She couldn't help but hope, that maybe her love would be enough for the both of them. And that sooner or later he would love her back the same way she did him.
Sandy and Kirsten pulled up with the car they had rented from the airport, in front of the apartment complex in which Ryan was moving into. Sandy sat there staring at the old white building with a bit of a goofy grin upon his face. Meanwhile Kirsten was sitting in the passenger side, looking back and forth between the mapquest directions she had scribbled on a piece of paper in front of her and the building itself.
"Are you sure this is the right place Sandy?" She didn't want to say it, but it wasn't exactly what she was hoping for, for her adopted son. But she really didn't need for him to answer her. She knew this was the place; it had Ryan written all over it. And as she got out of the car and stood up, she saw a sign that to confirm her thoughts that read "University Park North Apartments." She made a bit of a face, wishing that Ryan would change his mind and allow her and Sandy to help him with rent so that he could afford a nicer place.
But of course he refused, and for that, Sandy was deeply proud of him. He finally joined Kirsten in getting out of the car, his smile never fading. It was like he was 21 again, and getting his very first apartment. He closed the door quickly, and waited for Kirsten to join him on his side of the car.
"It's a bit run down." Kirsten stated the obvious.
"It's perfect." Sandy looked to Kirsten with that same grin. When she gave him a scowl all he did was shrug as if to say, 'what?'
Sandy reached out and took Kirsten's hand, leading her, no guiding her carefully up the front walk to the building. The looks on their faces couldn't be more different. She was hesitant, but he was ecstatic! Not only that Ryan was getting a new place, but that he was doing it completely on his own. Ryan told them that he had decided to put away and save the money that he and Kirsten had given him for room and board for something more important down the line. Sandy had no clue that Ryan intended to pay back every cent, and was only keeping it now in case of emergencies. He was determined to make it on his own. Call it Atwood pride, or whatever. He didn't care; he needed to do this right. He had taken so much from them already, and he couldn't wait to pay them back.
And to Sandy, this only meant that Ryan was really experiencing the true college encounter. Sandy didn't have any sort of trust fund when he went to college, and he was proud of Ryan for following in his footsteps.
As they reached the front door Kirsten spoke again. "Sandy, you realize that him moving into this apartment means that we have lost him for good. No more coming home for the summer, no more picking him up from the airport for spring break. We will be lucky if we see him for Thanksgiving and Chrismukkah." She paused in her over exaggerated thoughts, having mixed emotions of him living here. Sure she was proud, what mother wouldn't be? But she wanted the best for her kids. And to her the 'best' meant a McMansion down the road from their own. "And look at this place? Is it even safe?"
Sandy laughed at his wife. He knew that she was overreacting, and couldn't wait to tell her so. He opened his mouth to speak, but just as he did, Ryan interrupted him.
"Safer than a mail truck." He smiled wide at seeing his parents in front of him, and moved through the entrance way to hug them both tightly. He had just made his last trip up the stairs with the boxes, and saw them pull in from his window on the third floor.
As his parents turned from their discussion to look at him they smiled. He had grown up a lot in the last three years, and Kirsten would be the first to notice. But he would never be afraid to admit how much he loved these two people. It was part of the reason why he worked so hard. He wanted to make them proud.
"Hey kid!" Sandy began as Ryan hugged Kirsten first. And then when Ryan turned to hug him as well, Sandy continued. "Nice digs you've got here, you have done well for yourself."
"Sandy, don't say digs." Kirsten instructed, and when she saw two of the three most important men in her life embrace one another, a small tear fell from the corner of her eye. But of course it would be the last one she let fall. She would never hear the end of it otherwise. Thank goodness Seth wasn't here. She quickly wiped it away before they could notice and laughed at herself.
"So we are here to help! Put us to work already." Sandy said excitedly. He couldn't wait to see his place and relive his own Berkley days.
"Sandy is a bit anxious. He never did live in San Francisco for an entire summer. So you've got one up on him." Kirsten teased him as they moved inside and towards the stairwell.
"Oh but honey, if we had stayed in Berkley, think of all the adventures we would have missed out on?" Sandy made his own point.
"I don't think that riding a mail truck from Canada to Mexico, living with a bunch of hippies and pissing off my father is quite the adventure I had expected."
"But you loved every minute of it." Sandy cooed and Ryan just laughed as he led them up the semi clean stairs and down the hall to apartment number 333.
Kirsten just shook her head, remembering the days, and the summer that Sandy proposed to her. She would never admit it to him, but it was probably the best summer of her life. "So Ryan, what job did you decide on for the summer? And did Isabella ever find one?"
Ryan opened the door and stepped inside, letting his parents follow after him. "I'm going to take that internship. The one I turned down last summer at DCG Architects."
He began to speak, but before he could finish, Isabella, now completely dressed moved inside the living room with a smile. "They practically begged him to take it. He has the top marks in his class." She spoke of him proudly and then continued. "And I'm going to be working at a non profit drop in center for troubled teens. The pay isn't the best, but I'll love it, and Ryan and I will probably both get second jobs to make up for the difference."
Kirsten smiled widely as she saw Isabella move towards them, and welcomed her with a hug of her own. As the two women embraced, Sandy turned to his son. "A second job? You really are a Cohen, the Nana will be proud."
Ryan smiled a bit and shrugged his shoulders. "I figure the more I can make this summer, the less I have to worry about it once school starts. My friend Eli got me this job at a popular bar down town. With the money we save from the summer, I should be able to just keep that job once classes start again. That way I will be able to focus on my senior seminar and hopefully graduate."
"With honors." Izzy spoke up once again, and moved to hug Sandy as well.
"It seems someone is quite proud of you kid." Sandy laughed and hugged Isabella back warmly. "That makes three of us."
Ryan just laughed and shook his head slightly. He was never one to brag, but he had worked really hard the last three years to always make the dean's list. At first it was in part due to Sandy's point that Marissa would want Ryan to make the best of his life. But as more and more time passed, and less and less hope remained that Marissa would ever return, he used it as a distraction to keep other things from entering his mind. Thoughts of leaving school to fly off to Europe, despite Julie's instructions to stay away. And most recently he realized that he needed to do this for himself. He wanted a good life for himself, and he knew those years ago, Sandy was right… if he worked hard maybe it could happen; it was the one thing he had control over.
After a bit of small talk, and catching up between the two couples, it was time to get to work. The four of them spent the rest of the afternoon painting walls, unpacking boxes and sorting through things. A few times Ryan would pause to watch the interaction between his girlfriend and his parents. He was glad that Sandy and Kirsten liked Izzy so much because he did too. It definitely assured him that he made the right choice in finally 'moving on' from Marissa. Isabella was an amazing person, and Ryan cared for her deeply. Yes, he knew he had made the correct decision. But then why did it still hurt so much sometimes? He shook away the thoughts. Maybe he felt guilty for never going to Europe to find Marissa. He knew he shouldn't, the last thing he wanted was to damage things more. And that is what Julie told them would happen if Marissa saw them. He couldn't do that to her, no matter how much it hurt not seeing her. Still, something seemed off. He just couldn't figure out what.
And yet, for the most part, Ryan was happy now. Despite the nightmares he continued to have on a nightly basis, reliving the accident over and over again, Ryan was really content. At least that is what he told himself. There was no reason why he shouldn't be. He had a great girlfriend, he did well in all his classes, and now he was moving into his very first apartment. Something he never even dreamed of having. His life was so different from what it was three years ago, and even MORE different from three years before that. He couldn't even begin to imagine what the next three years could bring. And to be honest, he tried to stop guessing. If he didn't try to predict things, to hope for things, then he couldn't be disappointed or hurt anymore right?
He turned back to painting the wall in the living room, and at the same time Kirsten had turned and noticed the look in his eyes. The look he always seemed to get when he was off in a far away place… anywhere but the present. She turned to Sandy to see if he had noticed it too, but he was busy talking with Isabella about her plans to some day open a Teen Center of her own back in Buffalo, her home town.
Sandy and Kirsten had gotten to know Isabella quite a bit over the last 2 and ½ years. She was the first and only friend Ryan brought home on break. Being from New York, it was a long way to go home for just a long weekend, and Ryan would often offer for her to come stay with them so that she didn't have to stay on campus alone. They saw her infatuation with Ryan from the start. But it wasn't until Sandy pointed it out to Ryan that he ever responded to it. They definitely liked the girl. Especially Sandy, seeing how she too was from the East Coast, shared a lot of the same passions, and couldn't help but laugh along with him at the Newpises. She was sweet, and all that mattered to Sandy and Kirsten was that she made Ryan happy. Was he happy? He appeared to be, but sometimes they still wondered.
A few hours later as the San Francisco sun set on the four of them, Sandy and Kirsten were officially wiped out and sprawled across the antique green couch that Izzy said she had gotten from a yard sale. Most of the apartment was unpacked and things were put in their appropriate places. The walls were drying, and Ryan was off in the other room ordering Thai food. It was a vast improvement that was for sure. And now, Isabella sat on the floor, cross legged and going through a couple of random boxes that had yet to be unpacked, Sandy was practically snoring, and Kirsten was picking light blue paint out of her blonde locks.
"Food is ordered, it will be here in 20 minutes." Ryan interjected and moved into the room, plopping down in a random beige plush chair, that didn't match the couch whatsoever.
Sandy looked to Ryan with another smile, but this time it was definitely mixed in with a little bit of a yawn. "I wonder if we can convince Seth to stay away too! You would think that he and Summer didn't have their own apartment as much as he comes home."
"SANDY COHEN!" Kirsten suddenly seemed very awake, and couldn't resist the urge to swat him on the shoulder.
"Ow honey, watch the arm, its sore from painting." Sandy made a face and rubbed his arm.
Ryan and Isabella looked at each other and then burst out laughing. Ryan couldn't help but think how much Sandy reminded him of Seth right then and there. And if Kirsten wasn't careful, she would rival Summer with her very own rage blackout.
"Sandy, losing one son is good enough! If Seth wants to come home every chance he gets, he is more than welcome." Kirsten couldn't help it, at this moment in time, she didn't care that the son that once vowed that he would never set foot in sunny Newport again, came home all of the time. She wouldn't apologize, she missed her boys.
Just as Sandy was going to open his mouth to state that he was only kidding, fearing that if he didn't he might be in the dog house, Isabella opened up a smaller box and spoke out loud. "What's this?"
The other three in the room looked back to the girl sitting on the floor as she pulled out a 2006 Harbor High Yearbook. Ryan immediately shot out of his chair, and took the box out from in front of her and with his free hand took the yearbook back.
Isabella was a bit shocked by his abrupt actions, and her eyes widened. For the first time she read on the side of the box, written in a familiar scribble "Ryan's/ private." She looked from the box, to Ryan, and then to Sandy and Kirsten. Ryan stood there, a bit too defensively and laughed uncomfortably, realizing how he just acted.
"It's just old stuff from high school." He tried to cover up, then paused and looked around. Immediately Sandy and Kirsten exchanged glances, but Isabella sat staring, asking with her eyes for more of an explanation. "Well you know, just year books, my diploma, some pictures, stuff like that." Ryan set the box down, folded the corners so that it closed and moved to the hallway closet, putting it on the top shelf.
Isabella looked confused beyond anything. She didn't understand what had just happened. Why did Ryan not want her to see his old things? Then again, she was a girl, and her dorm room walls were covered with pictures and collages of her high school friends, and even past boyfriends. And although she recognized the differences between the way men and women cherished their memorabilia, she suddenly she felt really uncomfortable, and tried to figure out why Ryan acted so weird.
Now with nothing in front of her, she brought her folded knees up to her chest, and tried to stick a knife through the thick silence that had suddenly filled the room, "Really? Do you have any goofy pictures of Seth? I would love to see what the two of you looked like back in the day."
Ryan stood still and speechless. He really didn't want to get into everything right now; to have to explain why he didn't like to think about that period of his life. It wasn't that Ryan hadn't told Isabella about his 'friends' from Newport. Seth, Summer, Luke, Sadie, Marissa… she even knew about the accident. Though, not just how much Marissa had actually meant to him. He had left a lot of the details out. And when it came to his past, he tried to keep as much of it as possible to just the facts, leaving out the emotions. He knew he couldn't date a girl for a year and a half and not talk about his past, but he did a pretty damn good job of allowing only certain things to surface.
He shifted his weight, and rubbed the back of his neck. Why couldn't someone save him? This would be a perfect opportunity for Sandy to interject with a witty remark, or even Kirsten to come up with a memory from the past to laugh about. But the room remained quiet, all looking to Ryan for him to say something. But he didn't have to, Isabella spoke again.
"I mean it would be fun to hang some of your old photos up on the walls. It will give our apartment some warmth… my old pictures, your old ones, and the new ones we have of us and our friends together." She bit at her lower lip nervously. She could sense the sudden tension, and although she didn't know completely what caused it, she hated to see Ryan uncomfortable.
"Sure, I'll uh... I'll find one later." Luckily that seemed to satisfy the group, and the subject was changed to something else by Kirsten. As the food arrived, and the evening turned into night, the four of them continued to talk, laugh and enjoy one another's company. The awkward moment not forgotten, but at least unspoken. Everyone seemed to move along, but for Ryan, it was hard for him to really interact. His thoughts were now elsewhere.
Isabella noticed, but she faked it well. She continued on with Sandy and Kirsten, with a smile that never left her face. She just wished that Ryan would open up to her more, 'I could help him,' she thought. But she knew that he wouldn't do it until he was ready. If there was one thing she learned in her Psych classes, it was that no one would talk unless they wanted to, and forcing them would only hurt the relationship and trust that was established. So she remained patient, she just didn't know how much longer she would be able to.
The evening came to a close when all the Thai boxes were left empty, there were paper plates strewn throughout the living room, and all four persons were lounging around, stomachs full and trying desperately to keep their eyes open. Sandy looked at his watch and spoke to Kirsten. "Well honey, we should probably go find that hotel that we booked. I'm exhausted!" He stood up and yawned obnoxiously, which was Ryan and Isabella's cue to get up.
Kirsten slowly stood as well. She made a slight face, realizing that their time together was much too short. "I am so sorry we can't stay another day, but Seth is supposed to fly in tomorrow afternoon." She reached out to hug Isabella first, as Ryan hugged Sandy.
Sandy chimed in as they switched partners to hug the other kid. "And if we aren't there when he gets there, there will surely be no food left in the house." They all laughed, and they all pulled back with smiles, making a square between them. "Seriously, you would think Summer never fed him!"
And with that, the few exchanged a few more words and said their goodbyes. Kirsten on cue, shed a few tears, knowing she was far too tired to try to stop their flow. And of course she made Ryan promise he would come home soon to visit. And after one last hug, the door was shut and the young coupled remained.
"You ready for bed?" Ryan asked Isabella, wrapping his arm around her, and leading her towards the living room to clean up. They spent the next five minutes in silence as they cleared the trash and headed towards their new bedroom.
Isabella had wanted to say something a few times. Now that they were alone, maybe he would open up to her. She sought to find out what he was actually feeling and what had caused him to react the way he did. But as she watched him, she could see in his actions, and the way that he avoided her eyes, that all he wanted to do was go to bed. And so she waited, once more. Once inside the bedroom, she suddenly felt a mixture of anxious and excited feelings. They had spent the night together so many times before, but never in their apartment. Suddenly she couldn't wait to cuddle up next to him. They were far too tired to do much else, but that is all she needed. And as if reading her mind, skipping getting into their pajamas, all they did was peel off their outer layer of clothes and crawled into the newly made bed in just their underwear.
Without any more words spoken, Ryan put his arms her, and Isabella rested her head on his chest. Within minutes she was sleeping soundly, curled up next to him. And although Ryan was equally fatigued, he just couldn't sleep yet. He waited for a few more minutes, making sure that her breathing was even and deep. And as soon as he knew that she was truly asleep, he slipped out from underneath her and moved towards the living room.
Clad only in his boxers, Ryan opened up the closet and took out the box he had taken from Isabella earlier. Moving to the couch in the dim light, his body cast a shadow caused by the single light coming from the kitchen. He sat down, and put the box next to him on the couch. Hesitating for a moment he turned and opened it up, taking a deep breath to prepare himself.
The first thing he had pulled out was his senior year book. He hadn't been able to look at it since that first summer after graduation. It brought back too many memories and until now he wasn't ready to open up yet. Slowly flipping it open to the front cover he began to read some of the words his friends wrote to him. First was Seth's, and it only made him laugh softly as he read his rambles that took up almost the entire front cover, leaving only a small space for Summer to sign a blurb and her name. He missed both of them that was for sure.
He continued to flip through the black and white pages, looking over some of his old classmates that he had almost forgotten. It seemed like so long ago. And then as he turned the page, he felt as if his heart had stopped. There on one of the candid pages was a picture of him and Marissa at the college sweatshirt bonfire. He ran his thumb over the smooth page where Marissa's sweatshirt was pictured. The words read "Berkley" just like his did. And for the first time in a really long time, Ryan had to fight back a tear that had formed in the corner of his eye.
He quickly turned all the pages, leaving it to the back cover of the yearbook. And there it was, what Marissa had written to him. He only read the first line...
"Ryan,
It seems so surreal that we have finally graduated. Who knows what the future holds. Knowing our past, it can only be full of excitement..."
Ryan quickly shut the book, creating a brief wind to blow his blonde bangs away from his red eyes. He couldn't read the rest, not now… maybe ever. He swallowed, feeling the huge frog that had formed in his throat. Why did he even come out here?
He set the yearbook back in the box, knowing that he couldn't look at any more things to reveal the memories. As he pulled his hand away, it ran against something hard. He grabbed what had scratched his hand and pulled out a small 5 x 7 frame of him and Marissa. It was a very familiar picture of the two of them on the pier. They looked so young, and the innocence in their eyes showed that they hadn't been through much yet. He smiled to himself and pondered briefly doing what Isabella had suggested, and putting it up somewhere in the apartment. But he knew he couldn't… he shouldn't.
So instead, Ryan rummaged through the box until he found a loose picture of the fab four from one of the many Newpise events. He didn't even know where the picture had come from. And from the looks of it, none of them realized the picture was even being taken. Ryan, who was on the end of the picture, looked incredibly uncomfortable in his penguin suit as he tried to straighten his tie. Summer who was next to Ryan, had an annoyed look on her face as she stared at Seth with the early signs of a rage blackout. While Seth was sporting his infamous Jew fro next to her with a goofy grin comparable to Sandy's. And then Ryan looked to other end of the picture. It was Marissa's profile, as she wore one of the most gorgeous smiles he had ever seen. Her eyes were lit up, and she wore a priceless expression. She was obviously amused by her three best friends as she turned to watch them. It was a brief moment in their history and yet it seemed to capture so much. He closed his eyes for a moment and let out a deep breath. When his eye lids opened, Ryan's eyes softened and he took the picture, putting it in the same frame of him and Marissa, covering the pier picture up.
He knew that he couldn't get away with not putting up any of his pictures from his past, or Isabella would always wonder why. So he stood up, moved over to one of the end tables next to the couch, and placed the picture in the center of it. That would do… for now. Taking a deep breath, and knowing that that was about as much emotion as he could take for the night. He returned to the box, closed it back up, and returned it to the closet; where it would remain untouched for a very long time.