Chapter 13
Message from Dave Knightley to Chris Weston:
Subject: yesterday arvo
Remind me never to go skating with Emma again.
First, she uses me as a cushion to land on.
Then claims that I demented her arm! Can I just note that
she was the one that landed on me and nearly broke my back!
There are permanent fingernail marks on my arm from her iron clutch.
Then I'm turned into the temporary boyfriend to drive off some dude called Spike McTyre.
I gave up a Friday afternoon for that.
Studying for the Physics exam would've been more productive.
Message from Chris Weston to Dave Knightley
Subject: Re: yesterday arvo
Cushion to land on? Nearly broke your back? Fingernail marks on your arm?
What naughty business were you two up to? Has my wittle Davey-baby
grown up into a big boy already?! Not as innocent and goody-two shoes as we all thought he was!
Losing the good boy complex now, are we?
Brings a tear to my eye. You nerd, the physics exam isn't til ages.
P.s: Temporary boyfriend? What, did you want permanent?
P.P.S: Spike McTyre? Cool name. Is he a mechanic?
Message from Dave Knightley to Chris Weston
Subject: I don't know why I bother talking to you at all
Permanent boyfriend? Right.
You have been hit by the football too many times in the head, Weston, you pathetic excuse of a human being.
Go stuff yourself.
P.S: Actually, the exam is next week. Moron.
Message from Chris Weston to Dave Knightley
Subject: Because you want to!
Have I touched a nerve, Dave babe?
You know, as a third party/objective to this whole situation that's going on….
I would think that you like her, man.
BUT THAT'S JUST THE THIRD PARTY/OBJECTIVE SPEAKING!!
Message from Chris Weston to Dave Knightley
Subject: right
Right…
Please don't ever call me that again.
Taylor might think you're being unfaithful and it's just too sick for words.
Well, you aren't a third party/objective, so shut up, man.
P.S: I don't think I'll be going sailing. Back's killing me and Emma's not going.
Wouldn't have anyone sane to talk to. With you lunatics all over each other.
Besides, I'm practically paralysed, thanks to Emma.
Message from Spike McTyre to Robert Martin
Subject: Have ya asked?
What did she say?
Message from Robert Martin to Spike McTyre
Subject: none
Nah Harriet's not on at the moment I think she's out. Chill man no worries
I bet Emma likes ya even if she has a boyfriend. No problem.
Message from Spike McTyre to Robert Martin
Subject: none
He's too tall for her dude and doesn't talk at all. What's the dude's name something real pansy.
Like Dane Nightie or something like that not man-like ya know? Did Emma see the real rad thing I did in the rink? ya know the skating thingy kinda like hockey!
Bet he doesn't know no tricks and can't do a 180 turn at the rink eh? Dane probably wouldn't even know the
difference between a motor engine and a truck one. I do me pop has a truck and I know everything about
motors. he's just some pretty boy in fancy clothes with nothing but height. didya see what he was wearing?!
some gay footie jersey and he's jeans weren't even ripped at the knees OR at the butt! I bet he's gay because
he aint got no piercing or tattoos. I got a skull cross on me butt and two piercings in me ear. just like a man.
no offence dude but ya gotta have piercing then maybe harriet will like ya eh?
Message from Robert Martin to Spike McTyre
Subject: none
Sorry, mate, but Harriet was on just then and I asked her and she said that they weren't actually going out.
just friends or something like that but Emma wasn't very impressed with the turn you did at the rink.
Nearly knocked her over mate. And it's Dave Knightley man. He's real cool at his school wins awards every
year footie champ/captain/prefect and girls love him. Said he's real decent and everybody's friend.
But don't get me wrong I still think you're rad over him! Any day! You're real good at skateboarding probably
the best at hip hop friendly with the chicks and everybody's mate. so no worries brother.
there's nothing the guy has that you don't. Just abide by the law man and maybe once in awhile not
everyday or anything but once a month hand in a few assignments.
P.S: Emma doesn't like the way you talk. Bad grammar. I think I should tidy up on mine too.
Message from Spike McTyre to Robert Martin
Subject: the stuff I do for a gal
Is Harriet off her tree, or what? Emma with bad grammar? Ok, ok, keep ya shirt on!
I'll try, but I ain't promising anything big. Have you asked Harriet out yet? Gotta be quick.
Heard about the Elton dude, sorry. Well, you still got a chance…I mean, we can always gate crash!
I'll call up the gang. So what about it? Got to go to pop's farm.
Message from Robert Martin to Spike McTyre
Subject: none
Do you think I still should ask her out? Nah, no gate crashing, man! No way.
What are you, mate, nuts?! Emma won't be too happy about it, anyway.
Message from Emma Woodhouse to Dave Knightley
Subject: none
Skating was fun, wasn't it?
Message from Dave Knightley to Emma Woodhouse
Subject: none
Yeah, I especially liked the part when you squashed me flat.
Like a pancake. Spike McTyre? Cool name. Weston thinks he's
a mechanic.
Message from Emma Woodhouse to Dave Knightley
Subject: none
God, I didn't mean to fall over. You should've been paying attention anyway!
Just like the bit when I tripped, you just stood there and watch me fall onto the ice.
How helpful. By the way, Spike is such a freak. But, what do you expect from Highburies?
P.S: Did you tell Chris about our skating trip?
Message from Dave Knightley to Emma Woodhouse
Subject: none
I'm sorry; I was too busy having fun watching you try to get up.
Spike's not that bad. Emma, it's got nothing to do with what school you go to!
It's how you treat people. I really love it how you always manage to drag your "school politics theory"
into everything, Emma. Very classy of you.
P.S: Yeah, so he knows not to take girls skating. It's a health hazard.
Message from Emma Woodhouse to Dave Knightley
Subject: as much as you're my closest friend…
I have to tell you this. Just because you're two years older than me, doesn't
make you god! I do treat people well! Why do people always say that?!
I'm nice to everybody (I sit next to Augusta Hawkins in French, for god's sake)
and people say I have a good chance of getting elected school captain!
What are you again? Oh right, a prefect.
Message from Dave Knightley to Emma Woodhouse
Subject: and as much as you're my friend
I'll tell you this. You only treat people that you like well! Or if you want something out of them.
Look at Robert Martin for instance! I know you deliberately talked about the dance,
loud enough for the poor guy to hear. You know that he likes Harriet!
He's actually more decent than Elton. Elton's a mate, don't get me wrong. But he's….Elton.
And everybody knows the only reason Harry Hurst was elected school captain was because
his FATHER donated some shit-ugly plaque to the school.
Talk about immorality.
And there's no such thing as vice captain at Donwell for some shit reason.
I also happen to be HEAD prefect which if memory does not fail me, makes me the unofficial vice captain.
You know, sometimes talking to Jacky is more productive than talking to you.
Message from Emma Woodhouse to Dave Knightley
Subject: none
Ok, ok, I'm sorry! Don't get all theatrically hysterical at me!
But Robert Martin can't go with Harriet! It'll screw my plan up!
What's wrong with John? I think he's a nice enough guy!
Are you trying to say that you DOG is better company?! I'm insulted.
Message from Dave Knightley to Emma Woodhouse
Subject: none
Note how you said 'my plan'? Harriet mightn't actually want to go with John!
I mean, sure, she might find him attractive, nice and whatever, but she doesn't know him that well.
It's always about you, Emma. Always how you want it.
Message from Emma Woodhouse to Dave Knightley
Subject: none
Harriet likes John, and that's my final word on it! I don't want to talk about it anymore.
Dave, I'm helping her.
You're probably just mad that at least someone likes her! Whereas, with you? No one.
Message from Emma Woodhouse to Dave Knightley
Subject: none
Dave, are you mad? I sent the email twenty minutes ago and there are no footie or cricket matches on this afternoon. I checked the TV guide.
And Izzie is talking to John who is in the study on the computer next to you. So I know you're there.
I was just joking. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it! (The bit about no one liking you, Dave!)
You know you're my best friend and that there are a thousand girls that would murder
to go out with you!
Dave…if you don't reply…I'm going over. I'll even make you a deal.
You can come over for dinner and watch footie tonight. I might even watch it with you.
Only if you forgive me.
I was just being stupid.
Message from Taylor Lee to Emma Woodhouse
Subject: none
Hey Em!
Getting ready for sailing! Are you sure you and Dave aren't coming?
Because it'll be really fun. So how was skating?
Message from Emma Woodhouse to Taylor Lee
Subject: none
Taylor! Nah, still sore from skating. It was pretty good, I'm over at Dave's.
He's not going anywhere. THE DANCE IS IN TWO WEEKS.
AND HIS COSTUME IS HIDEOUS!
I need to help him. But you go and have fun! Make sure, if you capsize….hold onto Chris.
He's not a very strong swimmer and might be a little scared!
Oh yeah, bring sunscreen! You know what happens when you bake in the sun for too long…just think Yr 9 camp…hehee
Message from Dave Knightley to Emma Woodhouse
Subject: none
My outfit is hideous? What d'ya mean? My football jersey and shorts are clean.
Washed from last practice! And why are you on email again?
Message from Emma Woodhouse to Dave Knightley
Subject: re:
Just because I'm over at your place, doesn't mean I put my social life on hold!
Anyway, I'm looking up pictures of David Beckham. In case you haven't noticed, your hair
isn't blonde. It's brown. Currently, Beckham has a little beard/moustache growing.
And we need to get you a stick-on stud plus sunnies. Maybe we'll be able to get a Manchester United
or England jersey. Which means, we're going to the mall.
Go and change!
Message from Dave Knightley to Emma Woodhouse
Subject: none
What?! Do you know how much those jerseys cost?! And no way am I having a stud!
That's gay.
Message from Emma Woodhouse to Dave Knightley
Subject: none
Who told you to go as Beckham?
Because I'm such a good generous person, I'll get you the jersey.
That's if we go dye your hair…and I need to get my hair darker too. Highlights maybe?
I've got everything planned!
My Gucci (real ones, thankyou very much!) 2007 Summer Edition sunnies, strapless red Dior dress ( that
I got when I went to France last year. Very hot if I may say so myself)
and I've got these really nice pen-toed wedges to go with it!
Oh! Jewellery! Silver big hoop earrings and I've got an initial necklace
(VB…duh)
You know, I really can't see a point in dressing up so impressively ….I mean, I'm only going with you.
But, oh well, it's always nice to look gorgeous.
Message from Emma Woodhouse to Dave Knightley
Subject: none
If you don't stop yakking on about what you're gonna wear, the shops are going to close.
And keep it up, and you won't be going with anyone, Emma Woodhouse.