Thank you so much for the reviews for the first chapter of this story. Reviews always make me happier to continue my stories, and I'm always disappointed when some of my one-shots, specially for Fantastic Four, are little reviewed. It does sadden one :(
Anyway, for this chapter, I have to thank Emma, my sister, my personal Johnny Storm, for the song recommendations. As always, the italics stand for speech from the past, the normal text is the main body of the story, and the bold text is lyrics from Coheed and Cambria's Blood Red Summer.
Long after the door shut behind her, Reed remained in the hall. He stood there, staring at the bedroom door which had shut so abruptly in her absence. Part of him felt hurt that she was rejecting the only comfort he felt he could offer her, but the better part of him understood why she couldn't. This was her mother, the woman who had brought her into the world, and the woman who had left the world without her children. He understood why she wouldn't accept his comfort, because there was no comfort that anyone could give her. Nothing was ever going to take away the pain of her mother dying. He knew that feeling all too well himself.
Sighing, he ran his hand through his hair, making it stick up where it was still damp from his shower. He wanted to help her. He'd always wanted to help her when September 25th came around, but there was so little he could do. Every year held a different reaction from her. One year, she had locked herself in the bedroom all day and refused to come out; another she had gone about her day as normal, only with an expression void of happiness; another she had kept an air of exaggerated calm and content all day until a random comment from her during the mid-afternoon had set her off on an unavoidable yet catastrophic emotional outburst; the final year they had been together, she'd stayed in bed all day, wrapped in up Reed's arms, not saying a single word, neither of them moving. This year, clearly, was the hardest year since the first year she'd spent without her mother. It was an anniversary year, a milestone that she'd been avoiding the possibility of this day reaching.
It was going to be a long day.
He left the hall, opting for the kitchen. He knew that Sue wasn't going to surface for a while, and when she did, she'd avoid him. He felt the need to sigh again, more heavily this time, but he held back. This, after all, wasn't his day for depression. It wasn't a loss of a person that he could mourn. No, he didn't know Sue's mother, who had died long before he had met Sue, but the devastation that his girlfriend suffered on September 25th often left him reeling from the memories she'd tell him of her mother.
In the living room, Ben was sat on the sofa, watching the television. It wasn't terribly loud, but it was louder than what Ben usually set the volume to when he was watching television. The sound of the news reporter was blaring into the room, telling them about a dip in the stock market and an interview with the President about international relations. Usually, if Reed sat down at his side, he'd be genuinely interested in what the President had to say, but today as he fell down against the couch cushions, he found his mind was ruled by Sue's gaunt face and hollow eyes as she innocently muttered "I got sick" as a reasoning for her additional pain.
"You're up early." Reed noticed, when his eyes flickered to the clock in the bottom corner of the news frame. Ben usually wasn't up this early. It seemed to be a typical system. Reed would always be up first, and Sue would always follow him, sometimes jumping in the bathroom the minute he left it, then Ben would surface about an hour after the two of them, and Johnny sometimes three or four hours, closer to midday.
Ben shrugged his large shoulders, and it was still visible in his unchanged eyes that he was a little tired. Nothing that would slow down his day, however, just making him more content with an hour on the couch in front of the television. "Johnny's playing his music loud." Ben said simply. "Had no choice but to get up."
Reed looked towards the hall. Ben's room and Johnny's were directly beside each others. He hadn't heard any music when he had been holding Sue, but their rooms and the bathroom were further down the hall, and he hadn't really been paying attention to the world around him when he had made his way to the living room. Now, if he focused, he could hear the distant sounds of Johnny's rock music sounding through the door. He hoped it wasn't disturbing Sue, because the last thing that either of the siblings needed that day was an argument with each other.
He turned back to Ben, his voice quiet as he spoke, and his eyes sympathetic. "Go easy on him today, okay?"
Ben raised an eyebrow, as best he could with his rock-transfigured brow. "Something wrong?" He asked, his gruff voice instantly pointing out his concern that Reed was genuinely looking out for Johnny, in more than the way he did as leader. No, this was a protective manner, similar to the one he held for Sue; the need to keep away unnecessary pain.
"Today's a hard day for him and Sue." Reed told him simply. Of course, 'hard' was a mild understatement. Today was going to be horrific and heart-wrenching for the pair of them.
"What happens today?" He pried still, more confusing showing in his eyes. He'd not been aware of anything specific happening that day. He turned his head towards the television once again, checking the date on the strap line of the news broadcast. September 25th. He frowned slightly, he didn't remember anything about that date. Nothing stood out in his mind.
"Just...don't push him." Reed settled on, knowing that the last thing they needed was for an emotional Johnny Storm to get into an argument. He was a hot-head as it was, let alone with his emotions no longer under his control.
Ben nodded slowly. Usually it was Johnny who started their arguments anyway, so it would be easy enough for him not to respond to the wise-cracks that weren't going to be there that day. Even if he did make a few jokes about his size like his regular self, then Ben would go easy on him, knowing that it was a hard day. "What about Susie, is she okay?" He asked.
Reed was silent for a moment, remembering again the sight of Sue that had greeted him when she had stepped out of the bathroom, and the way that she had clung to him moments later. She hadn't held onto him like that for a long time. "No." He whispered, shaking his head, before repeating it again, only louder. "No, she's not okay." He ran his hands over his face in frustration as he remembered how un-okay she was, and how he hadn't been able to help her. "She's been awake all night from the look of her; she locked herself in the bathroom for a while because she got sick this morning; and today is the worst day of the year for her."
Again, Ben frowned at his best friend. "Are you going to tell me what happens today, or what?"
----
"Johnny...Johnny, baby, can you hear me?"
"Momma."
"That's right sweetie. Are you okay?"
"Where are you?"
"I'm here, honey, I'm here. Are you hurt? Do you hurt anywhere?"
"My arm hurts."
"The doctors are on their way, Johnny. They're going to get you out and make you better."
"Get me out? Are we still in the car?"
"Yes, honey, we're still in the car?"
Faint white fingers paint my sleep
He'd once thought that there was only so much time that you could spend staring at the ceiling before you got bored. However, he had proved himself wrong that morning. For three hours now, he'd done nothing but stare at the ceiling. Thoughts ran through his head; sometimes useless thoughts, like wondering whether the colour of the ceiling was beige or magnolia, and sometimes they were memories, places and lines of speech that had forever been printed into his mind by events that he'd never wanted to live in the first place, let alone have to revisit in his mind a million times over. However, the latter of these thoughts were the ones that took full hold of his mind, as the distinction between colours had to be abandoned when he realised that he wasn't even aware of a different between magnolia and beige.
"Is Susie okay?"
"She's going to be okay, honey, don't be scared."
Please don't tell my secrets, keep them hidden
Once the memories took hold of his mind, he no longer saw the ceiling. He'd stay in the memory, and when he opened his eyes after blinking, he'd instead be staring at the interior of a car. He could remember that vividly, despite being only seven years old at the time. He could remember suddenly snapping his eyes open at the sound of his mothers voice calling him, and wondering why he was so uncomfortable, all the time, looking up at the roof of the car; the grey-like fabric covering the harsher metal interior in the place that he was staring. In other places the metal was showing through, jagged edges of the tough metal piercing through the torn fabric in the front of the car, but he tried not to look at them. If he looked at them, he'd see the two heads of blonde before him, both facing the same direction as he was, and he could only see the very tops of their heads, but it was enough to tell him that his mother's head was moving, and his sisters wasn't.
"The doctors are here, honey. They're going to get you out."
"I want to stay with you."
"You can't honey. I'll be with you soon."
If the words that matter reach your face from floor
Then, the memory would fade, and when he blinked for the second time, he'd be looking back up at the ceiling again, wondering whether he was just imagining things, or whether there was a spider crawling around the surface in the darkness. Perhaps it was just a shadow. Either way, he didn't care. He didn't move. He wasn't afraid of the spiders, and he wasn't afraid of the shadows.
He was afraid of being helpless. He was afraid of not being able to do anything.
He was afraid of that day.
"I don't want to go on my own."
"You won't be on your own, Johnny. They'll get Susie out next."
"What about you, Mom?"
Will you be wondering if, or do I need what is given or honest?
So, sitting alone in the dark, he'd run through the years in his head right up until that day. He remembered the distant times when his only worries were going to his best friends birthday party and playing out in the streets with the kids across the street after school, right up until the previous night, where his worries had been focused on the family he had rescued from a burning building on his way back from helping Sue with the weekly food shop in town.
"Mom, don't make me leave you."
"Go with the doctors, Johnny. Susie will be with you soon, and then me. I love you."
Does it cost me scarring if the words stay true?
He'd changed so much. Had she seen that?
Had she seen the day that he had gotten rid of his childhood toys, in favour of model cars and bikes that spent hours of his and his fathers time to make with model glue? Had she seen the few toys that he'd been unable to get rid of, tucked away in a box in the back of his closet? Had she seen the way he'd fought against his sisters authority, just as he had done hers? Had she seen the day that he'd first realised he was a natural killer with the ladies? Had she laughed at his exploits with them, both disastrous and successful? Had she seen the days where he and Sue finally got on together without squabbling? Did she see the times where they still did squabble, even if it was only over which cereal to get, and whether fresh or frozen vegetables were better?
Had she seen anything?
"Johnny. Johnny, son, what happened?"
"I'm not in the car anymore."
"I know, you're at the hospital. Where's your sister?"
"The doctors took her in there. She kept crying about Mom."
Even number your nephew, I don't want it, I don't want it, don't want it anymore
Part of him wanted to believe, more than anything, that she could see him. He'd always firmly forced himself into knowing that she was watching him, like everyone assured him. Part of him believed that the spirit of his mother lived on in the world around him.
But only part of him.
The rest of him was telling him otherwise, especially as he lay in the dark, the first rays of sunlight creeping into his room. If she could see him, that meant that her spirit had remained around them. It meant that she was there, watching over her children. It meant that she was still there. But if she was there, then why couldn't he feel her? Why wasn't he certain that there was a comforting presence in the room? The only presence he felt was that of emptiness, and of memories that he wished he could forget, and others that he'd fight forever to hold on to. If she was there, then why did bad things still happen? She was their mother, and whether she was around them in body or in spirit, it was still a mother's job, a mother's duty, to protect her children, and keep them safe from the evils of the world, whether or not they had grown up by now.
And when the answer that you want
"Mom's okay, isn't she?"
"Johnny..."
"She'll be at the hospital too, right?"
"No, Johnny. I'm afraid she won't be."
Is in the question that you state
If she was protecting them, why did he still fear the monsters in the closet for a further three years after her death? Why did Sue sometimes wake up in the night crying, even when she thought no one could hear her? Why did their father look at photographs for so long, and so intently, that he wouldn't hear his children speaking to him until they intercepted the gaze between his eyes and the photographs. Why? Why wasn't she there all the time?
"I don't want to go home without Mom."
"Your mother can't come home now, son."
Come what may
He sat up, finally throwing the covers off of himself. Sleep wasn't going to come to him now, and neither was comfort from staying in bed. The streaks of morning were sprayed over his carpet through the Venetian blinds, scattering the dawn through the wooden slats. Summer was almost over, with autumn setting in, but in the mornings, it was still bright in the early hours. Almost painfully bright when the blinds had been drawn completely open to allow fresh air into the hot summer bedroom, but that morning, Autumn held domain over the air, and the air was crisp in the room.
"Susie, are you okay?"
"I don't feel well. I want Momma."
"I want her too, but Dad says we can't have her."
"It just makes me want her more."
Come what may
He didn't bother to get dressed. He was wearing pyjama bottoms and a tank top in bed, and he didn't see the need to get dressed. He couldn't comfort himself alone. He couldn't get through this day alone. He needed his sister. He needed Sue because he knew that when he spoke his reassurances to her, he'd have to believe them himself.
"Time for bed, Johnny. School tomorrow."
"But Mom's not gonna wake me up in the morning."
"Susie will wake you up when she gets up for school."
In a pain that buckles out your knees
As he left the bedroom, he immediately heard the two voices of Reed and Ben floating from the living room. He stepped forwards, listening to the first man's concern and the second's worry as they spoke about the date's relevance to the two siblings. He arrived behind them just in time to hear Reed explain: "She locked herself in the bathroom because she got sick this morning, and today is the worst day of the year for her." He knew straight away that he was talking about Sue, if the 'worst day of the year' explanation hadn't told him that, it was the tenderness in Reed's voice.
"Be kind to your sister, Johnny. Don't fight with her all the time. She's missing your mother too."
Could you stop this if I plead?
"Are you going to tell me what happens today, or what?" Ben asked.
"What happened, Johnny? Why weren't you at school last week?"
"We had an accident in the car. Needed time off for the funeral."
So destined I am to walk among the dark
"Today is the day that Mom died." Johnny announced as he walked behind them. He stood behind the couch, watching as the two men turned around abruptly at the sound of the youngest man's hollow voice.
"Johnny." Reed said, sympathy leaking into his voice, bordering dangerously on pity.
He gave a sad smirk, shrugging his suddenly heavy shoulders, heading towards the kitchen slowly. "You'd think that after fifteen years, it'd get easier." He mused aloud as he wandered.
"Seven year old boys aren't supposed to act like this. He should be out playing on his bike, refusing to do his homework..."
"It'll get better with time, Frank."
"Will it? Will my children ever be the same without their mother?"
A child in keeping secrets from
"Are you okay?" Reed asked, almost hesitantly as he remembered the reaction that Sue had given him earlier.
Johnny shook his head, now completely facing away from them as he had passed the couch. "No, but I will be."
"Have you been..."
But he stopped Reed mid-question. He knew what he was going to ask. "I'll go see her in a minute." He answered, his voice more emotionless than saddened, but there was a definite emotion in his voice that wasn't usually there for the thrill-seeking adrenaline-lover.
"Okay." Reed muttered quietly, as Johnny disappeared into the kitchen.
"Susie."
"Yeah, Johnny?"
"Can I sleep in your room? I had a bad dream."
"What about?"
"About Mom and the car."
Will they know what I've done in the after?
Once in the kitchen, he prepared a tray with food on it. He was never really awake in time to share breakfast time with his sister, especially with his constant love for attending every party he had been invited to, but he remembered that she liked simple cereals; a lover of plain cornflakes since she'd progressed onto solid foods. He couldn't ever remember his sister eating the sugar coated cereals that he still loved. However, he wasn't sure whether she'd want the milk-covered cereals that he'd prepared, so he slipped a pair of bread slices into the toaster.
"What are we meant to do at a funeral?"
"I don't know. Are we meant to do anything?"
In the sought for matter when the words blame you
His distraction meant that, for once, he wasn't even in the slightest danger of setting fire to the toaster. On several occasions now, simply adjusting the heat dial would leave them shopping for a new toaster. Today, however, he simply adjusted it to a rather low setting, knowing how fussy Sue was about burnt toast, and he didn't want to piss her off that day. He'd never really been fond of burnt toast, but on occasion where he had been leaving the house ten minutes after waking up, burnt toast was all that was left over for him to eat before school in the mornings.
"I'm hungry, Susie."
"Go and get Dad to start some breakfast."
"Dad's gone to work. He didn't make any before he left."
"Come on, I'll make you some toast."
In a blood red summer I'll give you
He loaded the then-buttered toast and the cereal onto one of the dinner trays that they kept in one of the bottom cupboards. He also put two glasses of water onto the tray. There had been orange juice and pineapple juice in the refrigerator, but if Sue had gotten sick that morning, perhaps water would be better for her stomach. The last thing she needed was to spend the day in the bathroom with her head down the toilet. She'd only feel worse than she already did, if that were possible.
"Do you still get sad?"
"All the time."
I don't want it, don't want it, don't want it
----
Reed and Ben watched him as he left the kitchen. It was something they hadn't seen before, Johnny preparing breakfast, not only for himself, but clearly for Sue as well. Of course, the siblings didn't fight all the time, but when they did fight, it was usually because Johnny was thinking of himself before others. However, she was clearly about to get a shock from her younger brother when he appeared at her side with breakfast for her.
Ben turned to Reed, completely stunned by the almost zombie-like actions of the Human Torch. "Today is that bad?" He asked quietly.
Reed nodded in confirmation. "It's the fifteen year anniversary."
"Oh." Ben said, frowning a little. "That's bad."
"Trust me." Reed continued, as their heads turned back to the presidents speech on the television, neither of them interested in it this time, "We're going to see a whole other side of them today."
----
He knocked on the door lightly, knowing from past experience that hard knocks against wooden doors often resulted in the smoke alarm blaring out. There was no answer from inside the bedroom, which didn't surprise him, but he was still cautious when he opened the bedroom door. He moved the door slowly, a soft scraping sound filling the room as the wood rolled over the carpet beneath his feet. There, he looked into the bedroom, instantly spotting his big sister.
"Your grandmothers coming for dinner tonight."
"I don't wanna see grandma."
"Why not, Johnny?"
"She looks like Mom."
What did I do to deserve this?
She lie on one side of the bed, curled into a ball as she faced the centre of the mattress. She didn't look up as he opened the door, and didn't even appear to hear him when she softly called her name. Instead, she stared blankly towards the untouched pillow beside her, a limp hand resting on the empty mattress next to her. It was like she was waiting for someone to fill the space beside her, frozen in time until the void was filled. However, Johnny knew that this void wasn't one of a longing to share the bed with a man she loved, but rather, he knew that she was remembering the times she would lie in her bed, and that her mother would come to her side when she cried. Now, however, she had tears on her cheeks, and her mother didn't come to her side. She hadn't come to her daughters side in fifteen years.
"Susie, wake up!"
"What is it, Johnny?"
"You were crying. I heard you."
What did I do to deserve this?
He closed the door behind him, making sure that the breakfast tray was still carefully balanced on his other hand. Then, he crossed the room, going to the side of the bed that didn't have his sister's curled body atop the blankets. He placed the tray at the bottom of the bed, and then lowered himself onto the bed beside her. He lay down, mimicking Sue's position, right down to the detail of her hand resting loosely against the blankets, with his own less than a centimetre from hers.
"Susie." He repeated softly, his voice still gentle, yet filled with no emotion. She looked how he felt, an expression that had never had more meaning to it than at that moment.
His closeness when he spoke was enough to bring her out of her trance. Her eyes flickered for a moment, before she was fully aware that her brother lay opposite her. "Johnny." She whispered back, her own voice already on the verge of breaking again.
"So, Johnny, eight years old. That's a big number. What do you want for your eighth birthday? Something special? How about that new bike you were looking at in the shop?"
"I'd rather have Mom back."
This?
A vivid memory crossed his mind; one of the morning of their mothers funeral, the day they had lowered her body into the ground and said goodbye to her forever. He had woken up, and gone into his parent's bedroom, seeking the comfort of his father once he realised what day it was. However, Franklin Storm hadn't been in the room. The bed was already made to perfection as if their mother herself had done the sheets, and his father was not to be seen. However, the smell of the room was what rooted him there. He had smelt his mothers perfume from the open bottle on the dressing table on the other side of the room. So, he had crossed the bedroom, wearing his Superman pyjamas, and curled up on his mothers side of the bed. Less than ten minutes later, Sue had joined him, laying down opposite him and curling up in the same way that he had done. After a minute, Johnny had sniffled slightly, early morning preventing him from having the energy to cry properly for his lost mother. In response, Sue had reached out her hand, and taken it in his own, letting their clasped hands, gripped furiously to each other, lie in the empty space between them; a space that used to be filled by their mother.
"I wish Mom was here. She'd know what to do."
This?
He reached out his hand, taking hold of Sue's in the same way, three weeks short of fifteen years later to that exact day. Just as he had done to her, she gripped his hand back tightly, fighting back the tears that were still settling on her face from when Reed had held her in the hall. They remained in silence for a while, and he forced himself to remember that they were in a different bedroom now, not one filled with the memories of their mother. It wasn't her perfume atop the dressing table. It wasn't her clothes in the closet. It wasn't her bed sheets. It was Sue's room. Sue's. Not their mothers.
"Thanks, Susie."
"For what?"
"For looking after me. Mom would be really proud of you."
What did I do to deserve this?
"Heard you got sick this morning." Johnny finally spoke.
She nodded lightly against the pillow. "Just a bit." She admitted weakly, her throat still sore from the effort it had been so early in the morning. "I'm okay."
"You should eat something." He suggested.
"I'm not hungry." She countered.
"Me neither, but the last time you didn't have breakfast you passed out in the street." He pointed out to her.
At that, a flash of a smile crossed her face, but there was no happiness behind the lifting of her lips. "Dad wasn't too happy, was he?" She remembered.
"No, he wasn't." Johnny agreed, also remembering the day where Sue had skipped breakfast and then collapsed in the middle of the mall. "And Reed wouldn't be either if he knew that you were getting sick over not being hungry." He added, although he wasn't sure why he'd brought himself to tell her that. Was he really going to use Reed as a blackmail to get her to have breakfast?
"What shall we have for breakfast?"
"I don't know. Dad's at work and we've got no cereals left."
"Marshmallows."
"Johnny, we can't have marshmallows for breakfast."
"Please, just this once."
"Okay, but just because its your birthday."
What did I do to deserve this?
Her eyes flickered with confusion. "Reed?"
He nodded, not taking his eyes off of her. "He's really worried about you." He confirmed, remembering the softness of Reed's voice when he had first entered into the living room. "Heard him talking to Ben." He admitted as an afterthought.
Sue was silent for a while, remembering how she had snapped at Reed, telling him to leave her alone. "He shouldn't be so worried." She mused aloud, even though she was contradicting herself with the desperation with she had held onto him.
Johnny squeezed her hand an extra bit tighter, but not too tight that it hurt her. "He loves you, Susie." He pointed out. "Of course he's worried."
She gave him a withering look, pleading written in her eyes. "Can we please not go into that?" She asked him. "Not today. I can't deal with it on top of today." It was hard enough to live under the same roof as Reed as it was, without the constant jabs from Johnny about whether or not they were getting back together. Of course she had feelings for Reed still, and that made it all the more awkward, but she couldn't deal with the mocking weddings plans from her brother and Ben, as well as the rest of the city, that day.
"Your smiling today."
"I'm happy today."
"Good. It's good that you're happy."
This?
Johnny gave her a disappointed look, as if he had been waiting for her to scold him for bringing a possible relationship with Reed into conversation, rather than honestly begging him to stop. "You know that today doesn't mean you can't be happy, right?" He told her.
"Johnny-"
"It was never your fault, Susie." He whispered to her, as tears started to well in her eyes again.
"It's always been my fault." She whispered back, fighting her body to prevent the tears from splashing onto her cheeks again.
"Don't blame yourself, sweetheart."
"Yeah, Susie. It wasn't your fault."
This?
Johnny shook her head. "Mom made her choice, and she chose you." He reminded her.
"She could have lived." Sue reasoned.
"And you'd've died." Johnny muttered, as if the mere idea of his sister also not being at her side were so unspeakable. After all, he could remember more of Sue raising him than he could of his mother. "She was a mother." He reminded in her silence. "Would you sacrifice a child to save yourself? Your child?"
She shook her head instantly, the choice not even needing a second thought. "No."
"Then accept that Mom made her choice." He repeated softly.
"I'm proud of you, son. You're a real hero."
"Thanks, Dad."
"Your mother would be so proud of you."
What did I do to deserve this?
Sue inhaled deeply, the release of air coming out shakily afterwards. She gripped his hand tighter. "It just...it never goes away, does it?" She realised. Clearly Johnny hadn't been the only one to think that after fifteen years, the loss of their mother might have become an easier burden to bare.
He shook his head. "No." He whispered.
"Dad? Dad, where's Mom? Is she okay? Why isn't she here?"
"Your mother was badly hurt, son. I'm afraid that she died before they could get her out of the car. I'm so sorry, Johnny, my darling boy, but your mother's not coming home with us."
What did I do?