Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. India.Arie (and Don Henley) own the song "The Heart of the Matter."
The Heart of the Matter
Chapter 2
I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore…
Chapter 2: Secret
Both of our shirts were off before I realized what I was doing.
"Shit, shit, shit!" I scolded myself as I pulled away from Jacob. "What the hell was I thinking? Jake, how could you let me do that?!" I searched the room for my blouse, finding it laying on the couch and slipping off the edge. How ironic, seeing as this was a perfect metaphor for my life at the current moment.
"Not gonna lie, I didn't mind it Bells," He replied, giving me a once-over as I was buttoning my blouse back up.
"Oh God. Oh God. Oh God." I was hyperventilating.
"Bells, chill! So you wanted to experiment a little before you signed your life away to the bloodsuckers! No biggie!"
I could not believe he was telling me to "chill" about making pretty much the biggest mistake of my life. Edward would never tell me to calm down. Oh God, I thought I was going to be sick. Edward. What was Edward going to say about this?
Scratch that, I was in the bathroom puking my guts out before Jake could fit in another word.
"You okay in there Bells?" He asked.
"Yeah Jake, just peachy," I said between the hurls. Maybe my dress will fit better now, I foolishly thought to myself. Ha, like Edward would ever consider marrying me after he found out what I did with the dog…Wait. That was it. Edward never had to know. We were on the reservation, meaning Alice could not have seen us doing…that. And, if I could keep Jacob and the pack away from Edward for I don't know, the rest of their existences, Edward would never be able to find out. I actually laughed to myself at my stupid plan. It could never, ever work. Jacob had just gotten the farthest he had with a girl ever. A guy like Jacob would never keep something like that secret, no matter if he had phased or not. How did I ever let myself do something so stupid?
Suddenly, my cell phone started ringing from the living room. Please don't be Edward, please don't answer it Jacob, I thought to myself.
"Bells, your phone's ringing! Want me to grab it? It's probably the bloodsucker!" He asked with a smirk in his voice.
"Jacob, get the fuck away from my phone," I tried to say it with all the calm I could muster.
It was Alice, calling to see where I was. Right, I was supposed to be at the Cullen's house for my dress fitting with Alice over forty-five minutes ago.
"Oh, hi Alice!" I tried to pull off confusion, but Alice called my bluff right away. "Ok, I'm at La Push right now. I was just leaving anyway," I shot Jacob a dirty look as I said this. "Don't bother coming to pick me up or anything; I have my truck."
"Don't be silly Bella! Edward's already on his way over! I would have sent him over earlier, but I wasn't able to see where you were until just now when I saw Edward coming to get you! Some psychic I am!" Alice said with a laugh. "He's running since you drove over, so he'll be there in a minute or two. I'll see you soon sis!" With that, I slammed the phone shut and ran out to my truck. It slowly wheezed to life and I was able to race out of Jacob's driveway without even saying goodbye. It's probably better off this way, seeing as how well saying goodbye to him last time went, I thought.
Shit, shit, shit, I thought to myself again. I am so dead. Actually, on second thought, death sounds wonderful right now. I must be going crazy, making jokes at a time like this. I peeled off into the shoulder and dialed Edward's cell. Luckily, he answered on the first ring.
"Bella? What's going on? Is something wrong?" His musical voice inquired, worried for my safety. "I'm almost at La Push. Seriously, are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine! What would be wrong with me?" I laughed nervously. "I already left Jacob's house, so you don't need to worry about swinging by to come get me. I'll just meet you back at your house, okay?"
"No problem, I already saw where you are from Alice. I just turned around, so I can probably be at your truck in thirty seconds," He said with a smile in his voice.
FUCK. Why did I have to deal with him now? Fifty-fifty shot that he already knows. Barely twenty seconds had passed before my door jerked open, and I was pulled into a passionate kiss.
"I missed you," Edward said as he moved his lips down to my collarbone. "But really love, you stink."
I laughed his remark off uneasily, and he looked at me, his eyes full of suspicion. "Did the dog try to pull one on you again?" He asked, sadness showing in his beautiful topaz colored eyes. I also saw his fists tense up; he was ready to break Jacob's jaw like he had promised.
"No," Well, not technically. "We just talked for awhile. I think that we cleared everything up though. He knows that you and I are getting married, and that I can't be friends with him because he constantly drives a wedge between us."
"You didn't have to do that, love."
"I know, but I just thought it was the right thing to do and all." God, I was starting to sound noble. The only word that could describe me know was, well skank.
"I really don't deserve you," He replied with a smile. Oh, the irony. If he only knew what I was really doing for the past half-hour…
"Let's get you home. Alice is already freaking out about the time she lost from planning the seating chart for the reception. Ha, Alice will be Alice," He rolled his beautiful eyes and then started my truck. I was silent the whole trip back to the house.
"Bella? You sure everything is okay? You seem so…distant," Edward asked as we pulled up to the Cullen mansion.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I guess just the whole wedding planning thing is getting to me," I replied.
"If it's too much, we can push it back and wait a few months," Edward suggested.
"No, no seriously I'm fine. Everything will be fine." Before I knew it, Alice had grabbed my arm and whisked me up to her closet. She scolded me for being late, and about how she has lost so much wedding planning time. She'll live, I told myself and laughed silently.
I put the dress on and felt so guilty. Where was Jasper when you needed him?
"Bella, have you been losing weight? Not to be intrusive or anything, but this dress needs to be taken in again! It's the second time this month, and where am I going to find time to get it taken in yet again? Your breath smells pretty bad too…almost as bad as that dog's scent." She eyed me curiously, and then I thought I heard a click go off in her mind.
Oh crap, she knows.