Okay, time to explain that the time setting is kind of weird in this fanfiction, since Tsunade is the Hokage at the time, yet, Sasuke is still with the team and the team is still training with Kakashi. I don't know, don't ask, the story just wouldn't go without that twist of time, so deal with my insanity. :)
Midori Fujiwara
"Rin?"
The woman's eyes showed relief but confusement mixed in with a dash of anger.
"Mom?"
Kakashi felt like slapping himself. He just had to believe the kid when she said she had no mother. Now he'd probably be fined for kidnapping or something.
The mother now looked at Kakashi. Her eyes read something along the lines of 'who the hell are you?'.
It was an awkward moment.
Rin's mother snatched Rin's hand away from Kakashi's angrily and didn't say anything as she turned and lead Rin away, in the opposite direction.
Rin looked back at Kakashi with wide eyes. She put her hand out to reach for him, but by now she was some ten feet away.
Kakashi kind of…watched Rin go away.
Well then, he thought. That took care of everything.
He started home and his thoughts began to race.
There was a missing piece of information.
Perhaps Rin had…run away from her mother? The option wouldn't make sense because then Rin wouldn't have so reluctantly gone with her.
The mother was mostly angry. So most likely Rin had disappeared before…which didn't make sense either in a way because wouldn't the mother be more protective after the first disappearance?
And maybe the mother just didn't care…
Whatever.
Kakashi opened the door to his apartment and as it swung open, disappointment and depression overtook him again.
Unfortunately, he had put away the makiwara boards.
It was awkwardly quiet in the apartment now without Rin. Even though she didn't talk much, it was like taking away a loud clock from the room that wouldn't normally disturb you, and then suddenly realizing the loud silence…he admitted to himself that he enjoyed having the company of the little kid.
Were they all like this? , he thought.
Was he ever like Rin once when he was young?
Kakashi closed the door to his apartment and slowly stepped over to the shelf that held his ninjatou he had received as a former ANBU. He pulled the blade out of its sheath. The sharp edges shone a brilliant silver and white glare.
It was a handsome blade.
And just about the right length as well.
The picture above the shelf where the ninjatou was kept disturbed him. He didn't put up pictures around his apartment, hating the whole concept of pictures. But yet, this was the only one up. A picture of Team 7.
Influences…
Kakashi quickly sheathed the sword.
Perhaps he should say farewell first.
"Hn," Kakashi laughed once in humor at particularily nothing at all.
Now all of us will be gone, Kakashi thought dryly without any emotion.
He stood there, now, in front of the memorial, just rethinking his life as he always had.
But this time, he rethought his life in a more positive way.
At least I installed some teamwork to them, Kakashi thought to Obito. One of your legacies…teamwork, that you taught me. At least your legacy is there…still alive…
Kakashi touched Obito's name on the memorial.
At least your name is there ready for someone with a willing mind to remember…
Kakashi looked at the ground.
You know I'm going straight to hell…if there is such thing as this so-called afterlife…whatever it is, I'm not going to be able to see you again…and I'm not going to be able to erase what I've done…the last I saw of you…the last you ever saw of me was when your Sharingan eye…
Kakashi paused, frozen.
His left eye was Obito's.
Obito still lives…
It was like two boys had become one man.
And in the end, it was Kakashi who survived. Kakashi who was still living, still breathing. And it was Obito that was cold and lost to the earth.
And it was Rin who had performed the surgery to give Kakashi Obito's eye. And Rin who had taken care of all their injuries.
And it was Minato-sensei who had given up his life to save the village from the Nine-Tailed Fox.
There was only him left.
And, hell, what had he done?
Ninja that don't follow the shinobi way are trash, but ninja that dump their friends and fellow teammates are even worse trash, Kakashi thought. That's what you said. And you're right…you always were. It was I who was the bad influence. That's why I commit hara-kiri. I've ashamed myself, my clan, my village, and everyone who sees me.
And besides…, he later added as an afterthought.
He needed a break anyway.
He unsheathed the ninjatou once again.
Was his blood even worth for the blade?
He settled it down again and took off his headband, vest, and shirt. He looked once at his sleeveless shirt that extended up to become his mask. He slipped out of this last layer.
The lower half of his face was hit with the cool air outside his mask. His face, his father's resemblance, revealed to the world again.
Just with Obito's eye.
Kakashi gripped the sword loosely, twirling it around one hand, watching the light gleam off the ninjatou.
In mid-twirl, he stopped the ninjatou and poked his stomach with the sharp tip lightly.
Just skin and muscle, he thought. It's been done. Not impossible.
He just thought about how ironic it was that his father had done the same, out of the same reason: out of shame…
Father-to-son traits that were passed down.
Kakashi smirked.
He positioned the ninjatou at his stomach tilted upwards. The blade would go into his stomach to let him suffer, and then hit the heart from the bottom.
Hara-kiri had to be done precisely, but at the moment, Kakashi really didn't care.
He'd die anyway.
Taking the sword in both hands, he began to pull the sword into himself.
Kakashi saw his skin stretch inwards a bit, dimpling, but with applied force, the skin began to give way and he felt a slight discomfort, which met a climax of pain and then lessened, indicating he had broken through the skin.
Kakashi saw some blood drip down.
Great, the blade was biting.
He paused a second to adjust his hands and then continued. He closed his eyes and grimaced, imagining the blade tear through all the organs inside him.
But first, the muscle.
The pain was dull, but was starting to become increasingly intense. Kakashi told himself he should have inserted the blade faster, he should have been putting the blade in with more force, but he was so cautious…he didn't know how much force to use…
The pain was extremely intense now.
Kakashi wished to take out the blade and suffer the rest of life rather than this. But something stronger than his conscience decided to continue what he started and so he adjusted his hands again.
A desire to end…
The desire so strong, nothing could stop him.
He suddenly realized what suicide really was.
It was a battle between the physical body and mind.
Neither the body nor mind wanted to suffer.
Mental suffering was ended when the physical body suffered and ended.
If the physical body did not want to suffer…mental suffering would continue.
He exhaled sharply through his teeth and kept the blade biting.
He was surprised when he felt warm tears run down his face. He wasn't sure what he was…crying…for:…an innate bodily reaction to pain?...hurt emotions?...conflicting battles within himself?...realizing he was too pathetic to be able to end himself?...everything all together…?
He took in deep breaths, and felt his body vibrate…as if he was about to cry because he was crying.
Stop crying, bitch, he told himself, and as punishment for crying, he put in more force behind the ninjatou against himself, in great opposition to his physical body.
Shinobi dogma had said that a ninja was strongest only when the mind and body were in harmony.
Kakashi, in the midst of all this, smirked again when he remembered the dogma.
You're laughing and crying and committing suicide at the same time, he told himself. What the hell is wrong with you, bitch?
And then he smirked again.
Everything.
He thought he was hallucinating at first, as though it was the physical body's attempt to stop its suffering, but when he heard a knock at his door a second time, his doubts were confirmed.
Just ignore the person, he thought, his mental side encouraging him to continue killing himself. But he wanted to throw away the blade and answer the door in an excuse to live a bit longer. His physical body strongly advocated that.
Now he suddenly began to question whether he really wanted to end his life or not…
Bad question.
"Shit," he muttered as the blade slipped an inch deeper.
The door knocked again.
"Shit," he repeated.
He opened his eyes and averted them to the direction of the door.
Ignore, he told himself.
"Dad?" he heard a voice call.
I'm hallucinating, he told himself. Just my body trying to stop me…
"Dad?"
"Shit," he said, under his breath.
Now what would he do?
"Dad?" Rin's voice called more loudly.
He thought for a period of time that felt like an hour to him, though in reality, only a half second. He relectantly threw aside the ninjatou, pulling it out of him, stopping his desired attempt to die, and quickly pulled on his mask, shirt, vest, and headband quickly, not caring much for bloodstains.
He swung open the door.
Rin.
Rin looked depressed.
"Your mom?" he asked.
"Gone," she said. "Again."
Kakashi didn't say anything. So it was the mother leaving the child, not the child leaving the mother.
"Drink," Rin explained. "A lot."
The bar, Kakashi thought.
So the mother had problems.
And it wasn't the first time.
Kakashi stared at Rin for a long while before letting her in. He led her directly to the bedroom, blocking her view from the random bloody ninjatou on the floor.
"Sleep," he simply said, and closed the bedroom door behind him.
He saw the tossed ninjatou on the floor. Picking it up, he scowled pathetically. The bloodline ended at about four inches away from the tip. Only four inches actually killing himself, and yet that mere amount he couldn't take.
Pathetic, he thought. I'm pathetic.
Taking some scrap cloth, he wiped the blade and the small puddles on the floor. He noticed blood dripping off the bottom of his shirt.
Oh.
Lifting his clothing to reveal the wound, he felt only a pulse near the wounded area, as if his heart was pumping there.
He wished it was.
He would have been done at the moment.
The wound wasn't exactly streaming waterfalls of blood, but it wasn't exactly a minor papercut either. So Kakashi wrapped some cloth bandages around the blood, which immedietely reddened as the wound pumped out more blood. After a few seconds, there were small streams of blood slipping out beneath the super-absorbed cloth.
He stared a while at his blood.
No. He couldn't end now when there was another problem to take care of.
The orphanage wouldn't take Rin in because she had a mother still alive.
Period.
No more questions, although they did look at Kakashi quizzedly, wondering why Kakashi had a kid with him that wasn't his when he knew the mother was alive, but yet was turning the kid into an orphans' facility.
Kakashi didn't want to give Rin back to some unprotective drunk mother.
Rin probably didn't even have a home.
So he went to Lady Tsunade and explained the situation, after slipping back home to change the cloth around his suicidal attempt.
"I know you're probably attached to the girl now, but a child is taken care of by the child's parents, in this case, the mother," Lady Tsunade said, in a sympathetic tone.
Kakashi thought a while before saying something.
"This is no time to be feministic," he said.
Tsunade's eyebrows suddenly met, and her eyes flashed some anger.
"I'm not," she said though, just as calmly, contradicting with her body language. "The mother takes care of the child. Law by nature. Law by me."
"The mother isn't."
"Then the father does."
"He isn't known."
Lady Tsunade stared at him defiantly a moment before turning toward Rin.
"Who is your father, little one?" she asked, smiling and changing emotions quickly and fluently.
Rin didn't think a second before pointing at Kakashi.
Lady Tsunade paused a moment before looking back at Kakashi, changing emotions just as swiftly as before, now serious and professional, and saying, "I wish things would go that way, but I can't just give her up to you and say you are her legal father. The mother is still alive and she will most likely not consent. I'm sorry but it just can't be this way." Lady Tsunade looked sympathetically at Rin for a second before, without turning her head, making eye contact with Kakashi again. "You've gotten her too close to you…I suggest you give her up quickly before it hurts her."
"It will probably hurt her more to live with her mother," Kakashi said, in a feat of bravery: to object once more.
Lady Tsunade leaned forward from her chair and in a quiet, constrained voice, said, "To have a child that is not yours by blood or permission is considered kidnapping…will I need to charge you under that?"
Kakashi had expected that.
"Hn," he said, getting up and walking out the room, leaving Rin without even looking back.
So now you have discovered a different side of Kakashi Hatake.
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Well then drop off a comment? Review? You know they make me happy.
Midori Fujiwara