DISCLAIMER: I own nothing of the Star Wars Universe, concept, or characters, and pay homage to the Great Flanneled one for his vast creative powers. I own the characters I have created, as far as they do not infringe upon his rights. No copyright infringement is intended and I do not profit from this work. I'll put them back when I'm done, George, honest.
I awoke before the morning alarm chime, clutching my pillow, with the bedclothes in a knot around my legs. Again the voice was in my dreams, but now I could recognize it. And the dreams were far easier to understand, too – detailed and shriekingly erotic.
(Are you sure, little one?) Came the question. There was no mistaking that voice, low and hoarse and certain, and the definite effect that even dreaming of his closeness and caress had on my body. I wondered if Qui-Gon was out on walkabout or something. Damn tease.
"Sure, he asks," I grumbled, as I got up and straightened the wreck of the sheets and blankets. "Sure, indeed. Of course I'm sure, damn it. Fine time to ask, I don't think." I was sweating and a mess, and I felt downright stupid as I climbed into the shower. I set the coldest water temperature I could stand. I sputtered and washed quickly and thoroughly and was acceptably calm when I stepped out and rubbed myself dry. At least I didn't smell like a house of ill repute anymore.
You're an idiot, Kyle. All those heavy thoughts and philosophical nonsense, just to get away from the real issue. Sneaky, sneaky ego. Bad dog, no cookie…
I dressed and ran a comb through my hair, redid the braid. I'd picked up other beads, one a smoky red garnet, another a brilliant green that looked like an emerald. There was also another colored fastener, this one yellow. They came of passing a few tests required of older Padawans, and indicated that I was capable of assuming responsibility – read this as babysitting the young ones when needed, or teaching classes. I enjoyed the babysitting part, but I hadn't taught any classes yet. Master Bodreau said that I would be called to do that soon, and I'd had instructional training. It wasn't natural to me, but I thought I might learn to enjoy it.
I braided the blue silk into the thin lock, securing it with a blue elastic thread on top and a red one on the bottom. My hair had grown considerably, and more quickly than I thought it could, now at chin length. The braid came down past my collarbone. I'd changed internally in my time here as well. I was much calmer; I could often sit still and consider things instead of blurting them out, which was quite a relief. It seemed easier for me to learn from my studies – and my frequent mistakes. I missed my family and friends, my old life, a great deal at times, but at the same time I loved what I was doing now, learning to help people to be whole and well, learning to ease suffering and heal sickness and wounds. That was wonderful beyond my wildest dreams, and the joy I felt when I could do that made me sure that Master Dooku had been right, and I was where I belonged. I'd never really belonged anywhere before.
I sighed, and turned away from the mirror, and dutifully sat to meditate a bit and consider those things that I'd rather obviously missed the evening before, but again, I was sidetracked. What could I possibly have to offer Qui-Gon? I wasn't anything special in the way of looks, but did that matter? I was a Padawan with an uncertain future at the Temple, a stray he'd brought home.
Perhaps I didn't trust myself. I certainly hadn't done well in any other romantic relationship, after all. Always it was the wrong man, the wrong time. I couldn't deny it, though… something in me, even beyond me, pulled me to Qui-Gon like iron filings to a magnet, a moth to the moon. And, it seemed, he felt something for me beyond friendship as well. That both delighted me and frightened me a bit, but I guessed I'd just have to take things as they came, since I didn't know any other way. How did that old mantra go? Not my will, but Thine.
I was glad when I could finally settle myself out of the pea-green snit I'd been in upon arising. It was time to meet Master Bodreau for breakfast, and he wouldn't miss my mood and disturbed state on a bet. Our bond was close enough for that, even if we didn't live in the same apartment. Breakfast was a good way to coordinate activities and studies, and for him to see how I was doing. He looked a bit drawn this morning when Slan and I brought food to his quarters and greeted him.
"Good morning, Master," I said. "Did Master Dooku get in touch with you?"
"He did indeed," he replied with a smile.
"Good. Did he have any insight on the poison given Master Jinn?"
His lekku moved a bit, which indicated mild surprise. I was beginning to be able to read them – lekku were extraordinary things, an all purpose meta-language, and very expressive at that. "As a matter of fact, he did."
"Well, if he knew the one I was given, he might know others. Not necessarily a logical conclusion, but a hunch."
"Yes," he said. "At times, Padawan, I believe you know more than you're telling."
"It's complicated, Master. Sometime when we have time, I'll spill the whole thing. Unfortunately, I figure that might be in a year or two, unless the situation changes drastically."
He chuckled. "I'll be sure to let you know," he said, smiling.
I grinned. "Fair enough, Master, we can pencil it in. Now, what's on the schedule for today, sir?"
"We must monitor Master Jinn, and the Tiger Clan will be coming for a visit. They're due for checkups."
"Oh, that's great! It'll be good to see my buddies; it's been a while. I'll bet they've grown like weeds." I'd maintained close and affectionate ties with the Tiger Clan since I'd become an apprentice, both because I was very fond of them and because Master Yoda had asked Master Bodreau for my help in his ongoing investigation of the Tiger Clan and their Matrons. One of them, Mistress Mira, had already been retired – "due to age" was the official explanation – but the new Matron and the older one were often in conflict privately, I could tell that when I saw them, and I was uneasy about the whole thing. "Anything else? Or will seven six-year-olds be enough for a day's work?"
At that, he laughed. "Certainly that, but we'll be doing duty in the Infirmary as well. It will be a busy day, I feel it."
"And you say I have a gift for understatement. Let's hope no one gets sick or hurt. I think we have our hands full today, Master."
"Indeed. You meditated last night as I reminded you."
"Yes, Master, I did, and didn't fall asleep doing it, either. Not that it helped much. I managed to evade a few issues anyway. How long does it take before I can figure out the right ones?" I asked ruefully. "You'd think I'd know better by now."
"The ego can be very resourceful when it doesn't want to confront feelings or thoughts," he said. "Have you learned what the issues are?"
Well, time to bite the bullet. "Oh, certainly, at least some of them. My – strong feelings for Master Jinn, and my distress to see him in such pain are the most obvious ones. I do my best to release the feelings, Master, but all that goes away is -- the silly stuff. I don't know what to do." I looked down at my empty cereal bowl.
"Why would you want to refuse such a precious gift?" He asked gently, putting a hand on my arm.
I took a deep breath. Busted, Kyle. You knew it would happen eventually.
"Because," I said, "I know he cannot return my feelings, that Jedi are not allowed such attachments." There. I'd said it. I struggled to hold back tears. Master Bodreau had probably known all along, there was no sense in being coy. He took my hand and I sensed a bit of a sympathetic chuckle within our bond, though he'd never laugh openly at my feelings; he was a kind person. I had to admit, it seemed pretty goofy when I said it out loud.
"You, my dear girl," he said, "have been watching far too many holovid serials. There is nothing in the Jedi Code that forbids love."
I smiled. "Oh, I know that, but the Council isn't known for permitting these things, according to Master Dooku."
"And when does Master Jinn follow the dictates of the Council?"
"Good point. But I don't want to cause any more trouble for him than he needs to cause himself," I replied. "What kind of friend would I be if I did that? This is a difficult journey to take alone."
"What makes you think that you are alone?" He asked once more. "Qui-Gon may need time, but he feels for you deeply. You are not obsessive; you have not grown smaller with these feelings. You were able to see beyond them and to aid him when he was in pain. It's hardly time to start feeling sorry for yourself now."
Swish, nothing but net. There's a three-point field goal, right there. It took me a long time to find my voice, and my face showed my embarrassment and shame at being so pointedly caught. Damn this pale coloring.
"I'm most fortunate to be your student," I replied. "I've learned so much from you already, Master – some of it even about being a Healer."
"I could not destroy what the Force has chosen to give you, even if I wanted to. This is your path, to walk or to turn away from as you choose. Either way is a perilous journey, but all life requires risk. The truth is seldom comforting."
"I thought – I th-thought it was an infatuation at first," I said, stuttering a bit as I did still when I had strong feelings. "After all, he was the first human I'd seen i-in weeks, and he s-saved my l-life more than once." I closed my lips tightly and took a deep breath, brought my uncooperative brain under control once more. It was actually a relief to talk about it, after keeping silent for so long, so it tumbled out quickly. "And he is very handsome, or at least I think so. So as he taught me, I just – put it aside, did my best to learn from him and appreciate him for himself, to value what he taught me, things that made life livable and wonders I never imagined, and to appreciate the time Ihad with him -- but even though the silly adolescent fantasies went away when I released them, the real emotion remained. It seems that it comes from beyond me, Master, that it chose me rather than I choosing it, or him. He has a job to do, an important one. I would never take him from it – but still – "
He nodded, a kind expression on his face. For the thousandth time at least I was grateful that I was apprenticed to a Master of a species that had two sexes, male and female, and who understood humans as well as Master Bodreau did. He understood most folks, really – he was quite old as Twi'leks go, well over a hundred years, and he'd been helping people since childhood. He'd seen a lot of people of all sorts go by. He didn't seem stooped or frail, though, but wise and strong, and I had come to respect him immensely, and I just plain liked him and his contemplative, careful way and errant sense of humor. He often had something surprising to say, and this was no exception.
"I have known Qui-Gon since he was very young, of course. He hears and follows the Will of the Force better than any Jedi I have ever seen," he said. "Many of them now are too arrogant to hear, unless they are assaulted by it. It is a sad thing, that so few Jedi are willing to listen to the Living Force." He rose, and indicated that I do the same. "Many think now that the Living Force is the province of we in the Healer's wing and in the Agri-Corps, but it is not so, and the Jedi will regret it. It will not be an easy road," he said, putting a hand on my shoulder as I gathered up the dishes and put them in the 'cycler.
"And since when have I done anything the easy way, Master?" I asked, though I wondered what he really meant by his brief rant. I'd have to think about it in my copious spare time. "I really should be dead, several times by now. I figure I should do my best not to make much noise about it."
"Wise of you," he said, cocking an amused eye and lekku at me.
"Pragmatic, rather, I think, Master" I replied. "I don't have much claim to wisdom yet. I should live that long."
He chuckled. "Shall we, then, Padawan? The Tiger Clan won't be late. Be mindful. I'll attend to the examining rooms and you can take the readings from Master Jinn's bay and bring them to me. We'll decide what to do from there."
"Of course, Master." I sighed. "Life was easier when I didn't have to be mindful about everything – but certainly more high-impact."
He laughed at that. "You've a unique point of view, I suppose."
We headed down the corridor to the Healer's wing. I certainly had a lot to think about, despite my complaint. If Master Dooku knew about the poison used to increase the pain of the torture Qui-Gon had endured, there was a chance that the source was the same one we had theorized for mine – the Sith of my (hopeful) fiction, Darth Sidious, or his possible apprentice, Xanatos. According to Mace, who seemed to have a direct pipeline, there was still argument in the Council as to whether there was a Sith at all – indeed, even I supposed that someone could have found the poisons and used them without knowing their source, but how likely was that? And did two incidences of possible Sith knowledge make it more likely that there was a Sith? Where had Qui-Gon been, anyway? What had he been doing? It had been a long time since I'd gotten a message or a letter from him. I loved his letters, and I'd missed them. They often came with little pressed flowers, drawings, or tiny things he enclosed with them, and just the joy of hearing from him and knowing he was well was a delight. They helped when I was missing him.
Well, he was here now, and he was mending. That was an improvement, at least. At Master Bodreau's indication, I went to the medical bay where the droid was monitoring Qui-Gon's condition, and saw that Master Dooku had beaten me to it. He was standing there with his hand on the thick transparent wall of the Bacta tank where Qui-Gon floated, and he had a sad, drawn look on his face. I could identify.
"Good morning, Master Dooku," I said, bowing briefly, looking at the readings and downloading them to my 'padd for Master Bodreau's review. They looked much better to me; even if I hadn't had all the classes, I drew on my independent studies to have an idea. Master Dooku turned to me with something of a worried look. He seemed to be tired as well – I guessed that he and Master Bodreau had been burning the midnight oil long after I'd passed out.
So much for the Great Healer. I couldn't stand up a moment longer than I had. Let the grownups play now, Kyle. "I didn't expect to see you quite so soon, but welcome, Master. Can I get you anything?"
"Hello, Belinda," he said, with a bit of a smile. "I spoke with your Master last night and we were able to determine the origin of the toxin that was administered to Qui-Gon."
"Ah," I said. "That's good. May I ask – " I looked up into those deep dark eyes and saw what I had dreaded. The Sith. Damn. He nodded. "I see. You seem to have found an antidote, he's doing well."
"Yes, there's an antitoxin that works quite quickly that I found in the records. He may be a bit disoriented when he awakens, but that will quickly pass."
"That's wonderful. I'll be sure to remember."
"I have a Council meeting to attend, I just stopped by to check." He put a hand on my shoulder. "Take good care of him."
"We will, Master Dooku. Master Bodreau will know more about his condition from these readings and he can tell you what's going on. I'm glad you came." I smiled up at him. "I'm sure Qui-Gon is too. Good day, Master. May the Force be with you."
"And you as well, Padawan," he said, with a bit of a twinkle. "I understand the Tiger Clan is due for checkups today. You'll need it at least as much as I will."
I chuckled. "It will be delightful," I replied. "But definitely wearing."
He smiled. "Good day to you, then." He swept off. I was heartened that he'd been able to help, but Master Dooku was still a puzzle to me at times. I found him to be a wonderful teacher and friend, but there were many depths to him that I doubt anyone had plumbed, even Master Yoda. They worried me less since I'd known him, but they occasionally still made me uneasy, as they did now. I'd hate to be on the wrong side of him; I had a feeling he did not forget. Luckily, he did learn from his mistakes. I prayed he would continue to do so, continue on the right path.
I took a moment and looked at Qui-Gon. He seemed fairly comfortable, even though the respirator hid most of his face, and the burns and wounds were healing at the incredible pace that Bacta made possible. Most would leave no mark or scar on his skin. Gods, even with all those bumps and bruises he's still beautiful… I put a hand on the tank and sent what comfort and love I could with my greetings. I could feel his warmth return. Had it always been there? I couldn't tell, but that didn't matter.
I brought the readings to Master Bodreau, being careful to keep my mind on the job. It would be easy to be distracted by libidinous daydreams, and that could be a disaster with curious, Force-Sensitive six-year-olds about, or anytime. It wouldn't be fair, after all, to go off on a flight of fancy when I needed to pay attention to what was happening now. Soon, a gaggle of eager six-year-olds would descend upon the Infirmary for testing and examination, their Matrons taking a much-needed break. I was definitely going to need to be on my toes.
"Hello, Tiger Clan," Master Bodreau said to the assembled children. They bowed as they had been trained. Still there was that over-careful courtesy. Of course, the doctor's office could cow a grown man… and often did.
"Good morning, Master Bodreau," they replied, politely. Something was odd, to be sure. From their postures, it seemed that most of them were sore or hurt, but their Matrons hadn't reported any unusual incidents. I exchanged a look with Master Bodreau, and he let me know that I needed to observe them closely.
"I believe you know my Padawan, Belinda," he continued. "We'll be doing your physical examinations today, and then Belinda will take you to see the Infirmary on a tour. Now, I need you to play or read quietly while I call you each for your examination. Bant, I believe you're first."
"Yes, Master Bodreau," they all said, and the little Calamarian girl came dutifully along, taking my hand and smiling up at me.
"Hello, Bant, it's good to see you," I said. "You've grown so! Come here, and we'll get the basics…"
So Bant was examined, and she proved to be healthy and even cheerful. She was a sweet little girl, with a keen eye for detail, and an unsinkable good humor. Master Shi'in took her to speak to her, and we did the physical examination for the rest of the children, passing them thereafter to the Mind Healers. They were piecing together the story of what was going on there without further traumatizing the children. We saw quite a few bumps and bruises, but none of the Padawans were willing to explain much about them. Finally, Obi-Wan was the only child remaining, reading a datapadd quietly after putting the blocks away.
"Guess it's your turn now, Obi-Wan," I said, touching his shoulder. He flinched a bit. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine," he said, a bit quickly. Hm. That was puzzling. I could swear I hurt him.
"How have you been?" I asked. "I've missed you, you've been busy and so have I. What have you been up to?"
"Oh, many things," he said, with a smile. He took my hand when I offered, and we marched into the clinic and measured and weighed him as he chattered about his schoolwork and practice sessions. He was still a bit thin for his height, but I supposed he'd be lanky while he got his growth. For a while I had practiced elementary katas with the Tiger Clan, which amused them greatly. Obi-Wan and Bant had proven to be natural teachers, with a gift for clear communication. They'd helped me a lot. "Are you practicing your katas?" he asked, cheerfully.
"I am, Obi-Wan, and I appreciate your help. When one comes late to this kind of thing, it's useful to get help from folks who know it better."
"Even us?"
"You teach people all the time, Obi-Wan. You teach the Matrons, you teach your teachers, and you will teach your Master, when you have one. You and Bant taught me well, and I enjoyed it, even if I did fall on my face."
He giggled a bit. "That was funny."
"It was, wasn't it? Now that the bruises are healed, I think so too – but my nose hurt for a couple of days and I looked like I'd been in a tavern brawl. Come on, Master Bodreau is ready to see you. You have to get undressed for this part, he wants to examine you and see how you're growing. Here's your room now."
"I don't want to get undressed," he said. When I turned to him, he had crossed his arms and wore an obstinate look on his face, complete with the furrow on his brow, so incongruous at his age. Suddenly he looked a good deal like the adult he would be. I knelt to look him in the eye, and smoothed my thumb across the line gently, felt the fear and distress there. He was such a sweet child, this wasn't right. Something was definitely going on here.
"Obi-Wan, what's wrong?" I asked. I sent a message along my bond with Master Bodreau. I'd had a bad feeling about this, and sure enough, here it was. He acknowledged it.
"I promised. I promised I wouldn't tell."
"Ah. I see." I nodded.
"A Jedi never breaks his promise."
"Yes, that's true, and I know you take that seriously. But a Padawan must do as he's told. You don't have to say anything, but you do have to take your tunic and leggings off. Those are the rules, you know that, Obi-Wan."
He was tearing. "But –"
"What?" I asked. I took his hands in mine and again I felt aches and pains that such a small body shouldn't have, as I had before. I sent him a bit of comfort, very gently. "You have to be examined, and tell us how you are. We need to know how you're growing, if you're happy and well. We all care about that very much."
"You do?" He asked. He relaxed a bit.
"Of course, Obi-Wan, we're friends. I care about you. You're one of my favorite people here. You help me with my katas, you talk to me when I'm lonesome, and we have fun when I come to see you. That means a lot to me, because I miss my family and my friends sometimes. It doesn't go one way, either. When you're sad and upset like this, I'm sad too, because I care about you."
He took a step forward and hugged me tight. I pulled him into my lap and kissed the top of his head and cuddled him gently, to make the hurt spots feel better. He sighed through his tears. "I care about you, too," he said. "But – it's a secret, and I promised not to tell."
"Oh, Obi-Wan – I know that Jedi are supposed to keep secrets, it's part of their job. But when a secret becomes a bad secret, then maybe it's time to think it over."
"A bad secret?"
"Yes. A bad secret is one that can hurt you and all of those around you. Even the secret I told you could become a bad secret someday, and you'll need to tell someone. I'll trust you if you find out that it's so. For now, though, how do you think you can tell the difference?"
His eyes widened briefly with an 'of course' look, and he rose from my embrace, looking now more determined than anxious. "Excuse me, then. I have to ask."
"Of course," I said, with a bow. "Would you like me to meditate with you?"
He smiled shyly. "Um – yes, that would be great."
He slipped quickly into trance, with the skill borne of long practice; his head was cocked alertly, a bit to one side, as if listening. I did my best to provide him a peaceful, safe atmosphere. Because of the openness of our friendship and the contact we'd had, I could feel that he was in a good bit of pain, and it took all my meager skill to shield him from the anger that I had to release. I was the grownup here, after all. What or who had done this to him? He would have to see if it was a good secret or not, or the Mind Healers would undermine his shielding to get the information, and that would not only hurt him, but betray him in a very deep way. He was very sensitive, and very strong in the Force, so I just trusted and prayed that it would tell him. He'd been doing this kind of thing a lot longer than I had, after all, since he was a tiny child.
After a few moments, he opened his eyes and squared his shoulders, like the serious little man he was. "Thank you," he said. "The Force told me what you told me -- that your secret is an important secret to keep now, but the other one is a bad one. I'm ready to go into the room and take my clothes off now. And I need to talk to Master Bodreau. Will you stay with me?"
"Of course, Obi-Wan. You are a very brave young man. I'll help you as much as I can."
He resolutely marched into the room and took his tabard off, then his tunic. As I expected, I saw the bruises that I'd only felt before. It hurt anyway, just to see them; I wanted to weep. They were all over his chest and shoulders; some on his back like lines. Someone had quite obviously worked him over very thoroughly. When he removed his leggings his thighs were bruised as well.
"Oh, dear," I said. "No wonder you felt like you were hurting."
"You knew?" he asked.
"That's what I'm being trained for, Obi. I'm to be a Healer. When I touched you, I could tell that you were sore and stiff, and I wondered why you'd feel that way."
"And you didn't just – make me tell you?"
"Of course not, you're my friend. I trusted you to do the right thing, and I wouldn't ever just hurt you. No one should just – hurt someone, for no reason. There are few reasons good enough to hurt someone, as a matter of fact."
"You're upset? Angry?" Right on the nose, kiddo. Why would he be surprised at that?
"I am, Obi-Wan. I don't like it when someone hurts my friends. I see too much of that as it is."
"Like Master Jinn?"
"Yes," I said. No sense in lying to him, after all. That necessitated a hard swallow.
"Can I see him, later?"
"I'll ask Master Bodreau, if you like, or you can. He's in Bacta now, healing."
"Good. I will."
Master Bodreau came in and was just as shocked as I was, but did a fine job of disguising it. He examined Obi-Wan matter-of-factly, and let out a deep breath through pursed lips, the most disapproving expression I'd ever seen from him.
"Well, young Padawan, someone has beaten you quite soundly. You must tell me what happened."
Obi-Wan's eyes sought mine, and he was still afraid.
"Don't worry, Obi-Wan, do what you know is right," I said. "Even if it's scary, it's the most important thing. Some people never learn that."
So, hesitantly at first and then more freely, the whole story came out. The day before, during 'sabre training, Mistress Elaina had left the class while they were sparring. Obi-Wan was sparring with the biggest child in the Clan, a large Zabrak child named Wa'Run. I liked him, but I was uneasy about the way the Matron treated him, as something of a pet. Obi-Wan, loving acrobatics even at this young age, got a bit big for his britches and leapt over Wa'Run and taken his head from behind. The children had applauded, laughed at it and teased Wa'Run as children will, and he had lost his temper and beaten Obi-Wan to within an inch of his life.
The others were frightened half to death, and had tried to pull them apart, but Wa'Run was fully in the grip of the Dark Side by that time. Several of the other young Tigers were hurt as well, trying to protect Obi-Wan (whence the other sore and bruised children), but Obi-Wan had taken the brunt of the rage. As a matter of fact, as I thought of it, it was a wonder he wasn't dead. He was a scrapper; he'd done well to fend off the dark onslaught as well as he had.
When the Matron came back in the midst of the chaos, she'd had all she could do to keep the brawl from turning fatal. She did what she could to treat the worst of Obi-Wan's injuries, and swore the children to secrecy. It was Obi-Wan's fault for showing off, she said, and he'd gotten what he deserved. And this wasn't the first time she'd shielded the boy, either, flagrantly favoring Wa'Run over Obi-Wan and the others. She was Zabrak herself, and that must have made a difference.
I listened carefully and as well as I could, striving to stay clear and focused. I was very fond of Obi-Wan, even aside of my impulse to like him because of all I knew of his character from the movies. He'd taken a while to warm up to me, but when he had, his freely given friendship and that of many of his Clan-mates had brightened my life in the Temple. It took every ounce of my self-control to keep from finding Mistress Elaina and giving her not only a piece of my mind, but also the sole of my boot.
Now that's certainly unbecoming of a Healer. Some pacifist you are, Kyle.
+No, Belinda, I have to resist similar impulses.+ Came the clear thought from Master Bodreau.
You have seniority, Master. May I hold her down? A sternly reproving look was my answer. I know. I'm a primitive violent woman. With a temper. I'm working on it.
"Belinda, put in a call to Master Yoda," he said, more calmly than I could have hoped to manage. That's why I'm the Padawan hereabouts. He looked directly at Obi-Wan. "We need to speak with him, do we not?"
"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan said.
"And then we will get you started in healing, young Padawan. You did well, to tell us about what happened. It is brave indeed to know the difference between a good promise and a bad one."
"Lyn told me to ask the Force, and it told me," he said simply. "That was easier."
"Indeed it is, when you listen," he said, looking pleased with Obi-Wan.
"I'll go right away, Master," I said, with a slight bow, and left. As I walked to the comm in his (our) office, I felt my head begin to pound.
Oh, no. This won't do at all. It will just make poor Obi and the other kids feel worse, and that they don't need. I have no time for this. I ran ruthlessly through my series of centering, peace, and mindfulness exercises, and the pain subsided enough to allow me speech by the time I reached the Comm.
"Master Yoda, this is Padawan Kyle," I said. I expected to get a message or something, but he answered the comm himself.
"Yes, Padawan?" He asked. I could hear the smile in his voice, and saw it when the image formed. I bowed.
"Master Bodreau sends his respects. Will you come to the Infirmary as soon as you may, Master? I believe we have some information that would be of interest to you concerning the Tiger Clan."
"Hmmf," he muttered. "Wondered when we would find out, I did. Be there right away, I shall, Padawan. Good care of the children must you take."
"Of course, Master. We'll see you soon, then."
He cut the transmission off as I saw him get into his chair. He didn't look too happy. Well, that was the prevailing sentiment; we weren't ready to party here, either. I never want to be on the other side of that look on Master Yoda's face. It didn't last long, and his expression had softened by the time he arrived at the Infirmary. It wasn't the children's fault, after all. I was busy soothing the worst of Obi-Wan's pain and attending to my temper, and all I could do was bow to him and keep my mouth shut.
The interview Master Yoda had with the children was short and to the point, and they told him what happened, glad to get it off their chests, now that Obi-Wan had spilled the beans. Poor Bant was in tears; she was Obi-Wan's best friend and had begged him to say something. Evidently this wasn't the first time he'd stood up to Wa'Run, and the bullying had been going on fairly ruthlessly since the first Matron had been dismissed. And Wa'Run was in no better shape, since he knew what he had done and was relieved at finally getting it out in the open. I felt his pain in my heart – I had done much the same, hadn't I? At least Obi-Wan was still alive.
Obi-Wan was treated with bacta dressings and rest, and the tour for the children was canceled until such time as they all could go. I brought him back to the bay next to Qui-Gon's, as I had been directed, and he looked over curiously.
"May I see Master Jinn?" he asked.
"Well, I'm not sure, Obi-Wan. He's in a Bacta tank and he's pretty banged up. I don't want you to be frightened."
"That's okay," he said. "I'm ready for that. I know he's hurt, but he's getting better, isn't he?"
"He is," I said. "Thank goodness." I took a deep breath and stilled myself, as I had had to since that morning. The dull throb behind my eyes had eased a bit, but now I had to just get rid of it; I had too much to do, and this place was calm, filled with a peaceful atmosphere of healing. I needed some of that right then. I grounded myself into it, and as I felt the pain flow away a voice whispered that Obi-Wan had to see Qui-Gon.
"May I see him?" he asked, patiently.
"Yes, but remember he's on the mend. He won't be able to respond to you by speaking, he's in trance."
"I know that, too," he said.
"You're patient with me, Obi-Wan," I said, riffling his hair affectionately. "Lucky me. Come on."
His smile was downright incandescent, and he reached his arms around my neck as I knelt to face him and gave me a sorely-needed hug. "And you helped me, a lot. Thank you."
"Hey," I said. "What are friends for?" I hoisted him up to my hip so he could see into the tank. He peered intently into it, both hands on the clear surface, and I could feel him probing with the Force to see if Qui-Gon was there and all right. It was as natural to him as breathing, this sense. How would I ever get to that point?
He looked up at me. "You're learning well," he said, as if in answer. "Master Qui-Gon is proud of you."
I colored, taken aback. "Oh? You talked to him?"
"Of course, I had to see if you were taking care of him." I supposed Obi-Wan's possessiveness was no surprise. He knew that Qui-Gon would be his Master, at least when he wasn't worrying about it. "He says you're doing a good job."
"Oh, I'm glad. We do our best. You're doing a good job, too, Obi-Wan, you've taught me a lot." I took him back to bed, and made him comfortable with a pillow and a soft blanket, and took his datapadd. "You're a good friend. Now, you should rest. Master Bodreau will be along shortly to assist you in getting into a healing trance, and I'll help too." I smoothed the soft auburn blaze of hair and helped with the pain again. At least I could do that.
"That's nice," he said, smiling and relaxing a bit.
"We aim to please," I replied. He gave me that glowing grin again, and relaxed even further into the warmth that the pain relief brought him. Master Bodreau came and helped put him into a healing trance that would last for a few hours and heal most of the injuries – including three cracked ribs and a partial shoulder separation, and a good start on the bruises. He'd feel a lot better – and very hungry – when he came out of it.
I had to hold down the fort for a while in the Infirmary until a Senior Padawan or two arrived, because Master Bodreau was summoned posthaste to a Council meeting. I was not, and happy to miss it. The last thing I wanted was to be in the midst of a Council meeting if there was no information or evidence I needed to give, and a chance for me to shoot my mouth off. I fixed myself a cup of tea when Lort and Grenne came to supervise, checked on my two patients (who were both in trance), and reluctantly decided that a spot of meditation was what the doctor (or Master, that is) would order, as much as I wanted to find Mistress Elaina and punch her out instead. I gathered that she was at the Council meeting as well, and I was sure she'd rather be left to my tender mercies. The boys left me to cover the comm and took care of an older Padawan who'd been burned in a sparring match – much more usual fare on this shift.
I didn't get much time, though, because just as I had gotten calm enough to start releasing all that Sturm und Drang to the Force, the comm sounded again. It had, though, been long enough, fortunately, so I was able to speak and not be too dizzy to walk. I shook my head a bit.
"Yes, this is Padawan Kyle. May I help you?"
"Belinda, have Mistress Elaina and Wa'Run arrived there yet?" Master Bodreau asked.
"No, Master. Let me check with Lort and Grenne…" I palmed the switch to call them. "Gentlemen, has anyone arrived lately?" I looked out. Both of them shook their heads and mumbled negatives as they were making notes on Pelan's burns in the record and on their datapadds for later study. "No, no one has been here since Pelan came in with a 'sabre burn."
"We sent them to the Infirmary. They should have arrived by now."
"They are not here," I said. "I'll check, but as far as I know, no one has arrived or left with the exception of Pelan. Unless – " I checked the monitor on the bays with Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon, and drew a sigh when I saw that both of them were resting comfortably. I would have known if anything had happened to either of them, most likely. "No, Master. Should we make a search?"
He sighed. "It has been far too long, almost an hour, since we sent them. We will inform CorSec, but I have the feeling that we made an error in not sending an escort."
Oh, holy Hannah. You didn't send them here with an escort? Is that like sending them to a room with a conveniently loaded pistol on the table? Did you make sure an air taxi was at the door as well? How can the Jedi Council be so damned arrogant?? It was an effort to keep my thoughts to myself. I sighed. All that effort, and here I was again at ground zero, ready to spit nails. Back to the old drawing board – or the meditation corner, where the downright chatty Force told me as I released my anger yet again that there was more to the picture than met the eye. I was still sad for that poor child, though, who would suffer in any case. Very sad.
Master Bodreau came back some little while later after I'd completed my meditation and found me checking on both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, who were both doing just fine. I hoped I didn't seem too much like a mother hen.
"You are disturbed," he said, without preamble.
"I am, Master," I said. "I'm doing my best to release it."
"You have done well to maintain your equanimity to this extent. No one who does not know you would guess. However, your anger will not improve the situation."
"Master, I'm not angry, I've managed to release that. I don't like migraine headaches any more than the next person. I must admit, though, I am very sad."
"Why is that?" he asked.
"Because it seems, Master, that Mistress Elaina has kidnapped that poor child, and he won't learn how to control himself."
"Padawan, she cannot kidnap her own son."
I raised an eyebrow. "Surely –" I wished that the room wouldn't rhumba so when things like this were announced. But this explained everything. It was the truth. How could we not have seen? Hello, village idiot, I want your job. I've got lots of training.
"It is true, Belinda," he said, echoing the sudden insight. "We have no idea how she found her way here, but the child was taken from her, and two years thereafter she came here. The Knight who found the boy had been killed on assignment. The boy himself was reportedly a foundling, abandoned by her, but she denies this."
"Well, that will teach me to keep my big mouth shut when I don't have all the facts." I put my hand on my forehead.
"Indeed – and me as well. She confronted the Council with this truth and caused some small consternation. She volunteered to have the testing performed to prove it, but it was not necessary. We knew the truth of her assertion, and could not argue it."
"So they let her take the child and go."
"She is not bound to stay here," he replied. "None of us are. If the service does not suit the Jedi, they are free to go."
"Who is the child's father?" I asked, and the hair on the back of my head felt prickly. I'm not going to like this.
"She would not divulge the father's identity, and she is not required to do so."
I nodded. "I see. And did Wa'Run wish to leave as well?"
"I do not believe so," he said quietly. "I am not sure. But his mother has legal claim upon him as his guardian. It is a... gray area."
Then it hit me, and I felt sick. A Zabrak mother, and her Force-sensitive son had left the Temple. Where would they go? I had a horrible feeling that she knew exactly where to take him, and even who his father might be. "Master, did Mistress Elaina say anything about where she would be going?"
"No, Padawan, but they seemed to disappear quite quickly. There are so many people on Coruscant… However, it was as though she had a destination in mind."
Right… I suspected that I knew whom she'd eventually find, if not where to find him. Oh, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, I'm so sorry. I couldn't stop it. I felt dazed, and for a moment all I wanted was to find a soundproof room and fill it from floor to ceiling with breakables so I could cry and shriek and smash things until I was exhausted. "Oh. Of course. You remember this morning when I told you we might have to schedule time for a bit of a talk about where I really came from? I think we need to considerably rearrange the time frame. Meanwhile – will you kindly excuse me? I have to speak to Master Yoda."
"That may be difficult, Padawan. You have a class scheduled this afternoon."
"Master?" This was news to me.
"Yes, you will be attending the Human Sexuality class for the Falcon Clan Padawans, taught by Master Drenn."
"Um – Master, I do have an elementary knowledge of human sexuality," I said. "In fact, I wasn't – erm – unfamiliar – "
"Oh, no, Padawan, you aren't to take the class. You must observe it in order to learn how to teach the material to the Padawans. Master Drenn will be going on Sabbatical shortly. You are due there in an hour."
"Ah. Thank you, Master. I will prepare."
"Of course. And Belinda –"
"Yes?" I turned toward him once I had control of my face.
"There are some things better let be. Remember your place, Padawan, and let this alone." His expression was severe, and his tone brooked no backchat. He was not usually an authoritarian Master, but when he gave an order, he expected it to be followed without question. "You must compose yourself, and prepare for your assignment this afternoon." He held my eyes for a long moment, until he knew that I understood what he meant. There would be no call to Master Yoda, nor any other effort made to find this woman and her child. It solved the problem, and that was sufficient. "It has been a hard day, Belinda."
"I'll say," I muttered. "And it isn't even lunchtime… no, wait – " I consulted the chrono. It was well past lunch. No wonder I felt funky. Eejit, Kyle, remember your job. Master Bodreau doesn't look too chipper, and your blood sugar is in your socks. "I'm sorry,Master, I should bring us some lunch."
"Indeed," he said. "I had forgotten as well. Good thinking."
"No thinking involved, Master – I fancy you could hear my stomach from here. Excuse me, I'll be back in a few moments."
I went to the dispensary and selected a thick, hearty vegetable stew and some raza for us, and hot sweet cider made of something that resembled pears. I didn't know about him, but I'd had enough agony for the day, and we both needed something solid. Master Bodreau nodded his approval. I excused myself once more and went to the 'fresher to wash up and change. I sat down for the first time, and took a deep breath as the facts I had assimilated rolled over me like the undertow at Block Island, and all the anger and horror I had deferred came over me in a wave of black despair. I slid down to my knees, put my face in my hands, and began to weep.
The Temple had just let the Sith out of the bag, and I couldn't do anything.