I let you die.
It was like hearing the voice of an angel the first time we met. I had fallen through the roof of your church, landing on your soft bed of flowers. You had forbidden anyone from stepping on them, yet you didn't care that I had crushed a good number of them. Your smile was enough to light the darkness of Midgar. I didn't know where, or really even who, I was. And you knew that. But you never called me out. You never told me how much of a liar I was, or if I was hurting you. And then you tried to help me find my way.
But…I let you die.
You were the last of your race, a human-being being hunted like a lost treasure. You never let that stop you. Despite all of the pain you were feeling, you kept up your cheerful manner, smiling through it all. It was almost as if you were finding yourself, too, during our journey. Our short time together. Then, you…
Then I let you die.
I couldn't understand why you left. They said you had gone to find Holy. I know that your intentions were good. I couldn't stop you. If only I had control of myself, you would never have left. You left because of me. Because I gave the Black Materia to Sephiroth. I tried to follow you, tried to correct my error. But…I was too late. He'd already found you. I cradled you in my arms as the last breaths of life left your body.
I felt so many emotions. Sorrow, pain, anger…guilt. If only I had stopped you. If only I was strong enough to stop Sephiroth the times we had met before. But I was weak. I let him get the best of me, and because of that, you had to pay the price. Even the Forgotten City was mourning, its lost inhabitants mourning the loss of one of their own. I placed you in the water, your eyes closed, your porcelain skin still as radiant as an angel's. I let you go, let you rejoin the lifestream. It wasn't your time. You had so much left, so much joy to share.
And I let you die.
And since then, I've wanted nothing more than to be forgiven. Even as the Geostigma was raging through my body, I just wanted it to take me away from this planet. To take me back to you so I can beg for your forgiveness. The others seem to think that I'm just clinging to a memory. But they don't understand. It is my fault that this happened. And because of that, I must carry the guilt.
But…I let you die.
And suddenly, you are next to me, your voice speaking softly in my ears. I tell you that I want to be forgiven, that I need you to forgive me in order to move on. And you say a few simple words.
"I never blamed you. Not once."
Vincent says that he's never tried. He doesn't know if sins are ever forgiven. I insist that I will try, telling myself that I can make this entire situation right. I can atone for my sins. Tifa's words echo through my mind, and all I can think about for a time is trying to protect everyone else, the way that I couldn't protect you. I can't let this happen again. That if maybe I can keep them safe, you will forgive me. Because your forgiveness is the only one that matters to me.
"Isn't it time you did the forgiving?"
Those are the words that I remember now. As I sit here, overlooking the flowers still growing in the church. The only place in this desolate area where they grow. It's your presence that keeps them here, that keeps them growing. And it's your presence that will keep me growing, too. It took me this long to realize it. You've been here all along, guiding me. And it's you who will help me to be strong, help me fulfill my promises, to help me live the rest of my life knowing that sins can be forgiven. Because as long as you are with me, whether visible or not, I know.
I'm not alone. Not anymore.