I'm so sorry that I haven't been updating! But I've been in Japan and Louisiana and have just been really busy since summer let out (I know, you're supposed to get less busy in the summer – not so much the case with me).
Okay, I've decided to stop this story once I finish chapter 10. It's hard writing Bella dead, and I (obviously) haven't been keeping up with everything very well. Luckily, I have the last chapter written, so that will be up within the next few days, depending on how many people have seen it. So, here is the second to last chapter. I hope you like it!
APOV
Okay, we have Edward with us now. He's still very empty. A shell. Poor Jasper has to feel what Edward is feeling all the time. He says it's not anything he's ever felt before or anything he can explain. But apparently, it's awful. And he just can't seem to fill the space in Edward up with good feelings, bad feelings (except for…what happened), any feelings.
We've tried connecting with him from time to time, but Jasper can't be with Edward for too long of a time because of the emotion radiating from Edward, and Rosalie and I know better than to bother him now. Esme and Carlisle have tried as well, but the only one who's seemed to get through at all is Emmett. He just has that way about him.
Emmett asked him about why he spoke up in Volterra. Why he asked to come home.
Edward replied, "I couldn't leave Forks. They took me at a time when I couldn't fight back. They took me, and I stayed there. I can't leave again." Then he lapsed back into his silent meditation.
We took from it that, like Bella before him, he couldn't leave the place he last saw her, alive and well. Even if he couldn't go back to her house, to see her room or her pictures, he still had a connection with her through Forks. He doesn't want to leave. But he also won't speak to any of us, other than that short little speech to Emmett.
He does sometimes disappear though. I've had visions of him in the clearing we fought in, walking around a meadow. He can be gone for hours at a time; once he was missing for a day and a half. But he's always safe. Never does anything rash. Never comes home any better.
"Edward?" He doesn't even bat an eye when I call his name. But I know he's listening. I would just talk to him through my thoughts, but he hasn't been paying any attention to those lately. He hasn't even noticed I'm wearing a long black dress. "Edward. We need to…go back to…" I glance at Jasper for support. "We need to go to Bella's house."
At this, he slowly picks up his head from his arms and turns to stare at me.
"What?" he asks simply. I can, however, practically feel the burning intensity behind the small word. Jasper can feel it. He looks at Edward in shock.
"The funeral. Bella's funeral." I'm trying to take this slowly for Edward. Edward's feelings about going back to her life must be fairly strong, or just that he's feeling anything, to have surprised Jasper. "Carlisle gave Charlie a general overview of how you reacted to…seeing Bella dead. However, Charlie thinks you went home in shock and wouldn't come out of your room during the time you were actually in Italy.
"Knowing the rest of us were out of town for a while, and that you weren't in a state that suggests that you might have killed her, he wants us to come to the funeral. He is a little bitter at you, but he knows that Bella would have wanted you there. He needs you, Charlie does.
"Now, I'm not going to force you into going, but…think of Bella." He glares at me a little. "I mean, think of what she would have wanted." My voice starts to rise. "You don't really think she would have wanted you to become a…whatever you are, do you? You can't possibly think that. None of us want to see you like this! It's worse than before, when we had to leave her!"
I'm getting mad at him now. We lost Bella. It's been hard on all of us. Very hard on me. He's not the only one who's had to cope! What we need is our old Edward back. The one that will help us through this, not the one that breaks down when something goes wrong.
He just continues to stare at me with his face slightly pinched. Mostly blank though.
"Fine! You stay here," I gesticulate wildly around his room. "We'll go, and you can stay here moping. Go organize your CDs or something." I purposely knock down a neat pile of his favorite albums on my way to grab Jasper by the arm and drag him out of the room. Before he's pulled past the doorway, Jasper looks at Edward in disbelief and shakes his head.
Then Jasper asks the question I've wanted to ask for hours, for days. The answer would sum up everything that has happened since Bella died only a week and a half ago.
"Why?"
Why did you let them take you away?
Why didn't you escape and come home to us?
Why can't you accept what happened and mourn instead of practically dying yourself?
Jasper's voice drifts down the hall as I push him down the stairs. I don't even let us stay in the house long enough to see if Edward answers. I yank my husband of the house and into Rosalie's car, kicking Edward's Volvo with enough force to break a human's foot and make a not-so-satisfying dent in the car.
I answer Jasper's questioning glance when we pass my car with, "Edward gave it to me. As you can tell, I'm not too happy with him right now." If I could, I'd be bawling like a baby right now. Either that or my face would be bright red in anger at him.
I lost my best friend.
I lost my brother.
I can't stand to lose anything else right now, so I turn and give Jasper a deep and meaningful embrace before he opens my door for me. I have to make sure he knows I love him. That I would give the world for him.
We drive off using the route to Bella's house that is almost too familiar to be bearable. Jasper puts his arm around me and I feel a wave of serenity float around the car. The bad feelings may not be as strong as they were, but they're still there.
What did you think? Almost done! I'll get the last chapter up soon, so please, please, please review! It will get it out faster!!