Lost – Observation

"I'm going to kick your little vampire –"

"As I was saying, Bella," Tanya chimed as she lightly touched my shoulder. I sighed and regained my composure. "I'm glad that you all came to join us. Now, let's proceed in inside."

I walked inside Tanya's home and was amazed at its pristine quality. It seemed like Tanya's coven had an OCD for cleanliness.

"Please remove your shoes at the door," Irina announced to us, but mainly kept her gaze on me. I did what I was told though I wasn't happy about it.

After Tanya gave us a tour of the house, she pulled me to the side and whispered, "Bella, could you meet me in my office?"

"Uh…sure, I guess." I didn't know what to expect from this meeting, but I knew I should follow directions. I made my way through the newly familiar house and found Tanya's office.

Characterized my burgundy walls and dark furniture, the room was actually cozy. I didn't know whether to take a seat or not, so I continued to stand and soon I found myself wandering around her office. Various pictures of her hang in the office and they all had one thing in common: men. All her pictures she took had men in it except for one which she took with her coven which still included Ebenezer. I continued to walk around and noted the chaise that she had in the office. It looked awfully comfortable and I wanted to rest on it, but I decided against and looked around again. She had various books on the human mind on the bookshelf. I wouldn't figure Tanya to be so interested in anything, but men.

"How do you like it?" she asked, turning my attention back to her.

"It's nice," I responded. She came in the office walking towards her chair and desk.

"Have a seat Bella." I took a seat in the chair opposite her desk though the other chair was beginning to call my name. "Okay, let's get down to business," she remarked while sliding on a pair of reading glasses. "They make it seem a little more professional," she answered as if she read my mind.

I raised my hand as if I was in grade school. "Umm…Tanya how can you help me?"

"All questions can and will be answered in the end." She clicked a pen open and began to ask me questions.

"Okay…full name?"

"Isabella Marie Swan Cullen."

"Age?"

"Does it matter?" I said a little sharp.

"Age, please."

"Eighteen since my change."

She peered up from her glasses as she scribbled down notes. "Do you know why you are here?"

"Hmm…Alice forced me?"

"So you are easily pressured?"

"No," I responded too quickly. Tanya just stared at me for a moment before she wrote again.

"Next question. Bella, how often would you say you and Edward engage in physical activities?"

My eyebrow rose while I leaned forward in curiosity. "Isn't that a little personal?" I questioned.

She removed her glasses for a moment and stroked through her hair. "Bella," she sighed. "It's only you and me. Everyone else is out hunting and this is strictly confidential. I just need an honest answer. How often?"

"Two or three times…"

"A week?"

"A night," I squeaked out, but Tanya didn't react.

"And how do you feel after that?"

I held up my hands defensively. "Hold up! Tanya, are you like a shrink or something, because this is weird."

She chuckled. "I guess it is, but I thought Alice told you."

"Told me what?"

"I guess I should have started from the beginning. Well, when I was little I always had a fascination with the human mind. It intrigued me to know why we thought they way we did. When I had reached my twenty-fifth birthday, I found myself forced out on the street. I did the only thing I could do for money, though I wanted to be a respectable women. I found a job working at a brothel, and one night I found this very handsome fellow. Come to find out, the guy was a vampire and he bit me. He said it was to make me more beautiful.

"But eventually, he got bored of me and left me without any help or guidance. I was lost and didn't have someone to turn to. Eventually, my life got better, and I even gained a family in the process.

"But being a vampire can get boring at times, so I ended up going to school and majoring in psychology. I am a trained psychologist and psychiatrist, and Alice wanted me to help you with your problem. And I know most about it, but I wanted to hear your point of the view. It's better to judge people on multiple views instead being narrow-minded. So, can you work with me? All I want to do is make you better." She smiled at me while she reached her hand across the desk.

I eyed it for a while. Wow, Tanya had some brains to her; I wouldn't have imagined. A grin broke across my face and I reached out for her hand.

"Okay, Bella, for me to be successful in this, you are going to have to work with me. This isn't going to be easy. I going to have to reprogram you like a computer, but I need to know what bugs I am dealing with."

"Okay."

"So, back to my last question," she said putting back on her glasses. "How do you feel afterwards?"

I struggled for the right words. "Not…quite…satisfied, yet blissful."

"Ah uh. How long have you and Edward been apart since your transformation?"

"This trio has been the longest…unless you count my mental trip."

"I see. Well, to get a proper diagnosis I am going to have to run a few tests. Is that okay?"

"It's fine."

Tanya stood up and went around her desk to grab a manila folder from a file cabinet. Then, she came back to her desk and pulled out images that looked like a kindergartener had gotten into black ink. "Bella, do you know what these are?"

I looked at them carefully. "Are they…inkblots?"

"Precisely, they are used in the Rorschach test or commonly known as the inkblot test. Now, I just want you to tell me what you see in each image. Can you do that?" I nodded and she drew up the first card.

"I see a butterfly."

"Good. Now, what about this one?"

"That is a dog."

"Okay. How about this one?"

I stared the card for a while, not able to interpret anything immediately, but slowly an image started to emerge. "I rather not share…" I started to blush at my certain embarrassment over my first immediate thought.

"Bella," she reprimanded. "You have to; it's the only way.

"Okay," I grumbled. When I explained to Tanya that I saw x-rated material, she quickly changed to another activity.

"Okay, Bella. Let's try something new: I am going to say a word and you are going to tell me the first thing you can think of."

I wasn't too sure about this exercise. I remembered when Edward did rapid fire with me and I began to blurt out answers without giving them much thought. But, I reluctantly agreed if it was for good.

"So let's try a ball."

"I think of the Cullens."

"Why is that?"

I shrugged. "They took me to see them play baseball in a clearing."

"What about flowers?"

"A meadow – the one Edward and I used to go to."

"Car."

"Too many things come to mind. First, the Tyler Crowley accident. Second, the Cullens erratic driving. Three, Alice stealing a Porsche. And…the list could go on and on."

"Okay, let's try death."

"Edward."

"Why?"

"He is the one who gave me death and love. That's why I am here with you."

"Dog."

"Jacob."

"Cat."

"Victoria."

"Lion."

"Edward."

Tanya sighed. "Okay, Bella what about sleep?"

"Edward." I thought about the times Edward would hold me while I slept in his arms when I was human. Then the word "sleep" also made me think what Edward and I do instead of that.

"Blood."

"Edward."

"Music."

"Edward."

"Well, Bella, I take it you have found your niche with relating to Edward now. So, let's move on. Shall we?" Tanya gestured with her hand and a smile was on her face. Was this the same lady who thought about my man constantly? I couldn't concentrate on her thoughts enough to know what she thought.

"Yes, Tanya. Let's move on."

"I want you to tell me about your mental trip, Bella. I need this information to help you."

I shuffled in my chair uneasily. Then, I began to spill out details about my powers, behaviors, and traits. I was so comfortable just gushing to Tanya about my craziness, that I didn't notice how long I had been talking.

"Well, first, I can tell you the names of some of the stuff you suffer from right now," Tanya began. "You said you had telekinesis, right?" She looked up at me.

"Uh…yes."

"Actually, you had psychokinesis."

"What's the difference?"

"Telekinesis is the ability to move or manipulate objects without using any physical force. But you, Bella, have the advanced ability to affect them as well using your power of psychodynamics."

"Tanya, please explain in layman's terms."

"What I am saying is that your feelings were governing your actions and your actions were governing objects. It was like you had a magnetic charge to you. The stronger your attitude, the more electronegative you became."

"But what about the little Phoenix thing?"

"Right, that. You were undergoing a psychomachia. That's a conflict between spirit and flesh. You were fighting against a new Bella trying to save the old Bella, but in the end, you are both.'

"Wow, that's a lot to take in."

Tanya frowned down at her notes. "Sadly to say, Bella, but you are dealing with an addiction that encompasses psychosexuality and erotomania. You are overindulging and you use Edward to fill your needs. You are sex addict, hon."

I gasped at her words, even if I had heard them. "Well, isn't it okay if I am married?"

"Bella, it doesn't matter. Unfortunately, it doesn't have to be Edward, but you have such a strong bond with him, that you won't venture out of the relationship. But at the rate your headed, you might take anyone."

"Um…wow," I said sarcastically. That wasn't good; maybe I was crazier than I thought.

Tanya smiled. "Yes, I know. But now," she said standing up and walking towards the office door. "I have to observe you, and the rest are here." When she said the rest, I thought they were back from hunting, but she meant that the boys were here as well. I saw, Edward come out of the car and ran up and hugged.

"Don't ever leave me again," I whispered into his ear. Everything Tanya had said went out of the window at that moment. This was what I have been waiting for. I wanted to feel Edward again. He chuckled and held me tight, though I could feel how tense he was. "It is okay, Edward. I'm going to be fine. Tanya is helping me."

"I only want the best for you," he said softly, and that's when I hit him across the cheek. He massaged it as he glared at me. His eyes shot black. "What was that for?!"

I smiled. "That was for leaving me in the first place and not telling me why. And then I was depressed for a while. And Jacob won't talk to me. And I got dragged up here and now, I am being treated like a patient in the psychiatric ward."

"Oh. Well, you still didn't have to slap me, Bella," he hissed.

"I know." I pulled him back into my arms and kissed underneath his chin. While I clasped Edward's hand in mine and walked up towards the house, I saw Emmett and Jasper smirking in the distance. What were they so giddy about?

I could feel Tanya's gaze on me as Edward and I sat at a small round table and talked about why I was here. "So, basically Edward, I am crazy."

He laughed and took my hand. "I never loved you because you were normal."

"Yeah, but you never loved me because I was crazy either."

"You don't know that," he smiled and kissed m forehead.

"But now, I have to go to school and get help," I whined.

"That will be great for you, Bella. You should been going to school anyways."

"But Edward, I don't want to be constantly on the lookout to see if my hormones are in check. I don't want to be in class plotting how I going to rape my professor. I rather plot how to rape you," I smiled. But he didn't find it amusing. "Why did you leave me Edward?"

His hand retreated from mine and he took a deep breath. "I needed to leave. I had to get some space to breathe."

"Why didn't you just tell me this before you left?"

"Bella," he sighed as the gold faded from his eyes again. "I needed to clear my head and think about us. You have to understand that I love you, but…"

"Edward, tell me." But his look screamed that he didn't want to go on. He didn't want to say what he thought. "Edward?" I whispered to him. "What is it?"

I'm scared for you. He thought and I froze. Edward was scared. And I had caused that fear. I didn't know how to respond to that.

Slowly, I slid the chair back and left Edward. I forcefully took Tanya's hand and sprinted back to her office. "Bella, What are?!"

I closed the door behind me and crossed my arms. "Tanya. We start now."

She shook her head. "Bella, I wasn't done observing."

"I don't care! You know I am crazy. Heck, I know I am crazy. Now, let's get this treatment started. What do I have to do?"

"First, you have to get everything that can trigger a relapse out of the house. No beds, no suggestive clothing, No nothing."

"Okay."

"Then, you and Edward need to sit down and discuss clear boundaries right now. That slap thing wasn't totally unnecessary."

"Okay," I grumbled. Why did it suddenly feel like I was regressing in this relationship? It was like I was going to have to go back to Start.

"And then, you will choose classes that you find interesting to distract you."

"That's it?"

"That's it – for now." I groaned and left Tanya's office, but I was determined to make things right. I had to make things right, again. How many times would I mess up before Edward and I could have our fairytale ending?