All characters are copyright to CBS, I'm just borrowing them.

"I've looked danger in the eye
I'm not afraid to live or die
But after all that I've been through
I'd be afraid of losing you

"I couldn't face a single day
Without you in my life
Your sweet embrace is all it takes
To keep me satisfied"

-- "I'd Be Afraid of Losing You" by Aaron Tippin

Chapter 9

The storm system which had been hammering the mountains to the west finally boiled over the tall peaks to blanket the prairie in its first snow of the season. A dull twilight presided over Dodge City and cloaked it in an aura of quietude. Kitty ignored the weather; she was aware only of Matt, of the burning heat of his body as she held him in her arms. Toward morning, a distant part of her realized that the heat had decreased and that he had ceased tossing and muttering. Thinking death had finally ended his struggle, she could only be grateful that Matt had gone quietly in the arms of a loved one instead of in violence. "You can rest easy now," she whispered, "goodbye, my sweet, goodbye!"

The expected rending of soul from soul did not happen, however. Kitty's head dropped forward onto Matt's chest…and she heard the beloved heartbeat, slow and steady, beneath her cheek. Disbelieving, she sat up and placed her hand there. The soft rise and fall confirmed that Matt had survived the night. Offering up a prayer of thanks, she called out, "Doc! Hey, Doc! You're going to wanna see this…"

The startled physician, who had been dozing by the fire with his feet propped up on an ottoman, awakened with a snort and sat stiffly upright. His shoes thudded on the floorboards as they hit. "Huh? Whassa matter ---" He shook his head to clear it, fished for his spectacles in his vest pocket, and put them on. "What is it, Kitty?"

"Matt's still with us," she breathed, hardly daring to hope. "I think he's gonna be okay."

"Oh, is that so? Have you taken after Festus, then, and started practicin' medicine without a license? Let me have a look at 'im." Doc Adams' tone, in spite of the gruff words, was colored with pleasure. He clearly hadn't expected Matt to still be alive. His smile grew broader as he listened with his stethoscope to Matt's heart and lungs. "I do believe you're right, Miss Kitty. Why, I oughta let you do my doctorin' while I sit in a rockin' chair enjoying my retirement." He patted her on the arm as he put his instruments away. "Fever's down, heart's strong, and breathing's easier. He's sleeping naturally. When he wakes, he should be on the mend. Not out of the woods, mind you, but on the mend provided he stays put."

A tired smile lit Kitty's face. "Don't you worry, I'll be sure to keep him where he belongs. Shall I fix us some coffee?" She was already feeding kindling into the fireplace and swinging the small coffee pot on its tripod into the coals.

"I do believe I will. It's downright miserable out today."

Jangling spurs heralded Festus' approach as he knocked on Kitty's door. "You finish that coffee, Doc," she said. "I'll let him in, he probably just wants to tell Matt how the night went."

"Hmmph," muttered Doc Adams grumpily. "Blamed fool probably smelled the coffee brewing and decided to get hisself a free cup."

"Ornery old scudder," Festus responded, "jist gettin' crankier and crankier each day, ain't ya, ya ole quackety-quack. I didn't come for coffee, I wanted t' see about Matthew."

"Oh, here!" Doc Adams poured another cup and handed it to the deputy. "Might as well have some, seein' as you're hangin' around like a dog hopin' for a bone." The physician's words were softened by the rough affection he showed the hill man. "How is it out there today, Festus? Looks mighty nasty."

Festus took a healthy swig of the coffee and sighed contentedly. "Ah, now that does chase the chill off'n a body even if it ain't Haggen-style coffee. Whal, Doc, it's colder 'n' a…" When the physician glared at him, he glanced at Kitty and then reconsidered what he'd been about to say. "Whal, it's purty durned cold out, that's all. Snow's a few inches deep already. Ain't no one goin' nowhere if'n they don't have to today, no sir!" Some of the sparkle went out of those hazel eyes as they drifted toward Matt asleep in the bed. A softer expression replaced his usual stoic cheer. "How's ole Matthew doin'?"

"He seems a little stronger today, but he's still pretty sick." Kitty's face was worn and anxious. She'd lost weight. Standing there in her white lace nightgown belted with sky blue satin ribbon, she looked slim and childish. Her hair was loose on her shoulders, falling into her eyes. She brushed it out of her way in a weary gesture. "How are things in town, Festus?"

"Quieter 'n' a cat watchin' a mouse hole," Festus assured her. "Me an' Newly got thangs all taken care of. Most folks is on their best behavior, what with Matthew bein' so sick and all. That there herd we was 'spectin' came in right ahead of the storm. T'other ain't arrived yet. Might not get here a-tall with the weather like it is." He didn't mention that he and Newly had spotted the two men that the Whitacker gang generally sent ahead of them mixing with the drovers. Matt couldn't do anything about it in his current condition and there was no point in needlessly alarming Kitty. "We sure do miss ya downstairs in the evenin's, Miss Kitty," he added shyly. "Folks been askin' after ya."

"I was goin' to say somethin' to you about that, Kitty," Doc said drowsily from his corner. "Hard to get a word in edgewise with that blabbermouth deputy yakkin' away. Now that Matt's stable, I expect you to take some exercise, young lady. Half an hour a day, no less, out of this room. Spend some time with your clients, go for a walk, eat. It isn't good for you to spend all your time mopin' up here. Festus, Newly, or I can watch over Matt for that long."

"Shore 'nuff, Miss Kitty," Festus said, pleased to be entrusted with the marshal's health. "Wouldn't do to have ya lookin' all peaked-like when ole Matthew wakes up. Not," he added hastily as Doc scowled at him, "that you ain't purty anyways."

"Festus," she sighed, a trace of her customary asperity showing in her voice, "I appreciate the compliment, but I know what I look like and it's nothing close to pretty right now."

"Pshaw, Miss Kitty, you'd look purty if you was wrapped in burlap," Festus protested warmly. "Whal, I'd best finish m' rounds and tell folks the good news." He ducked out the door before Kitty could say anything else. They could hear his strong voice happily proclaiming the news to the townspeople who had gathered there as soon as he reached street level.

Doc Adams stretched and then straightened his tie and vest in an unsuccessful effort to look more presentable. "Kitty, I'm gonna go to my office and grab quick shave before I go out on my rounds. I'll make sure Festus and Newly know where to find me if you need me."

Kitty's smile was brighter, her eyes on the bed where her beloved slept. "All right, Doc. I think we can manage." When he'd gone, she sat again on the edge of the bed. Matt's eyes were open again and he seemed to be searching for her with them. He moved every few seconds, tossing his head from side to side. She leaned over and smiled into his eyes with deep, penetrating love. A faint smile appeared on Matt's lips in answer. Kitty smoothed the wild curls on his forehead and took one of his hands in both of hers. "Still here, Matt. You rest up. Go back to sleep, cowboy, you're gonna be fine." His face changed as if some inner light had broken over it. He tried to speak but no words came. At last, sighing, he closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

From the moment Kitty drew him into her arms, crying his name, the downward spiral snapped and was broken. Her words, for his ears only, released him. The darkness which had been pressing on him lifted as her strength, given freely and abundantly with her love, poured into him. Matt's breathing came slower and easier; the last of the nightmares and guilt dropped away, banished by the knowledge that he had not after all lost the one thing --- the one person --- he treasured most.

Thirst and nausea dragged him back to wakefulness. His mouth felt like someone had stuffed it with sand filled burlap and his stomach informed him that it had been a long time since he'd last eaten. He tried casting back through the cobweb-like memories in an effort to figure out what had happened to him and how much time had been lost but succeeded only in causing an increase in the dull throbbing in his head. Matt knew this feeling --- he'd been shot enough times to recognize the malaise which followed --- but he couldn't for the life of him remember any such encounter. Nor could he explain his presence in Kitty's rooms (and her bed) during daylight hours; he had always been most careful about that. He smiled to see Kitty curled asleep beside him, one slender hand twined in the fine hairs across his chest.

"Kitty." Matt had meant to put more strength behind the word but his lungs still felt heavy and wet. The name came out as a weak and softly spoken whisper.

Nonetheless, it was enough to wake her. She opened her eyes and bestowed upon him a loving smile that couldn't quite erase the worry she'd endured. "I'm here, Matt. How are you feeling?" Kitty instinctively searched his eyes for an answer; though still fever glazed, they were lucid. For the first time in days, Matt seemed actually aware of and responsive to her.

He groaned, wishing the gavel in his head would cease its pounding long enough for him to think more clearly. "Kitty," he managed, panting, "who shot me?" He sounded like a frustrated little boy waking from a nightmare. "I can't for the life of me remember just what happened!"

How typical of him! "You shot you," Kitty responded acerbically though laugher colored her voice.

"I wouldn't have ---" His indignant protest ended in a coughing fit. Penitent and regretting teasing him so harshly when he plainly wasn't up to it, Kitty offered Matt a glass of water. He drank thirstily but instinct restricted him to only a few sips before he passed the glass back to her and lay panting on the pillows. "Did I?" he asked plaintively.

"Of course not!" she told him, her voice rich with affection for his silliness. "You wore yourself out, that's all. It's gonna be a while before you're up to wrangling with any lawbreakers."

"The town?" Matt had to ask even though what he felt most like doing was curling up and going back to sleep in Kitty's arms.

Mischief twinkled in Kitty's blue eyes. "On its best behavior, according to Festus. He's been up here every day since you took ill so he could tell you about it. You had folks worried for a while, you know."

Matt didn't want to ask the next question, since he didn't think he'd much care for the answer but he had to know. "How…how long…?"

She hesitated before answering because she didn't want to upset him. "Almost a week," Kitty admitted. "You remember our dinner date?"

That he remembered with complete clarity. Embarrassment and contrition, not fever, colored his cheeks. "I fell asleep. Kitty, I'm sorry!"

A tender smile played around in her eyes as she gently stroked the shaggy curls back from his forehead. "I think that can be forgiven, cowboy, given the circumstances." She kissed him on the cheek. "Why don't you just lie back and get some more rest? I can fix you something to eat while you're sleeping."

"I've already spent too much time in this bed," he grumbled, half minded to get up and at least put in an appearance at the jail.

If the heavy wetness of his lungs and the complete lassitude which wouldn't even allow him to sit up properly hadn't convinced him of his debility, the worried resolve darkening Kitty's eyes would have driven the point home. "Matt, don't fight with me on this. You still have a pretty bad fever and moving around will make it worse. We almost lost you once already. Now, please…go back to sleep, let yourself heal."

Matt let her settle him back against the pillows. As she wet another compress and wiped it over his face, he mumbled, "I just don't feel right, Kit."

"I know you don't," Kitty soothed, "but it'll get better from here on out. I promise."

"Stay with me." He needed to say more than that; they needed time to talk and he needed time to make good on some promises that had been waiting to be kept for far too long. His eyes, clouding with sleep, lingered on her and begged Kitty to understand what he lacked the strength to say.

"Matt." Her sultry voice was firm, no nonsense. When she used that voice on the drovers who had had just a bit too much, they listened and went home to whatever was serving as a bunk that night. It wasn't a tone of voice which many could face or argue with and that made him smile. Matt had no intention of arguing with whatever she was about to say. "I've told you, I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here when you wake. Now go back to sleep."

Kitty sat with him a while longer, simply watching the rise and fall of his chest as he slept and studying her beloved's face. The rugged tan he usually carried from spending most of his time outdoors had faded, leaving him looking pale and worn, and there were dark circles under his eyes. These were things, however, which would repair themselves given enough time to do so. He was safe. He would be all right.

She waited until she was certain Matt had fallen asleep and would stay that way for a while before she carefully extricated her hand from his and rose to collect the fixings she needed for a nutritious soup broth. She lingered for a moment, smiling down on him, and then pulled the quilt up over his shoulders before going about her task with a good will and a much lighter heart.