When my shift started that night, a feeling of dread hit the pit of my stomach. He was on tonight too, and if I knew the ER, I knew Ray and I were highly likely bump into one another and I wasn't sure if I was looking forward to that happening or not. Abby hadn't been much help, he kept asking questions like "How was he?" and stating Ray and I had been flirting around the ER for months, something I can't really recall doing, but according to her, I was and it was obvious Ray had a thing for me, a thing which I shared. How could I have been so blind to it? Did EVERYONE notice it but me?

"Neela…" I hear my name and am drawn from my thoughts. Looking up I can see Jerry looking right at me, concerned.

"You ok?" he asks taking a step towards me

I nod and blink "Yea sorry just…thinking…did you need something?"

"No just have a message for you…Ray was looking for you a few minutes ago. Seemed important." He nods, eyeing me curiously

I nod again and force a smile "Thanks…any idea where he is now?" I try to seem normal, happy even but I am filled with dread. Ray wanting to talk to me could be a blessing, or, most likely a curse. I don't know what I would do without Ray in my life, Abby's words once again running through my thoughts.

"You so have a thing for him Neela. I've seen you two, with the goo goo eyes even though you both pretend it's not happening. You dig the boy just admit it."

Did I? I knew I felt something for him, but I always thought it was simply friendship, the sort of feelings one would have for a brother, a cousin, never anything more. Maybe I was wrong in my assumption.

"Not a clue." Jerry's voice rang out, once again interrupting my thoughts "He's probably with a patient, shouldn't take too long to find him."

I smile at him and nod again, feeling like a complete idiot. "Thanks, I'll go look for him…it's dead tonight anyways…" I move away from the main reception and head into the belly of the beast. There were few patients here tonight the ER was unusually quiet, which should be a bad omen it it's own sense. As I head to the trauma rooms, I hear a small noise, and something crash to the floor. On instinct I rush to the sound, but as I reach the point of origin, I hear something else.

I frown at the door, trying the knob to find it locked. Odd, this door was rarely locked, even on a night as dead as this. I notice a small hole in the blinds at the bottom of the door, and my curiosity getting the best of me, I look around to make sure no one was coming before kneeling down to peer into the hole, almost immediately wishing I hadn't.

Through the small hole I can see Ray, his back to me, with someone, their face blocked by the back of his 

head, but I know immediately they were not just talking. I should turn away, pretend I hadn't seen anything but for some reason, I am frozen in place my eyes wide watching in horror as Ray writhes and moans at this woman's touch. He turns his head and I can see the pleasure on his face, jealousy filling me now. Just as I move to turn away, he moves his head again, and I can finally see the face of the woman…Sam? The nurse…the on with the child…the one who had been with Luka, watched me like a hawk whenever I was put with him…how could he? He said he cared for me, that he wanted me…how could he have some meaningless romp with Sam while he was at work? It wasn't like him at all.

I finally step back from the door, my heart heavy in my chest, my face felt as if it were on fire. I had done this, I had changed him with my selfishness…the Ray I knew was gone now, possibly forever and it was entirely my fault. I walk down the hall a ways, and then lean my back against the wall sliding down to the floor, my head in my hands, hot tears forming once more.

I sat there for several minutes longer, feeling like a sack of shit for everything I had done. To Ray, to Michael…maybe I was just meant to be alone. I hear the door to the room Ray had been in open, but I do not dare look up to which it was exiting first. They breeze by me quickly, not even noticing I was there and I sigh heavily and sink further to the ground. Before hearing someone calling my name…

"Neela?"

I look up and he was standing there, looking down at me, concern on his features, but I could also see the anger still in his eyes.

"You alright?" he asks plainly

I shake my head, unsure of what to say to him at the moment. I wanted to ask him if I was meant to see what I had, if it was some sort of punishment for what I had done to him. I was surprised how much it had hurt seeing him with Sam like that…and was beginning to think Abby was right in her assumption. I cared for Ray, more then I would any brother or roommate…

"You saw that didn't you?" he speaks again, breaking me from my thoughts "The thing just now…with Sam?"

I look up at him and nod, standing to my feet "Was I supposed to? Jerry told me you were looking for me. Was that some kind of show to hurt me? Because if so, good job." I move to brush past him; I needed to be…away for now. Somewhere where I could be alone to cry these tears of pain and regret.

He grabs my arm and spins me to face him. "No Neela, you weren't. I'm not like that. Mad as I am at you, I couldn't ever hurt you like that…it's just a thing that has happened a few times…starting before last night…I'm not sure what it is but it's better then moaning over you for the rest of my life. You had a husband…correction you HAVE a husband and I thought I should move on."'



"To Sam?" I reply quietly

He shrugs "Maybe, don't really know yet…like I said, it just keeps sorta happening with Sam…could lead to something, could lead to nowhere…still better then nothing."

He turns to leave and it was my turn to grab his arm and turn him around. I shake my head, tears welling in my eyes again. "It's not nothing Ray…you still have a chance. I'm not with Michael anymore...and I don't plan to ever be again…I…well I realized something today…a sort of smack in the face surprise but…a good one."

I stop and he eyes me curiously, waiting for me to continue. Saying nothing with words, but speaking volumes with his eyes.

"I…I think I…I love you Ray." I blurt out "I have for quite some time now and I hadn't really noticed until…"

He pulls away "Until this morning when I told you the same? Or when Abby told you over Coffee? Neela, what your feeling isn't love, it's guilt. Look, yea I'm mad and I probably will be for a good while, but I don't want you out of the apartment or my life. I've come to terms with the fact that I won't ever have you…I don't need your pity."

I frown. How could I show him it wasn't just pity I felt for him? I take a breath and grab his arm again, quickly pulling him towards me and leaning up to kiss him.

He kisses me back, wrapping his strong arms around my waist, and for a moment things felt so perfect, so real and clear. I felt so safe in his arms, like I should have with Michael, and it is clear to me now, Ray is the man I should spend the rest of my life with, he was the one all along.

He pulls away and swallows, looking into my eyes. I could see the anger in his eyes gone now. He just stands there, his arms still gripping my waist lightly, holding on to me.

I look back at him, unable to move or speak…just caught in the moment, the not so busy ER around us disappearing, until all there was, was he and I.

"So…I can stay in the apartment…" I finally choke out, finding myself unable to say anything else.

He nods "You're my roomie…course you can…"

"Just your roomie?" I inquire, almost dreading the answer.

He pulls away and nods "Yea…just my roomie…it's all you can be Neela, I'm sorry." He turns and walks off towards the main reception desk.