Disclaimer: I own nothing as usual.
Party of the Three Kingdoms II
Chapter 11 – Presents!!
Eventually everyone had fallen asleep at some point and many didn't get up until noon.
Sima Yi had slept slumped against the door to the living room – guarding it so that no one could get to the presents.
Once all of the warriors had risen, Sima Yi unlocked the door and let them loose. They flooded into the room and dived into the pile of presents that Sima Yi had neatly set out.
"XIAHOU DUN!! You got a pressie!!" Zhang He yelled.
"OMG! Who got Dong Zhuo one? He's DEAD people!!"
"YAY!! I got one from Zhou Yu!!" Xiao screamed.
It was utter chaos. Who was the dumb one that got one for Dong Zhuo? He might have to have that one himself…
"Sima Yi! I love my one!! I'm going to wear it everyday! Thank you thank you thank you!!" Then Zhang He pulled Sima Yi in and gave him a kiss.
Elsewhere, Xu Zhu was unwrapping many presents – all of which were from Dian Wei, but he didn't know that because he didn't read the tags – and Dian Wei, being very unimaginative, had got 12 portions of dim sum and just wrapped them individually.
"I got more dim sum," Xu Zhu told Dian Wei.
"That's alright though, isn't it? Dim sum's your favourite?"
"Yeah, but some chocolate would've been nice…"
Well, that would be his birthday sorted – 12 extra large bars of chocolate!
"Who got me this?!" Zhen Ji yelled.
"Read the label, love," Cao Pi suggested.
"I did. It just has my name and nothing else."
"Well, does the handwriting look familiar?" Cao Pi shook his next present.
"They've cut the character's out of a newspaper!"
"Well, I think they've got to be pretty smart to think of that. I reckon it was a strategist," Cao Pi said. "What was it that they got you anyway?"
"Well, um…see for yourself." She pushed a small black book into his hands. Cao Pi looked at it – there was nothing written on the front, so he opened to the first page. His eyes widened. In bold letters it said 'THE SLUT'S GUIDE TO SCORING AN EXTRA 10 HUSBANDS.'
"Ha, you know who got you this – Sima Yi! Even I can see that."
She was up in a second, marching over to where Sima Yi and Zhang He were sharing a kiss.
"HOW VERY DARE YOU!!" She pulled Zhang He off of the strategist and grabbed the neck of his shirt. "So, d'you wanna be husband number 3?"
Diao Chan had one of the largest presents there.
" 'To Diao Chan, lots of hugs and kisses Lu Bu xxx' Aw, thank you so much!"
"Open it with care," he said.
She slowly opened the large gift. It was very soft and felt like clothes. Hm? Since when did Lu Bu buy anyone clothes?
It was a beautiful white floor length dress with a bow.
"Diao Chan, will you marry me?" Lu Bu said loudly enough so that everyone heard and they all turned to watch. The pair seemed to glow and sparkle.
"No."
"WHAT?!" Lu Bu and a couple of the others yelled. "I just paid all of that money… I could've spent it on wine…" he whispered to himself. "Why?"
"Well, that's not how history goes."
"WHAT? This fic is all about changing history!" Lu Bu yelled.
"Well, I just don't want to enter into such a huge commitment."
"We live together and everything. I pay for all your stuff and you won't even marry me – after all we've been through!" Lu Bu got up and began to walk away.
"I'll make it up to you tonight and the rest if the week," she called after him.
"Okay then…"
XOXOX
"Alright then – we have 6 presents let. No one has claimed them – they're all dead. MUHAHA!! Some idiot got Dong Zhuo one, Taishi Ci had 2 and Huang Zhong scored 3," Sima Yi announced. "So, who wants them?"
Sadly, all of Taishi Ci's and Huang Zhong's were claimed buy those who had brought them. That just left Dong Zhuo's.
"No one claiming? Alright Xu Zhu, it's yours."
Xu Zhu bounded up to the table where the present sat, looking very sinister. He first removed the large pink bow and then opened the lid of the box… Everyone was watching, waiting… Xu Zhu moved round the box, inspecting whatever was in it from all sides.
"What is it?" Sima Yi asked.
"It's…it's a…TURD!!" he yelled.
"Ew, that was sick, who ever did that."
Xu Zhu put he's hand into the box.
"Xu Zhu, leave it," Sima Yi said.
As the warriors brought his hand out everyone could see a piece of paper scrunched up.
"It says: 'it's some dog shit.' Can I eat it?"
"No. You're just as bad as the person who sent this." Sima Yi sighed. "Let's go outside and play some football."
A/N: I've recently been using my writing skills for other things – writing scripts. But hey, I did this all in one go for once. I hope you enjoyed it.