The Risk

"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced." James Balwin

Chapter 7

Haley stuck her chin out defiantly, folding her arms tightly around her chest. Yellow sparks were shooting through her caramel eyes like flaming arrows. "You have some nerve asking who I'm sleeping with, Mr. International man of Mystery! Well you better not hold your breath because I'm not answering you!" She shied away from him at first, appalled by his audacity. "For all I know you have a sweet piece of ass in every port waiting for one of your little visits! I'm just a speed bump until you can get to your girl." She muffled loud enough for him to hear.

"Whatever, Haley." He barked. "You know I'm not like that."

"I thought I knew you, but I know nothing! Besides, If you are "seeing" someone, it's still none of my business! Nosy ass, tall, overprotective-"

After pacing part of the boardwalk a few yards away, Haley returned with a composing and cleansing breath. "Shit! Nathan come on. This is nuts. You know the ground rules we set five years ago. Hell, it was you that insisted on them or have you had yet another lapse in memory?"

No response was made. There was no easy answer for his rude and demanding attitude and very little logic behind it. Ouch, he was in pain- his current ailment not related to his recovery but the tension between he and Haley that he had started.

"Nathan?" Haley tugged at his shirt tail, crossing her arms over her body to battle the lost of heat from the dropping temperature. His muteness was disturbing, even more rattling than his smoldering rage. Had Bevin hit a bulls-eye? Was Nathan as fed up with the parameters of their current relationship as Haley was?

"Are you sleeping with Marcus?" He requested once more with clenched teeth. The unknowing was eating him alive. He wanted to let it go, but he couldn't stop the words from coming out, the anxiety from filling him, the envy from maddening him.

"Alright! What if I am?" Haley exploded. Nathan wobbled, dizzied by the mere suggestion. He bit his lip, praying his food would stay down. Haley raked her hands through her hair, cupping the sides of her head. "Wake up, you idiot! I'm not sleeping with Marcus. Our relationship is strictly platonic."

"I see the way he eyes you, Haley. The man wants a heck a lot more than a handshake or a pat on the back from you."

"So it's a crime for a man to find me attractive? You would be the first one arrested!" She provoked coolly. "Gah! What's wrong with you?" Haley wanted to shake him. Why was he being such a jerk? What difference did it make to Nathan what Marcus wanted from her?

"We're both going to have pneumonia in the morning. Let's go inside, Haley." He stalked down the boardwalk and she trailed him.

"I can handle the cold. It's time we have a serious talk, put everything out in the open, Nathan ….. nothing left unsaid."

"Leave it alone!"

"I can't! …… I don't want to!"

He kept moving, there was no way he could erase that night from his mind. Heart-stirring, sexy and captivating, he took her to his bed, a sweet college girl. Her brother, his staunch friend had trusted him with her and he corrupted her. Her parents included him in there family, their second son and behind their backs he defiled their pride and joy, Haley. He was old enough to know better, but he was thinking with his heart. Hell, he wasn't a player, but he had healthy and consistent cohabitation. Haley had been limited to her first love affair her senior year of high school and a steady boyfriend her sophomore year of college. He would never forgive himself for betraying them, especially Haley. He never deserved her. He took her trust and used it for his own selfish gain. In the end, that night almost destroyed her forever.

Despite his best efforts, his thoughts locked on that faithful night they made love. They had scattered her brother's and his best friend's ashes over the beach at Coral Cove Park, Lucas's favorite place. Then they placed his urn in the family crypt after a beautiful ceremony. Thousands were in attendance, proud to pay their respects to the amazing man. After the harrowing day, they were both consumed with such pain and grief it was natural to rely upon each other. Nathan recalled his own loss had certainly equaled hers.

Lucas may not have been his biological brother, but was in every other sense of the word. He was the one that had everything to live for … a nurturing and loving family. Nathan was completely removed from his menacing father and prescription drug enabled and long-time absent mom. He had raised himself long before his emancipation at sixteen. After all these years, neither parent had tried to improve relations with him. He's the one that should have died.

"When are you going to forgive yourself? Forgive me?" Haley shouted pleadingly as tears mist her lashes.

Nathan heard her. Pausing, he let out a roll of profanity before going back to her, bringing her into a loving embrace. His chin rested atop her weary head. "You're blameless in this. I was older. You were suppose to be able to depend on me to protect you, but I deceived you whether it was intentional or not."

"You didn't force me."

"Almost." Flashbacks of the blinding momentum of his fervor for her and how consumed him. It had encompassed him.

"We were in love." She backed away slightly, looking up at him. "You can't deny it." Her voice border lined on desperation as she fought to remember it all, and finally, hopefully … accept it.

He knew exactly what he had been doing. She, like the others before her had no resistance against his sexual seduction. He was apt at pleasuring a woman, realizing early on it gave him a more heightened gratification. He knew how to make her wet for him, make her quiver deep in her core with anticipation, her body humming, eager for him to extinguish the flames he lit that set her body and mind on fire. What chance did a thinly experienced co-ed have against a grown man who's explorations charted not only the world but a bevy of females that had shown him exactly what they wanted?

"Can I please jump down from this ridiculous pedestal you have me on now? It's like a wear a halo around you. Newsflash, Nathan! I'm no angel! ….. You think I didn't know what was happening that night? Ha! I let you be in control because it turned me on. I wanted you to make love to me that night and long, long before that. I could see the passion in your eyes, the white hot lust in your touches and the stirring in your own body. You wanted me to want you. You got your wish."

"I never should have come near you. It's my worst regret. I didn't even break long enough to wrap up. You were barely twenty-one, in college. ……. Let's change the subject. I've had enough of this one. Come on, Hales. Let's leave this all in the past, where it belongs."

His steps were big and determined as he made a trail through the yard with the house in plain sight. He held her hand this time, leading her. He tripped over a fallen branch, his body bending. Haley reached out for his waist, trying to steady him, but they both tumbled to the ground. He twisted to the left, taking the brunt of the fall. His thoughtfulness saved her, but drew sharp pains to his middle, he gasped, wheezing for air.

Haley raised her head from where it landed in the middle of his chest.

"Sweetheart?" She listened, hovering over him. "Are you hurt?"

He grunted, unable to speak. As he struggled to catch his breath. "Nathan, talk to me. Should I call 911?" She lifted herself, frantically showering his jaw line and neck with kisses.

"I'm fine." He finally heaved externally as her mouth migrated close to his. "How about you? Did I break your fall?"

"I'm good. I wasn't the one riddle with bullets not long ago. You don't sound fine to me. You were healing so nicely and now this. I pray this won't be a setback. Oh, Nathan. Please let me take you inside and make you haven't re-injured anything."

He found her incessant rambling and affection for him sexy and gracious.

She wiggled against him, trying to rise. "Nathan." She ground when his arms held her closer.

"Be still for a second. I need to catch my breath."

"I knew you were hurt. If you hadn't blown up and paid attention to where you were going, none of this would have happened?" She vented.

"Shh." Nathan coaxed, his mouth inches from her ear, his minty breath tickled her nose and she giggled. The pain was subsiding, but in it's place a rush of acute yearning.

The roundness of her breast on his stomach, the shapely curve of her thigh between his legs, shipped flames of uncensored desires throughout his system, insulating him from the cold seeping through his pores. The demand to possess and profess dominated his sense. Apparently, seeing her with another man had unhinged these emotion he had held under lock and key. He couldn't hide the hard piping of his manhood against her midriff.

Nathan loosened his hold on her, but did not free her. Instead he clasped her by the waist and propelled her up so they were face to face. One hand moved to her disheveled mane. "You are absolutely breathtaking, Beautiful." He was captivated by her, starving to reach her delectable mouth. Suddenly, his compulsion for her was all that seemed to matter. He had to sample her fully or expire from pining.

When she welcomed him, her lips opened beneath his and he partook in what he had denied himself of for so very long. There was no hesitation on his part. He pressed his mouth against her soft plump lips, his tongue thrust hotly in and out of her mouth with precision. He ravished her, sipping the essence that was hers alone. No other woman had ever tasted as good as Haley or felt so perfect in his arms. She belonged to him. He cherished her …. He was a shell without her.

Haley was secured possessively against his length. Her feminine center was mere centimeters from his pulsating tent. Her pointy nipples were had against the plains of his abdomen. As she breathed in his manly scent, she trembled with magical indulgence of being in his embrace. The heady wonder of once again experiencing his obvious masculine appeal left her rocky with readiness.

"Holy hot guys and high heels! ….Yes! …… Good Lord, yes! ….This is what she had been waiting a lifetime for …. dreaming about …. It's the reason she had been created ….. to love him and be loved by him. The passing of years or being in separate hemispheres, nothing could sway what they felt for each other.

As surprisingly as the kiss started, Nathan tore his mouth from hers. Her absence so noticeable he painstakingly, cradled her neck, caressing it before tilting it down and concealed her lips with his for the second time. He wailed his pleasure, his mouth moving insistently. His movements were carnal and raw. His actions no longer his own.

Like charcoal briquettes on a grill, Haley burned, dissolving against Nathan. Her mouth was ripe, like a luscious strawberry, bruised and swollen from his attention. Her heaving chest lifted her breast with each breath, her nipples clearly outlined. She was both the picture of girlish titillation and frustration.

Without warning, he pushed her away and sat up, then wrestling with the return of his pain, but bringing her with him.

"I must be insane. I've completely lost it," he told himself as he eased her off him so he rise. "Why did you let me do that?"

"Let you?" Haley sounded when she finally got her bearings. She shoved away the hand he held out to her.

"It was a crazy thing to do," he yelped, holding his stomach.

Haley hadn't budged, having relished in the moments spent in his arms but hating his hostility. "The only thing crazy around her is you, Nathan Scott! You're a stubborn old goat! Once you set your mind to something, there's no changing it. Even when you are and always have been wrong about it!" She fussed.

Standing now, she tenderly held his sides. "Can you make it?"

He nodded. He was beat and didn't have the energy to cover it up. Their steps slow, stopping often so he could rest. Inside, the stairs took even more effort. Nathan groan in relief when he finally sat in the armchair by the bed.

"Thank you." He almost smile as Haley removed his shoes.

"A hot shower will do your muscles some good and then get in bed."

"It's barely eleven. I couldn't fall asleep if I tried right now so don't worry." Viewing her wearily. "Besides, we're going to finish that conversation tonight and close the book on it. Then we can forget it ever existed."

"Goat!" Haley went downstairs to the sunroom, knowing it was a waste of time to ask if he wanted to see a doctor.

Once she fed the fish and watched them for a while, having a calming effect on her antsy disposition, she went to her room to change. She was glad to hear the shower going in the guest bathroom. Miracle of miracles, Nathan listened to her.

Her heart was immersed in grief and her head was clouded with regret, disappointment and bittersweet memories of the past. It was for the best that they end their talk tonight. She wouldn't haven't gotten any sleep either. So after her bath, she changed into pajamas that consisted of a lavender v-neck tee and ankle pants, both trimmed in satin instead of one of the enticing little chemise gowns she loved to sleep in.

When they met in the living room, Nathan was sprawled out on the sofa, with his eyes closed. He had changed into flannel pajama pants and a maroon tee shirt. His long muscular legs covered most of the chair and Haley couldn't help but notice the size of his bare feet with a blush. Sparks and light playfully ran along the wood of the fireplace.

She carried two glasses of wine. "Don't move." She warned when he tried to get up and retrieve his drink. "Did you take anything for the pain."

"Nah. The shower helped. I'm sick of pills."

His blue eyes baked despite his fickle mood, as he studied simple beauty. Haley was his impairment. She alone could tear down his defense, and spill forth a wealth of emotions he had trained himself to keep locked away. He never should have kissed her, twice no less. For a few wonderful minutes, he had left behind everything …..the oath he made to himself …. The vow he made with her once he was let back into her life.

After watching her all night, hunger had consumed him and mixed with jealousy. The combination was worse than a narcotic. It confused, dictated and destroyed. Unfortunately, It was done and he could only try and forget his brief lapse. He pacified himself with the thought that Haley and Marcus were not yet lovers.

Thankfully he had regained his composure. He looked out the ceiling to floor windows, smiling. "The one thing I love most about this part of the country is the landscape. It could spend my life here and never get tired of taking pictures."

She was curled up in the recliner, her legs yoga style. The fire popped and crackled and a moth fluttered around the lamp.

Silence lingered between them. He didn't fail to see the sadness in her eyes. He felt the same. The agonizing memories that were dug up before were impossible to disregard. Neither of them needed reminding how they nearly wrecked the other one. Nine years was a long time, but apparently not long enough.

Her eyes didn't followed him as he brought his legs down and walked over to the windows ocean view.

Nathan's inner war was not in his face but his darkening eyes. Finally, he spoke, his voice gruff with the rawness of his emotions, "You're upset with me? Aren't you?"

Her head shook, but she didn't meet his gaze. "Would you like another glass of wine?"

"What I want is to know why you won't look at me? Was it the kisses?"

"That has nothing to do with it. You know that, Nathan." She huffed. "You refuse to talk to me about it. Honestly, I'm sick of pretending it didn't happen."

There was a drawn out pause. Nathan was the one to break the quiet. "All remembering will do is remind you of how self-centered and thoughtless I can be. I'm so ashamed. I don't want to think about it and certainly not speak of it." He admitted bitingly. "Can't we just talk about something else. ………… Did you know ecstasy was made during World War II and wasn't illegal until 1984-"

"No! We're not going to gloss over it this time! Not one single time in all these years have we talked about this. Why am I even wasting my breath!" With her head held low, she rubbed the space between her eye brows with her index and pointer finger, stabilizing herself. When she verbalized again, it was so light he could barely hear her, but understood every syllable. "Why won't you get how important this is to me? Nathan it hurts. It's gut-wrenching and it's killing me knowing you would rather go through life pretending we didn't create a child together."…….

Pamela